FIND YOUR HAPPY: An Inspirational Guide to Loving Life to Its Fullest (5 page)

Awesome
Opportunity:

1. Think of something that you wanted to happen, and it came true in your life. (Example: A first date seemingly out of the blue, a new job offer, a child, etc.)

2. What did you do before the event to help or make it come true? (Most of the time we don’t have to do anything to make things happen in our lives except just show up and be present to receiving opportunities.) Pay attention to the state of flow.

3. Think about the energetic state that you were in before this event came true? Were you calm, happy etc.

4. Pay attention to those feel good feelings and hold them longer to manifest what you want in the future.

Don’t Hold on to Anything Too Tightly

We don’t actually help circumstances by controlling, worrying or manipulating any situation. In my relationship coaching workshops I share the story of two types of people. Meet Joey. She is trying to meet a man and desperately wants to settle down with The One. She can’t “start her life” until she meets a man to make her happy. She needs someone to make her feel good about herself. Joey is more comfortable in relationships than being alone and clings to the possibility of finding “The One” on every first date. She goes to Starbucks with the intention to meet the man of her dreams. This energy is attached to her as she scans the room and judges suitable partners. When she goes into situations with this intention she is setting herself up for failure. The expectation of controlling the situation cannot be met. It is the law of life. Like attracts like, so if she is desperate, in fear and waiting for something to happen so she can be happy, then life will return the desperate, fearful, and waiting energy. Outcomes may include people not returning phone calls, canceling first dates or not even meeting someone for a first date.

As long as Joey is hung up on the possibility of happily ever after tied to a “specific outcome” she cannot be happy ever after. It is an unrealistic hope that she can’t control. She gets to the coffee shop and doesn’t see any single men; she becomes frustrated because “the expectation” isn’t met. She orders her coffee and the barista makes it wrong. He apologizes and she just gives him a dirty look, saying under her breath, “People can’t do anything right,” and pouts on her way out. Whether it is big or small, the expectation in her eyes is a failed attempt. When we put expectations on things we set ourselves up for feeling failure. Our happiness depends upon an outcome that may or may not happen.

Now meet Lynn. When the time is right, she is hoping to meet a man to complement her lifestyle. She is a busy person who loves doing new things and does them with or without other people. She doesn’t wait for a man or her friends to go enjoy life. She trusts that everything is in divine order and lets life unfold in front of her. She doesn’t hold on too tightly to anything and goes into situations, without expectations. She knows what she wants and focuses on that despite whatever in her current reality is not working.

Lynn goes to Starbucks and the barista makes her drink wrong. She politely asks him to make the correction, and the barista starts to talk to her, simply asking how her day is going. The two end up exchanging phone numbers, and she gladly accepts the invitation for a coffee date. Because Lynn enjoys meeting new people and getting to know them, she has no expectations when they sit down for coffee. She doesn’t judge him, or try to put him into a mold of what she thinks her perfect man should look, act and talk like. The two hit it off and five years later they are still together.

Joey was in such a catastrophic state of expectations that the opportunity to meet a man was blocked. Lynn knew what she wanted but didn’t put expectations around it. She trusted the feeling of what she wanted, but not the “frame.” We might be able to relate to one girl more than the other but most likely we have a little bit of both in us. I was Joey before I realized the glorious life Lynn lives. Lynn is vibrant, excited, and truly living life to the fullest — all because she learned to let go and let life flow.

Life Never Goes the Way We Planned

“Remember
that
sometimes
not
getting
what
you
want
is
a
wonderful
stroke
of
luck.”
– Dalai Lama

Sometimes not getting what you want in life is the biggest miracle of all. It took me a long time to see the world this way, but now it makes much more sense. Rather than trying to manipulate my life into what I think I want, I have learned to trust that the universe always has a better plan. When I was in Chicago, I was living the life I thought I wanted based on expectations set forth by others and what I believed would be a successful life. When I got what I thought I wanted, I wasn’t happy. Something was always missing. Only when I learned to let go and relax into life were things able to flow to me, giving me more of a chance to enjoy life and stay in a constant state of adventure and play.

When I was in Chicago, my life was completely different. Along with the rest of the media and country, I was drowning in mistakes and fear-ridden circumstances. The economy had quickly taken a nosedive and fear in the advertising world sprang to an all time high. Stocks were plummeting, homes were being foreclosed by banks, car companies yelled for bailouts, giant big name businesses were going under, and this meant my clients were cutting budgets. I did my best to ride the wave of uncertainty. Then the day came when I was laid off.

With the rest of the world in a state of outrageous uncertainty and chaos, I could have handled the situation one of two ways. I could have gone into a deeper state of depression and partied with that pity posse. I could have joined collectively with the masses and said, “Oh no, I can’t get a job in this economy, no one is hiring and the world is ending.” But instead I said, “Sayonara job I didn’t
really
like anyway,” and “Goodbye lifestyle and city I don’t love anymore.”

Soon I was living in Portland, Oregon, surrounded by more love than I ever imagined, working at a job I truly LOVED and living life to the fullest daily. It didn’t just happen overnight. I had to continually let go and trust that the plans were unfolding the way they were supposed to. The truth is life never goes the way we think it will, ever. Change is the one constant we can count on. It is how we deal with change that determines our success in life.

A year later, I was working at a different company and I was laid off, AGAIN. I could have easily pitched a tent and basked in the self-pity of, “Oh woe is me, I have been laid off twice in one year. I suck. I am not good at what I do. The world hates me and every place I work will fire me.” But instead I had a perma grin as they told me goodbye, because I knew that there were bigger plans for me. Letting go of what I thought I wanted was going to be the key to my happiness. For me, being laid off was indeed the biggest blessing of all. Sure, it was cleverly disguised as misfortune, but the truth is every situation in life happens to help us get closer to our true self. My true self didn’t belong at either of those companies. Through both transitions in my life, I focused on what I wanted and trusted that things would work out for the best. I removed fear from my thinking.

