First Lady (10 page)

“Are we?” Dev forced the words out. “A pair?”

The air between them crackled with tension.

Lauren took a shaky breath. “I’m not sure anymore, Devlyn.” She turned her head and the women locked eyes. It didn’t hurt this badly with Judd, her mind cried. Not even close. “We need to talk about Sarah.”

Dev ran a hand through her hair, praying she’d do a better job of explaining this now than she had earlier. She was well aware that this might be her only chance and, frankly, that thought pissed her off nearly as much as Lauren’s lack of faith in her. “We do.” She drew in a deep breath. “Nothing happened between Sarah and me.” There. The simple truth was always best.

The flashing of gray eyes was visible even in the moonlight.

Dev quickly held up her hand. “I know what you saw. But that was her kissing me, not the other way around.”

“She forced you?” The incredulous tinge to Lauren’s voice let Dev know how unlikely she considered that prospect.

Dev looked horrified. “Of course not!” She lowered her voice. “She’s not like that. She’s a good person.”

Lauren ground her teeth together. “You’re defending her, even now. There is no defense for that. You’re engaged to me!”

“Just because Samantha is gone, it doesn’t mean I don’t consider Sarah my sister.”

“Sister!” Lauren’s face turned a deep shade of red, and the anger that had been simmering since she left the White House exploded to the forefront. “And here I thought I was from the South. Christ on a crutch! What the hell kind of sister kisses you like that?”

“I don’t know,” Dev hissed, shifting around so she was fully facing Lauren. “It’s never happened before. And it will never happen again.”

“She kissed you?”

Dev lifted her jaw a little. “Yes.”

“That kiss didn’t look like too much of a hardship, Devlyn. I have eyes. She’s a beautiful woman and even if she started it, you weren’t trying to stop her.”

Devlyn opened her mouth, then closed it. She felt her ire rise along with one of Lauren’s eyebrows. “Don’t you do that. Don’t you dare keep acting like I have something to hide! I am not the one who cheated on you and yet I already feel like shit and am so scared I can’t see straight. I. Didn’t. Do. Anything. Wrong!”

“I saw it.” Lauren shook her head quickly, remembering all the times her genuine inquiries with Judd been met by lies. And how it was just easier to believe than to be bothered to dig for the truth. How she didn’t care enough to dig. She spent a long moment, letting the past rear its ugly head… and bite her. Then some of her rational mind kicked in. What she had with Dev was worlds away from what she’d known before. And this time, she decided, she did care enough to fight tooth and nail.

“You think I’m not scared and sick too?” Lauren informed her hotly. “I spent the first hour away from the White House hanging over a motel toilet. I want to believe you, but you’re making it so hard!” The words came out in a steady stream, like a dam that had finally burst. “You’re acting guilty. And she’s beautiful and looks exactly like your dead wife.” Lauren’s throat closed. “The one you still love,” she managed to get out, ashamed of her bitterness towards a dead woman.

“Lauren…”

Lauren shook her head. “Please don’t say it. I know Samantha is your past. But that woman in your office isn’t. I saw what I saw, Devlyn. Give me more so that I can convince my head of what my heart is screaming,” she begged, soft gray eyes glistening in the moonlight.

“Ugh!” With a slightly shaky hand, Dev rubbed her forehead briskly. “When she kissed me, I didn’t know what to do. We had been talking about Sam and she touched my face and I wasn’t expecting it, and…” She lifted one hand and then let it fall helplessly. “I’ve never been kissed by her before. I wasn’t even sure it wasn’t totally innocent until she tried to—”

“Inspect your tonsils with her tongue?” Lauren snapped, closing her eyes and turning as she angrily swiped at her tears.

“Something like that,” Dev grumbled, fighting back the desperate feeling that had been gnawing at her guts all afternoon. “As soon as I knew what was happening, I moved to stop it and you walked in.”

Lauren swallowed hard, replaying the events in her mind and trying to focus on what’d she actually seen and not the wild surge of jealousy and betrayal she’d felt upon seeing. “Is… Is this the first time that’s happened?”

“How can you even ask me that!”

“How can I not!”

The park went silent, save for their slightly rough breathing, the breeze in the trees, and Gremlin’s gravelly snores.

