Finding Me (20 page)

Now that he has started to understand the truth, maybe it’ll be a happy ending for all of us.

I’ll write again soon.

Love,
Suze

Kelli wondered who this megachurch pastor was. She couldn’t remember any religious books in her parents’ library. Maybe after they’d found enough information to justify what they wanted to do, they’d quit looking altogether. She pulled out the next letter.

Mom, I have the most awful news. David finally agreed that it was time to tell his wife about us. It shouldn’t have been a big deal, I mean, they were planning to get divorced.

He went home tonight all prepared to tell her he was leaving and she hit him with her own news first. Mom, you’re not going to believe this. That little witch is pregnant. I know she did this just because she must have found out about us and wanted to mess things up. Of course now David is torn with guilt and says he can’t possibly leave his wife while she’s pregnant, and blah, blah, blah. He didn’t even tell her about us.

To be honest, I don’t understand this at all. They’ve been staying in separate rooms for several years now, so she obviously tricked him into sleeping with her just to try to stage something like this. Why he doesn’t see it is beyond me. I will try to make him come to see the truth. A man shouldn’t be responsible for a woman he no longer loves and a baby he never wanted. Right?

Oh, Mom, I’m just devastated right now. I don’t know what I’m going to do. How could she be so selfish?

Suze

A baby he never wanted? Is that what Kelli was? She picked up the phone. “You’re not going to believe what I’ve found now.” She read the entire letter to Denice.

“Kelli, I know that you know better than this. Everything about that letter tells me that Mimi was only seeing what she wanted to see. All that stuff about your father already planning to get a divorce, isn’t that what married men always say to their younger girlfriends? ‘My wife doesn’t understand me, we sleep in separate rooms, I’m planning to leave her soon.’”

“Maybe, but it makes me wonder. Did my mother get pregnant on purpose so that Daddy couldn’t leave her? Did Daddy really never want me?”

“If that were true, why would he have taken you along?”

“I don’t know. But these are the kinds of answers I need to find before I leave here.”

“Find ’em fast and get out of there before someone figures out who you are and what you’re doing.”

“Agreed. I’ll call and check in tomorrow.” Kelli lay back in her bed, but she didn’t close her eyes in sleep for a long time. She kept rolling the scenarios over and over in her mind. No matter how she looked at it, she always ended up with the same three-word conclusion.

An unwanted child.

23

I
’ll be glad when I look truly pregnant.” Beth turned sideways toward the full-length mirror.

“I think you are starting to. Don’t you?” Rand cast a wary glance in her direction while he finished buttoning his shirt. He was no fool, and he obviously didn’t want to say the wrong thing here and make her cry.

“Starting to, yes, but that’s the problem. People who know me well enough to know that I am pregnant see a little baby bump. Most of the world looks at me like a woman who should lose a few pounds. Or even worse, the ones who know me a little think I’ve been eating a few too many bonbons lately.”

Rand wrapped his arms around her, his hands coming to rest on her midsection. “I think you look lovely.”

“Yes, but you have to say that—otherwise you’ll have to spend the afternoon listening to the quiverings of your insecure and highly emotional wife.”

He laughed. “I will agree that the pregnancy hormones seem to have dealt a blow to your self-confidence. I’ve never seen you this unsure of yourself.”

“Do you think that’s really what all this is? Just my hormones? I’m afraid it’s me finally figuring out that I’m worse off than I believed. Like, all that stuff with Jennie when we were leaving Knoxville, maybe it’s all true.”

“Jennie was crazy.”

“No she wasn’t. She was high-strung maybe, but apparently I’m even worse. She called me a hovering control freak. Maybe she was right.”

“Hormones. Definitely hormones. You get carried away in your attempts to be helpful sometimes, you’ve always known that, but how could anyone criticize the heart that would do that? You’re just like Mary Poppins—practically perfect in every way.” He released her and reached down for his shoes. “Now, let’s get moving. You don’t want to be late for church.”

“Okay, I’m ready.” Beth followed him out to the garage. “Maybe part of the problem is that I am overly focused on myself right now. I’m going to make a point of concentrating my energy on other people this morning, making sure everyone feels welcome and comfortable. It will take my mind off my own issues.”

“That’s the Beth I’ve come to know and love. I knew you were still in there somewhere.” Rand walked around to hold open the door to the passenger side of the SUV. “After you.”

“Since when do you open car doors for me?”

“What do you mean? I always have.”

“Yeah, for about the first month we dated maybe, but once you realized you had me hooked, you haven’t touched a door since.”

“Really? I guess maybe you’re right. Whatever are you doing married to a schmuck like me?”

“That’s what I keep asking myself, but I haven’t found a good answer yet.” They both laughed. Beth said, “I’m looking forward to seeing Kelli. She will definitely be part of my others focus this morning.”

“Well, I’d say that’s a good thing. I don’t remember the last time I saw someone who seemed less comfortable in our church.”

“I suppose the churches are different back in California.”

“Maybe, but it seemed like more than that to me.”

“What else could it be?”

“Maybe she doesn’t go to church back in California.”

“But then it doesn’t make sense that she should suddenly start coming to church when she’s in a strange town where she knows no one, does it? Not unless she’s really searching spiritually, and that doesn’t seem like the case to me.”

