Fool That I Am (16 page)

By one in the morning, the club was empty, Billie was
drained, and Daniel was pulling his bowtie off from around his neck. Walking
over to where she sat resting her feet at the table, he silently held his hand
out in invitation. Billie glanced up at his handsome face and read resignation
and defeat. Slipping her hand in his, she allowed him to pull her to feet and
escort her from the club and down the hall to his office. Neither of them spoke
just yet, not wanting to spoil the moment of peace as they strolled down the
dim hallway where the moonlight illuminated their path. There was so much that
had happened in such a short time that Billie felt weary and sad. She refused
to dwell on Sam right now. She owed Daniel that much.

When they reached his office, he led her to the sidebar
where he poured himself a splash of scotch. Billie shook her head no when he
offered her a drink and watched as he tossed the drink back and swallowed
roughly. Just when she thought the tension between them was growing to a fever
pitch, he walked over to a vintage record player, selected a disc, and set the
needle to the vinyl. The jazzy strains of the song reached her ears and she
smiled softly.

Daniel strolled to her side as Sinatra began to croon
It
Had to Be You
and, raising her hand to kiss her knuckles, asked, “Dance
with me?”

Tears sprang to her eyes as she nodded in agreement. There
was no hesitation as she stepped into his arms. Placing her left hand around
his neck and nestling her right hand in his against his chest, they swayed to
the sound of Blue Eyes singing, “
It must have been, that something lovers
call fate, kept me saying, I have to wait…”
Closing her eyes, Billie
inhaled his unique scent and committed it to memory. The last six weeks had
been like a fairytale to Billie. It wasn’t his fault that he wasn’t her Prince
Charming.

Pulling back a bit to look down at her, he said, “You love
him, don’t you?”

A tear rolled slowly down her cheek as she replied honestly,
“Yes.”

Reaching out, he used his thumb to wipe away the tear and
trace the line of her cheek. “I knew it the moment I walked back and saw the
way you were looking at him. You’ve never looked at me like that. It was as if
magnets were pulling you together,” he told her with a half-smile.

Billie couldn’t stop the tears that spilled freely down her
face now. Pulling in a stuttering breath, she told him, “I wanted to love you,
Daniel. You are a good man and have treated me so wonderfully…” she trailed
off, stifling a sob.

“Shhhh, don’t cry, Billie,” he begged her, pulling her back
to his chest as he ran his warm hands over her shaking back. Gently, he
continued to sway to the music until she calmed. “Getting to know you these
past weeks has been like a breath of fresh air to me,” he told her quietly. “I
didn’t realize how jaded and cynical I had become among the false friends and
money-hungry women of my social circle. Then you came along with your honest opinions
and disdain for excess and set my head to spinning. You’re not like anyone else
I’ve ever met, Billie. You’re one of the first people I’ve met that’s just as
beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside.”

This made her start crying again as guilt swelled up and
threatened to swallow her whole. “I’m not so great,” she muttered from within
the folds of his shirt. “As a matter of fact, I think I’m pretty awful. You
deserve someone much better than me, Daniel. Someone who will love you for the
kind, generous, amazing person you are and not just for your money.” Pulling
away once more to search his dark brown eyes, she smiled tremulously and added,
“And for your pretty face, too.”

He chuckled lightly, making the dimples that she loved so
much appear next to his lips. Unable to resist, she leaned up on her toes and
pressed one final kiss to his lips. For long seconds, their lips clung to each
other in farewell before she pulled back and stepped out of his arms.

“Thank you for everything, Daniel,” she choked past the
emotion in her throat. “I’m sorry I couldn’t give you as much as you’ve given
me.”

Walking her to the door where Hank and Connie were waiting
outside to drive her home, he replied thoughtfully, “Don’t sell yourself short,
my love. You have given me something more valuable than you could imagine.”

“What’s that?” she asked curiously as he chivalrously held
her coat for her to slide into.

Placing a sweet kiss on her hair, he pulled back and
replied, “A benchmark by which to measure every woman that comes after you.”

Several days later, she was once again sitting around the
break table with her friends on their last day of work before Christmas.
Tomorrow was Christmas Eve and the pediatrician’s office would be closed for
the rest of the week. In celebration, the coworkers had all brought in a dish
for an impromptu potluck and were busily sampling all the offerings as they
chatted. As was par for course lately, the talk turned to Billie’s love life.

“Still no word from Sam?” Irene asked, scooping out a large
helping of Jessica’s broccoli casserole on her plate.

By now, Connie and Billie had filled the other women in on
everything that had happened the previous weekend, including Sam’s jaw-dropping
confession, the confrontation with Tanya, and the tearful break-up with Daniel.
There was so much drama swirling around Billie right now that her friends were
treating her life like their very own private soap opera.

