Fire with Fire (Crash and Burn, Book 3) (A Military Romance) (4 page)

I leave his office. I never imagined I’d feel this way about Cole, but I do. And now I have to figure out how to live with it.

“
H
ey
, buddy!” I say as I scoop James into my arms. “You having a fun time at your party?”

He cackles and swings his arms out wide. “Airpane! Airpane!”

I squint at him in mock seriousness and hold his little squirming body out in front of me. He’s a bit small for his age, having been born several weeks premature, but he’s strong and starting to make up for the developmental lag. “Are you
sure
you want an airplane ride? Have you been a good boy today?”

He nods. His small mouth is crusted with chocolate chip cookie crumbs, and I know Rebecca brushed his hair earlier, though it’s sticking out all over the place now. “I’m super good.”

I move to the corner of Xander’s backyard, where no one else is standing, and start to spin, and James howls and laughs. “It’s airplane time!”

We play for a few minutes until I feel like I want to vomit, so I put him down and lean back against the fence. It’s the perfect day for an outdoor birthday party. Rebecca went all-out decorating the place with streamers, balloons, tablecloths, the whole nine yards. I don’t know how the woman does it all.

Xander comes up to me and hands me a beer. “You look like you earned this.”

“Your son is demanding,” I say, taking a long draw.

“Family trait.” He shoves shoulders against me. “Thanks for helping with the party prep. I know Rebecca appreciates it.”

We glance over to where Xander’s wife is standing, by the dessert table, scooping cookies and candy and other treats onto plates for a bunch of little kids. Her dark blond hair is pulled into a no-nonsense ponytail, and her small frame looks lithe and fit in capris and a sleeveless pink shirt.

Xander’s riveted at the sight of his wife, and I can’t help the small twinge of jealousy I feel when Rebecca looks over at him and gives him a familiar, warm smile. They met in college and fell in love fast, getting married only six months into dating. Instead of James’s early medical problems causing issues in their relationship, it forged them stronger together.

I want that connection, that love so badly. With Lauren.

“She coming?” Xander asks me, and I jerk in surprise. Did he read my mind? He laughs. “You have that moony-as-fuck look on your face.”

I narrow my eyes at him. “I guess. She said she’d be here.” We’ve barely talked in the last several days or so, and it’s been hell avoiding her. I feel like a part of myself is missing. This pain has to get better.

“Have you told Lauren how you feel?”

“This might not be the best place to discuss the topic,” I warn him.

James goes running by in front of us, holding an empty paper plate clutched in his fist. Behind him, the family golden retriever, BooBoo, is inhaling a tomato that slid off James’s plate.

“You need to tell her,” Xander continues. “You two should just be honest and open up, and you’ll work it out.”

Not likely. I put a hard stop on that in the bar’s office. I told her flat-out that I wanted to be just friends. So basically I lied through my teeth. But I’m not interested in being her sex buddy, not when I want it all. I won’t settle for less, and Lauren won’t give me more than her body. It’s better this way.

“Ready to grill some burgers?” I ask him, not-very-subtly changing the subject.

We go to the grill, which had already been heated up, and I unpack the burgers and dogs, lay them out on the slats. It’s not exactly rocket science, so I let my attention wander around the bustling crowd in the backyard. Lots of my family members—cousins, uncles, aunts. It’s good being home. I missed my family.

“Lauren!” I hear Rebecca say. She crosses the yard, and the crowd parts for her, giving me my first glimpse of Lauren in days.

Initially, all I see are her legs. Fucking long, curvy legs, in the shortest damn skirt I’ve ever seen in my life. It’s almost indecent. My dick instantly perks up, despite my efforts to will it back down. She has on a pink tank top that clings to her breasts—it’s not as scandalous, but it has my blood pumping hard.

Fuck.

I tear my gaze away and stare back at the grill. Flip burgers, try to focus on the searing sizzle of the meat. But my body is homed in to hers; I can sense where she is behind me even without looking.

“So, Lauren’s here,” Xander observes drolly. “I’m gonna go say hi. You should too. Take her inside and make her feel welcome. But not on my bed, asshole.”

I shoot him a withering glare. “I’m manning the grill. Go ahead and be a good host.” I need a minute to compose myself, to stop the roaring lust that awoke in my system. This is a kid’s party, for fuck’s sake. Not the time for me to think about shoving that skirt up, pushing her panties aside, and plunging my fingers deep in her cunt.

My cock pounds against my zipper, wanting to be freed.