“No, you’re probably right. But something about her being there really struck me. It was that deer-in-the-headlights look that you don’t often see around here.”

“Well, if she’s there today, I’m not going to let her go until I am convinced she is comfortable.” Beth started thinking through different ice-breaking activities she could do to help Kelli, ticking the ideas off on her fingers. Introduce her to the women’s group? Take her up after the service to meet the pastor? There were all sorts of good possibilities, and she determined she wouldn’t give up until she found one that worked.

Rand started laughing. “The old Beth is back. I like it. I like it a lot.” He parked in their usual spot in the back row.

Beth kissed his cheek as they walked toward the door. “Maybe you better enjoy it while you can. You know how my moods are swinging these days. The old Beth might be gone again by the time church is over.”

“Uh-oh.” They were still laughing when they walked into their Sunday school class.

Kelli woke up later than she’d intended, and by the time she arrived at church the singing had already started. She took a seat
in the back row and comforted herself with the thought that at least back here it would be easy enough to zone out during the sermon. It wasn’t like she was coming here for the teaching, after all.

The song came to an end and everyone took a seat as a suited man came forward to make some announcements. Kelli scanned the audience, and it didn’t take her long to spot the backs of their heads. Beth turned just then, looked at Kelli, and broke out in a smile. As soon as they stood to sing another song, Beth made her way down the aisle. She threw her arms around her and hugged tight as if they were old friends instead of almost strangers. “So glad you’re here. I thought you’d ditched us there for a minute. Come on up. I saved you a seat.”

“Well, I . . .” The people around them were mostly involved in singing a song Kelli had never heard, but those closest did glance in their direction, sending a silent rebuke for disrupting the appropriate mood. “Sure.”

When the service ended, Beth reached over and grabbed Kelli’s forearm. “I was telling Rand that I was going to be so sad if you weren’t here today. I was hoping you were just running late, and now here you are.”

Kelli couldn’t help but smile at Beth’s exuberance. “Yes, here I am.”

“Say, I’m in a little women’s Bible study group. We meet at various houses every Wednesday evening, and this week it is my turn to host. Do you want to come? Since you’re new in town it would be a great way to get to know a few people, and they are just as nice as they can be. Come on, I’ll introduce you to some of them now.”

“Well, I’d like to, it’s just that . . .” As much as she wanted to spend some time with Beth, being part of a group of women who studied their Bible and then spent one evening a week talking
about it did not in any way appeal to Kelli. “I already have some plans for Wednesday evening, but thanks for thinking of me.” She stood up, ready to make her escape, before Beth asked her what kind of plans she had. Kelli hadn’t come up with a plausible answer for that one yet.

“Oh, that’s too bad. I really think you would enjoy it. How about shopping, then? Or lunch? I’m planning on spending some time downtown this afternoon, do you want to come with me? I’m afraid I might bore you with shopping for baby furniture, so we could just eat lunch, if you’d rather.”

Now, this sounded perfect. Time alone with her sister and an environment in which Kelli was not the main focus. “Sure, sounds good. I’d love to look at baby furniture, and I need to buy some supplies for the duplex, so a little shopping sounds great.”

“Perfect. Just perfect.” Beth grabbed Kelli’s arm with one hand and reached out for her mother’s with the other. Alison was engaged in a conversation with the woman in the row behind her, so it took just a moment before she turned. She smiled when she saw Kelli. “So nice to have you with us today. I hope Beth hasn’t talked your ear off.”

“No, I haven’t talked her ear off. I’ve just been greeting her, is all, and making sure she knows she’s welcome here. And we’re making plans for some shopping and lunch this afternoon. And I found out Kelli has been holding out on us about her musical talent. Remember how she said last week that she wasn’t musical? Well, she plays the drums.”

“Really?” Alison smiled. “That’s terrific. How long have you been playing?”

“Uh . . . just started really. Couldn’t even call it playing, what I do.”

“I bet you’re just being modest. Mom, you could find her a
set of drums to borrow while she’s in town, couldn’t you? So she can keep practicing?”

“I’m sure I could. I think a couple of my students probably have old drum sets cluttering up their garages.”

“I knew it. We’ll look into it and let you know, and when you stop by to pick them up, then you can talk to Mom about those voice lessons.”

Alison looked at Kelli and smiled. “I’m sorry. Beth has made more than a little assumption that you would even want to take singing lessons.”

“No need to apologize, it was a nice thought.” Kelli smiled at Beth, trying to let her know that she wasn’t angry. It was a split second later that she realized her mistake, because this only encouraged her.

“See, Mom, she does. She’s just too shy to ask, so I’m asking for her. When we come by to pick up the drums, we’ll give her a lesson.”

“We’ll?”

“You. You know what I mean. But I absolutely insist. I want to do something nice for Kelli and let her know that she is welcome here.”

At this point, Kelli thought her face must be deep purple. “I really don’t sing in front of people.”

“I know, that’s what you said last time, but this won’t be singing in front of people. Just my mother and me.”

“And you?” Alison tilted her head to the left.

“Of course. You don’t think I’d leave her behind, do you? Mom, we’ll come by your house sometime this week and pick up her drums, okay?”