Fighting the Flames (9 page)

Jessie finished her food and sat back in her chair. She studied Ryan with curiosity. “Can I ask you a question?” It was something that had been weighing on her mind ever since she’d told him about Derrick.

He crumpled up his napkin and tossed it on his plate. “Sure.” He leaned back in his chair with a sexy, confident ease that caused the woman two tables away to stare. Jessie shot her a cautionary look.

“Why did you go to the beach that summer?”

Ryan’s demeanor quickly went from relaxed to tense. He leaned forward and put his elbows on the table. “This isn’t something I can talk about, Jess. Not here anyway.”

That sounded ominous. “Okay.” She nodded and stood. “Let’s get out of here then.”

*****

Jessie and Ryan lay side by side on her bed, on top of the covers, fully clothed, and admired the plaque Ryan had hung on the wall for her. She was right. It did look perfect in her room. On the drive home, Ryan promised he would answer her question once they got there. They’d been lying in her bed for close to half an hour, and he still hadn’t said anything about it. Jessie wanted to ask again, but didn’t want to push the issue.

“It was a woman,” he said with a heavy breath. “Her name was Vikki. We’d been dating for eight weeks when she told me she was six weeks pregnant.”

Pregnant? Ryan had a child? Why on earth hadn’t he mentioned it sooner? Panic began to course through Jessie’s veins. She didn’t know how to react or respond.

“My first instinct was to question whether or not it was mine. She swore it was, she explained over and over about the dates matching and her last period and all that, but I knew we’d been safe. I’d always been so careful. It didn’t make sense.” He tucked his hands behind his head. Jessie had to stop herself from laying her head on his chest.

“I proposed to her and she said no, claiming she didn’t want to get married just because we were having a baby. So we bought a house together. I supported her during the pregnancy, paid all of her medical bills.” He paused as if lost in thought.

Jessie waited for him to continue. She remained silent despite the myriad of questions she wanted to ask.

“The baby was born, a little girl named Louisa. She was beautiful, so tiny and perfect. I never thought I could love anyone as much as I loved that little girl.”

She risked a look at his face and saw little tears in the corners of his eyes. She had never seen Ryan cry, and she was pretty sure she didn’t want to. Rolling to her side, she put her head on his chest and draped her arm across his stomach. She knew it was wrong, but she didn’t care at the moment. Ryan put an arm around her, his fingers trailing up and down her arm.

“I asked Vikki to marry me again, and she said no again. I was furious. We fought about it for days. She threatened to take Louisa and disappear if I didn’t drop it. So I dropped it. Things weren’t the same after that. I had a lot of resentment toward her, and she knew it. She was constantly picking fights with me. During a particularly bad argument, she told me I wasn’t Louisa’s father.”

“Oh my God!” Jessie gasped before she could stop herself.

Ryan held her tighter to him and kissed the top of her head. “At first, I dismissed it as something she said just to hurt me, but it nagged me until I couldn’t take it anymore. Then I had a DNA test done. Turns out she hadn’t been just trying to hurt me. I wasn’t Louisa’s dad.”

Jessie folded her hands on his chest and rested her chin on them so that she could look at him. It broke her heart to see him so sad, to see him on the verge of tears. “I’m so sorry, Ryan.”

“When I had the results, I confronted her. She tried to deny it. She begged me to give her a chance, to forgive her. I was too damn angry. When none of that worked, she tried to use Louisa against me, saying it wasn’t fair to her to grow up without a father. I really lost it then.”

Ryan was silent for what felt like an eternity. “What happened?” she asked softly.

“I kicked her and Louisa out of the house. I told Vikki I never wanted to see her or the baby ever again. I knew she would always just use Louisa against me like she’d already tried to—I was just so mad that she lied to me for so long. I left that same day for the beach with instructions that they were to be gone when I got back. I didn’t intend on staying at the beach for the whole summer, but then I met you.” He tried to smile and kissed her forehead. “At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing. I’m not so sure anymore. There are so many nights I lay awake and wonder where Louisa is, if she’s okay, what she looks like. She may not be mine biologically, but I was the only dad she knew.”

