Finding Me (20 page)

Owen

FUCK
. THE PATRON FELT GOOD
going down, but tasted like shit when it tried to come back up. In a single night of drinking alone, I went from NHL hopeful to hungover idiot. I sat up and swung my heavy legs over the edge the bed.

A female purr came from behind me. I blinked my eyes as I craned my aching head to peer over my shoulder.

“Mornin’, sunshine.” Amber stretched her arms out. The sheet covering her inched down below her breasts. Panic flooded in my system at a naked Amber in my bed. I had no recollection of anything. I killed the bottle and didn’t remember a thing after.

“You were sleeping by the time I got here last night. I heard you needed cheering up, so here I am. I can make you feel better.” She reached for me and I yanked my arm away.

“Are you fucking crazy? You can’t be here. I have a girlfriend.” My breath was shaky as I tried to fight a wave of nausea. There were voices I didn’t recognize coming from the kitchen. I had a house full of people and a girl in my bed who wasn’t Bella. I needed to find Bella and tell her everything before some random big mouth who was still here decided to spread a vicious rumor. My foot squished on wet carpet as I stood.

“I wouldn’t worry about that.” Richie stood in my doorway with a shit-eating grin.

I glared at him and my eyes squinted from the sunlight peeking in through my blinds.

“You just missed her. Poor thing came here to bring you breakfast this morning, and was greeted with quite a sight when she opened the door. She was so mad she threw both cups of coffee.” He snickered at me and shook his head. “I offered to take her back to the dorms, but she ran out of here pretty pissed off. Her slamming your door probably is what woke you guys up.”

Jesus.
Bella was here. She saw Amber—naked and in bed with me.
Shit.
My blood ran cold. I needed to get to her, somehow explain . . .
Fuck
! There was no explaining this.

“I should stop by later to check on her. I heard . . .” He walked over to me while scratching his chin. “The smart ones, when they get angry, are real tigers . . .”

My vision went red as I lunged at him. Blood oozed out from his nose after I landed a punch to his face, but I wouldn’t let up. He managed to get me across the jaw before Ethan tore into my room and pulled me off him.

“Stay away from my girl!”

Richie laughed as he wiped his face with his sleeve. “She’s not your girl anymore though, is she?”

I turned back to Amber, still on my bed and still naked, not getting the hint at all. “Put your clothes on and get out.” I stormed through the hallway and into the living room. People were still waking up on my couch, but I was ready to blow. “Everyone! Out! Now!” Jackets were shrugged on and the screen door slammed open and shut. I winced at the sharp pain in my head exacerbated by every noise in the room. I leaned against the wall, fighting like hell to not cry like a baby or throw up.

Ethan shoved me into the kitchen after he threw Amber and Richie out. He opened the freezer and stuffed ice cubes into a Ziploc bag. Even the rustling clatter of ice was enough to make me shut my eyes in pain. “Here.” Ethan placed the ice on my aching jaw and pulled my hand to my face to hold it there. “Look, I’m sorry, Owen. I didn’t think, and should’ve known better than to bring Richie here. Then one person after another came over and I should have told Amber to leave.”

“No,” I whispered back. “You didn’t think.” I staggered over to the table and plopped into a seat. “She is never going to believe me. I love her, Ethan. Really fucking love her.” My jaw and my head were having a battle as to who could pound harder.

Ethan nodded and came over to where I was sitting. “I know, man. You’ll get her back.”

I needed to gather up the strength to find Bella and convince her that this morning wasn’t what it looked like. I’d lost the NHL, but now I didn’t give a shit. Hockey was just a game, but Bella was my whole damn life.

We weren’t over. We couldn’t be. Over wasn’t an option.

I ran to Bella’s dorm and snuck in the building’s side entrance before heading to her room on the second floor. Laura stopped in her tracks when she noticed me and blocked the door to their room.

“Oh no.” Laura shook her head as she glared at me. “No way am I letting you in here. Leave before she hears you.”

“Laura, I need to talk to her. What she saw . . . wasn’t what she saw. Just let me in.”

“You mean what she and half of Culver saw wasn't what she saw?” Laura crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at me.

My brow furrowed as I gazed back at Laura. “What do you mean half of Culver?”

“Amber took a bed selfie of you guys together and posted it to Snapchat this morning. Bella’s phone has been blowing up ever since. She’s seen the picture three times already. Bad enough she had to see it in person.” Laura let out a sigh and shook her head. “How could you do this to her?”

“I didn't do anything to her! I was passed out and Amber crawled into bed with me.”

Laura pursed her lips and rolled her eyes at me. “Did she ever tell you about Christian?”

“No. Who's that?”

“Her ex. They were together for three years and he cheated on her. Very publicly.”

“What do you mean by publicly?”

“His new college girlfriend posted a picture on Facebook of them sucking face. Her entire high school knew before she did. The whole thing made her miserable at home but she found solace here. And now, you just multiplied what happened to her by a thousand. So no. You can't see her. Not on my watch.” Laura glowered at me as she plastered herself to the door.

