Finding Harmony (15 page)

I pulled up a bar stool and sat at the breakfast bar looking around at the idling apartment I was living in. The only light came from a purple lava lamp bubbling away in the corner of the room, its vibrant purple light emitting the shadows of the lumpy bubbles across the living room walls. The odd twisting shapes were interesting but they hardly acted as the distraction I sought after.

Lately, the only thing I could think about was Harmony. Every minute of every hour of every day, Harmony was on my mind. I just wanted to know that she was okay, but how was I supposed to help her when she wouldn’t even talk to me? How could I make sure everything was alright when she wouldn’t even let me anywhere near her? Don’t get me wrong, I love the girl to death, but this whole silent treatment thing she’s been throwing at me is starting to really grind on my nerves. It’s gotten to the point now where I’d rather she was yelling and screaming than not saying anything. At least then I’d be able to know what she was thinking.

The gentle sound of a door opening and closing down the hall brought me out of my thoughts and back to reality. I couldn’t help the rush of anger that swarmed over me when I saw Freddy coming out of my bedroom. The same bedroom Harmony was sleeping in. The same exact bedroom he’d spent the last two nights sleeping in. What the hell was he thinking? Its one thing to comfort a person but jumping into bed with my girlfriend was taking things too far. He approached the breakfast bar slowly, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he pulled out a bar stool and sat beside me. I shook my head, as if trying to shake all the anger out of me. It was pointless to be mad at Freddy; it wasn’t his fault that Harmony wanted him to comfort her and not me.

“Is she okay?” I whispered.

He didn’t say anything at first. He just sat there staring off into space, trying to wake himself up. He cleared his throat before answering me.

“She’s getting better. She tried to tell me what happened a few times but she never got very far, I think it was just too much for her to cope with.”

My teeth gritted together sharply whilst I tried to process the information he was giving me. Why couldn’t she just open up to me? Why couldn’t she let me be there for her when I so desperately wanted to help her get through this?

“She hates me, doesn’t she Freddy? That’s why she’s not talking to me, because I did this to her, it’s my fault she is where she is right now, she blames me for everything...”

The tears pricked at my eyes and I made no attempt to wipe them away. Freddy put his arms around me and pulled me into his chest, letting me sob my heart out.”

“She doesn’t hate you, Trey... She just doesn’t know what to say to you... Just give her some time, I mean she can’t avoid you forever, can she?”

I drew in a deep breath as I listened to what Freddy was saying. Maybe he was right, perhaps I was just over thinking everything. This whole situation was just so frustrating. If I could turn back the hands of time, I would have done everything in my power to make sure this never happened... I just had to see her to be close to her, even if it was only for a little while.

I stood up and started making my way towards my bedroom. Creeping quietly along the hall, I nudged the bedroom door open. Harmony was lying curled up in the middle of the bed, her breathing deep and shallow. As quietly as I could, I opened the door further, ready to step inside but Freddy’s cool yet firm grip on my shoulder prevented me from moving anywhere.

“What do you think you’re doing?” He asked in a hushed, so as not to disturb Harmony’s sleep. I cocked my head at him, trying to understand what he was thinking.

“I’m sleeping in here with her tonight.” I replied simply, but Freddy just continued looking at me like I was insane.

“Trey, you can’t... She’s not ready to be around you right now. If she wakes up in the middle of the night to find you staring down at her she’ll freak out.”

My eyes narrowed at him whilst my blood started to boil. He was right though, the last time I showed up unannounced, Harmony nearly jumped out her skin and went running straight for Freddy.

“Fine,” I hissed.

I gave the sleeping beauty in my bed once last tentative look before skulking out the doorway.

“But just remember one thing, Freddy; I’m her boyfriend, not you! She still loves me; she’ll come back to me... She doesn’t belong to you!”

My words came out more like a growl from deep within my throat. Freddy just stared at me wide-eyed as I headed back towards the living room. I don’t know why I became so possessive all of a sudden. It was a part of myself I wasn’t too fond of. Then again, I’d always been a little overprotective of Harmony. I didn’t like it when other guys got close to her, when they tried to take her away from me, when they invaded my territory... even if it was my own brother.

             
Chapter Twenty-three

              Nights were the hardest for me. During the day time, Freddy, and sometimes Trey, but mostly Freddy, were always there for me. Whether it was a reassuring squeeze of my hand or simply taking the time out to sit and talk to me, they helped put my mind at ease. They were there for me, practically on call, whenever I needed them and even when I didn’t.

But when the night time came around, the darkness seemed to diminish all sense of security which Trey and Freddy had worked so hard to provide me with. When I’m lying in this bed at night, with or without the presence of the twins, loneliness swarms over my body like a disease, demolishing every ounce of strength in me I’d fought so hard to rebuild.

Trey and Freddy couldn’t rescue me when the thing I needed saving from was inside my head. They couldn’t chase away the monsters in my mind and they couldn’t stop me from reliving the gut wrenching nightmares every time I closed my eyes.

I shuddered at the very thought of it all as I sat up in the middle of the bed. Trey’s bed. I glanced around the dark room, my eyes resting upon the small alarm clock on the bedside table on the opposite side of the bed. The red neon digits flashed 3:00AM. I sighed, it really didn’t matter what the time was any more. The day time didn’t seem any different from the night, the minutes passed slowly and the days all seemed to merge together.

