Fighting Fate (21 page)

Sarah had been expecting an explosion of burning feelings, scorching emotions, a tangled mess of lust and longing. Instead, when Cole kissed her, what she felt was more subtle but just as strong. A slow, smoldering heat coursed through her body. It was relentless as it overtook her. Insatiable. Any reservations she’d had were quickly going up in flame as Cole’s hands began exploring what had once been very familiar territory. She knew if she didn’t stop him right then, she was in danger of not stopping him at all.

And would that really be so bad? No,
she thought.

Possibly
, she mentally sighed.

Her hands slid from behind his neck until they landed on his chest. She gently pushed him away as she broke the kiss. His expression was cautious as he leaned into her again. His lips skimmed against her neck and she almost forgot why she had slowed things down in the first place.

She forced herself to remember.

“I don’t know where this is going,” she murmured. She didn’t know but she had a very good idea. “But please promise me something.”

“Anything,” he said as he nuzzled her ear.

“Promise me you won’t break my heart again.” Her voice held so much pleading, despair and old hurt that she thought maybe she should be embarrassed by how pitiful she sounded. But in that moment, she didn’t care. “I don’t think I could take it.”

She wasn’t only talking about what Cole had done, she meant Aaron too. Losing Cole had been painful. Losing Aaron had been devastating and her shattered heart was just beginning to recover. She knew it wouldn’t take much to shatter it all over again.

He seemed to sense that as well. As he slowly lifted his head, she didn’t miss the regret that flashed across his face. He gave a subtle shake of his head. “I never wanted to hurt you. I was only trying to protect you,” he said quietly.

“Protect me from what?”

He carefully slid her body off of his and she instantly felt the pang of rejection.

She pulled the blanket around herself and scooted away from him.

“I think maybe it’s time I told you everything,” he finally said. “What I told you the other day, it was all true. But it was only part of the truth.”

“What’s the other part?” she wondered with a frown.

“You know Darren was trouble.” It wasn’t a question but she nodded anyway. “And his friends. I got myself mixed up in something I didn’t want to be any part of.”

“Oh, Cole,” Sarah moaned. “What did they make you do?”

He shook his head. “It wasn’t like that.”

. "2em" align="justify"> She waited patiently with raised eyebrows clearly asking
What
was
it like then
?

Cole stared at her a few long, drawn out moments. He looked conflicted and she thought maybe he was going to stop right there.

“I’ve never told a soul what I’m about to tell you. That’s how much I trust you. And more than that? That’s how badly I want to set things right.”

She nodded, his implication was clear. Whatever he was about to say was not to be repeated. Judging by the look on his face, it was something that would change everything.

“I was gone by then, but what do you remember about Mike and Steve’s arrest?”

The question surprised her and her expression became pained. “They were arrested for murder. Tell me that’s not what you got tied up in.”

“Tell me what else you remember,” he calmly ordered.

She squeezed her eyes shut and pinched the bridge of her nose between her fingers. It was easier than looking at Cole right then. Murder? What could he possibly have had to do with that?

Though it had been a long time ago, and the details were hazy, the overall memory was clear.

“They were arrested for the murder of a woman all the way over in Danville,” she said, mentioning the largest town in the area. “It was a burglary gone wrong or something.”

“Right,” Cole agreed. “That’s what they did. They never broke into a house that wasn’t at least an hour from here. They said it helped keep the cops off their backs. Guess they must’ve been right because up until then, they’d never been caught. Not for burglary anyway. To be honest, I was surprised Darren wasn’t with them that night. What else do you remember?”

“They hadn’t meant to kill her but they went in, thinking no one was home. Mike shot her. Steve was charged with aiding and abetting.” She finally looked at him again. “What does that have to do with you?”

“What else?” Cole pressed. “Do you remember how they finally got caught?”

“It was an anonymous tip. A phone call, maybe?”

Cole nodded.

Sarah’s hand floated to her mouth. “Oh my God.”

He raked his hand through his hair. “Darren used to make me do shit for him all the time. One night he wanted me to go up to the shack. That’s where they kept their stash of booze—mostly stolen booze. I shouldn’t have agreed to go. But I did. By some miracle those two morons didn’t hear me but I heard them talking through an open window.” He shook his head in disbelief. “Some days, I still can’t believe they didn’t know I was there. They were arguing so I knew better than to go inside. But I was curious kI whead in d. Steve wanted to skip town, I was all for the idea until I heard Mike. He said ‘It’s that bitch’s own fault we had to kill her. I’m not going to let her chase me out of town too.’ And I froze. I mean, I just stood there. It’s a damn good thing they didn’t come out because it was like I couldn’t move. They kept talking and I heard everything.

“It felt like I stood there forever but it was probably a matter of minutes, maybe even seconds, before I got my feet to move. I got back in the car and got the hell out of there. For days I was sure they’d seen me. For days I was sure they wouldn’t think twice about making me disappear if they thought I knew something. I just thought there was no way they couldn’t have heard me tearing out of there. I was losing it.

“I tried to avoid them but they’d pop in to see Darren. I started feeling like they were messing with me. I was sure they knew. I was sure every now and then, I’d catch them looking at me like they were just waiting for the right time. Then I thought I caught them looking at you that way.

“Sarah, I seriously felt like I was losing my mind. I had myself half-convinced that it was only a matter of time before they came after me. Or even worse, after you. That’s when I knew I had to distance myself from you. I knew that if I was nice about it, you’d want to stay friends. So I did what I had to do to make you hate me. I wanted them to
know
you hated me. And I wanted them to think I didn’t give a shit about you.”

Sarah sat silent, listening. Cole wasn’t looking at her. He was gazing off, as if into the past.

