Fledgling (16 page)

Tall lanky firs surrounded them and a dirt trail wound delicately through their long bracken covered trunks. Ana sensed the cool earth below her feet and heard the serenade from the birds high above in the canopy.

They meandered down a slope toward a granite ledge which formed a rocky bench. It offered a perfect view of the grassy valley below them.

Ana sat down on the stone allowing her body to relax and spotted the winding dark river in the distance.

Chance pulled out a set of binoculars from his bag and held them out to her.

“Thanks.”

“Look to the west and you’ll see the edge of the lake.” Ana held the dangling binoculars in her hands and stared at him with a blank expression.

Smiling, he pointed in the proper direction.

After she gazed at the lake, Chance took the binoculars back, beginning to identify animals for her. She marveled at his proficiency, pointing the binoculars in a direction and handing them immediately to her after spotting something. Without hesitation, he knew where the herd of elk was grazing and the falcon was circling the mountain range to the south.

An hour passed, and Chance turned to her, eager to make plans for the weekend. “I don’t have to work on Friday. We can come here again after school-or, I know more places that would be easy for you.”

There it was.

Ana took in a deep breath and answered, “I won’t be around for most of the day on Friday. I won’t be at school either-I have to be somewhere. But when I get back,” she paused. “I need to talk to you. I’m not sure what time it’ll be, probably afternoon sometime.” Ana fidgeted with her shirt and continued, “I’ve been avoiding telling you something-but it’s time. I need to get it off my chest.”

Chance looked at her with apprehension.

“Now?” Chance encouraged .

“No-Friday. I’ll know more…after I get back.” Ana’s eyes burned and she blinked furiously, trying to hold back the tears. Her lungs threatened to deflate as she thought about saying goodbye to him. She felt heartless leading him along, only to drop a terrible bomb. How could he forgive her? Or want to go through an uncertain future with her?

“It’s time for the truth.”

On Thursday, as soon as Chance saw Ana he grew concerned. Light chit-chat was not in her personality description, but she seemed to be making an effort to distract herself with empty conversations. Laura seemed to notice the change as well. Ana never talked about clothes or shopping before and she blinked at Ana with a mildly surprised look on her face, mingled with enthusiasm, clearly hoping this was a new side of Ana she hadn’t seen before.

When lunch period came, Chance sat loyally beside her while she talked with Laura’s friends for the first time, drawing all of their notice. She was determined to avoid any serious subject with anyone. His dread that had started as a tiny seed grew into tree, finding root. He worried how bad the news really was. Not knowing was tearing him up inside. But to protect her he remained placid to help her through the day.

Soon.

He could wait. For her.

They walked to photography class together in silence. He held her against his side as they moved to the door. The instinct to protect her was absorbing all of his attention, sharpening his senses.

As they sat beside each other during English class, Ana was unable to focus on the book opened before her.

She allowed herself to fall victim to worst case scenarios, she thought,
I just know I’ll need another surgery
. Even with that weight hanging over her, she was thankful for the three blissful weeks with Chance. Like receiving a priceless Tiffany diamond, she knew it had to be returned. The time would come. The end was near. But she was thankful for the gift.

That’s what Chance was. Priceless.

After school, Ana and Chance held each other in the parking lot. This was it. It felt like goodbye.

Finally pulling away, she was about to lift onto her tiptoes but Chance beat her to it, leaning down and meeting her lips in a passionate kiss. But it wasn’t like the last kiss, which had been tender and unsure. This was the kind given when saying goodbye… for good.

A slow tear ran down Ana’s cheek.

She withdrew and whispered, “I’ll call you tomorrow when I get back in town.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

That night Ana picked at her dinner while her mother and sister watched with unease. Neither felt hungry but ate for the action of it and for the appearance of normalcy.

“Baby? Are you nervous?” Melissa asked while they did the dishes together.

“No, I don’t think I’m nervous. It’s just that…I think I know what the doctor will say…I’m sad though.” Ana handed the dish to her mother who set it back into the sink and gave her daughter a hug.

“We can do this. We’ve done it before. Ana…I love you so much.”

The words were spoken with such strength and determination she allowed them to soak in, adding to her own dwindling supply.

“Thanks, Mom. I know you’re right-we
can
do this.”

After the dishes were done, Ana went outside to her rock. In desperate need of tranquility and inner strength she drank in the blackened starlit expanse.

The sky was clear, a perfect stage for the stars. They seemed eager to perform for her, and to cheer her spirits. Ana counted three shooting stars; their tails spanning the sky like silver moonlit rainbows.

She made a wish on each one.

The yellow eyes that often shared her observatory were there again, keeping her company. The owl’s presence was calming. Although she wanted to distance herself from talking to her mother about the fears writhing inside her, she didn’t want to be alone. Thankful to have her nighttime companion nearby she smiled, allowing a tear to fall on the granite below.

The owl’s eyes never left her face. It continued to softly serenade her, until her head lay upon her cool pillow and she fell into a deep slumber.

Chapter 22.

Melissa let Ana sleep in while she took Eva to school Friday morning. Before leaving, Eva went into Ana’s room, gave her sister a kiss on the cheek and placed a handmade card on her nightstand. She walked more slowly than usual, delaying her departure.

“Will you tell her I love her?” Eva asked her mother while she slipped on her backpack.

“Of course, Honey.” Melissa gave her an embrace before shuffling her out to the car.

Ana woke to a silent house. The bright red card Eva had left caught her attention. She opened it, eyeing an explosion of hearts and the words
I love you Ana
, written in the middle of a gigantic purple heart. She set it down and walked out to the landing calling, “Mom?”

She realized where Melissa had gone, and decided to take a long shower to relax her tension. The hot water did the trick, leaving her body warm and soothed. Her room welcomed her back like an old friend and she sat on the bed brushing out her wet hair.

