Fledge (24 page)

I laugh. "It's not really a date, Tess. It's Ashur."

She raises her eyebrows at me. "Uh-huh. Ashur is a man, Junco. Men who show up with bags of custom-tailored clothes to take you out just to make you happy consider it a date."

I shrug. "I don't care. I'm excited even if he does think that."

She smiles as I brush my hair. "Have twice as much fun as normal, Junco. And bring some back for me."

I walk back out to the dorm and Ashur is waiting by the door. "Shit, Junco – took you long enough." But he smiles and takes my hand to twirl me around. "You're very pretty."

"You're supposed to keep that shit inside, Ash."

He shakes his head. "Not tonight."

We walk outside and Lucan's flyer is waiting. Ashur opens the door and I slide in. He takes the seat across from me and smiles. "How about dinner first?"

I nod. "Yeah, sounds great."

He opens the partition between us and the driver and gives him a location and then turns back to me. "So, I know you were with Charlie, Junco. But when's the last time you went out? Like a normal nineteen-year-old girl?"

I shake my head. "I've been on some dates and I've had boyfriends. But that was all field stuff, really. Just messing around on scrubs maneuvers or after patrols. If you want to know the last time I went out like other girls, then that would be never."

He screws up his face. "Last time at a bar?"

I shake my head again. "Besides the pub here with you? Never."

"You never went to a bar on Earth?"

"No, I wasn't old enough."

He laughs so hard he almost chokes. "Wait, so you're old enough to assassinate world leaders at six, but you can't go to a bar when you're nineteen?"

I sigh. "Yup, that's pretty much it. Besides, the RR doesn't have bars. I'd have to go to Peak City and I only went there when my father took me."

He looks serious. "I guess I never realized that, Junco. How much you've missed out on. Shit, no wonder you're wondering if there's something better out there."

"I thought you watched everything I did?"

"We never watched your personal life, not really. I mean, when all that shit went down with Charlie it was pretty hard not to take a closer look, but other than that I never paid attention to what you were doing in your free time."

"That's because I never had free time, Ashur."

He looks away. "Yeah. I guess not. Except for the horses. And neither Tier nor I liked to watch that shit."

I smile and think of Tier in the barn with me back on Earth. "You should have seen his face when I practiced in front of him."

Ashur watches me smile and it's contagious. "We all watched you do that last contest on the newscreens, where was that – Asia?"

"Japan, yeah."

"I thought Arel was gonna have a heart attack." He laughs out loud now. "He couldn't sit down and every time you flipped in the air he jumped, like a fucking little old lady worrying about her kittens or something."

I laugh. "I took first place."

He nods. "I know, Junco. You were fabulous as usual."

I feel my face go red and my heart starts to race.
Shit
.

"Don't get nervous, Junco." He watches me struggle. "It's just me."

"I know, but that's why I'm getting nervous." I take a deep breath and let it out. "It would be very easy to mess this all up, ya know?"

"Relax, we're just gonna have a night out, OK? Sometimes I have to remind myself that a couple weeks ago I was a complete stranger to you. But for me, Junco, you've been a constant in my life for a very long time. I know it's not fair, and I know that probably bugs you, but that's just how it is. So, if I make you uncomfortable, just say so. I'll back off."

I nod and scoot over to the window to look out. "OK."

He scoots over to the window too and starts pointing things out below. It eases some of my nerves.

"It's kind of funny though, if you think about it."

"What's that?" I ask, looking over to him.

"That complimenting you makes you all flustered, but if I were to try and kill you right now, your heartbeat would barely register."

"Yeah, well, I've had many years of practice, Ashur. So many that I'll probably never be normal."

"Is that what you want? To be normal?"

I shrug. "It was hard not to think about it back on Earth. I was in the RR, after all, where women pretty much just get married and have babies." I look up at him. "Having a life like that was normal – but having a life like mine never was. Here, I have no idea what's normal. But I can tell that you don't have a lot of girls in the warriors, do you?"

He shakes his head. "You're the only one."

My eyes absorb the little details of Lucan's flyer as I think about this for a few seconds. "I was wondering about that."

"Does it bother you? Being the first and only?"

"It really does."

"How come?"

"Because it turns me into a symbol that I don't want to be. I just want to fit in and be like everyone else. And if I'm the only girl in the warriors then I'll never fit in. I might rather be a wife than that, to be honest."

He sits back in surprise. "What?"

"I know what you're thinking. But, like I said the other night, Ashur, I never picked this soldiering stuff. And I realize that I'm not even a regular person – whatever the definition of that is, I'm not it. But inside I feel like I should have the chances that other girls have. Not to be forced to kill people all the time just because I can. And I don't even know if it's possible to change at this point anyway, but all that shit with Charlie made me think about what I might be giving up. I wanted that baby, Ashur. I was gonna keep it."

"What baby?"

I stare up at him and realize my mistake.

"What baby, Junco?"

I shake my head. "Shit, I thought Tier told you everything?"

"What
baby
, Junco?"

"I was pregnant, Ashur. My father dosed me with an ionspray to get rid of it." I watch him stare at me open-mouthed and then I look out the window at the lights as my face gets hot and my eyes begin to water. I count my heartbeats to get myself under control. "That's why things got a little weird with me those last few months on Earth. I was–" I stop and search for the words, my eyes squinting. "Not thinking clearly. I was maybe even a little bit insane." I look back and him and wait.

"Do you want to quit?" His eyes search me. "The truth, Junco."