“They killed that lady. And in the shack? They had no remorse. If anything, they were pissed at her for being in their way. I realized I would never feel safe, I would never stop worrying about you, until they were locked up. So that’s when I started planning.

“I wish I could say that joining the military had been a completely noble decision. It wasn’t. Not at first. At first, I was being selfish. I figured, what safer place could I find than on a military base?” He scoffed, “Yeah, I see
now
how flawed that reasoning was. But at the time, it made sense. I was more scared about being gutted by Mike than I was of being deployed. In the end, it was probably the best decision I ever made. I ended up loving it.”

He finally looked at her again. “I just wish I’d taken a different path to get there. Once I was sure that we’d cut all ties, I knew I had to turn them in. I also knew that there was a good chance they would figure out it was someone close to them that was responsible. There was always the chance they wouldn’t be arrested. Or if they were, I wouldn’t have put it past Toby to carry out anything Mike asked. Or hell, even Darren for that matter. So turning them in wasn’t enough. I knew I needed to get out of here.”

“So you did,” Sarah quietly finished for him.

“Yeah,” he said. “I did. I picked a fight with Darren that day. He beat the crap out of me and I told him I was leaving town to get away from his sorry ass. He didn’t believe me. I have no idea what he thought when I didn’t come home that night. ke tt a But I figured if anyone, him or Toby, started to wonder, that would be as good of an explanation as any for why I wasn’t around. I made the call from a payphone at the bus stop, just before I boarded to head to my recruiter’s office.”

Sarah opened her mouth more than once to speak but could think of absolutely nothing to say. They sat in silence for a long while as she processed it all.

“You’re not worried about anyone coming after you now?” she finally asked.

He shrugged. “I’m sure as hell not going to be cocky about it and say I’m not. But I’m also not a scared kid anymore. Mike and Steve are both locked up. Hell, Darren is locked up. Toby’s around, though. He works in a service station over on Mill Street. At least, that’s what Alex said. I guess there’s always a chance that Toby figured out I was involved. So yeah,
that
has me worried. But like I said, I’m not a kid anymore. Those guys, including Toby, aren’t guys you mess around with. But I’m a lot more equipped to take care of things now, if I have to, than I ever was back then.”

She pursed her lips as the deluge of information continued to course through her mind. She was going to need more than a few minutes to come to terms with everything he said.

The tapping of little footsteps distracted her for a moment. She realized the kitten must’ve used her paw to pull open the door.

Penelope meowed again as she curled up in Sarah’s lap.

“I think the worst of the storm is over,” she finally said. She scooted to the edge of the mattress, keeping a hand wrapped around the kitten. She had noticed that sometime during Cole’s explanation, the rumbling from above had died away.

“We could just stay where we are anyway,” he suggested. “I kind of like it down here.”

“I think,” she said as she got to her feet, “that I’d prefer to be above ground. And to be honest, I don’t think I can hear anymore about this tonight. You can stay the night, if you want,” she said over her shoulder as she began to climb the steps. “In the spare room,” she firmly tacked on.

“In the spare room,” he agreed.

nss ooare

Chapter Fifteen

The next morning Sarah awoke to an unfamiliar weight bearing down on her. She lazily opened her eyes and found Cole’s head on her pillow. He had an arm flung across her chest and she was half buried beneath him.

His lips were parted slightly. His lashes formed dark crescents. In his sleep, he tightened the grip he had on her shoulder. She bit her lip, wondering if she should be annoyed with him for sneaking into her room after she’d gone to sleep. She couldn’t find it in herself to be anything other than content.

She wondered what time he had crept in. It had to have been late because she’d tossed and turned for the longest time trying to make sense of what he’d told her. Thinking back, she had to admit that he’d been acting out of sorts during the days leading to their break-up. She’d asked him over and over what was wrong. She’d felt him pulling away from her but she hadn’t known why.

Still, finding him with Lacie in such a compromising position had been a shock. Now that she’d heard his side of the story, it made sense. She wasn’t sure if it excused what he’d done. But it made sense.

She tried to put herself in his place. Darren, though only a year older, had been a lot bulkier than Cole at the time. And ten times meaner. Mike and Steve were older and had the reputation around town of being thugs. But Cole had known first hand—even before the murder—how deplorable they were.

Had he really only been trying to protect her? Heaven help her if she was wrong for doing so, but she truly believed him.

She turned slightly, so that she had a better view of him. The slight disruption was enough to wake him. She ran her hand up his arm and his lips curled upward even before he opened his eyes.

“I was afraid you’d be mad. I’m hoping the way your rubbing on me means you’re not,” he said as he blinked his eyes open.

She stilled her hand but he kept talking.

“I tried to get to slee so gder, hp in the other room and I couldn’t,” he said unapologetically, answering the question she had yet to ask.

“Were you scared of the storm?” she teased.

His lips brushed against her neck. “Lonely. I couldn’t sleep knowing you were right across the hall. So I came in here.”

“Did you sleep?”

“Like a baby.”

She giggled at that and then squirmed beneath him. “You’re a lot heavier than you used to be.”

“Oh, yeah?”

She smiled as she traced a line across his bicep. “I think you’ve grown.”

A deep chuckle rumbled the bed. “I think I’ll take that as a compliment.”

Sarah’s cell phone, which she’d left downstairs, erupted into a familiar ring tone.

She groaned.

“Just leave it,” Cole muttered.

“I can’t. That’s Gretchen’s ringtone. I’m sure she’s worried about me after the storm. If I don’t answer, she’ll just show up.”

Cole flung her covers off. “You better run to catch it.”

She laughed as she bounced out of bed.

By the time she reached her phone, Gretchen had hung up. Sarah called her right back.