Finding Bluefield (28 page)

“So you used sad stories to get girls?” Rebecca asked.

“High school was rough,” Paul said. “But I never told you a story. I didn’t want you to feel sorry for me.”

“I always said it wasn’t that interesting,” Nicky said.

“Then why wouldn’t you ever tell me?”

“I didn’t think you’d understand.”

“Understand what? That you had a one-night stand and used the guy who turns out to be a boring high school teacher.”

“I never said he was boring. We spent the whole afternoon together. He was anything but boring.”

Nicky went over to Paul and tried to hug him. He walked away.

“Is that why you went to the march alone?” Paul said.

“I didn’t plan to go to DC and get pregnant.”

“It’s true,” Barbara said. “Nicky wanted me to come, but I didn’t want to.”

“You were okay with Nicky sleeping with a guy?”

“I wasn’t at first, but once I realized I was getting you, I got over it. You know, we really didn’t have a lot of options for having a baby back then. We couldn’t adopt and there weren’t any sperm banks.”

“It wasn’t like I cheated on her. I went to DC for Dr. King and found myself with this good-looking stranger who was trying to pick me up. He was so cute. He packed this huge lunch and lots of California wine. Kind of a mix between bohemian and nerd. He had no idea I wanted to get pregnant. I don’t think he was even trying to sleep with me. I left him sleeping in his hotel room at the Willard.”

“Didn’t we stay there?”

“Yes.”

“I had no idea,” Barbara said.

“You getting all this?” Nicky asked Rebecca.

“Will there be a quiz?”

“How does your sister fit into this?” Paul asked.

“That’s where the real story begins.”

Barbara took Nicky’s hand.

“After you were born, my sister wanted to take you away from me. I was so scared, more scared than I have ever been before or since. More frightened than when they told me I had cancer.” Nicky went over to Paul. “Remember, it was nineteen sixty-four. They shot Kennedy. They were blowing up churches with young black children, beating up freedom riders, shooting civil rights workers. The House Committee on Un-American activities was still ruining lives. They took children away from a divorced white woman who married a black man. If my sister really wanted to take my baby, and it seemed like she really wanted to, then she could have.”

“You still can,” Rebecca said.

“That’s right,” Barbara said.

“I wasn’t willing to find out what she and Richard were capable of. You were all that mattered to me. So that’s it. That’s why I stopped talking to Carol-Ann. I didn’t want her to know where I was. Everything was about protecting you.”

“I understand that,” Paul said. “But why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to have any reason to think there was anything wrong with me and Barbara being your parents.” Nicky started to clear up.

“I would never think that,” Paul said.

“Doesn’t anyone want dessert?”

“Did you think I would run off in search of my father?”

“That was one of my thoughts. I also thought you might think you were abandoned.”

“I did,” Paul said. “Now I realize I wasn’t.”

“Oh, honey,” Nicky said. “It’s not like he walked out on you. He was a decent man or I wouldn’t have thought of sleeping with him. If I hadn’t come up with the idea of getting pregnant, I would have stayed at the march and hung out with him all day. I mean, he didn’t pressure me to sleep with him. It was mutual. I don’t think I took advantage of him. But I certainly wasn’t interested in keeping in touch.”

“Did he ask you to?” Paul said.

“He was sleeping when I left,” Nicky said. “But I’m sure he would have.”

“Would you want to meet him?” Rebecca asked Paul.

“I’m not sure. I mean I’ve always thought about what it would be like to meet my father. I’m certainly curious to find out who he is and what he does.”

“If you want to find him,” Nicky said, “I’ll help. But you have to be careful. He could have a family and it might be awkward. But I’m willing to look with you.”

“So why did you drive down here?” Paul asked.

“I needed to go home.”

“Home?” Paul said.

“I needed to see Bluefield again, and I couldn’t put it off. First I thought I was trying to get Carol-Ann back by coming here. Or get back at her. But what I really wanted was, I wanted Bluefield back. She took it from me and I was pissed. She took it away from me, and she took it away from you, Paul. It was Bluefield I needed to make peace with, not Carol-Ann. I figured that out when I got here.”

“Hey,” Paul said loudly, “How did you find out that she died if we were in hiding?”

“Well, that’s the irony I guess. Your cousin wrote us. So either they knew all along or she just found out, which means it wasn’t that hard. But if they knew where we lived all along and they never tried to contact us, well, that’s sad too. I mean that says something about Carol-Ann.”

“For what it’s worth, and I know we’re not taking a vote here,” Paul said, “I liked growing up in Medford.”

“What’s your family like?” Nicky asked Rebecca.

“I have an older brother, Aaron. My mother is from Brookline and has a large family. My father lost most of his family to the Nazis.” Rebecca yawned. “That’s the basics.”

“How would your family handle this?”

“Well, this is different, but if this was my family, there’d be screaming and fainting. And water. Someone always needs a glass of water.”

“Are you changing the subject?” Barbara said.

“I’m thinking that maybe that’s enough for one night,” Nicky said. “You’ve had a long trip. Let’s all get some sleep. In the morning, we’ll drive around. See things. Tell more stories. It’ll be fun.” Nicky started wrapping the desserts. Rebecca helped her. “I got another room. Paul can stay here with us and Rebecca can have that room.”

“They’re going to stay together,” Barbara said. “We talked about it on the way down.”

“And her parents—”

“I’ll explain later.”

Paul gave Nicky and Barbara a kiss and then he and Rebecca left to get their bags and find their room.

Nicky closed the door and started to put away the food. “You got used to this quick.”

“We were in a car for nine hours.”

