Finding Forever (14 page)

I wanted that spark and I got it, as soon as Tori turned the corner and the server pointed her to our table. She looked good, in dark jeans and some kind of sheer, silky top— with a tank underneath, God knows I looked for even a
hint
of a nipple— but she always looked good, so why on earth did the sight of her have my heart thumping a ridiculously fast beat? Standing to greet her, I gave her a completely platonic one-armed hug, then kissed her forehead.

“Thanks for coming.”

She nodded, then took the seat across from mine as the server approached to take our drink orders. “So,” she said, clasping her hands on the table. “That was a good way to greet a date. Casual and friendly without being touchy-feely. Good.”

I lifted an eyebrow at her in confusion, a reaction she met with a smile.

“Maybe I should explain?”

“Please do.”

“Well, the reason I decided to join you tonight is because I heard from Lauren you were a little…” she tilted her head back and forth, as if she were searching her mind.

My forehead creased in a scowl. “A little
what
?”

“Stiff. Stuffy.
Uptight.
Now, when she told me that, I thought maybe you were feeling a little unsure about this process, so I didn’t address with you specifically. I just reminded you to loosen up, remember?”

When I nodded, though I was annoyed that Lauren’s whining ass was calling
anybody
uptight, she continued. “But then, Stacey said the same thing. Now, she did enjoy her time with you, but at the same time, felt there was a little underlying rigidity there. The word
boring
was tossed around. So, in order to go into your next date with a clean slate, that’s something that needs to be addressed.”

The queen of complaining had called me uptight, and the thrill-seeker had called me boring. I shrugged, not sure how to respond. “I’m being myself.”

“Well, maybe that’s the problem,” she joked. “But no, seriously Avery, what’s going on? In all of the times I’ve been around you, you’ve never come across as stuffy, or cold. If anything, your fire can be a little overwhelming, so I’d like to understand what the difference is between your interactions with
me
, and those with your dates.”

They aren’t you. Duh.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Tori.”

She smirked as she accepted her drink from the server. “That’s not surprising— for more reasons than one— but I have a solution.”

“I’m listening.”

“Pretend you’re on a date with me, right now.”

I gave a snort of laughter, but Tori’s expression remained serious as she took a sip from her water. “Are you always condescending like this?”

“What?”
That
definitely wiped the smile off my face. “I’m not trying to be condescending.”

“But you’re not trying to
not
be condescending either?”

“Huh? I… I—
shit.
”

Tori covered her mouth as she tried to suppress a laugh. “Just chill, Avery, be yourself. Where was your snappy comeback?”

“You threw me off!”

She laughed harder. “
Then get back on!
Come on,
Ace
. Listen… I know when Des asked me to do this for you, she mentioned there was a bit of a personality change when it came to women, and that it wasn’t positive. I understand you’re trying to change, but you have to be careful not to stifle the
good
parts of your personality while you’re working on the bad. You can be witty without being snarky, and straightforward without being abrasive. Do you get what I’m saying?”

I rubbed the back of my neck. “Just be myself— minus the asshole part— and go with the flow.”

“Precisely. So, now that we’ve gotten the lesson out of the way… let’s date.”

So we did. We ate, talked, and laughed until our stomachs hurt, and afterwards, I held her hand as I led her out of the restaurant.

“Umm… what’s this about?” she asked, gesturing towards our clasped fingers.

“You told me to pretend this was a date, so that’s what I’m doing. It’s late at night, in a big city, so I’m holding your hand while I walk you to your car.”

Tugging away, she stopped walking to turn and face me. “You really, really don’t have to do all of this, Avery. You did well.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that I’m going to make sure you get safely to your car.” I grabbed her hand again, lacing my fingers through hers and gently urging her forward as we continued toward her car.

“And holding hands is part of that?”

I grinned at her as I squeezed her fingers. “Wouldn’t want some dude running up to snatch my girl away… I mean,
if
this was a date.”

She threw her head back, laughing as we rounded the corner into the parking lot. When we arrived at her car, I turned her around, gently pushing her backwards until she was pressed against it. Not leaving any space between us as I cupped her chin, I tipped her head back so I could get to her lips, and I was
almost
there when she averted her head.

