Fine things (32 page)

Chapter 39

Megan was true to her word and came for dessert after Thanksgiving dinner with Patrick and Jessica, and the new baby, and she brought a mince pie she had made herself. Nanny said it was wonderful, but Jane said she'd had enough to eat, and Bernie had a piece, and was surprised at how good it was.

“You don't know how amazing it is.” She looked pleased with herself, and was wearing a red dress she had bought at Wolffs the day she had drinks with him. “I am literally the worst cook in the world. I can barely boil an
egg
, and my coffee tastes like poison. My brother begs me never to walk into his kitchen.”

“He sounds like a character.”

“In this case he's right.” Jane grinned in spite of herself, and Alex sidled up to her again, and this time climbed onto her lap without asking permission. She gave him a taste of the mince pie, but he spat it out. “See, Alexander knows. Right?” He nodded solemnly and everyone laughed at him.

“My mom was a terrific cook, wasn't she, Daddy?” The comparison was half obnoxious and half sad as Jane said it.

“Yes, she was, sweetheart.”

“She used to bake a lot.” She remembered the heart-shaped cookies on the last day of school and it almost made her cry as she stared unhappily at Megan.

“I admire that. I think it's nice to know those things.”

Jane nodded. “She was real pretty too.” Her eyes were sad and it was suddenly more a memory than a comparison, as Bernie listened. It hurt hearing it, but he knew she needed to say it. “She was blond and kind of skinny and little.”

Megan smiled at him. There was certainly no question of his being attracted to her because she looked like his late wife. In fact, she was almost exactly the opposite, and in a way, she felt better about that. People so often tried to duplicate what they had lost, and it made everything so difficult. It was impossible to stand in someone's shadow as the sun moved on. And she looked at Jane gently now. “You won't believe this, but my mom is skinny and blond and little too. And so is my brother.”

Jane laughed at the thought. “For real?”

“For real. My mom's about this high.” She pointed to her shoulder and smiled. “I look just like my father.” In either case, no loss. They were both handsome people.

“Is your brother short like your mom?” Jane was suddenly fascinated and Bernie smiled. Maybe there was some hope that Jane would calm down after all.

“Yes, he is. I always call him the dwarf.”

“I'll bet he hates you for that.” Jane giggled at the thought and Megan grinned.

“Yes, I guess he does. Maybe that's why he's a psychiatrist, so he can figure it out.” They all laughed at that, and Nanny brought her a cup of tea, and the two women exchanged a knowing smile. She took Alexander away for his bath after that, and Megan helped Bernie and Jane clear the table. They threw things out, put food away, scraped, rinsed, and loaded the dishwasher, and when Nanny came back again, everything was done. She had been about to say that it was nice having a woman around the house and then thought better of it, and just thanked all of them for cleaning up, which was more diplomatic.

Megan stayed for another hour after that, chatting with all of them, sitting in front of the fire, and then her beeper went off, and she let Jane call the answering service for her, and she listened in while Megan took the call. Someone had choked on a turkey bone. They had gotten it out fortunately, but now the child's throat was badly scratched. And as she hung up, her beeper went off again. A little girl had cut her hand on the carving knife and needed to be stitched up.

“Urghk.” Jane made a face. “That one sounded terrible.”

“Some of them are. But I don't think that one will be too bad. No fingers lopped off or anything messy like that.” She smiled at Bernie over her head. “Looks like I'm going to have to go.”

“Do you want to come back again?” He was hoping she would, but she still wanted to be cautious about Jane.

“I think it might be late by then. Somehow you never finish as quickly as you think you will. You don't want me pounding on your door at ten o'clock tonight.” He wasn't entirely sure of that, and they were all sorry when she left, even Jane, and Alex especially, who came looking for her after his bath, and cried when Jane told him she'd gone.

It reminded Bernie of what the children didn't have, and he wondered if Nanny Pip was right, that their lives wouldn't always be that way. But he couldn't imagine changing it now. Except of course that one day they'd move to New York, although he never thought about it anymore. He was content in California these days.