“Cole,” a soft voice says from behind me, and all my skin becomes hyperaware of Lauren’s presence. A light, flowery perfume wafts in the air. It’s hard to not breathe the scent in.

I take one more moment to compose myself, then turn around. “Lauren. Hi. Thanks for coming.”
We’re only friends. We’re only friends. We’re only friends.
I chant this to myself about eight million fucking times. If only I could erase the last few weeks from my brain, it would be all fine.

And yet…I wouldn’t, even if I could. Stupid as it might be, I don’t want to forget what happened between us. Even for a little while.

Lauren inches closer, peering up at me. Her lips are parted ever so slightly. “How have you been?” Looking down at her, I can see the small lines of stress around her mouth, between her brows. Her eyes are shaded, and she has bags under them. She’s stressed, even more than she was on Monday.

My heart lurches in sudden concern. “I’m fine. You?”

She shrugs one pale shoulder. “Busy.”

Silence stretches between us for a painful minute. I clench the spatula to keep from reaching out and touching her creamy flesh. Being near her makes my craving all the more vivid, painful.

She reaches up and tucks a strand of hair in the loose braid flopped over her shoulder. Keeps her fingers on the end of the braid, fidgeting. Swallows, gaze skittering away then back to me. She’s nervous.

“There’s beer in the fridge inside,” I tell her. A drink will help her relax, I’m sure. I turn back to the grill quickly to remove the burgers and dogs from the slats onto a plate. When I get the food loaded up and spin back around, she’s gone.

The tension in my chest tightens. Fuck. Now she probably thinks I was trying to dismiss her. If we’re going to be friends, we have to knock this awkward shit off and stop dancing around each other. This isn’t the place to talk about it, but I have a feeling a talk’s going to come soon.

In the meantime, I hand the food platter to Xander, who’s been moving through the crowd and making conversation. Then I head inside, through the side door leading to the kitchen. A few women are shuffling around in here, getting out buns for the burgers and hot dogs, slicing tomatoes and onions, wiping snotty kid noses.

“You looking for Lauren?” my cousin Suzanna asks. She’s Mom’s brother’s oldest daughter. “She went in the back, down the hallway.”

I nod my thanks and go down the carpeted hallway. Peer in each room as I pass. No sign of her. The door at the end, Xander’s bedroom, is cracked open, so I step inside. There’s a splash of water coming from the en suite bathroom, and a familiar small sniffle on the other side of the closed door.

I close and lock the bedroom door behind me to give us a few minutes of privacy without any kids barging in, then go to the bathroom door. Rap on it. “Lauren. Come on out.”

The sniffling stops, and there’s a pause. “I’m fine, Cole. Thanks. Go rejoin your family at the party.”

“Come out right now, or I’m coming in.” It might not be the time for The Talk, where we delve into what happened between us and why it all went off the rails, but it’s clear we need to say something to break this ice. This shit isn’t going to cut it anymore.

More water splashes, and she doesn’t answer.

I give her to the count of three, then turn the knob and come in.

“Cole!” she spins around, eyeing me. A small gray hand towel is in her hands, and under her eyes are streaked a bit with mascara. The whites of her eyes are red-lined, her lush lips quivering. She presses them together. “I’m…fine. Sorry. I’m— I know things went really badly between us, and I want us to be friends again. I want it so badly. It’s just all messed up right now.” She draws in a shuddering breath and drops her gaze to the ground.

I reach out and stroke her bare upper arm, unable to stop myself from comforting her. It’s clear she’s really tortured about this. Regardless of anything else, I know she loves me as a friend, and this is hurting her, too. I pull her into my arms, wanting to ease some of her sadness, and she melts against me.

“Shh, we’ll work it out,” I tell her, rubbing small circles on her back.

My attempts at comfort seem to have the opposite effect on her, though. She drops the towel on the floor and grips my shirt at the back, clinging to me with an agonized deep sigh. “I…I… This is so awful,” she says against my shirt, her body shaking in my arms. “I’m so sorry I fucked everything up. I’m sorry, Cole. I miss you so much it hurts.”

Something in my heart chips away at the sheer pain in her voice. No matter what, she is still my best friend, always has been and always will be. I hate seeing her like this. I tilt her chin up and press a kiss to her brow. “I miss you too, kitten.”

Her tear-filled eyes lock with mine, and she says, “Really? Because it doesn’t seem like it. You’ve been so distant lately, and…” She shrugs. “I never thought you and I would end up like this. It’s horrible.”