“They’re going to have sex and we’re letting them? We’re okay with that?”

“Only if we can also have sex.”

“I tried to get the room next door. Good thing they only had one on the other side.”

“I think she’s good for him,” Barbara said. “I’m glad she came along.”

“She’s cute.”

“She was in his bed when I called this morning.” Barbara wrapped her arms around Nicky. “I didn’t like being without you,” she said.

Nicky turned and kissed her. “You’re all sticky. Let’s shower. I’ll wash you.”

They moved from the shower to the bed and back to the shower. Afterward, they shared some blackberry pie.

“That was worth the wait.”

“The sex or the pie?” Nicky said. She started getting dressed. “I’m wide awake now. Let’s go out for a ride. Maybe get a coffee.”

Outside, they noticed the Jeep was gone.

“They left?” Nicky said. “Where did they go?”

“Let’s go check their room.”

“The car’s not here. Why would we check the room?”

“Maybe Rebecca’s here.”

“There’s a note on my car.” Sure enough, there was note from Paul.
Didn’t want to wake you, but we went for a ride. See you in the morning
.

“Maybe we’ll see them.”

Nicky drove through town and they pointed at stores, houses, landmarks. She and Barbara called out the names of streets and buildings as if saying them out loud would reconnect them with their memories. Nicky pulled into the parking lot of an elementary school. As they sat there, she found the local college radio station. The overnight DJ was playing Bruce Springsteen’s
Nebraska
in its entirety. Nicky wondered what it would have been like if Paul had gone to school there.

“That’s really not worth pursuing,” Barbara said.

That’s when a Bluefield police car pulled up alongside them. The officer got out of his car and aimed his flashlight at Nicky’s eyes and asked what they were doing.

“We’re just looking around.”

“Why?”

“I used to live here and it’s been a while.”

“You drove all the way from New York to see an elementary school at two in the morning. That doesn’t sound odd to you?”

“It does sound odd. But I can explain,” she said.

“I’d like to see your license and registration.”

Nicky handed the officer her papers and waited while he ran her license in his car.

“What happened to the days when you could talk your way out of anything?”

The officer came back and leaned on Nicky’s door. “I’m glad you’re anxious to show your friend Bluefield, but schools are not a good place to hang out. Ever.” He handed Nicky her papers.

“Thank you,” Nicky said. “I used to cook at the Bluefield Diner.”

“I’m not following.”

“I’m just saying that I used to cook at the Bluefield Diner.”

“Okay.”

“My family really is from here is what I mean.”

“That’s good to know. My family isn’t,” he said. “You ladies have a good night. Save your sightseeing for daylight, okay?”

Nicky pulled out of the driveway and Barbara started laughing.

“What?”

“I used to cook here?”

“All the cops used to eat there.”

“Imagine if Paul had to bail us out,” Barbara said. “Let’s drive to the hospital,”

“Another parking lot?” Nicky started laughing, which made Barbara laugh even harder.

A few turns and circles later, Nicky pulled into the Bluefield Medical Center parking lot and shut the engine.

Barbara took Nicky’s hand in hers. “That was a wild time for us. Have I ever told you how brave you were by getting pregnant the way you did?”

“Never.”

“I tell you all the time.”

“You do.”

“A little stupid, but brave. It’s a lot easier these days. All kinds of women, for any number of reasons, can just walk in and request to be inseminated. You don’t even have to be a lesbian. You can walk right in and get anonymous sperm right off the shelf at any of the following convenient locations. Maybe Paul’s father was not any different from one of those sperm donors. So maybe you’ve been right after all. There really is nothing to tell about Paul’s father.”

“That’s what I’ve been saying.”

“Except Paul will be seeking him out.”

“We’ll go with him.”

“We’ll worry about that later. For now, let’s go for a swim.”

“We didn’t bring suits.”

“Exactly.”

Nicky drove past Four Corners and Andy’s shop. It took her and Barbara two passes to find the old logging road. The brush had grown in and was impassable by car so they made their way on foot, passing several No Trespassing and No Swimming signs. “I actually remember where I’m going,” Nicky said.

“I sure wish I had a flashlight.”

“Hold on to me.”

“I’m trying. But sometimes I can’t tell which way you’re going.”

“I’ll slow down.”

The moon reflected off the pond as they came to the clearing. The raft had been pulled out of the water and sat on the beach. It was missing pieces. A small fire pit and some empty beer cans were signs of a teen hangout. Nicky had grown so used to her own pond that its image had replaced this one and the pond in Medford now looked more like the original.

“This place has sure changed,” Barbara said.

“Everything has changed,” Nicky said. “Everything.” She untied her sneakers.

Barbara slipped off her shoes and placed her arms around Nicky. They kissed and hugged and waded in deeper and deeper till they stepped in muck.

Nicky started swimming. “Come on,” she called to Barbara.

“What should we do next?” Barbara said, catching up to Nicky.

“I want love, adventure, passion, beauty, surprise, and sex. What do you want?”

“Whatever it is, I want to do it together.”

They swam back to shore and sat on the raft. Barbara stroked Nicky’s hair. “Let’s fly to California and see Claire and the other kids,” Barbara said. “We’ll ask them about Carol-Ann. We’ll talk to Richard. Maybe we’ll try to find David Levin.”

“What if Richard won’t talk to us?”

“That’s just it,” Barbara said. “We don’t have to know. We just have to try. We’ll just go out there and whatever happens, we’ll be together.”

Nicky took Barbara’s hand as they followed the trail back to the car. Away from the cover of trees, the world started to lighten up. They got back in the Bel Air and started back toward the motel.