Fine things (36 page)

The surgery took four hours, and Bernie was almost hysterical when Megan came out to him again, but at least it was over, and she held him in her arms while he sobbed.

“She's all right, baby …she's all right…” And by the next afternoon they knew she would walk again. It would take time and a great deal of therapy, but she would run and play and walk and dance and Bernie sobbed openly when they told him. He looked down at Jane's sleeping form and he could not stop crying. And the next time she woke up again, she smiled up at him, and then glanced at Megan.

“How're we doing, love?” Megan asked softly.

“I still hurt,” she complained.

“You will for a while. But you'll be out playing again in no time.”

Jane smiled wanly, looking at Megan as though she was counting on her to help her. And Bernie held Meg's hand openly with one hand as he held Jane's with the other.

Megan and Bernie called his parents together, and it was a shock for them. But Megan gave Bernie's father the details and he was as reassured as they were.

“She was very lucky,” he said with awe and relief, and Megan agreed. “It sounds like you did everything right too.”

“Thank you, sir.” It was a compliment she treasured. And she and Bernie went out for a hamburger after that to discuss the mechanics of the next few months. Jane would be in the hospital for at least six weeks and a wheelchair for months after that. There was no way she could manage the stairs of their San Francisco house in a wheelchair, nor could Nanny. They would have to stay in Napa, and he didn't hate the idea for entirely other reasons.

“Why don't you stay out here? You don't have stairs to worry about out here. She can't go to school anyway, and you could get her a tutor.” Megan looked at him thoughtfully and he smiled. A lot was suddenly coming clear to him now, and then suddenly as he looked at her he remembered what he had said to her when it happened.

“I owe you an apology, Megan.” He was looking at her tenderly across the dinner table, seeing her as though for the first time. “I felt so guilty … I have for a long time, and I was wrong. I know that.”

“It's all right.” She whispered at him. She understood it.

“Sometimes I feel guilty about how much I love you …as though I'm not supposed to do that… as though I'm still supposed to be faithful to her…. But she's gone …and I love you.”

“I know you do. And I know you feel guilty. But you don't have to. One day it'll stop.”

But the funny thing he suddenly realized was that it had. Sometime in the last day or two. Suddenly he no longer felt guilty for loving Megan. And no matter how long he had left Liz' clothes in the closet, or how much he had loved her She was gone now.

Chapter 44

The police checked out the accident, and they had even given the driver a blood test within the hour, but there was no question, it was an accident, and the woman who had struck her said she would never recover. The real fault was Jane's, but that was no consolation as she lay in the hospital, recovering from surgery and facing months in a wheelchair, and months of therapy after that.

“Why can't we go back to San Francisco?” She was disappointed to be missing school, and not to be seeing her friends. And Alexander had been scheduled to start nursery school, but all their plans were up in the air now.

“Because you can't manage the stairs, sweetheart. And neither can Nanny, with a wheelchair. This way at least you can go out. And we'll get you a tutor.” She looked bitterly disappointed. It had ruined her whole summer, she said. It had almost ruined her life, and Bernie was grateful it hadn't.

“Will Grandma Ruth come back out?”

“She said she would, if you want her.” Everything was on hold for the moment.

That brought a small smile, and Megan was spending most of her off-duty hours with her, and they had long thoughtful conversations that brought them closer than they'd been before. The fight seemed to have gone out of her around the same time the guilt had gone out of Bernie. He seemed more peaceful than he had in a while, but he was stunned by the call that came the next day. It was from Paul Berman.

“Congratulations, Bernard.” There was an ominous pause, and Bernie held his breath. He sensed that something earthshaking was coming. “I have an announcement to make to you. Three of them, in fact.” He didn't waste a moment. “I'm retiring in a month and the board just voted you into my shoes. And we just hired Joan Madison from Saks to fill your shoes in San Francisco. She'll be there in two weeks. Can you get everything wrapped up in San Francisco by then?” Bernie's heart stopped. Two weeks? Two weeks to say goodbye to Megan? How could he? And Jane couldn't be moved for months, but that wasn't the point now. The point was something entirely different and he had to tell him. There was no point putting it off any longer.