They went to New York for Christmas without seeing Megan again. They didn't have time to go back up, with all that Bernie had to do in the store, and there was plenty for the children to do in town. Nanny took them both to the
Nutcracker
and the children's show at the symphony. They went to see Santa Claus at Wolffs, of course. Alex was enthralled by him, and now that she was nearly ten, Jane didn't believe in him anymore, but she went anyway to humor Alex.

And Bernie called Megan once before they left. “Have a wonderful holiday,” he wished her fervently. She deserved it, after all she did for everyone, all year round.

“You too. Give my love to Jane.” She had sent her a warm pink scarf and hat for the trip to New York, but they hadn't arrived yet when Bernie talked to her. And she had sent Alex a cuddly Santa doll.

“I'm sorry we won't be seeing you before the holidays.” Sorrier than she knew. He'd been thinking of her a lot in recent weeks.

“Maybe I'll see you in New York,” she said thoughtfully.

“I thought you were going to Boston to see your family.”

“I am. But my crazy brother and sister-in-law are going to New York and absolutely insisting that I come. One of our fancier cousins is getting married, with a great to-do at the Colony Club. I'm not sure I could stand an event like that, but they seem to want me to come along, and I said I'd think about it.”

She had agreed so she could see him in New York, but now she felt foolish admitting it to him. But he was excited at the prospect of seeing her.

“Will you let me know if you're coming down?”

“Of course. I'll see what's on the agenda when I arrive, and I'll call you as soon as I know.” He gave her the number in Scarsdale, and hoped she would call him.

And that night when he went home, he found the huge box of presents she had sent to them. The hat and scarf for Jane, the Santa doll for Alex, a Pringle sweater for Nanny Pip, which was exactly what she liked, and a beautiful leather-bound book for him. He saw immediately that the book was old, and discerned easily that it was also rare, and her note said that it had been her grandfather's and had brought her through hard times and she hoped it would do the same for him. She wished him happy things in the coming year, and a Merry Christmas to all of them. And as he read her note, he felt lonely for her. He was sorry they weren't spending the holidays in the same town, and that life had to be so complicated sometimes. Christmas was lonely for him. It reminded him of Liz, and their anniversary. And he was quiet on the flight east. Too quiet, Nanny thought. He was thinking of Liz, she could tell from the grief etched on his face. He was still so lonely for her.

And on her own flight, Megan was thinking of her old fiance, and Bernard, and quietly comparing them. They were two very different men and she respected them both. But it was Bernie she missed now, and she called him that night just to talk to him. His mother was stunned when the phone rang, almost as soon as they got home, and Nanny was putting the children to bed. His mother handed the phone to him with a worried look. She had said she was Doctor Jones, and his mother continued to hover nearby until he waved her away nervously. She thought someone was sick, and Bernie almost laughed as he took the phone. He would have to explain to her afterwards, he knew. But he was anxious to talk to Megan first. He was dying to talk to her in fact.

“Megan?” His face lit up like a Christmas tree. “How was the trip?”

“Not bad.” She sounded happy to hear him, too, and faintly embarrassed to have been the one to call. But she didn't give a damn. She had suddenly been so lonely for him once she arrived in Boston again, that she had had an irresistible urge to reach out to him. “It's always strange coming home again at first. It's as though they forget we're grown up, and they start ordering you around like a kid. I always forget that till I come home again.” He laughed, he always felt the same way. And he still remembered how odd he and Liz had felt staying in his old room. It was like being fourteen years old again, and sex was taboo. He preferred staying at a hotel, but with the kids there was no point. And they had come to share the holidays with their grandparents. In some ways it was less lonely here, with them, than staying at a hotel, but he knew exactly what Megan meant.

“I know exactly what you mean. It's like taking a step back in time and proving they were right all along. You are fourteen years old, and you've come back to do it their way this time …except you don't. And eventually everyone gets pissed at you.”

