Finding Forever (19 page)

From the moment she walked through my door, I hated Maya. I’d certainly had clients before I wasn’t particularly fond of, but this was different. I couldn’t figure it out, because she came across as genuinely sweet, she had a good sense of humor, and a great personality. Nothing about her was phony, or forced, and she was beautiful, with creamy skin the color of toasted almonds, big, innocent brown eyes, dimples, and thick chestnut brown hair in a relaxed style that framed her face. It wasn’t until I ran her matches that I realized
why
I hated her.

She was perfect for Avery, and I was sick to my stomach about it.

I briefly considered calling them both back, saying I’d made a mistake, but deep down… I knew Maya was who he needed. She still had hope for love, where I had none, and hope was exactly what Avery needed.

Who are you to decide what
he
needs?

A fresh round of tears sprang up as I remembered the look of fondness in his eyes when he walked into my office with those beautiful flowers, obviously intended for me. I’d watched it change from happiness, to confusion, and then worst of all— hurt. But Avery would be okay. He might not like me very much, but as sick as I’d felt standing there with them together in my office, I was
sure
he and Maya would hit it off. They would fall in love, and get married, and have babies, while I… got a cat. Maybe a
few
cats.

Oh my God, I’m so pathetic.

Again, I dissolved into tears, perching myself on the floor with my knees pulled up to my chest as I sobbed into my jeans. I don’t know how long I was in there before there was a quiet knock at the door, and then Melanie let herself in. She wet a towel with cool water, then kneeled in front of me, urging me to let her wash my face.

“You wanna talk about it?” she asked, when I’d calmed enough to give her a coherent answer.

I shook my head, swallowing another round of tears.

Mel sighed, sitting down opposite me on the floor. “Tori… you like Avery, don’t you?”

“What? No,” I adamantly lied, trying to look and sound outraged by the suggestion. The way my sister rolled her eyes let me know she
definitely
wasn’t buying it.

“Tori… why—”

I held up a hand to stop her. “Look, Mel. The only thing I’m concerned about here, is making sure my client ends up with someone who makes him happy, okay? I have a good feeling about he and Maya, something I haven’t had with any of these others girls. What do you think about her?”

Melanie curled her lip. “She’s alright,
I guess
.”

“Really? You don’t like her?”

“That’s not what I said. I said
I guess
she’s alright. There was already another girl I
loved
for Avery, but she was too damned stupid to see what was right in her face. Just silly as hell. Dumb as a damn box of painted rocks.”

I lifted an eyebrow at her. She hadn’t mentioned preferring one of the girls over another. “Who are you talking about Mel?”

She stared at me for a moment, then gave me an exasperated roll of her eyes. “Nobody, Tee. It doesn’t matter anymore anyway, because you got his match for him.”

I sucked my teeth. “What was the point of you telling me then? That wasn’t helpful.”

“Good, cause I wasn’t trying to be. Are you done with all of this crying and throwing up now? Or do you need me to cancel—”

“Tori? Oh my God! Are you ok?” We looked up to see Des standing in the open door, one hand resting against her bulging stomach as she peered into the bathroom with worry etched into her face.

I hadn’t spoken to Des since our blow up the weekend before, even though she’d called me a couple of times, and sent a few texts apologizing. With our disagreement still fresh on my mind, I hadn’t had the energy to deal. “Des! Uh… hey, yeah. I’m fine, just not feeling great. What are you doing here?” Usually, I would have been glad to see my friend, but with my current emotional state tied to something I couldn’t talk to her about, she was about the last person I wanted to see.

She seemed unsure of her herself, something I wasn’t at all used to with Des. “Well, I was coming to make you talk to me, and then when I got here, the door was open, and I overhead Des say you had been throwing up. Are you sick?”

I shook my head. “No, I think I may have eaten something that didn’t agree with me at lunch. I think I’m going to take the rest of the day off, and go home.

“Can I tag along?” Des asked, with a pleading in her eyes I couldn’t ignore. “We really need to talk.”

I reluctantly agreed, and thirty minutes later, I was sitting — as Des insisted— at my kitchen counter while she bustled about the kitchen making us tea.

