Following Your Heart (3 page)

“I understand,
Daett
,” Susan said, mustering up a smile. “And if I didn't know that you and
Mamm
loved me, I never would have come home.”

“I am glad you are home,” Menno said. “But surely you won't be having those
Englisha
boyfriends coming to visit the farm, will you?”

Susan laughed. “I think Robby did mention something about coming. But he's not my boyfriend. We're just friends. His mother owned the bakery where I worked.”

“Susan!” Anna gasped. “How could you do such a thing? Inviting an
Englisha
boy here?”

“He's only a friend,
Mamm
,” Susan repeated. “And I doubt he'll come anyway.”

Menno nodded with a hint of a smile on his face. “That Thomas of yours came by looking for you over Christmas. Has
Mamm
told you about this?”

“No, she hasn't.” Susan glanced over at her
mamm
, who was staring at her plate.

Menno smiled. “Perhaps this thing can be patched up between the two of you?”

Susan took a deep breath before answering. “I may not want to patch things up with Thomas,
Daett
, so please be understanding. What I want is a man who will love me. Someone who will not fall in love with my best friend the first time I turn my back.”

“We all have made mistakes,”
Daett
said. “We all have our faults.”

“Did you fall in love with
Mamm
's best friend while you were seeing her?” Susan asked him.

“No,” Menno said. “That one I did not do.”

“That proves my point,” Susan said.

Menno fell silent, but
Mamm
didn't look ready to drop the subject. Moments later she spoke up. “You always were the fiery one of the girls, Susan,” she said. “Don't you think you're overplaying this a little? Thomas does seem like a nice man, and he did go all the way to Asbury Park to visit you over Christmas, not knowing you'd left already. It shows you he is serious now.”

“I didn't know about that,” Menno said, leaning forward over the table. “That does sound serious—and quite
gut
to me.”

“I think it counts for a lot,”
Mamm
said. “It clearly shows that whatever affection he had for Eunice, it was very short-lived.”

Susan glared at the wall at the thought of Thomas and Eunice. “It was long enough for me to see what kind of man he is,” she said. “And I will have nothing to do with him. Thomas was kissing Eunice!”

“Well…” Menno said, “remember, we need a younger man on the farm soon. And I think Thomas would be more than willing. Perhaps you need to find forgiveness in your heart for the boy.”

“This has nothing to do with forgiveness,
Daett
,” Susan said. “It has to do with trust, and I don't trust Thomas.”

Menno sighed. “Then
Da Hah
will have to do His work in His own slow way, I suppose. But I wish He would hurry because I'm getting old and my body isn't going to hold out much longer.”

“You're much tougher than you think,” Susan said. “And I'm willing to help out as much as I can on the farm. You know that.”

“Okay, enough of this,”
Mamm
interrupted. “This is getting us nowhere. If everyone is done eating, let's pray. The sun is climbing quickly into the sky, and I need those supplies from the Dutch Barn.”

“There will be more time to discuss this later,” Menno said. He bowed his head, praying silently this time.

Susan caught Teresa's eye moments later and smiled.

The girl looked perfectly terrorized. She must not be used to such frank discussions. But it had been only a few days since they had arrived on the Greyhound, and this was indeed another world to Teresa. A
gut
world, but why did the discussion of Thomas have to come up so quickly? Her parents meant no harm. They just hadn't seen Thomas like she had, all starry-eyed and flat-footed while Eunice beamed on him with her sweet smiles. How Susan's heart had been torn at the sight of the two outside the washhouse that Sunday night after the hymn singing. What a betrayer of friendship Thomas was. Well, let Thomas marry Eunice if he thought she was so wonderful.

Susan jerked herself out of her thoughts when her
daett
stood to his feet and pushed his chair back under the table.

“Can I help with the dishes?” Teresa asked.

“We'll both help,” Susan said, getting up. “Then it's off to the barn to get the horse.”

“I'll work on my list now,”
Mamm
said, disappearing into the living room.

Susan went to the sink to turn on the hot water, while Teresa moved the dishes from the table and used a plastic scraper Susan gave her to remove the food particles.

“Are they clean enough to wash now?” Teresa asked moments later, setting two plates on the counter.

Susan nodded. “You're doing really well.”

“I guess it helps that we never had a dishwasher in that dump of an apartment,” Teresa said. “Perhaps God was preparing me for this life, though I never scraped dishes clean before I washed them. Mom was different, you know.”

“Yes, I remember,” Susan said with a smile. “Have you written your
mamm
to let her know you and Samuel arrived safely?”

“Yesterday,” Teresa replied. “I mailed the letter to Laura's address. I'm sure she'll be kind enough to take it down to Mom.”

The two girls worked together, moving between the sink and the kitchen table. Moments later Susan saw a frown flit across Teresa's face. She stopped what she was doing and asked, “Is something wrong?”

Teresa didn't answer right away. Susan was ready to ask again when Teresa said, “Do your parents hate me? After all, I haven't lived like they believe a person should. I have a son and I'm not married.”