She laughed. In Boston, they already were. Her father had gone to do a delivery an hour after she arrived, and she hadn't wanted to go with him because she was tired, and he had left, obviously annoyed at her, while her mother had scolded her for not bringing boots that were warm enough, and folding everything in her suitcase wrong. And an hour after that, she had chided her for leaving her room a mess. It was difficult after eighteen years of living alone, to say the least. “My brother said he'd rescue me tonight. They're having a dinner party at their house.”

“Will that be Boston sedate, or completely nuts?”

“Probably both, knowing them. He'll probably get completely drunk, and someone else will take off all their clothes, probably some Jungian analyst who gets gassed on his lethal punch. He loves doing things like that.”

“Watch out he doesn't get you.” It was strange thinking of her in that milieu, and lonely for him. He realized how much he missed her suddenly, and he wasn't sure if he could say that to her. It seemed inappropriate in their friendship somehow, and yet there was more to it than that, and there was a great deal to be explored. “Are you coming to that wedding down here?” He was counting on it, but didn't tell her so.

“It looks like they are anyway. I'm not sure what my parents will say about my going away when I'm supposed to be visiting them, but I thought I'd mention it and see what they say.”

“I hope they let you come.” He looked like a worried teenager, and suddenly they both laughed. It was the fourteen-year-old syndrome again.

“See what I mean!”

“Listen, just come for one night, it would be fun seeing you here.”

She didn't disagree with him, and she wanted to see him very much. He had been on her mind for weeks, and she was sorry she hadn't seen him again before they both left for the east, but they both led busy lives, with a great many responsibilities. And maybe getting together in New York wasn't such a bad idea. “I'll see what I can do. It would be fun.” And then she had a better idea. She sounded like a kid as she suggested it to him. “Do you want to come to the wedding with me?” She loved the idea the more she thought of it. “Did you bring a dinner jacket to New York?”

“No, but I know a great store.” They both laughed. “Are you sure it's appropriate since I don't know the bride and groom?” A wedding at the Colony Club sounded like a very serious affair to him, and the very thought of it intimidated him, but Megan laughed at the thought.

“Everyone will be so drunk they won't give a damn who you are. And we can slip away early and go somewhere else …like the Carlyle to listen to Bobby Short.” He fell silent as he listened to her words. That was one of his favorite things to do in New York, and Bobby was an old friend from his New York days. He had been following him for years.

“I'd love that.” His voice sounded husky, as he thought of her, and he felt young again, as though life were beginning for him, and not as though it had already begun, and ended in tragedy less than two years before. “Try and come down, Meg.”

“I will.” There was an urgency between them now, and in a way it almost frightened her, and yet she wanted to see him while she was there. She didn't want to wait until they met in Napa again. “I'll do my best. And put the twenty-sixth on your calendar. I'll come in that morning, and stay at the Carlyle. My crazy brother always stays there.”

“I'll pick up a dinner jacket at the store this week.” It all sounded like fun, except the wedding itself, which he was dreading a little bit. It was only three days before his anniversary with Liz. It would have been four years. But he couldn't think of that now. He couldn't go on celebrating anniversaries that didn't exist, and suddenly he wanted to reach out to Megan, as though to force the memories from his head, and she heard something odd in his voice and was suddenly worried about him. It was as though she knew him better than she did. It was odd the communication they had. They had both noticed it.

“Are you all right?” Her voice was soft from her end, and he nodded with a tired smile.

“I'm okay. The ghosts get me sometimes …particularly at this time of year.”

“It's hard for everyone.” She had gone through it too, but it had been such a long time, and there had usually been some man or other in her life at this time of year. Either that or she was at the hospital, on call with sick kids. Either way, she suffered less than she knew he would. She hoped his family would be good to him. She knew how difficult the holidays would be for him, and the kids, or Jane anyway. “How's she?”

“Happy to be here. She and my mother are as thick as thieves. They've already got plans for the next three weeks, and Nanny is staying on here with them after I leave. I've got to be back in San Francisco for a meeting on the thirtieth, and Jane doesn't have to be back in school till the tenth, so that gives them two more weeks after I leave, and they're all looking forward to it.” She wondered if he'd be lonely then.