Finding Faith (13 page)

His eyes became serious as he continued to stare at her. Heat began to spread through her body as the memory of last week entered her mind. Could he see how much she wanted him? Was her desire and need for him written all over her face?
 

“Yes, you are,” his deep voice was low and raspy as he seemed to speak to her soul. Raising one hand to cup her cheek, he leaned in slowly.
 

Bracing herself, Faith’s eyes began to close as she waited for the touch of his lips on hers. Oh gawd, she needed this so much.
 

“Which is why I’m so happy we’re friends,” he said as his lips brushed her cheek, just centimeters from her mouth. Almost instinctively, her head turned in his direction, but he pulled away. Stepping back, he had a look on his face that she couldn’t decipher.
 

What? Her eyes opened in disbelief.
 

Cooper looked at his watch, “Alright, love, I have to get going. I’ll be back in a few hours.” As Cooper walked away, her eyes began to well with tears. She heard Madison’s squeal as she said goodbye to him.
 

“Bye, Faith! I’m locking the front door.”
 

Words failed her. What the hell was wrong with her? The man was clearly not feeling the same things she was. Tears began to fall down her face as she considered everything that happened.
 

How could he go out on a date with someone else? With everything they had done together. All of the late nights and weekends, the cooking for each other, the phone calls at night before bed, the calls in the middle of the day just to talk. Did it mean nothing to him?
 

She wondered what his date looked like. Did she have the strawberry blonde hair and green eyes reminiscent of his wife? Was he still focused on finding a woman that looked like the one he had lost? Never once did she consider that maybe his date resembled her. No, Faith was not his ideal, which pissed her off even more, while her crying became even more intense.
 

Why was she wasting her time with this? This was completely ridiculous. No man had ever defined her or caused her to doubt her own appeal. He was right, they were friends.
 

Their playful, flirty banter, was just that. Nothing more and she would do well to remember that next time. For a while, she had hoped it would be more, but he seemed to look right through her. At times, she wanted to kiss him and smack him at the same time, forcing him to see her and recognize that the woman standing in front of him was all he needed.
 

 

Cooper didn’t belong here. Wanting nothing more than to be at home with Faith and Madison, he took a bite of his steak and tuned in to what his date was saying.
 

“You’re so smart. Why did you go into the military?”
 

“Excuse me?” Did he just hear her right?
 

Taking another bite of her salad, she took a sip of water, and had the unmitigated gall to ask again, “Well, I’m just wondering why you would go into the military. You have a degree, you’re a CFO at a large company. Just seems odd.”
 

Patting his mouth with his cloth napkin, he looked at her across the table and again wondered what the hell he was doing. Simply looking at her, she was everything he thought he wanted. Once upon a time. Her light brown hair had streaks of blonde throughout. Hazel eyes stared at him under thick lashes, and her lips bore a permanent pout. Tall and thin, her curves were minimal, just as he had always liked. Before Faith.
 

“I haven’t always been a CFO,” he responded tightly.
 

“Well, I know that. But you had other options, right? She continued to press.
 

“Actually, no, I didn’t. The military was my lifeline. I was given a choice. Jail or military. I chose the military.” Why was he even telling her this? It was time to leave.
 

Just at that moment, the waiter came over to take their plates, “Would you like to see our dessert menu?”
 

“No.” Rude, maybe. But he’d had enough.
 

“Yes, sir. Coffee for the lady?”
 

“Yes, a cappuccino, please. You don’t mind, do you, Cooper?”
 

Her saccharine sweet voice had begun to grate on his nerves and he felt a headache beginning to form behind his eyes.
 

“No, of course I don’t mind. I’ll have a double espresso,” he gave the order to the waiter, praying the drinks would come soon.
 

After another twenty minutes in her presence, he had reached his limit. Parting ways outside of the restaurant after paying the check, he tried to let her down easy.
 

“Would you like to come by my place for a nightcap?” Resting her hand on his chest, she pressed closer to him.
 

“No, thanks. I need to get home,” he said while pulling her hands away from him. Even her perfume was starting to stink. Damn, he needed to get the hell away from her. Whatever made him think this was a good idea? There was no way in hell he would see her again. She was nothing like Heather and she didn’t even come close to Faith.
 

Faith.
 

Fuck! What was he thinking? “It was nice Liz, but I need to leave. Take care of yourself.” And with those parting words, he turned and walked to his car. He was going home to the woman he truly wanted to be with.
 

Getting into his truck and driving back to his neighborhood, he wondered if Faith really gave a fuck that he had been out on a date with another woman. Wouldn’t it be some shit if she did, especially after what she had pulled a few weeks ago? She may have thought he had forgotten, but he hadn’t. Every word she said about the guy, every nuance of her voice as she spoke about their date, every word she had used to describe him, was burned into his brain.
 

Tonight was an attempt to see if he could move on with another woman. Could what he was feeling for Faith be replicated with someone else? He wasn’t dumb. Cooper knew that because they had grown so close, his feelings for her would eventually become muddled. Maybe his attraction to her wasn’t real after all. It felt wrong to even think that way. It seemed wrong to question Faith’s feelings for him. Standing so close to her tonight at her home, the tears in her eyes had not gone unnoticed. At the moment, he was committed to his path. If he was going to give his life to her, his love, he needed there to be no doubts. For either of them.
 