I slide my hand to the back of her neck and stroke the flesh there. So fucking soft. I should stop. I need to stop. But God help me, I don’t want to. I didn’t fully realize how much my skin has ached for the feel of hers against me until right fucking now.

She swallows. Her eyes drop to my mouth, and her pupils enlarge, her breathing growing shallow. Two spots of color rise on her cheeks. “Cole,” she whispers, and licks her lips.

My heart pounds against my ribcage. My whole body becomes so, so aware of her pressed against me. Her breasts full, her nipples growing to firm points. My cock swells, and she gives a tiny gasp as she registers it, then presses her pelvis against mine. Her eyes drift closed, and her mouth tilts toward me just a fraction.

Fuck. I can’t do this. I shouldn’t do this. But I want her, and she wants me, and I’ve been denying myself of her for two miserable fucking weeks.

I grip the back of her head, her eyes flying open, and take her mouth. Hard. Hot. Insistent. All my frustration, my agony, my anger, pours into my kiss. Her mouth opens for me, no hesitation, and her fingers slide up my spine, leaving behind small goose bumps in their trail.

Lauren pushes herself against me as far as she can go, her thighs straddling mine. I drop my hands down to touch her hips, telling myself one kiss, one fucking kiss, that’s all I’m going to take from her right now.

Then my hands brush bare skin—those fucking sexy thighs—and of their own volition, my fingers slide the skirt up one painful inch at a time.

Her whole body is shivering again, but it’s not sadness this time. It’s desire. I can smell her heat, practically hear the throb of her pulse in her veins. I’m so turned on right now I want to yell, want to pound into her.

“I want you, Cole,” she says in this sexy-as-fuck husky tone. “Please. Please don’t stop touching me.”

I’m powerless to stop now. An airplane would have to fall on the house to get me to stop. I grab her ass and haul her up on the countertop’s edge beside the sink. Drop to my knees and press my nose to her pussy.

Breathe her in.

A strangled groan erupts from my throat at her musky scent. She parts her thighs and drops her head back, tangling her fingers in my hair. Her panties are drenched already, fucking dirty girl, already so wet for me. I brush her lower lips through the fabric, and she shudders.

“What do you want?” I ask, my voice barely more than a growl at this point. “Tell me.” I have to hear her say it.

“Fuck me, hard,” she whispers, her voice breaking on the last word. “Cole, please. Fuck me. I want you inside me so badly right now I could cry.”

I shove the crotch of her panties aside and lick that wet cunt, savor the juices coating my tongue. She’s more than ready. Her sighs of pleasure spur me on, and I nibble her clit, slip two fingers in her hot channel and pump. Hard.

Her pelvis grinds against my palm, and she spreads her knees wider, shamelessly baring herself to me. Her self-consciousness is gone, she’s so lost in the moment. I’m almost dizzy, unable to focus.

“You feel amazing,” I tell her. If I don’t get inside her right now, I might die. I stand and reach into my wallet, in my back pocket. Flip it open. A few bucks and my license and credit cards.

No condom.

“Fuck,” I groan. My dick is pounding, uncaring of my predicament. “Kitten…” I show her the lack of a condom.

It’s that first night in the basement of Mickey’s Pub all over again, but worse, fucking
way
worse, because I want her a hundred times more right now than I did even then. My body physically aches.

Her face falls. “Oh God, seriously?” She leans forward and drops her forehead to my shoulder, and I hold her for a moment, willing my dick to calm the fuck down. I can’t go back out to the party with a raging boner like this. “Cole,” she starts, the pauses. Looks up at me, and the molten heat in her eyes makes my cock pulse harder. “Maybe you can just…pull out before you come.”

Oh, fuck me. I’ve never barebacked a woman before. I swallow, unable to deny the pleasure coursing through my blood at the thought of feeling her in the most intimate way possible. “Are you sure? That’s a big decision, kitten.” I’m clean, having been tested when I exited the army, and I haven’t been with a woman since then.

Lauren wraps her thighs around me and works her tank top down to her waist, then lowers her bra cups, her breasts on display for me. She cups them and pinches her nipples, then drops her hands. Her lips are swollen and pink, and her pupils are so large there’s almost no iris showing. “I’m clean, I promise, and I trust you. I’m on the pill for my period, so that’s not a worry.” She pauses, her next words breathy. “The thought of having sex with you in here right now, knowing everyone is outside and could hear us at any time...” She swallows. “I want to be dangerous with you, Cole.”