“No, still no phone calls or visits,” Billie sighed, pushing
her food around on her plate with a fork. “I thought for sure that I would see
him after what he said the other night, but I guess I was wrong.”

Speaking around a mouthful of Irene’s homemade lasagna,
Shanay said, “What about Daniel? Are you still going to sing there now that you
two have broken up?”

“I’m not sure it would be wise,” she replied, pushing her
plate away, “Especially since the article in the paper revealed my real name.”

Connie, helping herself to a large slice of Derby pie,
chimed in, “I understand why you had to do it,
linda
, but I still say
you should have just let me handle that
puta fea
.”

Billie grinned at her friend. “I think I handled her just
fine, Con. After the newspaper scooped her by breaking the story first,
anything else she writes will just seem like made-up gossip to get attention. I
really don’t care what she writes about me as long as she leaves the kids out
of it. Besides, Karina Thompkin’s story in the paper and online was very
flattering and sympathetic. After a few weeks, no one will remember me as long
as I don’t step back on the stage.”

Jessica, pushing back from the table while moaning about her
full belly, said, “I thought you loved performing, Billie! That doesn’t seem
fair to not be able to do it anymore.”

Billie nodded in agreement, disappointment clouding her
vision. “I really did enjoy singing on the stage, but it would be too difficult
to go back there again. I’m only under contract with Daniel for a year, so I
can always try again someday. Besides,” she added with a wide smile, “I’ll
always have karaoke!”

****************************************************************************

Christmas Eve was the best in Billie’s memory. She and the
kids bundled up and went to her parents’ house and spent the day cooking,
baking, laughing, and watching all the Christmas movies that her mother kept on
DVD for this occasion. Derrick and her dad spent hours discussing books and
movies while listening to his old vinyl collection and Lola had a blast helping
Grammy wrap some gifts. Billie felt extremely blessed as she looked around at
her small family, but still felt that twinge of loneliness when she thought of
Sam.

It was late when they arrived home that evening and Billie
had no problem getting them into the bed for the night. After she was sure they
sound asleep, she crept into the living room to set up their gifts under the
tree and to fill their stockings to overflowing with candy and small toys. She
would always be grateful to Daniel for making it possible to have the best
Christmas they’d ever had and she closed her eyes and prayed with all her heart
that he would find a woman that could love him for who is on the inside.

As she finished filling the stockings, she noticed that her
own stocking appeared to have something stuck inside it. Touching the soft
velvet, she heard a crinkle of paper inside it and reached her hand in to pull
out a thick envelope. Her name was scrawled in elegant cursive on the outside
of the letter and beneath were the words “With love, Daniel.” Popping the seal
with her fingernail, she opened the envelope to see what could be inside.

The envelope was full of torn papers. Pulling out one of the
pieces, she read the words on it and realized it was the employment contract
she had signed with Daniel. She dumped the envelope out on the kitchen table
and gingerly tried to piece them back together as tears slid down her face.
Amongst the fragments, she found a small, handwritten note. It said, “Caged
birds don’t sing. Be free, be happy, but always sing.”

Billie’s heart swelled and overflowed. Emotional tears fell
like raindrops to splash on the shattered remains of her fairytale. Guilt and
sadness warred with gratitude and love as she placed the torn papers back in
the envelope. She tucked it safely away in her hope chest as a reminder of her
time in the spotlight and crawled into bed. As she lay her head on the pillow,
she wondered why fate was so cruel as to make her heart love one man she
couldn’t have, but give her another one she couldn’t love back.

Christmas morning arrived bright and early as Lola jumped on
Billie and begged her to get up at six in the morning so they could open presents.
Derrick, even at the wiser age of 11, still stood there eagerly as she shuffled
into her slippers and robe and followed the squealing little girl into the
living room. Thankfully, she had foreseen such an event and set the alarm on
the coffee pot to start brewing at that early hour, so she was able to pour a
steaming mug of the brew before her little girl combusted in excitement.

An hour later, the living room was a disaster of shredded
paper, torn packages, and candy wrappers. Billie pulled the monkey bread out of
the oven, Lola was busily trying on her princess dresses and play shoes, and
Derrick was happily catching Pokémon on his handheld game. They only had a few
more hours together to enjoy this special moment before Chad arrived to pick them
for the rest of the day. While Billie was sad to have to have to split her
holiday with him, she was also happy that her kids would get to have another
Christmas with their dad and grandmother.

Eventually, Billie had to rouse the kids and get them dressed
and ready to go. After packing Lola’s bag, painstakingly freeing the bristles
of the brush from her curls, and reminding Derrick to pack his inhaler, she
finally had them ready to go when the doorbell rang.