“Paul.” He felt his chest tighten and wondered if he would have a heart attack. That would certainly simplify everything. But it wasn't what he wanted. He didn't want an easy out now. He knew exactly what he wanted. “I should have told you a long time ago. And if I'd known you were planning to retire, I would have. I can't take the job.”

“Can't take it?” Paul Berman sounded horrified. “What do you mean? You've invested almost twenty years of your life preparing for it.”

“I know I have. But a lot of things changed for me when Liz died. I don't want to leave California.” Or Megan … or a dream that she had spawned….

Berman was suddenly frightened. “Has someone else offered you a job? Neiman-Marcus? … I. Magnin? …” He couldn't imagine that Bernie would defect to another store, but maybe they had made him a remarkable offer. But Bernie was quick to reassure him.

“I wouldn't do something like that to you, Paul. You know my loyalty to the store, and to you. This is just based on a lot of other decisions I had to make in my life. There are some things I want to do here that I couldn't do anywhere else in the country.”

“I can't imagine what, for heaven's sake. New York is the lifeline of our business.”

“I want to start my own business, Paul.” There was stunned silence on the other end, and Bernie smiled to himself as he said it.

“What kind of business?”

“A store. A small specialty store, in the Napa Valley.” He felt like a free man just saying the words and he could feel the tension of the last months just flowing out of his body. “It won't be competition for you, but I want to do something very special.”

“Have you done anything about starting it yet?”

“No. I had to make a decision about Wolffs first.”

“Why not do both?” Berman was desperate and Bernie could sense it. “Open a store out there and get someone else to manage it for you. Then you can come back here and take the place you've earned for yourself at Wolffs.”

“Paul, it's something I've dreamed of for years, but it's not right for me anymore. I have to stay here. It's the right decision for me. I know it.”

“This is going to be a terrible shock to the board.”

“I'm sorry, Paul. I didn't mean to embarrass you, or put you in an awkward position.” And then he smiled. “Looks like you can't retire yet then. You're too young to do a foolish thing like that anyway.”

“My body doesn't agree with you, especially this morning.”

“I'm sorry, Paul.” And he was, but he was also very happy. He sat in peaceful silence in his office for a long time after the call. His replacement was coming in two weeks. After years with Wolffs, he was going to be free in two weeks …free to start a store of his own …but there were other things he had to do first. And he left the store in a hurry at lunchtime.

The house was deathly quiet as he turned the key in the lock, and the silence which greeted him was as painful as it had been ever since she died. He still expected to find her there, to see her pretty smiling face as she emerged from the kitchen, tossing her long blond hair over her shoulder and wiping her hands on her apron. But there was no one. Nothing. There hadn't been in two years. It was all over, along with the dreams that had gone with it. It was time for new dreams, a new life, and with his heart in his mouth, he dragged the boxes into the front hall, and then into their bedroom. He sat down on their bed for a moment, and then stood up quickly. He had to do it before he started to remember her again, before he inhaled the perfume of the distant past too deeply.

He didn't even take the clothes off the hangers, he just lifted them off the racks in bunches, like the boys in their stockrooms, and dumped them into the boxes along with armloads of shoes and sweaters and handbags. He kept only the beautiful opera gown and her wedding dress, thinking that one day Jane would like to have them. But an hour later, everything else stood in the front hall in six enormous boxes. It took him another half hour to get them all down to his car and stowed inside, and then he walked back into the house for a last time. He was going to sell the house, but without Liz, there was nothing in it he cared about now anyway. It held no charm for him. She had been the charm of their entire existence.

He gently closed the closet door. There was nothing in it now except the two dresses he had saved in their plastic cases from Wolffs. The rest was empty. She needed no clothes now. She rested in a peaceful place in his heart, where he could always find her. And with a last look around the silent house, he walked quietly to the door, and then outside into the sunshine.