“So… I owe you an apology.” She placed a hot cup of vanilla chai in front of me, and then sat down beside me with one of her own. “After that night in Chicago, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what was so wrong with me wanting to protect you, or give you advice, or try to interfere when you were making a mistake. I thought you were being silly, and stubborn, and making
another
mistake, by pushing me away when I wanted to help. I didn’t get why you were
so
angry with me. Then, it’s like something clicked, and I realized I was actually smothering you, and lecturing, and meddling.”

I took a deep breath, then nodded my agreement. “That’s exactly what was happening, Des. And I don’t understand
why.
”

“Because I
love
you Tori. You’re like a sister to me, and I cannot stand knowing you’re unhappy, or you’re hurting. Listen… when I met Drew, it was as I was on life support, and he was giving out oxygen. Being in love with him, and having him reciprocate that with no fear, and no limitations… it’s
beautiful
. He makes me feel wild, and sexy, and free, and…I want that same thing for you so badly. I want you to have somebody that makes you feel the way Drew does for me, and I … I was doing too damned much, and I recognize that. I’m sorry.” When she was finished, her dam of tears broke, along with my resolve not to cry.

“That’s sweet, Des. Of course I forgive you,” I said, sniffling as I pulled her into a hug. “I shouldn’t have let it stew this long without saying anything, but I was already going through so much I didn’t have the energy to argue with my friend too.”

Des brushed away my words with a dismissive wave. “Girl, please. I’ve watched you go through an emotional gauntlet these past two years. I know part of that was me turning freaking Iyanla once I met Drew.”

“Honestly… the pressure I felt from you rubbing your relationship in my face, challenging me on why I didn’t have something like that for myself, it
did
play a role in where I was emotionally at that time. I wanted what you had, I did. Nevertheless, I certainly don’t think getting tangled up with Rafael was
your
fault. There were other factors too, and ultimately I should have known better. I should have listened when you told me you didn’t have a good feeling about him, but I wanted to prove you wrong, and I wanted to be with someone so bad I …. God, I was
stupid
.” My voice cracked as a fresh wave of tears sprung up. “And look where I am
now.
Single again, with more messy baggage. I don’t want to do this anymore.”

“Do what anymore?” Des asked as she wiped the tears from my face.

“Relationships, love, marriage, all of that. I’m done
trying
. In my life, the one time I had a man stick around longer than four months, I married him, and
look how it turned out
. At this point, I’m drained, Des. All of the stuff you need to make a relationship work, I’m out of it, and I have no interest in restocking just so somebody can come along, suck me dry, and then move on to the next woman. So I’m done.”

“Tori, come on. You’re
thirty years old
. You have too much life ahead of you to be making a decision like that, it’s silly. Besides… I know I started pushing you to date again once I found out you got rid of Rafael, but that was stupid. You’re not ready for that. It’s been what, 3 months since the divorce? Of course you feel depleted, because you still
are.
I’ll bet you haven’t taken any time to just breathe, and work through it, have you?”

I shook my head. “I had work to do. What good would it have done to sit around feeling sorry myself?”

“I didn’t say you should do
that
,” Des said, rolling her eyes. “But because you haven’t done
anything
to work on your healing process, you’re still vulnerable, and raw, and… that’s part of why I freaked out about Avery being around you, once I found out he knew you were divorced.”

“Des, give that a rest, my goodness. Avery hasn’t done anything to me. Why do you go in on him so hard?”

She pushed out a sigh
as she absently swirled her spoon in her cup. “Avery is… a great guy, in a lot of aspects, and he’s been an excellent brother to me. But when it comes to the way he uses and then disposes of women… that disgusts me. He reminds me of the same guys who used to break our hearts repeatedly, and it’s hard to swallow. I
hate
that part of him.”

“What makes you so sure it exists?”

“Because they’ve come to
me
, Tee. Crying their eyes out because Avery won’t return a call or text, will barely speak to them on the street. He did that shit to one of my friends, and then had the nerve to lie about it!”

“Or maybe
she
lied.” I picked my cup to take a sip, keeping my eyes focused on Des.

“Why would she do that?”