For the second time in a matter of minutes, Jessie’s heart broke for him. She scooted up the length of his body and planted her lips firmly against his. The nagging voice in the back of her mind told her not to do this, not to go down this road with him, but she ignored it. At that moment, all she wanted was to be with Ryan, to feel him and make love to him. She knew it was something they both wanted and needed.

Ryan speared his hand into her hair and held her still, stealing control of the kiss as he wrapped his other arm around her waist and brought her on top of him. She obliged and straddled him. The feel of his body beneath hers, of his jean-clad erection between her legs, was glorious. It had been less than a week since they’d been together like this, but it felt like forever. She pushed her hips down on him, grinding herself on his crotch.

“Jess, baby,” he groaned, lifting his hips and meeting her as she continued to grind on him. “I need you so much.” Ryan hugged her, and in one swift movement, he rolled her over so that she was now beneath him.

“Yes.” She arched her body into his, her hands slipping under his shirt, tugging at it until it was off. “I need you, too,” she said as she claimed his lips again. He removed her shirt and bra, his hand going straight to her breast. His touch lit her on fire and she was writhing beneath him, encouraging him.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” he whispered between kisses that he trailed down her body.

He was giving her a way out. She should take it. Instead, she said, “Yes. I want this. I want you.”

Ryan rid her of her clothes in record time and she lay before him, her naked body a feast for his eyes. And he definitely feasted. Jessie felt warm under his gaze. He stood beside the bed and removed his jeans, leaving him naked as well. Jessie smiled and crooked her finger at him, motioning for him to come to her. He climbed on the bed and she sat up, pushing on his chest until he was flat on his back. She licked her lips and lowered her head until her mouth was poised above his erection. Looking at him under her lashes, she smiled then licked the head, swirling her tongue around the tip and drawing him into her mouth.

“Yes,” he hissed on a sharp intake of breath. Ryan gathered her hair and held it away from her face. She felt his gaze on her as she sucked and licked and bobbed his cock. He filled her mouth completely. She’d forgotten how good he tasted: hot, a perfect mixture of saltiness and sweetness, and totally masculine.

“Mmm.” She took him all the way to the back of her throat before slowly dragging her lips up his shaft.

“Holy hell, that feels good.” His hips lifted off the bed in a rhythmic motion, thrusting in and out of her mouth. “Son of a bitch.” He arched his neck and closed his eyes, his breathing ragged and fast. Jessie knew he was close to coming, she could tell by the way his body tensed and his cock swelled in her mouth. She wanted to taste him, all of him, but he had a different idea.

Ryan reached down and pulled her up to him, his mouth landing squarely on hers. She swung her leg over his waist and slid down on him. Her fingers curled against his chest at the feel of him stretching her.

“Ahh... yes.” Jessie took all of him, pausing for a moment as her body adjusted to him, before she started to move. He felt incredible, and she wanted to stay here, in this moment, forever. The intensity and speed at which they moved steadily increased as sounds of flesh smacking flesh combined with their moans, filling the room in an erotic melody. It was uniquely them. It was the sound of that summer, a sound she’d missed and longed for throughout the past few years. And now she had it. She was living it, experiencing it, and it was better than she remembered. It was also just as terrifying. In fact, it was worse now because she knew how they felt about each other. They were in love, and it was tangible. She felt it with every fiber of her being.

She brought her body down on him, her breasts pressing to his chest, and kissed him. Ryan clutched her hips and entered her with jackhammer quick thrusts until she was crying his name, her orgasm tearing through her body with unnatural force. They were addictive—the orgasms that he gave her. She hadn’t even come down from it yet when he again rolled them over, their bodies never coming apart. He was on top of her, his forearms resting on either side of her head. He kissed her softly, his hands caressing the hair from her face. “Ryan,” she whimpered, shaking her head, unsure if it was a plea for more or for a reprieve. All she knew was that her body felt drained of energy.

He nipped at her bottom lip. “Don’t make me stop, Jess. Please.” His strokes were slow and controlled. It drove her mad. “I just need to feel you.”

