Authors: Julie Pollitt
Finding Kate (7 page)
Kate glanced around at the patrons in the small Cortez restaurant. Green southwestern kokopelli symbols danced across the wallpaper, matching the design on the vinyl booths. She picked up a lemon wedge off a saucer, squeezed it over her water, and dropped it in.
“I’m glad you called,” Trevor said, sitting across the table from her. “I wanted to tell you how proud I am of your accomplishment yesterday.”
“I gotta say, I’m pretty proud myself.” She sat up, straightened her shoulders and smiled a wide-toothed grin. She could be proud of staying on top of her horse as she raced after Max and Will during the cattle drive.
“I’m used to seeing you loaded down with shopping bags and carrying the latest style purse. This is a change for you.” He sipped on his soda.
“I never said I would stop toting the latest fashions,” Kate said, smiling.
“You miss home, don’t you?” Trevor laughed.
Kate nodded and fiddled with her silverware, lining up the bottom of the knife with the spoon. “How’s Victoria?”
“She’s fine.” Trevor shifted in his seat. “But, back to you. There’s something different about you.” He squinted his eyes and cocked his head to the side. “I’ve been trying to figure it out all day.”
He changed the subject too fast. Had there been a rift in his plans with Victoria?
The waitress arrived carrying plates of food. “Everything all right here?” She set their meals in front of them.
“Fine. Great. Why? Do we look like something’s wrong?” Kate sensed the nervousness in her own voice.
“I just thought maybe you wanted a refill on your water.” The waitress crinkled her forehead, pressing her eyebrows together.
“Oh, I thought…” Kate stopped talking midsentence and decided closing her mouth would be a good plan. The waitress turned and walked away without saying another word.
“You all right?” Trevor asked, leaning in toward the table. “You seem a little jumpy.”
“Just tired from a long day,” she said, hoping her explanation would satisfy Trevor.
“I really haven’t had much of a chance to spend time with you since you arrived,” he said, cutting his steak. “I’ve been so busy with the Durango paper. How are you settling in?”
“It’s a huge change from Chicago. Today proved to be exciting. I’m glad you talked me into going on the cattle drive.” She laughed. “Covering local board meetings just doesn’t scream fun to me.” She’d sat through several meetings to fulfill her college journalism requirements and had decided going to the dentist would be more entertaining.
“I know. But, it’s part of what happens in the community. It’s a small town and people are very involved in what takes place here,” Trevor said.
“Town board meets in a few days. In the meantime, I thought I might try to dig up a more interesting story. One that will sizzle on the front cover.”
“That’s fine. Just remember, you are writing about what the residents want to know and what will affect them and their families. Those are the most important stories.”
Kate nodded and finished her dinner. Her eyes felt heavy and her body still sore from yesterday’s long arduous day of helping move cattle.
“So what’s going on with Victoria?” Kate decided she would come right out and ask.
“We’ve decided to put our engagement on hold.” He paused and tapped his fork against his plate. “In fact, we decided to put our relationship on hold.” His eyes met Kate’s.
“When did this happen?” She rested her back against the booth.
“This afternoon.” He continued eating. “We want to make sure we’re making the right decision. After all, it’s a lifetime commitment.”
She couldn’t fault him for being sure about Victoria, but it didn’t seem like his true motive? What changed his mind? Just the other day they looked so in love. Now he didn’t appear fazed by this decision.
Could God be opening the door of opportunity for her relationship with Trevor to blossom into something more than friendship? She stared at him until he lifted his head, and then darted her line of vision in another direction. She stopped eating and chugged the entire glass of water in front of her. When it was empty she set it back down on the table.
“You OK?” he asked, pausing his fork in midair.
“No problems here.” She lied.
He’s available. Be happy.
Why did it feel like a heavy weight landed on her shoulders?
***
The wind blew gently through Kate’s hair as she and Trevor stood next to her car outside the restaurant. The moon shone down on his face. His strong chin, blue eyes, and blond hair always made her heart flutter. This time, as she stared into his eyes she felt different. Unaffected.
Trevor reached up and brushed a piece of hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ear. Before Kate knew what was happening, Trevor took a step forward, slid his hands around her waist, and planted his lips on hers.
Trevor backed up. “I’ve wanted to do that for a while now.”
“I…uh…” Kate’s hand dove into her bucket purse. She fumbled around for her keys. She felt the metal, pulled them out, and held them in front of her. “Leave…I have to leave.”
“I’ve missed you Kate. Our long walks, talking together past midnight, and eating our favorite hotdogs while sitting next to the river.”