“Do you love me?” Devlyn finally asked, her heart in her throat.

Lauren let out a shuddering breath, her own heart suddenly pounding. Do I love her? her mind gasped. God.

Dev reached out and brushed away Lauren’s hot tears, leaving her hand there to cup a chilled cheek. She brushed her thumb over soft skin.

“You know I do,” Lauren finally whispered raggedly, eyes closed tight, “more than anything or anyone.”

“Then stop this before it goes any farther,” she pleaded, knowing this went beyond a simple misunderstanding of a kiss.
 
But to get to those issues, they had to successfully traverse this minefield. Dev didn’t know what she would do if they couldn’t. “Believe in me.” She looked deeply in Lauren’s eyes, willing her to have faith in what they shared.

Lauren bit her lower lip. “Do you know what you’re asking?” she whispered, her voice tight with emotion. “To believe you more than my own eyes.” But she found herself wanting to do just that. With devastating certainty, her heart knew why she was frightened beyond reason. Blindly trusting Dev wasn't difficult. It was, in fact, too, too easy.

“Trust me.” Dev felt Lauren lean into her touch, hot tears rolling down the back of her hand. “You can always believe in me. I will never, ever, do to you what Judd did to you. You and the kids are my family, and I love you.” Devlyn blinked a few times, clearing her eyes of her own tears. “Please,” she whispered brokenly, desperation creeping back into her voice.

Lauren’s breathing hitched and Devlyn’s plea forced her to open her eyes and look at her. She couldn’t stop herself. That was all it took. She didn’t know how she ended up in the older woman’s arms, but there she was, Dev’s hands gently stroking her wavy pale hair, her body heat seeping into her cold skin, her heartbeat thundering wildly and visibly in the fair skin of her throat. “What am… what am I doing? I’m so sorry,” Lauren mumbled, her lips against Dev’s chilled cheek.

Dev tightened her hold on Lauren, a single tear blazing a path down her cheek. “Me too.” Thank you, God. She felt a little lightheaded and wasn’t sure if it was from relief or the death grip that Lauren had on her. Either way, she welcomed the sensation. “Me too,” she repeated, pressing her lips against Lauren’s cheek.
 
“I’ll talk to Sarah. I’ll work it all out, you’ll see. She knows I love you, Lauren. Everyone knows I love you. I’m not sure what she was thinking.”

Lauren sniffed. “I love you, too. I’m sorry.” Dazedly, she blinked a few times. “I’m not thinking straight. I—”

“I know.” Devlyn felt Gremlin milling around at their feet. “I should have paid more attention to you, to Sarah, to Beth, who warned me that you were under too much pressure weeks ago.”

Lauren felt warm puffs of air against her hair as Dev spoke.

“She told me that Sarah’s had a crush on me for years.” A dark head shook in disbelief. “I never knew… I promise. Hell, I should have paid more attention to everybody.”

“You’re busy,” Lauren murmured quietly, nuzzling as close as humanly possible to Devlyn.

“Not too busy for that. I can’t be.”

Lauren pulled back, and both women wiped gently at each other’s faces.
 
“Devlyn, I think I need a vacation to regroup,” she admitted tiredly. “Since we announced our engagement, I feel like things have been spinning out of control.”

Dev nodded thoughtfully. “With us?”

“No,” Lauren promised fiercely. “You and the kids and Beth and David, you’re what’s solid in my life. It’s everything else right now. The press. My mother’s death. My father’s rejection. The book. I haven’t written a thing in nearly a month. I need some time.”

Dev sighed inwardly. She was afraid of this. “We can postpone the wedding.” Please just don’t say cancel it.

Lauren smiled sadly, reading the worry on Dev’s face as easily as if it were her own. On impulse, she leaned in and kissed her soundly, feeling Dev’s surprised squawk more than hearing it. “Not on your life, Madam President,” she whispered against soft, moist lips as she leaned back just a hair. “Nobody is taking that from us. I want to marry you. I just need to get used to the demands that go along with being your… your…” She looked at Devlyn in question. “Wife?” She didn’t much like the term when Judd had used it to introduce her. It had never felt right.