I raised an eyebrow at her. “Because people lie to manipulate situations all the time? Come on Des, don’t sit here and act as if you’ve never tried to play the pity card with a sister, an auntie, or a cousin when a man wasn’t doing what you wanted him to do. Anything you could do to get his attention, and if that didn’t work, turn people against him, and it looks like your ‘friend’ did a pretty good job on you.”

“But she wasn’t the only one!”

Rolling my eyes, I placed my cup back down on the table. “So? Avery is wealthy, handsome, single, so he’s
most
heterosexual women’s dream. That exponentially increases the amount of bullshit you’re going to have to deal with until he settles down. I mean… did you forget I was married to a celebrity? I talked to Rafael’s sister about this very thing, and you know what she does? She tunes it out. If she believed every little thing some supposedly scorned woman told her about her brother, she would probably hate him too. And you want to know what’s funny? Her brother
did
screw me over, and I never said a single negative word to her about him. You know why? Because I’m an
adult
, not a child who needed to run and tattle on him to his gullible sister.”

Des opened her mouth to respond, then closed it again before going back to swirling her tea, with her brow furrowed. “I get what you’re saying, but what if they aren’t lying?”

“First of all, you’re still focused on the
wrong
thing. Second… so what if they aren’t? I could see that mattering if his crime was bigger than not returning a few phone calls. You act as if he’s out here smacking people around, or drugging women’s drinks! Do you hear yourself? You’re giving these childish ass stranger-danger women all the benefit of the doubt in the world, yet your brother gets none. That’s messed up Des. Now, you and I are cool, as long as you remember you aren’t my mother, but you and Avery… Des, I don’t know. He says it doesn’t bother him, but I’m not sure that’s true. Part of why he’s doing this whole matchmaking thing is to impress
you
. He wants your approval, and you’re around here tearing him down, warning people about him, over mess that
doesn’t concern you
.”

Biting at her lip, Des turned to me, with her eyes full of tears again. “Why didn’t you tell me this before now?”

“Because I didn’t
see
it before now. Knowing Avery as I do… he’s a good guy. He may not admit it, but he needs his sister to see it too.”

She nodded, wiping her face with the backs of her hands. “I’m gonna go see him when I leave.” After a moment, she chuckled a little, then pulled me into the tightest hug her baby bump would allow. “Thanks for getting me together, Tee.
Obviously
, I needed it.”

“Yeah, you kinda did,” I agreed. “I wanted to smack the shit out of you at that table, but you’re pregnant, so…”

“You would have hit me?”

“Girl, I thought about it. You were a mess. You’re a mess
now
, what’s with the tears?”

She laughed, reaching for her napkin to blow her nose. “It’s the pregnancy, man. I can’t control my emotions for anything.”

“Well maybe that explains some of that mess at the table,” I said, giggling with her.

“Maybe so. Can I tell you something, Tori?”

I nodded as I raised my mug to take another sip of my tea. “Go for it.”

“Even though I thought he was a bit of an asshole… I kinda secretly hoped you and Avery would end up together.”

“What?” I sputtered out, nearly choking. “Why would you say that?”

Des shrugged. “That way, we would be sisters
for real
, you know.”

“Mmhmm. Well, you may have a new sister soon enough, but it won’t be me. Sorry to disappoint you.”

“What does
that
mean? Did you find Avery a match?”

I managed to give her a tight smile as I nodded my head, forcing myself not to look as anguished as I felt. “I think they’re going to really be good for each other.”

“Wow! Tell me everything!”

“No, no, no. I’ve already said more than I should. You, my dear, will have to talk to Avery about her if you wanna know.”

Des rolled her eyes, poking her lip out in a playful pout. “I guess I’ll keep
my
news to myself too then.”

“What news? Des, don’t play!”

Her lips spread into a grin as excitement poured out from her. “… We’re having a
girl
!”

“What? Ahhh! That’s so sweet, Des! I know you’ve always wanted a little girl!” I pulled her into a hug, rocking her back and forth. “How does Drew feel about it?”

“He’s a teensy bit disappointed, because he was hoping boy, but he’s excited still! Guess what else?”