Jessie shook her head. There was no way she’d deny him this, or herself for that matter. She put her arms around him and dragged them down to his ass, clutching it in her hands, reveling in the feel of the muscles clenching with each forward push of his hips. She closed her eyes and moaned, knowing full well what was coming next.

“Open your eyes for me, baby.”

She knew it, she thought as she forced her eyes open. His gaze was smoldering. That alone would’ve been enough to make her melt and reconsider her “just friends” rule, but combined with the entirety of the moment, of what they were sharing, it was overwhelming.

“That’s it,” he crooned. His lips puckered on her neck and throat, giving her hot lingering kisses that set her ablaze. “My God,” he said bringing his gaze and lips back to her. “You’re so beautiful.”

Time seemed to stop. Nothing mattered or existed but the two of them. Their bodies connected in the most natural way as they brought each other so much pleasure, it was almost paralyzing. They made love for what felt like hours before they both reached their breaking point. Jessie clung to him, her fingers digging into his back as she came apart in his arms, giving herself over to him in a way she never had before: wholly and without regret. “God, Ryan,” she cried and moaned. “Yes, God yes, it’s so good.”

“Yeah,” he groaned low at her ear. “So good...” He jerked one last time as he came before collapsing on top of her.

Jessie kissed his shoulder and stroked his sweat dampened hair. She’d never felt this content in her entire life. Ryan was the only man she’d ever had sex with unprotected. Yes, she was on birth control, but she had always been overly cautious; the last thing she needed was an unwanted pregnancy. But it was different with Ryan. She was beginning to trust him, and that frightened her. She was sure that the moment she trusted a man would be the moment she’d have her heart broken. She stopped stroking his hair, wondering if he’d fallen asleep. “Ryan?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

He adjusted his weight into his arms and peered down at her. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but I have to get it off my chest.”

“Ryan.” Her voice wavered and fear gripped her.

“I love you, Jess.”

Her eyes widened. Her heart stopped. Hearing him say those words didn’t shock her. He’d said them before, but knowing he said it even though they were ‘just friends’ unnerved her. This was her fault. If she hadn’t kissed him and told him she wanted him, they wouldn’t be in a position where he felt the need to say that. “You don’t have to say anything. I just needed you to know.”

The problem was, she loved him, too, and she wanted to tell him. But she couldn’t bring herself to form the words. Instead she simply hugged him and fought back tears. Once again she’d made such a mess of things. When would she ever learn?

Chapter 9

R
yan woke the next morning to find the bed empty. He rolled over and stretched. A smiled curved his lips. Jess hadn’t thrown him out after he told her he loved her. As soon as the words had left his mouth, he’d wanted to take them back. Not because he didn’t mean them, but because he was afraid he’d crossed the line. Things had gone the exact opposite of what he’d expected. Jess had been like a wild animal last night. They made love all night until they both passed out from exhaustion.

He wondered where she was and why she wasn’t in bed with him. At least he knew she hadn’t run away again. It was her house they were in. The smell of bacon wafted into the room. She was cooking. His stomach growled as he got out of bed and pulled on his jeans and shirt. He went into the kitchen, wrapped his arms around her from behind and kissed her neck. “Good morning.”

She leaned back against him and turned her head to capture his lips in a soft kiss. “Morning. You hungry?”

“Starved. Someone gave me one hell of a workout last night.”

Jess laughed and swatted at him. “Breakfast will be ready soon.”

Ryan went to the table and sat, his gaze glued to Jess, who was wearing a long t-shirt, a pair of panties, and nothing else. It was so hot. He could easily bend her over the table, slip her panties to the side, and have a morning quickie. The thought was tempting, but he pushed it out of his mind and distracted himself by picking up the newspaper lying on the table. It was open to the rental section. Several ads for apartments were circled. His face paled and his blood ran cold. He turned to Jess who still stood at the stove cooking eggs and frying bacon. “What is this? Are you moving?”

She froze with the spatula poised over the pan. “Uh,” she cleared her throat and shrugged, “I don’t know. I’m considering it.”

He slapped the paper down on the table and stood. His anger was instant and fierce. He clenched his hands into fists by his sides and gritted his teeth, inhaling and exhaling through his nose. “Were you going to bother saying goodbye this time?”