Dev grinned. Sometimes she forgot that Lauren’s relationships had been exclusively with men. “If you like. Or some people say spouse or partner?”

Lauren smiled, that last one ringing unfamiliar but pleasant chords deep within her. “I like that. But I don’t mind the other either. So long as you’re my wife, too.”

Dev nodded enthusiastically. This was more like them. Talking things through. Working things out. Her stomach finally settled down and she felt mortally tired.

“I’m not willing to let other people take our happiness from us, Devlyn. I just need to get my head on straight to face the battles. I don’t know how you do it.” There was genuine awe in her voice.

“Would a couple of weeks in
Tennessee
help?”

Lauren blinked. “God, no!” There was nothing for her there. She hadn’t been home since her mother’s funeral the year before, hadn’t called her father and invited him to the wedding, though she’d stood staring at the phone more times than she could count. She couldn’t face him cruelly dismissing her again by hanging up before she’d even said why she was calling. Her mother’s suicide and her relationship with Devlyn had, she admitted sadly, killed what little relationship she had with her father. She wondered briefly if anything so terribly broken could be repaired and how a parent’s love for his child could be so conditional.

“All right.” Dev considered the possibilities, then gave voice to the most logical one. “My parents’ place? Mom was coming out here next week anyway. You could go there instead.”

Lauren’s eyes lit up at the thought. It was so peaceful there. “God, that would be wonderful. Do you think they’d mind.”

“Don’t be silly. They’ll be thrilled. They love you.” Devlyn grasped her hand and threaded their fingers together. She took a deep breath, knowing what she had to do and already shuffling through mental contingency plans. There had to be another way. “Okay. I’ll make arrangements to cancel my trip and—”

“Don’t.”

Startled and hurt, Dev scrambled for something to say. “I’ll still give you some time alone. I meant that,” she clarified quickly, not wanting to Lauren to think she was smothering her. “I just thought—”

“I’m going to be fine,” Lauren soothed, “and your trip is too important to miss.” She smiled encouragingly. “Go, Devlyn. Save the world and all that. I’ll be here when you get back.”

Dev pulled her into a rough embrace again, her eyes fluttering closed. Lauren did understand. “It’s not saving the world… but I do…” She exhaled slowly. “You’re sure?”

“I’m sure.” Lauren reached up and tugged a lock of blowing hair behind Dev’s ear. She’d had enough of the difficult stuff for one evening. “Now, how long do we have before the army comes marching through this park?”

“Has it been 10 minutes yet?”

Lauren’s eyes went round. “Yes!”

“Then we’re fine because they gave me 20.”

Lauren let out an explosive breath. “Funny.”

“But,” Dev leaned forward a little, taking Lauren with her, “we should be going.”

They stood, each a little wobbly from the emotional strain of the day. The President wrapped a long arm around Lauren’s shoulders as they walked, Gremlin trailing lazily behind them.

“You need to apologize to David,” Lauren reminded Devlyn gently. And so do I.

“I will.”

Lauren glanced up at Dev as they walked, concern etched over her tired features. “Do you think you’ll get him back?”

“Huh?”

Blonde brows pulled together. “You said you fired him. Do you think you can get him back? I can talk to Beth and we can—”

Devlyn waved her off. “David isn’t going anywhere, Lauren. He knows I can’t run the damn country without him. He’s going to make me beg and plead and apologize, of course. All of which I owe him. But after that, he’ll be back.” A wry smile touched her lips. “I fired him four times in the month after Samantha died and once when I didn’t make it to the hospital on time to see Chris be born.”

“Was that his fault?” Lauren asked, guiding them down a small set of wooden steps. “About Chris?”

“Nah. We were both working on a last minute piece of legislation and had turned off our pagers so we wouldn’t be disturbed. Chris came two weeks early and Samantha’s labor was so short… I should have…” She shook her head a little. “Well, I just wasn’t thinking is all. David and I made up though, we always do. He’s a gracious man and I’m good at groveling.” Dev smiled at Lauren’s muffled snort. “He’s quit a few times too over the years. So the situation has been reversed. We started in politics together about,” she let out a low whistle, “about a million years ago. I… I don’t know that I’d want to do this without him.”