It was a short drive to the thrift shop he knew she had used before for Jane's cast-off clothes. She always felt that nothing should go to waste, and someone could use the things they no longer needed. The woman at the desk was pleasant and chatty and she insisted on giving Bernie a receipt for his “generous donation,” but he didn't want it. He only smiled sadly at her and walked out the door, back to the car, and went quietly back to the office.

And the store looked different to him now as he rode up the escalator to the fifth floor. Somehow Wolffs wasn't his now. It belonged to someone else. To Paul Berman and a board in New York. And he knew it would be painful to leave, but he was ready.

Chapter 45

Bernie left the store early that afternoon. There were a number of things he had to do. And he felt exhilarated as he stopped on his errand, and then headed for the Golden Gate Bridge. He had made an appointment with the real estate broker for six o'clock, and he had to drive like crazy to make it. He was twenty minutes late when he arrived, thanks to traffic in San Rafael, but the woman was still waiting for him. And so was the house Megan had shown him months before. The price had even dropped, and it had cleared probate in the meantime.

“Will you be living here with your family?” the woman inquired as she filled out the preliminary papers. Bernie had written her a check as a deposit, and was anxious to get to work to raise the rest of the money.

“Not exactly.” He had to get permission to use the house commercially and he was not yet ready to explain anything to this woman.

“It'll make a wonderful rental property with a little work.”

“I think so too.” He smiled. Their business was concluded at seven o'clock. And he went to a pay phone and dialed Megan's exchange, hoping she was on duty and not Patrick.

When a voice answered a moment later, he asked for Doctor Jones, and the officious voice at the other end informed him that she was in the emergency room but they could page her, if he would give them his name, his child's name and age, and the problem. He claimed to be a Mr. Smith with a little boy called George, who was nine years old and had a broken arm.

“Couldn't I just meet her at the emergency room? He's in a lot of pain.” He felt rotten using a ruse like that, but it was for a good cause, and the operator agreed to warn Dr. Jones that they were coming. “Thank you.” He hid the smile in his voice and hurried back to his car to drive to the hospital to meet her. And he saw her standing at the desk with her back to him as he walked in, and his whole body smiled at the sight of her. The bright shiny dark hair and the tall, graceful body were just exactly what he had longed to see all day. He walked up behind her and gently patted her behind as she jumped and then grinned, attempting unsuccessfully to look reproachful.

“Hi there. I was just waiting for a patient.”

“I'll bet I can guess who.”

“No, you can't. He's a new patient. I haven't even met him myself.”

Bernie leaned toward her and whispered in her ear. “Mr. Smith?”

“Yes …I …how did …” And then she blushed. “Bernie! Were you playing tricks on me?” She looked stunned but not really angry. It was the first time he had ever done that.

“You mean little George and the broken arm?”

“Bernie!” She wagged a finger at him, and he pulled her gently into an examining room, while she scolded him.

“That's a terrible thing to do. Remember the boy who cried wolf.”

“That was Wolffs and I don't work there anymore.”

“What?” She looked truly stunned and stared at him in amazement.
“What?”

“I quit today.” He looked delighted as he grinned at her, looking far more boyish than the imaginary George ever could have.

“Why? Did something happen?”

“Yes.” He laughed. “Paul Berman offered me his job. He wanted to retire.”

“Are you serious? Why didn't you take it? That's what you've worked for all your life.”

“That's what he said.” He was fishing for something in his pocket and he looked extremely happy as she continued to stare at him in amazement.

“But why? Why didn't you …”

He looked her straight in the eye. “I told him I was opening my own store. In the Napa Valley.”

If it was possible, she looked even more stunned as he beamed proudly at her. “Are you serious or crazy, Bernie Fine?”

“Both. But more about that later. First, there's something I want to show you.” And he still had to tell her about the house he had just bought, to house their store. But there was something else he wanted to show her first. He had picked it out with enormous care and thought after he left the office. He handed her a small gift-wrapped box, which she eyed with more than a little suspicion.

“What's that?”

“A very, very small black widow spider. Be careful when you open the box.” He was laughing like a boy and her hands trembled as she fought with the wrapping and then found herself holding a black velvet box from a well-known international jeweler.

