Flat-Out Love (16 page)

A lot of Julie’s time was eaten up by the exorbitant amount of schoolwork that she had. She was killing herself to keep up, and it was paying off with excellent grades. Even her calculus class was going better than she’d hoped, and Matt had helped her out more than a few times whenever she’d needed it. For someone so intellectually smug, he was a surprisingly good teacher, and they often studied together at night. So far she hadn’t found any opportunity to help him out with anything, of course, but one could hold out hope that there might be an occasion where Matt got stumped.

Julie wasn’t holding her breath on that one.

She stretched her arms above her head and yawned. It was only ten o’clock, but she was worn out. This trip home had hardly been energizing. She deleted a few more messages and then saw that there was one from Finn. Julie and Finn had been in touch regularly over the past few months. In fact, she checked her e-mail more often than she liked to admit. He liked receiving her updates on Celeste, and she liked all the cool pictures from his travels.

She read his e-mail because she was fairly confident that Finn was not going to invite her to an annoying party, make her wear a holiday outfit, or proselytize about why those in poverty deserve what they got.

Julie–

Hope your trip home is going well? I’m in the Cook Islands. Fan-freakin’-tastic here!

Wanted to give you a heads-up: I heard that Flat Finn sustained an injury the other day. Nothing major, though. Something to do with Matt, a steaming iron, and maniacal shouts of “There are no wrinkles allowed in this house! You may be flat, but you’re not smooth enough yet for this family!” From all reports, Matt Dearest had an alarming, fortunately temporary, reaction to the traditional Thanksgiving moo shu pork. Celeste bonked him over the head with an LL Bean umbrella and he returned to his normal state. I think she should’ve hit him again, but that’s just my opinion
.

–Finn

Clearly the Watkins household was falling apart in her absence.

Finn–

Ohio is…not that great actually. Family members are driving me crazy. Thanksgiving was a nightmare. I spent twenty minutes listening to my oldest cousin reenact some stand-up comedian’s routine from Comedy Central (not funny and poor delivery), tried to get my aunt interested in what I was reading in my Eng. Class (failure level=high), observed a paper turkey go up in flames (an appropriate holiday sign regarding good taste), and verbally abused my offensive uncle (well-deserved) in an explosive scene that will live on in memory for years to come
.

Can’t wait to get back to Boston for a million reasons. Need to return to normal. Will assess damage to Flat Finn and berate Matt for his outburst
.

How are the Cook Islands? The South Pacific must be amazing. Any chance you’re awake now? I need someone normal to chat with. I don’t know what time it is there…

–Julie

Two minutes later, she heard back.

Julie–

I’m up. I’m five hours earlier than you are. Turn on FB chat!

–Finn

Oh. By
chat
she hadn’t actually meant
chat
, as in instant message chat. She hadn’t felt like IMing with anyone in ages. Not only did she now feel so far removed from her old life, but also she loathed all the IM and texting abbreviations and acronyms. She was a snob like that and knew she fell into the minority of people her age. How was she supposed to know that
DQMOT
meant
Don’t quote me on this
? And that crap like
CUL8ER
? Blech. It was all so cutesy and corny.
B4N
? Seriously, just say good-bye
like a normal person. OK, true she used the occasional
LOL
and
WTF
, but trying to translate an entire sentence that had been abbreviated into a few letters was more than she wanted to deal with. Julie suspected that billions of brain cells were being killed each hour as people shortened language into indecipherable code. As much as she loved technology, this sort of lingo was one of her top pet peeves. And now she was about to do it again with Finn. She’d probably have to pull up some online dictionary to translate this conversation, but she went on to Facebook’s chat anyway.

Julie Seagle
Hey!
Finn Is God
Hey, back!

And then she panicked. Well, this had been a dumb idea. Why had she said
chat
? What was she supposed to say now? It wasn’t as if she actually knew Finn, and here she’d gone ahead without thinking and agreed to this. And she couldn’t very well back out now.

Finn Is God
I am concerned about that last e-mail. You’re quantifying me as “normal”?

Julie Seagle
Only in comparison to my relatives.

Finn Is God
Huge relief. Less pressure to behave now.

Julie Seagle
Go nuts. You can’t possibly be that bad.

Finn Is God
Just wait…!

Julie Seagle
Very funny.

Julie tapped her foot during the seemingly endless four-minute pause. Topics, topics…What could they talk about? Ugh, this was a colossal mistake. He’d probably dozed off because she was so excruciatingly boring. Then finally Finn piped up.

Finn Is God
What are you wearing?

Oh. My. God
. This had now gone beyond
colossal mistake
to
violently alarming
. What the hell was she supposed to do now?

Finn Is God
Julie? Relax. I’m kidding.

Julie laughed. Not only was he funny, but he wrote using actual whole words!

Julie Seagle
[Delete] [Delete] [Delete] Was just about to give you a full description of enticing bedroom attire.

Finn Is God
Oh. NOT KIDDING! NOT KIDDING!

Finn Is God
Fine. Kidding. Tell me more about Thanksgiving there. First time home should have been fun.

Julie Seagle
You would think. Big fight at the table. Didn’t help that I wouldn’t wear the pilgrim hat. More settled in Boston than I thought, and this whole trip just feels…disruptive.

Finn Is God
More disruptive than living in my house? You’re clearly unbalanced.

Julie Seagle
Hey! I like your house. Your parents are great, Celeste is my buddy, and Matt has been really nice.

Julie Seagle
Even Flat Finn seems to have accepted me.

Finn Is God
*sob* Fear real family has been abducted and replaced with well-behaved clones. Tragedy. Enjoy new clone mommy!

Julie Seagle
So sorry for your loss, but the difference between our moms? Your so-called clone mom hooked me up w/awesome Harvard intel, and my mom doubled the hay pile display out front.