“Avery… don’t do this,” she warned, pulling her lip between her teeth as she looked up at me.

“Do what?”

Tori rolled her eyes, then used her hand to gesture between us. “
This
.”

“What?” I asked again, pulling her hand up to my mouth to place a kiss against her fingertips. “We had a great time together, right? You told me I should go with the flow, and this is the point where I would kiss you goodnight— if this were a date.”

“Right.
If
. But it’s not.”

“I mean, we’re obviously attracted to each other… we’ve had a good time together… so it’s not like it would be a stretch. I’ve had a better time with you than either of the dates you’ve sent me on.”

Dude— are you begging?

“Those aren’t the only factors though, Avery.” She put her hands against my chest to push me backwards, and I didn’t resist.

“What, compatibility, chances of longevity, all of that? We don’t match up in your little system, so it would never work?”

Tori averted her eyes, looking down at her shoes. “Right.”

Dropping her hand, I turned away, swiping my face with my palm. Why the hell did I feel like this girl had kicked me in my chest?

“Hey,” Tori said, grabbing my wrist. “Avery, don’t sweat it. It’s easy to be caught up in a moment, and mistake a nice time with a new friend for something else. We said we were pretending it was a date, and I’m happy you committed to it. It shows me you’re serious about it this, and I appreciate that.”

Maybe she was right. I
was
feeling somewhat shitty about the two dead ends with Lauren and Stacey, so perhaps this feeling was a projection of how I wished one of
those
dates had gone. Of course I was comfortable with Tori. I knew her, spent time her before. Hell, I slept with her. We had the benefit of history.

“Before I got here, I heard back from your next date. Third time’s a charm, right?” She was smiling, but her eyes were pleading.

Just let it go, man.

“Yeah, Tori. Maybe so.”

She nodded, then released her hold on my arm before stepping back toward her car. “I’ll have Mel call you with the details. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” I mumbled back as she got into her car and drove away. I knew I had no business trying, and I don’t know what made me go for it anyway.

— Tori —

I have to stop internalizing this so much.

Instead of heeding my own suggestion, I turned the jets up higher, and sank lower into the tub. The water was a few degrees too hot to be comfortable, but I didn’t care. I was soaking away someone else’s heartbreak, and if I had to sweat a little to make it happen, so be it.

My morning started normal enough, setting up dates, meeting with clients, and laughing at Mel’s antics. Then, I received a drop-in meeting from Camille. She and her boyfriend Tyler were past clients, and had been together for nearly a year. They were one of my rare couples that were perfectly matched on a first date, and their love blossomed
fast
. I had a little suspicion, after receiving a call a month ago from Tyler asking me about jewelry stores, their wedding would be the next one I attended, so I was completely shocked when Camille informed me, in tears, that she and Tyler had broken up. She had been offered her dream job position, but it was located in Seattle, so they would have to move. Tyler already had an extremely successful career in Dallas, so he wasn’t willing to relocate. Neither of them felt a long distance relationship would work — they both thrived on touch, and proximity, which was one of the things that made them good for each other — so they decided it was time for things between them to end.

She’d come to me for a shoulder to cry on, but I ended up crying
with
her. I was an emotional sponge, and I soaked up Camille’s devastation over the break up to the point that by the time she left, I was nearly as drained and heartbroken as she was. I pulled myself together the best I could and left the office early, stopping to pick up sushi before I crawled into the bed to take a nap, and then soak in a hot bubble bath.

“Hey, Tee… I’m heading out… are you going to be okay?

Melanie peered around the bathroom door, with a worried look in her eyes. I smiled at her, nodding before I closed my eyes again, but I few seconds later, I felt her kneeling beside the tub.

“Tori… are you sure? You didn’t say what was wrong… you just had me cancel the appointments for the day, and you’ve been in here for hours. You know you freak me out when you get all quiet and withdrawn.”