That explained everything; why I had to work so hard to win her over, why she wanted to take it so slow at first. Realizing I may have lost her for good, my chest tightened and the air got thin. I was getting to her if I had to break down her damn door.

“I love her, Laura. She knows that.”

“She
knew
that. Now she doesn't know anything. Just go, Owen.”

I pushed passed Laura and burst through the door. The second I was inside, Bella stormed toward me and pounded my chest with her fists.

“Get out!” She landed a punch to my throat before I could grab her arms and pull her against me. As soon as I got her arms to stop moving, she jabbed my thighs with the tops of her knees. Her eyes were red and swollen and her face was wet, but she came at me in a rage I didn’t know she was capable of.

“Bella, stop! I know what you think you saw—”

“What I
think
I saw? The whole damn school knows what I saw. Word spreads fast. Your girlfriend even had a nice message for me to go with the picture.”

“Bella,
you’re
my girlfriend. You know that. What message?”

She uttered a sad chuckle and folded her arms. “The little caption on the bottom said ‘I told her I knew what he liked.’” She picked up her phone from her nightstand and shoved it in my face. My head faced away from the camera, and Amber’s aim caught most of her breasts. It was obvious she was naked under that sheet. The timestamp was from ten-thirty this morning, right after I threw her out. Her seduction game didn’t work, so she went after me where she knew it would hurt the most.

I scrambled for something to say. Anything to say to make her believe me. There was nothing—not one damn thing.

“Bella, I was already passed out. I didn't even know she was there until the morning.”

“You know.” She sniffled as she sat down on her bed, wiping the tears from the back of her hand. “I was worried sick about you all night. All I wanted was to make you feel better. But you didn’t want me. You needed Amber standing on her head or whatever she does. I thought what we had was real. What a joke.” Bella put her head down and pulled at the roots of her hair.

Oh, City. All I wanted was you, baby. I just couldn’t face you as a failure.
All my words were petty and cheap now. A picture said a thousand words, even if they’re nothing but lies.

“None of what we have together is a joke! I meant everything I ever said to you. Every kiss, every touch, every time I made love to you was real. And you know it.” I knelt before her and tried to take her head in my hands but she jerked away.

“All I know is what I saw.”

“You saw me sleeping. I would—could—never hurt you like that. I love you. You're my sky full of stars. You're everything to me. Please, baby. I love you so much,” I pleaded while still on my knees.

“That reminds me.” Bella dug into her nightstand drawer, then shoved her necklace in my hand right before throwing my jersey at me.

I stood from the floor and set them on the bed. “These belong to you.
I
belong to you.”

She let out a humorless laugh. “Or so I thought. We're over. You can do whatever you want with Amber or whoever else. You don't have to worry about me.”

“No.” I narrowed my eyes as I shook my head.

Bella squinted her eyes as she glared at me. “What do you mean
no
?”

“I'm not going anywhere. I’m yours, whether or not you choose to believe that right now. And you will. I don’t quit easily, and when it comes to you, I don’t quit at all.”

I wished I could go back twenty-four hours in time, tell Bella to come over and fall asleep with her in my arms instead of a bottle of booze. My city girl made everything better, and I didn’t know how to let her go.

The door creaked and Laura peeked in. “Amanda is coming up the hall. She’s the type of hard ass RA that would love to write us up.” She turned to me with a disgusted gaze. “You have to leave now.”

“It’s okay. I’m going.” I turned toward the door, then turned my head to meet Bella’s gaze. “I love you. More than anything else in this world. Please believe that.”

Bella didn’t answer, she simply looked away. If she knew, really knew, how I felt about her, she’d know the idea of me touching someone else was ridiculous.

How did I move on from Bella?

I couldn’t.

So, I wouldn’t.

She thought I was relentless when she first met me. She hadn’t seen anything yet.

Bella

ON THE OUTSIDE, NOTHING HAD
changed. I still looked the same, although a haggard version of myself with my dark rimmed, sunken eyes too swollen for makeup. Inside, I was hollow and broken. In the past few months, Owen had become everything to me. He was the first person I wanted to speak to every day, and the only person I confided in about Marc wanting to see me. I didn’t want to miss him, but I did. I ached for him, and it made me so damn angry. I ignored the urge to answer the ten text messages he sent and rejected all his phone calls in between. Just seeing his name flash across my screen cut me like a knife. Would it always hurt this much? Maybe not, but for the foreseeable future, I was a pissed off zombie going through the motions of my day.

Today was our accounting class, and the first time I’d see him in two days. I arrived extra early to change from my usual seat next to Owen. I sat in the front next to Lisa, who, judging by the glare of disdain she threw in my direction when I dropped my books on the desk, wasn’t all that happy about it. I knew her from Honor Society but she had yet to utter a word in my direction.

“Problem?” I shot Lisa the nastiest glare I could pull off as I set my iPad on the desk.