She loved those times and she couldn’t deny it. Her heart pounded in her chest, but for all the wrong reasons. She felt as though she should grab Trevor and embrace him, but something held her back. She felt it in the pit of her stomach. Instead, she grabbed the door handle and almost leapt into her car.
“I gotta go.” She threw her purse into the passenger seat, and turned the key in the ignition.
“Call me Kate,” Trevor yelled through the window. He lifted his eyebrows and tilted his head like a lost puppy.
She nodded and drove out of the parking lot, turning onto the highway toward Wintervale.
“What is the problem? He’s right there in your hands. Ready. Willing.” Kate smacked the steering wheel with her hands. What held her back? Who held her back?
He wore boots and a cowboy hat and moved fast on his horse.
***
Sunlight streamed in through the silver-colored mini blinds covering the hospital window and woke Will. He had planned to leave during the night, but once he sat down to rest, his heavy eyelids won the battle.
He watched Emma sleep. Her chest rose and fell with rhythm and consistency. He remained thankful for that simple fact. He rubbed his eyes and glanced at the clock. Eight a.m. Will couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept so late.
He rustled around the room for a few minutes. He wanted to stay, but too many things at home and work needed attention. Will leaned down and kissed Emma’s forehead before leaving the room.
A glint of sunshine flickered off the newspaper stand catching Will’s attention as he departed the hospital. Curious, he stopped to take a look at the headline. “Mountain Lion Saved after Close Brush with Death.”
Kate’s byline sat above the beginning of the story. He dropped some change in the slot, pulled out the paper, and read through the article. Kate’s research, interviews, and retelling of the events proved accurate.
Confusion settled in his heart. He wanted to spend more time with her, yet he wasn’t sure he wanted to let his heart feel anything for Kate. Things seemed to backfire on him. Besides, there wasn’t a drop of country life in her blood and she would be returning home to Chicago soon.
She belongs in the city away from horses, cattle, and me
. Kate belonged with someone like Trevor who would spoil her. Country life and Kate were like opposing magnets working against each other.
He appreciated every bit of her help on the ranch. But, he wasn’t the kind of person to rescue her from the mud. She needed someone to hold her hand as she tiptoed through life and Will wasn’t made that way.
Laughter bubbled to the surface when he thought about her klutziness. She had a way of falling into trouble like it was second nature.
Why couldn’t he get her out of his mind? Every time he laid eyes on her she stole his breath. She was every man’s dream. But, did she love Trevor like he suspected? Maybe he was being unreasonable believing she only wanted to stay in Chicago? It was more than he wanted to worry about. At least right now.
***
Kate turned on her back, fluffing the pillow beneath her head. She lay still in the dark night. Her thoughts raced back to Trevor’s embrace.
I’m supposed to be over-the-moon right now, not sulking. Shouldn’t I have felt goose bumps or a surge of electricity with that kiss
?
So why did Will keep popping into her mind? She shouldn’t care anything about him. Why did she so desperately want him to be the one kissing her? She flipped over on her side and stared out at the moonlight. It was becoming clearer to her that Will was taking over her heart.
Kate rose from the bed, wrapped her bathrobe around her, and walked into the kitchen. She poured a cup of black coffee into her mug, turned and went into the living room.
If she couldn’t sleep she’d surf the web. She lifted the lid on her computer and squinted at the bright screen. Steam rose from the cup as Kate lifted it to her lips. A scratching at the front door startled her, and she spilled coffee on her robe.
Silence permeated the room again. She walked to the large front window and peered out. Nothing. Again the scratching started. When she opened the front door, Kate looked down at Emma’s furry companion.
“Max, how did you get out?” Kate bent over and scratched behind his ears. His tail wagged back and forth. “Will said he’d make sure you were fed. I don’t think he forgot about you.”
Max walked past her to the large pink rug on the living room floor, plopped down, curled up, and closed his eyes.
“I suppose I’ll let you stay here,” Kate said. Max lifted his head and turned to look at her. “I don’t think Will would mind. But when Emma gets home, you’re going back over there with her. Got it?”
He sighed and closed his eyes.
“At least someone will get some rest around here.” Kate felt a twinge of sympathy for the dog. She’d never really liked them. Taking care of her dog was the least she could do for Emma. Besides, the little furry creature was starting to grow on her.
***
“Will, I’m sorry. But we need to get hospice involved,” the doctor said on the other end of the phone line.
“Are you sure? She looked so good in the hospital. Eating and moving around a bit.” Will shuffled the papers sitting in a pile on his desk. He’d only been gone a couple of days from work, but the paperwork mounted fast.
“I know it’s hard to understand, but she’s not getting any better. We can’t do any more for her. The scan showed the tumors growing larger in size.”