The distressed tone of her voice made me open my eyes, and seeing her looking
so
concerned made me feel guilty. Mel wasn’t easily rattled, so I knew I must look pitiful to have her worried about me. “Seriously, Mel, I’ll be fine. I have a lot on my mind, and I needed to take a little break, but I’ll be back at it tomorrow to make up for today. I’m not gonna let anybody down.” I assured her.

“Maybe you
should
. Do you realize tomorrow is Saturday? It’s the weekend.”

“When has that mattered? I have to be flexible, and available for the clients. They’re paying me to do a job, Mel. I’ve gotta deliver.”

She let out a derisive huff as she shook her head. “And what happens when you stop being able to deliver because you’re not taking care of yourself?”

“What are you talking about? I had sushi, I’m sitting in my jetted tub, I’ve got a bottle of wine over there waiting for me, and I took a nap. If that’s not self care, I don’t know what is.”

“Tori, I’m not talking about
one
day. You barely sleep, your diet lately has been five red bulls a day and sushi for lunch, and you’re not getting any booty. You’re all concerned about your clients, but I bet they’re sleeping
great
after the
great
sex they have after their
great
dates, thanks to you. You do an amazing job with everybody else, you give it your all, and then you expect the leftovers to be able to sustain you. When are you going to start keeping some of the good stuff back for yourself before you burn out? ”

I groaned, laying my head back against the tile. “Mel… I said I was fine, can you drop it please?”

“Fine. I’m just saying, you need to think about how you’re a matchmaker, but can’t get your shit together in your own life.”

“Ok, little miss psychology degree, thanks for the diagnosis, but you’re ruining my vibe. Can you close the door on your way out?” I snapped, closing my eyes,
again.
Accurate or not, I didn’t feel like listening to her analyze me. She didn’t say anything else, so I knew I had upset her, especially when I heard the rustling of her clothes as she actually stood to leave. “Mel,” I called out, turning to her before she got out of the door. “I’m sorry for snapping at you, it’s just… not a good time right now.”

She turned to me with a heavy sigh. “Tee, you don’t have to apologize to me for having a bad day… its okay. I may have gone a little harder than I intended, but I just hate seeing you like this. Do what you need to do to feel better… not just for today. You haven’t been yourself for a while… I miss you.” With a last smile, she closed the door behind her, leaving me alone in the steamy bathroom. I tried for a few minutes to get back into a relaxed state of mind, but after the things Melanie brought up, it was impossible.

I drained the tub, and wrapped myself in my bathrobe before I climbed into bed. I laughed when I glanced at the clock and saw that at 9 o’clock on a Friday night, I was getting ready to go to sleep. But seriously, what else could I do? One friend was pregnant and married, living in another state, and the other lived halfway across the country. It wasn’t as if I could call them up to hit the town with me. My sister was fun, but she was also 23. I didn’t have the energy to kick it with her. My parents— God, how pitiful was it that I was thinking of my parents for Friday night entertainment? — were surely getting ready for bed themselves. So that’s where I was. Going to bed at the same time as my parents.

Way to go, Tori
.

In the semi-darkness of the room, I noticed the flashing light on my tablet indicating I had new notifications. I retrieved it from the bedside table and turned on the screen, groaning when I saw it was a notification from the Matched site. I rolled my eyes when I saw it was from Avery. This early in the night, I knew it meant yet another date that had been a bust, and I wondered what the reason would be
this
time. I’d been sending Avery on dates for a few weeks at this point, and after meeting
six
different women, we were still no closer to finding him a match. The last few had been better than the first ones, but he still claimed none of the women ‘felt’ right.

Truthfully… I agreed. I hadn’t gotten that gut feeling
any
of the women who were compatible with Avery on the screen would actually work for him in real life. This was new territory for me, and frankly, I was floundering. It crossed my mind multiple times a day that maybe none of the women felt like good matches for Avery because I wanted him for myself, but that was crazy. Avery was sexy, charming, smart, helpful, and now that he was making an effort to switch up his bed-hopping ways, he was potentially a great catch… just not for me
.
Maybe in another lifetime, we could have… no, there was no reason to think about that. I pushed my imagination into a corner, and read the message from Avery.