First You Fall: A Kevin Connor Mystery (32 page)

“I know,” Tony said.

“What about you?” I asked him. “Can you accept yourself? This? Me?”

Tony pul ed me towards him. “I don’t know. I think so. I want to find out.”

I smiled.

“But I don’t think I can accept what you do for a living, Kevvy. We’re gonna have to talk about that one.”

Ouch. “OK,” I said.

“And I stil have a wife. Let’s not forget that.” I nodded.

“We have a long history, kid. It hasn’t exactly been a great one, either.”

History does tend to repeat itself, I thought for the second time that day.

“I guess I don’t know. I just don’t want…”

“You don’t want to hurt me,” I finished for him.

He rol ed his eyes. “OK, you got me al figured out, don’t you, Doctor IQ?”

I nodded.

“How about you?” he asked. “What do you want?” What did I want? What did I need? Conflicted, complicated Tony who stil made my heart race like no other man? Sexy, faithful Freddy who was always there for me? Bril iant, sweet Marc who needed me to rescue him? And what about Romeo at the balcony? He was a good reminder that there were a lot of possibilities left to be explored.

Tony was waiting for an answer. So was I.

I spent so much time trying to figure out what Tony was after, but what did
I
want?

That was the mystery I
really
needed to solve.

Have I mentioned recently how beautiful he was?

“I know what I want right now,” I said, straddling him. His lips parted in anticipation of my kiss.

I figured it was a start.

Acknowledgments

My fondest gratitude
goes to my wonderful, supportive agent, Matthew Carnicel i. Matthew, when you cal ed to tel me you “laughed out loud” and wanted to represent my book, it was the highlight of a year’s hard work. Thanks for pestering me to finish the first sequel, too. I’m working on it, I promise!

Al of you at Alyson Books rock for publishing this.

Thanks for taking a chance on a first-time author. I hope this sel s tons of copies and we work together again.

A special shout-out to my first editor, Joseph Pittman. I miss you, man. And great big thanks to Richard Fumosa, for coming in at the end and taking me over the finish line.

Starting this book was easy—actual y finishing it took more discipline than I had on my own. My sincerest thanks, then, to my life coach, Laurie Hubbs. If you, dear reader, are stuck on any of your life goals, shoot me an e-mail and I’l give you Laurie’s number.

Thanks to Lis and Stephen, my beta testers. If you had hated the book, I wouldn’t have had the courage to show it to another living soul. Your early encouragement meant the world to me.

Appreciation and apologies to any friends, relatives, exes, or other individuals who feel they were lampooned or misrepresented in these pages.

Whichever character you feel is based on you probably isn’t—unless you like the depiction, in which case—you’re welcome!

Lastly, thanks to anyone who’s reading this—

especial y if you paid for it. Kevin Connor is coming back soon. Til then, you can fol ow his adventures and mine at ScottSherman.typepad.com