"The truth is no, Ashur. I don't want to quit. I just want to feel like I'm the one who made the choice. I'm good at what I do. And I want more than anything to be near you guys, it feels so – necessary. Besides, quitting is even scarier than losing out on being normal."

He shakes his head and squints down at me. "Why?"

"Because I don't know how to do this stuff." I spread my arms wide at the flyer and my clothes. "I don't know how to go out and have dinner. Or relax. Ashur, I couldn't define a normal nineteen-year-old girl if my life depended on it. And maybe back on Earth there was the possibility of a life as a mother or a wife, or something besides a soldier. But I'm pretty sure that possibility is gone now." I watch him struggle with my words and he's silent for a few minutes as he looks out the window. "I just want the opportunity to make the decision, Ashur. That's all."

He takes a deep breath. "Are you hungry?" he asks, finally turning back to me.

"No, not really."

"Would you rather go for a walk?"

"Yeah, I would."

He gives new instructions to the driver and we stop on the ground level of Amelia proper and lie down in the grass. I spend the next hour looking up at the city tucked inside Ashur's wing and for the first time since I've been on this stupid habitat, I don't miss the stars.

Chapter Twenty-Five

I wake with a start to Ashur screaming at my team again, but Ryse shushes me back down into the blankets when I try and sit up. "Not you, Junco. You're with me today. You can go back to sleep if you're tired."

I let out a small laugh. "I'm not breakable, Ryse. So whatever Ashur told you guys about last night, don't fucking treat me like that."

He leans over me and I open my eyes. "Everyone is breakable, Junco. So shut the fuck up and go back to sleep. I only got two hours of it myself, so I'm fucking tired, got it?"

"Mmmmhhhhmmm. Got it."

"And when we're done sleeping, we're gonna go have some fucking breakfast. And then, we might even go watch a fucking screen just because I'm your XO and I can make you come with me."

I smile as I drift back off.
It would be so easy to love them.

A few hours later I'm done sleeping and Ryse is watching the screen in the lounge. I pad over to him and plop down on the couch. There's a reporter on screen covering a ceremony. On stage are about two dozen girls dressed in Aves uniforms and they are being congratulated on their new promotions to warrior status.

I laugh. "Who did this?"

Ryse looks over to me. "Lucan, who else?"

"Why?"

He stares at me for a few seconds, his normally brown eyes glowing a little orange. I don't know Ryse all that well. He's not fun and boisterous like Braun, or serious and caring like Isten. Or even possessive and overbearing like Ashur. He's more aloof. More detached from me, like he hasn't made up his mind yet.

"Because, Junco, if you don't want to be the first, then fuck it. It's an easy fix, right? Just promote some girls and poof, that problem is solved. You'll never have to think about it again."

I nod and pull my legs up to my chest. "That was pretty nice."

He smiles at me, maybe for the first time ever. "We thought we knew everything there was to know about you, Juncs, but it turns out you've kept a lot of secrets."

I get up to go take a shower but Ryse calls back after me, "There's a bag of clothes next to your bed. No uniform today. Wouldn't want to steal the limelight from the new kids."

After breakfast we spend the day generally fucking around. He takes me to the zoo, which is populated with Earth animals, so I've seen them all, and then we go to the screens and see a movie. Not horror, thank God, but some action-drama thing that also runs on Earth.

Afterward we're walking along a path in a park looking at a small pond filled with familiar fish. "Do you guys have anything here that is pure avian? Like not something we have on Earth?"

Ryse stops and rubs his unshaven chin for a moment. "You do realize we're from Earth, right, Junco? We're not real aliens."

"Well, the Seven Siblings myth said–"

He cuts me off. "It's not really a myth, Juncs. It's mostly true."

"Which parts?"

"Well, the genetic engineering stuff, the fucked-up bloodlines, the part where they were cast out–"

"You're full of shit, Tier said it was a myth. Both versions."

He shrugs. "Tier's got his opinions. I've got mine."

I just stare at him. "So where do I fit in?"

"You want to see where you fit it?"

I nod as he pulls out his com. "Give me a minute." He walks away talking and I turn around and look back at the fish in the pond.

... Down below the water you can see the scales of brightly colored fish reflecting the sunlight...

"Nice, aren't they?"

I look up at the new voice. He's tall and fair with a mess of hair that looks like he's been in a wind tunnel. He smiles down at the water. "The fish?"

I look back at the fish. "Yeah, they're nice."

"I'm Kadian." He puts out his hand to shake and I stare at it, confused.

"Sorry, I thought you were–"

"Juncs!" I look over at Ryse who's trying to talk to me and the com at the same time. "Get the fuck away from that guy, he's a reporter."

I look back at Kadian and shake his hand. "Junco. Since you must already know, there's no point in being rude." I turn to walk back over to Ryse, who is occupied with his other conversation, but Kadian puts his hand on my shoulder and I pause and then turn back.

"Wait, you're her, then? Really?"

I look into his eye at a small red blotch and realize he's recording this. "If you're asking if I'm Junco, then yes. I said I was."

He smiles. "How's Fledge going?"

"Still alive, Kadian."

Ryse is in his face and Kadian goes flying backwards and lands hard on the ground. "Back off, Kadian." Lucan appears and he and Ryse shuffle me away from the stunned reporter. I look back and mouth the word "sorry" as Lucan touches my shoulder and we disappear.

And reappear in a corridor that looks a lot like the one where my lab was just after morph. "Junco," Ryse explains, "reporters are reporters, no matter where you are. He's not a nice guy, and he spies on us all the fucking time. Don't talk to him."