Billie steeled herself to see him for the first time since
he had blabbed her identity to the reporter. Opening the door, she surveyed the
man that she had thought she loved so many years ago. His hair was still golden
blonde and wavy and his eyes a piercing blue, if a bit blood-shot. His belly
had softened and gotten thicker and his teeth were yellowed from nicotine. He
was still attractive in his own way, but the sight of him turned her cold.

“Hey, Billie,” he muttered, stepping into the mudroom and
standing awkwardly. “Can I talk to you for a minute before you call for the
kids?”

There was nothing she wanted less than to talk to him, but
she owed it to her children to get along with him, so she nodded agreeably. “Of
course. What did you want to talk about?”

His eyes darted around the room, never landing on her face,
as he stammered, “Uh, I guess I sorta owe you an apology. You know, for the
other night?”

Billie arched her eyebrow and said nothing, refusing to make
it easy on him this time. She had spent years catering to him like his mother
had all his life, but she was done with that now.

He huffed in irritation. “Look, I was just taken by
surprise, ok? You should have told me that you were singing at The Silver
Knight. I didn’t know that woman was a reporter until later. It’s not my fault
that she ruined your little tryst with your rich boyfriend.”

Billie tamped down the flare of rage threatening to erupt
from her mouth. Taking a deep breath, she asked through gritted teeth, “How is
any of that an apology? I don’t care what you say about me. I’m a big girl and
can take care of myself. But you told that woman about our children, Chad. You
didn’t just expose me and my real identity. You told her about Derrick and
Lola. How could you do that?”

This time, real shame colored his face a florid red and he had
the good grace to look at the ground. “I didn’t mean to, Billie. I was drunk
off my ass and didn’t realize what I was doing. I’m really sorry about that.
You know I would never do anything to intentionally hurt them. Regardless of
what you think about me, I love my kids,” he insisted earnestly.

Billie softened a fraction and regarded him stonily. “It’s
fine. I took care of it and hopefully all this will die down quickly. I’m not
singing there anymore. But that also means that I will no longer have a second
income to help take care of the kids. You need to step up and start helping me
support them, Chad. Pay your child support every month
on time
and pitch
in with other stuff without having me harass you all the time. You should also
stop drinking so much, too. It’s time to grow up and be responsible for your
actions,” she told him plainly.

To her surprise, he didn’t get angry or defensive. Instead,
he looked like a heavy burden was on his shoulders. “I know you’re right. I’ve
made some bad decisions and done some things I’m not proud of,” he confessed,
rubbing his hands over his eyes. “I screwed up and lost you and now Sam isn’t
talking to me, either. He told me that he was done putting up with my shit, and
he doesn’t even know the worst thing that I’ve done.”

Billie sucked in a surprised breath. “What did you do,
Chad?” she asked, dread making her voice shake.

Chad lifted tortured eyes to hers and blurted, “I slept with
Renata while they were dating. I couldn’t seem to help myself. She came on to
me first and the thrill of sneaking around just kept sucking me back in and-“

Disgusted, Billie interrupted him, “Stop! Just stop. That is
the most despicable thing I have heard coming out of your mouth. It’s always
someone else’s fault, isn’t it?” Fury blazed in her eyes as she continued, “It
was my fault when you cheated on me, remember? I was too big when I was
pregnant, too tired to see to your needs, stretch marks grossed you out, and on
and on. But to do this to your best friend that you’ve had since first grade?
How could you, Chad?”

“You’ve just got to keep throwing that in my face, don’t
you? I said I made some mistakes! Nobody is perfect like you, Billie. Besides,
he didn’t love Renata, anyway,” he replied petulantly.

A new thought suddenly occurred to Billie and a horrified
gasp escaped her mouth. “Oh. My. God. She’s pregnant with your baby, isn’t
she?”

Chad was silent for a moment before he nodded miserably. “We
never used protection, because we were sneaking around and never seemed to have
any on hand. Sam was always such a stickler for using condoms that it’s almost
impossible for it to be his,” he explained, dejection pulling his face into a
frown.

Billie was speechless. Just when she thought he couldn’t
shock her with his actions anymore, he pulled a stunt like this. “I really
don’t know what to say to you right now,” she told him honestly. “But you
better get on the phone and tell Sam everything. And then you better get a real
job, because you’re going to have a third child to support now. That baby is going
to be Lola and Derrick’s sibling, so you better make sure you and Renata work
out custody issues.”

Some of his old fire lit in his eyes and he shot her a
peeved glare. “I know all that, thank you very much. I’ll take care of it.”

He pushed himself off the wall and called for the kids,
effectively cutting off any further lectures from his ex-wife. Billie shook her
head to clear out the fog of amazement and kissed her kids goodbye and told
them she would pick them up in three days, on Sunday. She continued to wave
until Chad pulled his vehicle out of the driveway and sped away.