“Bernie, what is this?”

He stood very close to her and gently touched her silky black hair and spoke so softly that only she could have heard him. “This, my love, is the beginning of a lifetime.” He snapped the box open for her and she gasped as she saw the handsome emerald ring surrounded by small diamond baguettes. It was a beautiful ring, a beautiful stone, and the emerald had seemed just right for her. He hadn't wanted to get her a ring like the one he'd bought Liz. This was a whole new life. And now he was ready for it. And when he looked at her, there were tears sliding slowly down her cheeks, and she cried as he put it on and then kissed her. “I love you. Will you marry me, Meg?”

“Why are you doing all this? Quitting your job …proposing …deciding to open a store …you can't make decisions like that in one afternoon. That's crazy.”

“I've been making them for months, and you know it. I just took a long time before I did anything about it, and now it's time.”

She looked up into his eyes with joy and a little fear. He was a man well worth waiting for, but it hadn't been simple. “What about Jane?”

“What about her?” Bernie looked startled.

“Don't you think we should ask her first?”

He looked suddenly frightened but Megan insisted.

“She has to adjust to what we want.”

“I think we have to tell her before it's a fait accompli,” and after a ten-minute discussion, Bernie agreed to go upstairs and discuss it with her, but he was afraid that she wasn't ready.

“Hi.” He smiled at her nervously and she sensed something strange about him instantly as they walked into the room, and she could still see the tears on Megan's eyelashes.

“Something wrong?” She looked worried but Megan was quick to shake her head.

“Nope. We want your advice about something.” She was concealing her left hand in the pocket of her white coat, so Jane didn't see the ring first.

“Like what?” Jane looked intrigued and as though she suddenly felt very important. And she was. To both of them.

Megan looked at Bernie and he moved closer to Jane and reached for her hand as he stood next to the bed. “Megan and I want to get married, sweetheart, and we want to know how you feel about it.” There was a long, pregnant silence in the room as Bernie held his breath and Jane looked at both of them and then smiled slowly as she lay back against her pillows.

“And you asked me first?” They both nodded and she grinned. This was terrific. “Wow. That's really something.” Even her mother hadn't done that, but she didn't tell Bernie.

“Well, what do you think?”

“I think it's okay …” She smiled at Megan. “No … I think it would be pretty nice really.” All three of them grinned and Jane started to giggle. “Are you gonna give her a ring, Daddy?”

“I just did.” He fished Megan's hand out of her pocket. “But she wouldn't say yes, till you did.” Jane shot a glance at Megan that said they were friends forever for that one.

“Are we gonna have a big wedding?” Jane inquired and Megan laughed.

“I haven't even thought of that. So much happened today.”

“You can say that again.” He told Jane about leaving Wolffs, and then he told them both about the house he was buying to open his store in. They both stared at him in amazement.

“You're really going to do it, Daddy? Open the store, and we'll move to Napa and everything?” Jane clapped her hands in excitement.

“I sure am.” He grinned at both his ladies and sat down on one of the chairs provided for visitors. “I even thought of a name for it on the drive up here.”

Both of his ladies waited expectantly. “I was thinking about both of you, and Alexander, and all the good things that have happened lately …the fine moments in my life, and then it came to me.” Megan slipped her hand into his, and he could feel the emerald on her finger and it pleased him as he smiled at her and then at his daughter. “I'm going to call it 'Fine Things.' What do you think of that?”

“I love it.” Megan smiled happily at him and Jane squealed with delight. She didn't even mind being stuck in the hospital now, so many good things were happening to them.

“Can I be a bridesmaid at the wedding, Meg? Or flower girl or something?” There were tears in Megan's eyes as she smiled at her and nodded, and then Bernie leaned over and kissed his bride.

“I love you, Megan Jones.”

“I love all three of you,” she whispered, glancing from father to daughter, and including Alexander. “And Fine Things is a beautiful name…. Fine Things …” It was a fitting description of all that had happened to him since he'd met her.