There had been several dates, and nightcaps, with women before he had met her. Before they had become so close and he was no longer willing to hide from the intensity of his feelings for her. Afterward, there had been no one serious and the occasional happy hour with his work colleagues or friendly outings had been okay. Always aware of the plans he had with Faith and Madison, he had always kept the balance and kept any hint of “another woman” away from Faith. That is, until this stupid move tonight. Hitting the steering wheel with the palm of his hand, he knew he had been a fool to do this.
 

Even when he went out with someone that he enjoyed spending time with before he met Faith, if he saw them after she had come into his life, it wasn’t the same. The spark was gone. Each time a nightcap was offered, he turned it down. He would see the light in their eyes dim at the realization that he was no longer interested.
 

How the hell was he going to handle this? Without realizing what he was doing, he began to speak to Heather, as he would often do when dealing with a dilemma.
 

“I just don’t know what to do about Faith. She drives me crazy sometimes. And she never listens to me,” he spoke into the air. “Madison loves her, though. I know she does. And Faith loves our daughter just as much.”
 

If he listened close enough, he could almost hear his wife’s laugh as he shared the details of his life with her. His life that he continued to live without her by his side. It felt good to talk to her, but he knew this too was coming to an end. It had almost broken him when he had lost Heather and holding on to her was all he knew to do. The thought of loving Faith, of building a life with her, and maybe losing her one day, scared the shit out of him.
 

Being in the military had taught him that life could be snuffed out in the blink of an eye. Hell, he had learned that lesson a long time ago. No one looking at him, not even his parents, would have a clue about how things were so many years ago. He hadn’t been lying to Liz when he told her that he had received an ultimatum. Luckily, his dad had been friends with some cops
and they had put in a good word for him when he had been caught selling drugs and running with a group of kids that were headed nowhere fast.
 

Whether it was his need to rebel or there was just something in him that caused him to turn to the dark side, he wasn’t sure. All he knew was that it was time for him to turn things around. Seeing his mother cry broke his heart. Hearing his father beat himself up for not being good enough, tore him up. His parents had done all they could to keep him on the straight and narrow. The choices had been his.
 

When faced with a decision to do something different or stay on a course that would lead him down a path to more criminal activity, or even death, he chose wisely. Taking his first leap of faith, he chose the military. And he never looked back.
 

Continuing his conversation with his dead wife, he smiled ruefully into the empty space, “Madison is just like you, with a little touch of me. When she loves, she loves hard. And, sweetheart, she loves Faith.” His voice began to choke up as he continued, “I know it wouldn’t have been possible if you were alive, but I wish you could meet Faith. I think you would like her. The two of you are polar opposites, but I see the same qualities in her that I saw in you. My love for you won’t go away, but I need Faith in my life. I can’t let her go and if she’ll have me, I won’t ever leave her again.”
 

Going silent, he let the impact of his words sink in. He had never compared any other woman to his wife. For him to feel comfortable speaking the words, made something in his heart tighten, even as his brain tried to purge the thought.
 

Damn, he was fucked.
 

Pulling up to his home, he saw that all of the lights at Faith’s house were out. His truck’s digital display showed a quarter after ten, so it was still quite early. Thinking that they must be sleeping, he was tempted to let them be. Changing his mind at the thought of Faith thinking he was still out with another woman, he altered his steps and walked up to her home.
 

Knocking lightly, it took only a few seconds for Faith to arrive at the front door. As soon as she opened the door, she put one finger up to her mouth and stepped back, allowing space for him to walk in.
 

“You’re back early,” she said as they stood in the entrance.
 

“Yeah, my night ended early. I wanted to get back home to my girls,” he said.
 

“Your girls? Cooper, you only have one daughter,” she smiled at him as she said it, but her eyes reflected confusion, and dare he say it, hope.
 

“I know exactly what I meant, Faith,” he growled as he stepped closer to her. “You haven’t asked me how my date went,” he whispered as he bent his head low and whispered in her ear, “Why would I? I’m sure it was fine,” she said as she folded her arms. A surefire sign that she was trying to close herself off from him. Not tonight. He needed her to understand.
 

“Did it escape your attention that I’m home early?” he asked.
 

Turning her back to him, she muttered, “Yes, I noticed. But it doesn’t matter.”
 

Walking up behind her, he pressed his body against hers and instantly became hard. Seconds later, he felt her lean back against him and he felt that all was right in the world.
 

“Why doesn’t it matter, Faith? I’m home now. Where I belong,” he responded. The plea for understanding was laced within every word.
 

After a pause, she answered, “Because you left in the first place.” Turning her head to the side, he felt her take a few deep breaths and then freeze. Suddenly, she pulled back, her face screwed up in disgust.
 

“You stink.”
 

Surprised by her words, it took him a minute to understand what she was saying, “Faith…” he began, but her hand came up to stop him.
 

“No, Cooper, I don’t want to hear it. It’s not my business. You’re free to do whatever you want, with whomever you want,” her voice cracked as she was finishing and it tore at him.
 

“Are you even going to let me explain?” Now he was getting angry. Did she really think he would leave the arms of another woman and come to her? Touch her?