I was so unbelievably tired. Not from lack of sleep but from life itself. I found everything so mentally and physically draining, as though with each passing day I was slowly losing my mind. My eyes were perpetually glazed over, huge dark bags underlying my chocolate orbs.

What I wanted more than anything was to have my life back. I wanted Trey, exactly the way he was before the break-up, before the fame became too much, before Miranda and the drugs messed with his system. I longed to be that girl again, the one who he first fell in love with, the one who would blush every time Trey so much as looked at me, the one who would stay awake all night just to watch the man I loved smile in his sleep.

I pushed the covers off my body and slipped out of the bed. Gradually, I edged closer towards the door and out into the hall. I approached the living room where Trey lay sound asleep. My worn out heart rattled back to life like an engine within the cavity of my chest at the sight of him.

I perched myself on the edge of the sofa as quietly as I could whilst I watched him sleeping. His soft, wine coloured lips were slightly parted, his dark eyebrows furrowed together and his breathing so smooth and rhythmic, it was almost like listening to a lullaby.

My fingers lightly traced over the sharp line of his jaw and up to his enviable high cheek bones. He truly was beautiful, love him or hate him, no one could ever deny how handsome he was.

He stirred in his sleep and his eyes quickly fluttering open. I’d missed those eyes of his. They were the kind of eyes that were so captivating and spell binding that you lose yourself in them, completely.

I stared down at him, taking the time to admire every line and detail of his beautiful face from invading position above him. He looked straight back at me, an element of bewilderment in his tired eyes.

“Are you alright?” he whispered hoarsely, attempting to sit up.

“Don’t move.” He arched his eyebrows at my command but nevertheless obeyed my wishes and relaxed back into the mould his lithe body had barely made in the soft leather of the sofa.

I stroked my fingers carefully over the warm skin of his cheek, almost afraid to apply in pressure in case I broke him, before twirling a piece of his raven coloured hair between my thumb and index finger.

“You know, I used to watch you sleeping all the time... the way you smiled so softly was the most wonderful thing in the world.”

I didn’t know why I was telling him this. An apology for not speaking to him for days on end would’ve been better but I opened my mouth and this is what came out. And as confused as he was, he listened tentatively as I caressed his head within my hands.

“You don’t smile anymore... why?”

He placed his warm hands over mine, temporarily removing them from him whilst he sat up and repositioned himself next to me, before taking my hands back in his and linking our fingers.

“Because... I only smile when you’re smiling and lately, there hasn’t been much to smile about.”

I watched him earnestly, our hands sill tightly linked together. He wasn’t being critical; he was simply stating a fact. Taking recent events into account, there was nothing at all to smile over and it was saddening.

“I miss us, Harmony.”

His voice was pained as he spoke the words in barely more than a broken whisper. I hated him for putting me in this situation, I hated him for not getting in touch with me during the four years we were apart, I hated him for letting his life get so out of control and dragging me down with him. Mostly, I just hated him for making me love him so much. Our relationship wasn’t healthy; we brought out the best in each other when it wasn’t the best for us. And yet, through it all, I loved him. More than any well constructed sentence full of fancy words could ever describe.

What we had was simple. Just plain old fashioned love. The kind of love worth getting out of bed for in the morning, the kind of love worth travelling thousands of miles to come home to, the kind of love filled with trials and tribulations and at the same time it was a love worth fighting for. A love which would last forever, until the end of time itself.

“I miss us too.”

Trey sighed and wrapped his protective arms around me, cradling me close to his chest as we lay down on the sofa together, aligning our bodies so that we could snuggle up as close to each other as was physically possible. My head rest gently against Trey’s chest, tucked comfortably beneath his chin, the pounding of his steady heartbeat lulling me off to sleep.

“God, I can’t believe my luck in finding you.” He whispered tenderly. I listened to him although he was talking more to himself than to me, my eyelids drawing heavy as I surrendered to my body’s demand for sleep. “You’re a miracle. Do you have any idea how beautiful you are? I’m telling you you’re beautiful and I don’t want anything from you except to spend every night sleeping next to you. I don’t want anything but for you to hold me, let me hold you, breathe you in, listen to your thoughts running through my fingers. Come back safely, Harmony. Come back to me.”

I was already sound asleep by the time he finished. I didn’t need to come back to him. I never left.

              The next morning I woke up, not on the sofa with Trey, but in Trey’s bed all alone. I stretched out my body underneath the covers and listened to the sharp cracking of my bones as my body came back to life after the best sleep I’d had in weeks.

I had no idea how I’d ended up in the bedroom but my best guess was that Trey had carried me through at some point in the early hours of the morning whilst I was out for the count.

An uncontrollable smile spread across my face as the events of last night came rushing back to me. There were so many things Trey and I had left unsaid, so many intricate details we should have sat and talked through. But somehow, it felt like we didn’t really need to. It felt like I’d been holding in a breath to the point where I was about to pass out, and at the last minute, was just able to let it out and breathe normally again. It felt good, it felt relaxing. It felt as though everything was slowly starting to fall into place.