Finn Is God
Lucky girl. I’d take the hay and run.

Julie Seagle
Ha ha! Don’t be mean.

Finn Is God
I’ll put it this way: Erin is not as perfect as you may think.

Julie Seagle
Does she make you wear holiday hats too?

Finn Is God
She takes a different strategy to torture us.

Julie Seagle
Really? I have more in common with her than my own mother.

Finn Is God
That’s a horrible thing to say about yourself. Appearances are not everything. Case in point: One summer when I was at day camp, I made her an art project. She spent weeks saying how weird it was that I’d made her a woodcarving that said “WOW.”

Julie Seagle
???

Julie Seagle
Oh, wait a minute…!

Finn Is God
Yeah. She had it upside down. It was supposed to read “MOM.”

Julie Seagle
I’m sorry, but that IS funny!

Finn Is God
That’s my mother for you. I think she still has it. And is probably still under the wrong impression.

Julie Seagle
Oh, my. Sort of sweet in a tragic way.

Finn Is God
What about your parents? Love ’em or want to mail them back to Walmart?

Julie Seagle
Costco, actually. Mom is OK. A little…lacking depth, maybe? But nice. Dad is not around much.

Finn Is God
Where is he?

Julie Seagle
They divorced when I was five, and I only get to see him a few times a year since then. He works all over the country, and it’s hard to coordinate times to see him.

Finn Is God
Sorry to hear that. You deserve better.

Julie Seagle
Not a big deal. I’m used to it. And it’s great when I do see him.

Finn Is God
When do you go back to Boston?

Julie Seagle
Sunday morning. Really early flight. Home by noon, I think.

Finn Is God
You’re calling it “home” now?

Julie Seagle
Uh…Apparently.

Julie Seagle
How long are you in the South Pacific? Sounds so exotic.

Finn Is God
Probably three weeks. Just got here last Sunday. Exotic experience started early while on the looooong flight. Ate a distinct meal of fermented cheese on canvas-y crackers.

Julie Seagle
Mmmm…. Yummy!

Finn Is God
Dessert was even more exotic: congealed glob of rice pudding. Can still taste it!

Julie Seagle
Now you’ll just keep booking flights all over the world.

Finn Is God
I live for airline food. Nothing gets me off more than small portions of gunk on a tray. And sporks, of course.

Finn Is God
Love sporks!

Julie Seagle
Am making a note of your fetishes.

Finn Is God
It’s gonna be a long list.

Julie Seagle
Understood. Tell me the best thing you’ve done on this trip so far.

Finn Is God
Bungee jumped. So awesome.

Julie Seagle
Ugh. I would NEVER. How was it?

Finn Is God
Complete rush. Phenomenal. You’re not a daredevil?

Julie Seagle
No way. Total wuss. I nearly faint on escalators. What other crazy things have you done?

Julie Seagle
Oh, let me guess! Are those your skydiving shirts I saw?

Finn Is God
Yup. Want to go sometime?

Julie Seagle
Uh, let me think…NO!

Finn Is God
Come on! You’ll love it. Maybe. It’s nothing like an escalator.

Julie Seagle
Again, NO!

Finn Is God
But don’t tell my parents. They don’t know about my risky activities.

Julie Seagle
Seriously?

Finn Is God:
They’d freak.

Julie Seagle
Understood. Lips are sealed.

Finn Is God
I want to go bungee jumping in South America next. Right by waterfalls. Supposed to be gorgeous.

Julie Seagle
So many bungee jumps to make. Sounds like I won’t get to meet the renowned Finn anytime soon.

Finn Is God
Probably not. Pretty committed for a while. We’ll see. Hard to pass up these opportunities. Be good to meet you, though. But at least we can chat for now!

Julie Seagle
True. And I kind of feel like I know you already. Weird.

Finn Is God
I know what you mean.

Julie Seagle
Think it’s because I’m staying in your room and absorbing Finn vibes?

Finn Is God
The vibes from the stinky monster poop in the closet? Yes, that’s it.

Julie Seagle
So that’s the funky smell. I’ve been wondering.

Finn Is God
Apologies. Boys are gross.

Julie Seagle
Not all boys.

Finn Is God
If I’d known you’d be staying in my room, I would have tried harder to make a better impression.

Finn Is God
Will work on bolstering my image!

Julie Seagle
Not necessary. You’re very charming.

Finn Is God
You don’t need pictures of me in a tuxedo, cleaned up, trying to look suave and presentable?

Julie Seagle
I don’t need tuxedos to be impressed.

Finn Is God
Hmm…

Finn Is God
What do you need?

Julie Seagle
Still trying to figure that one out.

And so it went for the next two hours. Finn IM’d her more pictures, gave her more details on his many trips, and asked lots of questions about her classes, her family, her friends. She didn’t mention Seth because…well, Finn didn’t specifically ask. And she didn’t know exactly where she stood with Seth, so there wasn’t much to say right now anyway. Was he a real
boyfriend
? Or were they just dating casually?

And, yes, she kept flirting. Because it was harmless and fun, and truthfully, she just couldn’t help herself. There was something extraordinarily intoxicating about this Finn.

Finn Is God
OK, so Thanksgiving didn’t work out so well for you. Winter break? Will it be a step up?

Julie Seagle
Of course. But I’ll be in California with my dad for three weeks, so I’ll miss Mom’s stockings and trees and lights.

Julie Seagle
Illuminated reindeer statues on the lawn, drunk Santa at the mall, pop stars releasing carol collections, etc. What more could a girl want?

Finn Is God
Hold on. Are you anti-Christmas?

Julie Seagle
Nah. Just kidding! I love Christmas. Mom covers the entire living room in white twinkle lights and puts real candles on the tree.