Will knew the facts. He just didn’t want to accept them. “There’s not any type of chemo she can take or surgery to remove them?” He stared out the window of his office already guessing the answer.
“Will, we’ve been over this.” He paused. “I’m sorry. You know I am. I wish I could do something more for her. I’ve known her all my life, too. I don’t want to see her go, but there’s nothing we can do for her.”
“What’s the next step?” He didn’t want to ask the question. The minute the words left his mouth, he felt as though he’d given up.
“I’ll get a hold of hospice. A nurse will contact you and make the arrangements.”
“When can I pick her up?” Emma was weak, but she needed to be at home where she would remain comfortable. Until…he couldn’t even say the word in his mind.
“Her memory will continue to worsen just like her headaches,” Karen the hospice nurse said, sitting across the kitchen table from Will. “I’m glad you brought her home. Being in her own surroundings will help her state of mind.” She’d brought pain medication to the initial meeting and now slid it over to him. “This will help.”
He took the container from her hand and walked it to the cabinet above the refrigerator, out of Emma’s reach. He didn’t want her to get to the medicine in a confused state.
“Are you planning on staying here?” She picked up her pen and wrote in her spiral folder.
“I brought some things over. I’ll be here most of the time. My cousin plans to come over when I’m working.” Will sat back down at the table and placed his head in his hands.
“It’s never easy,” she said.
“Emma’s amazing.” He lifted his head and looked out the kitchen window. “She handles everything with such dignity and grace. My own mother became bitter at times when she battled cancer. But, not Emma.”
“I’ve noticed she has a strong faith,” Karen said.
“It’s more than that.” He crossed his arms and leaned against the back of his chair. “I don’t think I could ever have that kind of faith. Not like hers.”
“It will get her through this,” Karen said.
“Why isn’t she angry with God?” Will stood up and walked to the kitchen counter.
“Have you ever thought of asking her?”
“No.” Will shook his head from side to side. “When she found out this was terminal and that it wouldn’t be long at all, she cried. I thought she was crying because her life would be over. She turned to me and said, ‘I’m excited to see what task God will have for me when I get to heaven.’” He lifted his hands in the air in disbelief.
“I saw the scan of her brain. It’s a wonder she is still walking and talking. Sometimes people hold on long enough for a loved one to understand something in their own life. I’ve seen it many times. She may be holding on until you understand.”
“I don’t think I ever will.”
***
“I haven’t seen Kate in a few days,” Emma said, pulling a blanket over her frail body.
“I’m sure she stays busy with work,” Will said. “Besides, she doesn’t know us very well.” Will slid a wooden TV tray in front of her and walked to the kitchen, returning with a plateful of food.
“She’ll fit in just fine here.” Emma put a small bite of mashed potatoes into her mouth.
“Kate’s leaving at the end of the summer, remember?” Signs of her deteriorating memory were becoming more obvious.
“I think she will learn to love the animals, don’t you?” She looked at Will, raised her eyebrows, and continued eating.
He nodded. Will wouldn’t disagree with her. Not in her confusion. “She’s, she’s just so—“
“Perfect for you.” Emma giggled.
Will smiled. How could Kate have any feelings for him? She seemed so interested in Trevor. Plus, the two of them had a history.
“You’re making this harder on yourself.”
“Harder?” Will asked. “She lives in Chicago and she wants nothing to do with me.”
“She does. She just may not know it yet. But she’ll figure it out. You need to get this show on the road before I die.”
“Emma,” Will laughed. “What kind of talk is that?”
“I know love when I see it. There’s no reason to put off the inevitable.”
“You’re pretty convinced about this, aren’t you?” Will asked.
“I’m old and I’m ready to go. I can finally take the liberty of being blunt,” she said as a smile widened across her face.
“Wait a minute, you’ve always been blunt.”
“Oh right.” She tapped her hand against her head and flittered her fingers in the air. “So you shouldn’t be surprised.” A smirk stayed on her face as she scooted to the edge of the couch and tried to stand. Will stood up, placed his hands under her arms, and lifted her to a standing position.
“I don’t know what I would do without you,” Emma said.
“You won’t ever have to worry about that.” Will gently wrapped his arms around her.
***
The phone buzzed on the table next to Kate’s couch. Trevor’s name appeared as big as life on the caller ID. Since their last encounter several nights ago he’d called every day and she continually ignored him.
Moments later the red message light flashed on the screen. She owed it to him to call back and talk. After all, they had been friends a long time.
Confusion set in. Marrying Trevor was part of her plan, until Will burst into the picture. Will was a cowboy to a fault. But, her heart went crazy every time she stepped foot near him.
Kate picked up the phone and dialed Trevor’s number. It rang once before he picked up.