“Of course they don't, Teresa!” Susan said. “Don't even think such thoughts.”

“I hope my being here doesn't make trouble for them,” Teresa worried.

“They like you and little Samuel,” Susan said. “I know they'll love you when they get to know you better. They're wonderful people, and they don't hate anyone, especially you.”

“But you talk about things…” Teresa's voice drifted off.

“Things that seem private to you? That's one of the many things to get used to,” Susan said. “We keep few secrets—from each other or from the community.”

“Really?”

“
Yah
,” Susan replied. “Are you sure you want that?”

Teresa took a deep breath before speaking. “With all my heart I want it. Even more than you can imagine. I so want to get away from my old life. I want to find the peace I feel around here. I want to raise little Samuel to be a godly man and see him marry a wonderful Amish woman someday.”

“Those are good things to want,” Susan said. “Just be aware that it's going to be a long, hard road. That's all I can say.”

“You keep saying that,” Teresa said. “But look where I've already come from. Was that easy?”

“I guess not,” Susan admitted.

“Then why should I expect this to be easy?” Teresa asked. “No, even if it's hard, I'm going to live and die Amish from here on out.”

S
usan drove south on the graveled road with Teresa beside her. Their shawls were wrapped tight over their shoulders, with their
kapps
pulled forward on their heads. Like
Mamm
had said, the southern Indiana weather had given them a balmy winter day, but there was still a nip in the air. Susan offered more of the buggy blanket to Teresa, who smiled but didn't pull the blanket any higher over her knees.

Already Teresa looked like an Amish woman with her white
kapp
and apron dress
Mamm
had given her, her cheeks rosy from the wind.

“I'm fine,” Teresa said when Susan continued looking at her. “I really am.”

“Well, wrap yourself up if you get cold,” Susan said. “You're not used to riding in a buggy in this kind of weather.”

Teresa took a deep breath and pushed her
kapp
back. A moment later she gave Susan a quick glance, a question in her eyes. “Is this okay?” Teresa asked. “I don't want to be inappropriate. But I do want to look around on my first real buggy ride since I've been here.”

Susan laughed. “That's fine, but don't push the
kapp
back too far or it will blow off. And you will have to learn to look by turning your head instead of just moving your eyes.”

Teresa looked astonished. “But then people will know when I'm looking at them,” she said.

“It's called being Amish,” Susan said. “Didn't I tell you it would be hard?”

“That's not hard,” Teresa said, her voice resolute. “In fact, it might keep people more honest if everyone knows what we're looking at. Now isn't that a good thing?”

Susan tightened her grip on the reins as her horse threw his head back, neighing as it flicked its ears toward the bend in the road ahead of them.

“What is that all about?” Teresa asked.

“Toby must smell another horse coming around the corner,” Susan said.

“I don't hear anyone coming,” Teresa said, leaning forward on the seat.

“
Yah
, there is someone coming.”

Ahead of them a horse appeared from behind the trees along the curve in the road, its head erect, its ears thrown forward. It was followed by an open buggy driven by a man.

“It's one of our ministers—Deacon Ray,” Susan commented to Teresa. “Be sure to smile when we go past.”

“But he doesn't even know me.”

“You're planning to stay around, aren't you?” Susan asked as the buggy fast approached.

Susan took one hand off the reins to wave as they passed the man, and Teresa did likewise. Deacon Ray's hat was pulled firmly down over his head, his lengthy beard spread over one shoulder. He gave a little wave as he passed, although he did stare at them.

“I smiled,” Teresa confirmed when the rattle of wheels behind them had died away.

“
Gut
,” Susan said. “Now his head is spinning like a top as he tries to figure out who you are.”

“Did he know you were back?” Teresa asked.

“He likely did,” Susan said. “Things have a way of getting around in the community. For that matter, he may have figured out who you are too.”

“How?”

“Like I said, word gets around. Most people, including Deacon Ray, probably know where I've been, when I got back, and who I brought with me. He probably knows better than I do if I'll stay or if this is just a visit.”

“You mean you don't know?” Teresa asked.

“I can hardly believe I was living in Asbury Park only last week,” Susan said. “Or has it even been that long? It feels like two years since we were there. How silly I was to ever think I could get away from all this.”

“Why did you want to?” Teresa asked, pushing her bonnet back again.

“You haven't been here as long as I have,” Susan said.

“But, Susan, you were happy to come home, weren't you?” Teresa asked. “Or did you come home just because of me? Please say you didn't, Susan, or I won't be able to stand it.”

“Now, now,” Susan consoled. “I came home because I wanted to. But I do miss Laura and Robby. Did you know he took me out on the ocean before I left? As a goodbye gift. It was really wonderful, and now I'll probably never see the ocean again.”

“Are you in love with him? Is that why you sent that Mr. Moran packing?” Teresa asked. “But you did tell your parents this morning you weren't.”

Susan laughed. “Of course I wasn't. Robby's not the kind of man I'd fall in love with. He's more of a brother—but a
gut
one. And I will always remember him for the wonderful times we had together.”