When I lost a second job in less than a year, I went home with a smile and a secret saucy saying, “Everything is in perfect order. I am taken care of and I look forward to my future.” That same day I applied for another job and within a half hour of sending my resume, I was invited in for an interview. Less than a week later I had a full time job with a company in a smaller city than Chicago—Portland, paying me even more than my Chicago salary. Rather than going to fear and self-pity, I chose love and hope, and the opportunity literally fell into my lap. All I had to do was show up and become present to receiving. I turned what could be considered a horrible thing into a blessing; both layoffs were a miracle that put me back on track to my true self. It came to me because I stayed positive, focused, and was open to receiving. Life never turns out the way we think it will, but if we let go of our expectations, it can turn out even better.

We Create Our Circumstances

Do you ever have moments of déjà-vu, feeling you have already experienced the current moment? Do you ever find yourself saying, “I can’t get a break”? Perhaps your work life is a giant rut. You hate your job, but when you get a new one the same problems persist. What about your dating life? Maybe every relationship is a repeat of a past failed attempt at love. I had both of those problems. I hated my job and blamed the people I worked with for my unhappiness. When I left one job, after the honeymoon stage of the new job ended, the same problems popped up again. This happened four or five times before I started to recognize that something wasn’t right. I wondered why my new boss acted the same way as my old boss. I felt like they talked down to me, disrespected me and made me feel unappreciated. My dating life was one for the records. I cycled through emotionally abusive men like it was my favorite hobby. One boyfriend yelled at me for crying. Another said I was gaining too much weight and looked pregnant so he was embarrassed to hold my hand. Don’t forget the one who told me my breasts were too small and he would pay for me to get a boob job. Even though the new boyfriends and bosses were different people than the old ones, the same patterns followed me around no matter where I went.

I finally realized that the only similarity between all of these failed jobs and relationships was me. I was the common thread, not them. My ex-boyfriends did not know each other, but I knew them. They looked different and felt different, but treated me in the same way. I knew that like attracts like, so I needed to take accountability for what I was doing to attract the same “crap” into my life. If I was the one thing they all had in common, it was time I peeled back the layers of my life to look at what was really going on.

I asked myself why all of my bosses made me feel unworthy and bad at my job. I was shocked to realize that I felt unworthy. I never felt adequate or qualified for my job. Even though I knew how to do it and I was good at it, my ego would come in and try to belittle me. In relationships, I never believed I was worthy enough to be in a fulfilling romantic relationship. If I couldn’t value myself or love myself, then how could the world love me back? The world will always reflect our inner state and in each reaction is always a lesson.

Life Gives Us Lessons

This might sound lofty but stay with me for a second and consider that every single person we meet, every single job we take, every place we live, every “problem” we encounter is a simple lesson to teach us something new. Essentially, if we don’t get the lesson we have to retake the course. Life is a big classroom where we take classes in compassion, honesty, and forgiveness. When we look at it this way we start to not only take accountability for our own life, but rich fulfilling opportunities can also unfold and guide us to the next stage.

I was getting the same lessons over and over because, frankly, I was failing every “class.” No matter what job I took, no matter what guy I dated or what city I lived in, the same “lessons” would prevail. I know this because as soon as I took responsibility for my own life a shift happened that changed my life for good. By changing my perception of myself and bringing more of a conscious awareness to my emotions I was able to shift my reality.

Suddenly, bosses were complimenting me and giving me more responsibility. The men who made me feel bad about myself fell out of my life, and I met a beautiful person who not only treated me like a valued, beautiful, special person but also loved all of my natural beauty and me. My current boss wanted to promote me and told me he valued my contributions every day.

So look at your life and see the lessons that keep recurring. I kept repeating the same patterns and approaching romantic relationships the same way again and again, expecting a different outcome. A change happened when I took accountability for my role in my life and recognized that there was a lesson to learn of.

The purpose of this book is to remind us about the entire beautiful world we live in and the opportunities that await us daily to play. I wish it were as easy as saying, “Just add more play into your life,” but humans are complex beings. We have trained ourselves to believe that good things in life are worth fighting for, or good things come to those who wait. Although both of these mantras could be true, I prefer to practice play daily by allowing love and fun to exist at every moment. By taking accountability for our lives and the situations we are in, we can learn to adjust our strained thinking and allow life to flow.

If you think about life being a whole bunch of lessons, then we are in one giant classroom. What kind of student do you want to be? Let go of the type of student you were in school, this is life school and you get to choose how you want to participate. It actually becomes kind of fun to see life this way because we can approach it like a game. Every new challenge brings an opportunity to grow and get to the next level.

Think back to when you were in school and how necessary recess was for your well being. We looked forward to the mini breaks, the chances to play outside and live life in a state of play. In reality, nothing has changed. As humans, we still thrive on recesses and taking breaks from our lessons. Even when we were young the lessons didn’t stop when we bounced around on the playground, or rubbed our hands into the earth. Those were all just more things to study. The beauty of this world is that it offers us a chance to play at every moment. Every single situation provides us a chance to see the world with more compassionate eyes and more loving open arms and thus gives us an opportunity to embrace the fun in every lesson.

In
a
Nutshell:

1. All change helps us grow.

2. Let go of expectations to let life flow.

3. Life never turns out the way we thought it would; it turns out better.