“Kate. Finally. I’ve been trying to get a hold of you,” he said. “I understand you avoiding me. I came on too strong and I’m sorry.”
“I didn’t know what to say after the ki—after the other night.” Kate rubbed the tips of her fingers on her temples. “I’m confused.”
“Can we talk somewhere?”
“Sure,” Kate said. She wanted to wait until her feelings made more sense but she couldn’t continue to keep Trevor wondering.
“Will you meet me at the coffee shop at one?” Kate could hear him tapping his pen on the desk in the background. He’d always exhibited the nervous habit.
“That’s fine.” She said goodbye, hung up the phone, and looked out the window. The dark gray clouds sat low in the sky threatening to rain.
“Ding!” The oven timer rang and the smell of brownies wafted through the air. “Emma will love these.” Since her return from the hospital Kate wanted to visit but work kept her busy.
She covered the pan with tinfoil and carried it outside with a potholder underneath, shielding her hand from the heat. Thankfully the walk to Emma’s was short, especially with the dark clouds overhead.
***
“Kate. I didn’t expect to see you.” Will stood in Emma’s doorway with his hand on the doorknob.
“I brought some brownies for your patient. Is she around?”
“She is. I’ll put those in the kitchen.” He took the tray of treats and with the wave of his hand he motioned her to come inside. Kate closed the door behind her and followed him in.
“Do I smell brownies?” Emma emerged from her room. “Kate, I knew you’d come.” She brushed up next to Will, pinched his arm, and winked at him.
“I brought you a treat.” Kate hugged Emma as if she were a delicate flower.
“Oh, let’s pig out.” She threw her hands up when she saw the pan. “They’re still piping hot. You really know how to treat a girl, don’t you?” She turned to face Kate and tapped her hands against her cheeks.
Will ran a knife through the brownies. He slid a fork underneath the square and set it on a plate. Steam rose from the soft, doughy pile of chocolate.
“These smell delicious. Did you make them from scratch?” Will asked, handing Kate a plate.
“Why does everyone want homemade desserts? If they taste good that’s all that matters, right?” She smiled as she put a small bite in her mouth.
“Guess that means you didn’t make them.” He laughed and followed Kate into the living room where Emma sat on the couch.
“Hon, will you do me a favor?” Emma asked, looking at Kate.
“Anything, unless it involves animals.” She grinned, and put another piece of brownie in her mouth.
“I would love to hear you read. My eyes are getting worse by the day.”
Kate figured the tumors must be affecting her eyes now. Kate and Will glanced at each other. Her features softened and she smiled hoping he would understand her comforting look.
Emma lifted a book and placed it in her own lap. “Can you grab it for me?” Her hands shook as she rested them at her side. “I’m so worn out.”
Kate stood up and took it from Emma, flipped through the pages, and found a passage to read. She started reading over several pages.
Kate paused and peered over at Will. He’d rested his head against the back of the couch and closed his eyes. Kate fought back tears, but they insisted on coming.
***
“He’ll get you through this Will,” Emma said.
Will raised his head off the couch and nodded. He’d let her believe he’d be okay. Deep inside his heart felt as though it would ache forever.
“I am going to heaven, that place with many rooms, prepared just for me. Your parents are there now.”
He looked at Kate. She wiped a tear from her eye and looked down at the floor. She must’ve felt like an intruder in their conversation. Normally, he wouldn’t want anyone around for the exchange with Emma, but this time he wanted Kate to stay. Her presence gave him a sense of comfort he hadn’t felt in a long time.
“I appreciate that you trust God as much as you do. But truthfully Emma, I don’t think I’ll ever be at that point. Too many things have happened for me to be thankful.” He didn’t want to question Emma’s faith when she needed it most, but he still couldn’t comprehend the depth of her love for God in the midst of her circumstances.
“I can’t tell you how to feel, but I know Jesus is wanting to help you get through the unrest that’s keeping you from fully experiencing him.”
“It’s just too hard. I can’t do that.” He lifted his shoulders and dropped them again.
“I’d better rest a bit. Those brownies made me sleepy.” Emma winked at Kate.
“I need to head out. I have to meet someone.” She leaned over Emma and kissed the top of her head and touched her frail hand.
“I’m giving a tour tomorrow up at Mesa Verde. Would you like to join me? You can write up a story,” Will said while walking her to the front door.
“Sure. That would be fine.”
“Great, it’s a date—well, a date to see the park. Not a date, date.” Will waved his hands trying to get his point across. “Just a way for me to show you Mesa Verde.”
He couldn’t talk around Kate without fumbling his words. He hoped his feelings weren’t as obvious to her as they were beginning to feel to him.