The bleak view out her window made her choose a soft sweatshirt and jeans. Melancholy firs hid in the sunless gloom outside. The birds must have all gone in search of an illusive sunny spot, or tucked deeper into their nests. The stillness was piercing.

At the kitchen table, she waited for her empty stomach to feel hungry enough to eat the bowl of cereal she had poured, as her mother returned from dropping Eva at school.

“You almost ready?” she asked while Ana poked at the floating flakes in her milk.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

Standing up, she dumped the contents of the bowl into the sink and walked upstairs to grab the book,
To Kill A Mockingbird.
Better to read than leave her mind free to think, she figured.

Melissa and Ana trudged into the white sterile building over two hours later and inspected the facility’s directory. They took the elevator up to the third floor and stood silently next to each other, staring numbly ahead. Ana felt empty except for the hollow thudding in her chest.

She went through a series of routine tests before seeing the doctor, first stopping to get a chest x-ray, then proceeding to her private waiting room. The room was like all the others she had visited in the past, stark white and so well sterilized it seemed to gleam. Ana perched herself on the padded blue exam table, securing her hands under her legs, and studied the boring pattern on the wall-paper border that ran along the edge of the ceiling.

A woman with a cart came in to take an EKG of her heart. Ana smelled coffee on her breath. The sour smell turned her stomach. Electrodes were clamped to familiar jelly stickers dispersed across her chest. She held her breath and waited for the technician to finish. After she was done the cart was wheeled back out and her mother came into the room to wait with her. Melissa gave an encouraging smile as she sat on a beige seat across the room from her daughter.

Ana gave an empty nod and tucked her fingers back under her thighs. Her hairs hung like a shower curtain drawn around her for privacy.

After fifteen minutes another technician came in and led her to a dark room lit only by a television in the corner. A long cushioned table lay out next to an ultrasound machine. For what felt like an eternity, Ana lay still while the tech took images of her chest for the doctor to review. Pure silence filled her ears at first, then heard the clicking from the dials on the machine and her swishing heartbeat. She watched the black and gray movements on the monitor remembering the same images throughout the years as she lay still, while her mom held her hand encouraging her to be patient. She didn’t require a cartoon to lie stationary any longer or her mother’s presence and began counting the swishy beats in boredom.

Finally the technician handed her a towel to clean the ultrasound jelly off her chest and before walking out the door she said, “We’re all done here. You can go back to your room after you clean yourself up.”

Melissa was in the waiting room when she returned. The florescent lighting made the bags under her eyes more obvious, making Ana wonder if her mother had been getting any sleep. She flashed her eyes past the window and realized it had started raining since she left the waiting room.

“It’s raining,” she commented.

“It started after you left-gotta’ love Washington.” Melissa gave a weak smile. Perched woodenly in her chair, the wear was beginning to show from waiting so long in anticipation of the doctor’s arrival.

After staring out the window at the dreary scenery for another twenty minutes there was a soft knock on the door and the doctor entered. She had black curly hair and a slight build. She wore a maroon blouse with a long flowing black skirt. A stethoscope hung limply around her neck.

She smiled warmly at them as she stretched out her hand to Melissa then Ana.

“Hello, I’m Dr. Tilgan…I hear you just moved here from Colorado. Dr. Schelling was your doctor there?”

Ana gave a confirming nod, not ready to speak yet. Unsure she even had a voice.

“Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you Ana-and this must be your mom?” Dr. Tilgan looked at Melissa with a questioning expression.

“Yes. I’m Melissa Hughes.” Melissa answered quickly, ready to move the conversation past introductions.

“Well, I’ve spoken to Dr. Schelling and we reviewed your history. I’ve also taken a look at the tests we ran on you today. I understand you were told that your
Cardiomyopathy was getting worse, right?” She waited for a response and Ana was only able to whisper in affirmation.

Dr. Tilgan continued, “Your heart muscle is thickening at an increased rate and has been for the last year. It’s enlarging and hardening your heart, making your medication less effective. Even with your move to a lower elevation, it may have initially given you a boost, but it appears your condition hasn’t stabilized and is continuing to degrade.” She softened her gaze and said, “I know Dr. Schelling spoke to you about transplants as well…” The doctor slowed in her progression and adapted her face to match the mood, cautious and serious. “If you deteriorate to a certain point…we should consider placing you on the transplant list. We may not be there yet, but I want you to be prepared for that possibility.”

Melissa cleared her throat and adjusted in her seat. Not sure what to do with her hands, she grasped her purse which lay in her lap.

Dr. Tilgan smiled, soft lines around her eyes.
“Because you were born with heart defects they were tracking your heart function anyway. I understand this is how they discovered the Cardiomyopathy? You’re lucky-many people don’t know they have it until it’s too late. Any vigorous activity can cause the heart to stop. You’re fortunate to be aware of it. You avoid strenuous activity, of course?”

Ana nodded in response.

“Well, I see Dr. Schelling has tried a variety of different medications…” she said while flipping through the thick folder of papers. “You know…I’d like to try bumping up your dosages and see if it makes any difference.” She scribbled on her prescription notepad and handed Ana a couple sheets. “I can see you’ve had your share of heart cath’s…and don’t hate me, but I’d like to personally take a closer look at your heart before we discuss any other treatments. I want to rule out any other disorders, just to be sure.” She faced Melissa and gave a gentle grin, “So, if it works for you, I’d like to schedule you for a heart catheterization soon because of your deteriorating condition. I don’t want us to get to the point of transplant. I’d prefer exhausting all avenues before getting to that point. At least you aren’t currently on the brink of failure, and your liver and lungs haven’t begun to show too much wear and tear-which is good. Do either of you have any questions for me?”