Fearless (7 page)

It was working, though. I was twenty times more relaxed today than I'd been on Monday.

“Okay, now let's work on turns,” Wayward told us. We'd spent most of the lesson reviewing maneuvers like right and left turns. They were good exercises for helping us learn to coordinate using our hands and legs working together. Little by little, all my skills from last summer were coming back to me.

“Okay, nice job, Amber. Remember to keep a little more tension on your inside rein,” Wayward told Amber as she made a turn.

Madison wasn't even watching our lesson today, thankfully. She was helping one of the other riding counselors, Cara Andrews, with a group of Juniors. Did Wayward plan that? Or did Cara need the extra help today? Either way, I didn't care. It made a major difference for me not to have Madison breathing down my neck.

Monday had been a slight meltdown day. I honestly thought I'd never go near the stables again after that disastrous first lesson. And it was a disaster; I didn't care what Molly had said.

Molly had left me alone for about fifteen minutes so I could go cry in Solitary, but then she'd come to the door of the bathroom stall I was hiding in and pounded on it until I'd come out.

“I'm never going back there!” I'd told her. Crying in front of people wasn't my favorite thing in the world,
but if you can't cry in front of your best friend, who can you cry in front of? “I'm going to stop taking lessons. You go without me. I'll find something else to do while you're at the stables. Like crafts.”

Molly had talked to me practically nonstop that afternoon, reminding me that riding was our favorite activity, the main thing we came to camp for. “You can't give it up, Jordan. You love it too much.”

“I'm obviously no good, and I will never be able to learn to jump! It's impossible! I can't do it.”

Molly had practically pulled her hair out over that comment. “Nothing is impossible. Listen, after the
Titanic
sank, a bunch of men pulled themselves out of the water and climbed up on a lifeboat.”

“Molly, spare me a
Titanic
story right now, please?”

“No, now listen. So anyway, it was upside down, with nobody in it, obviously. They climbed on it and balanced themselves. It was really wobbly and unstable, and there was always a chance it would tip and they'd all fall off. One of them called out directions, and they'd move a little to the left or the right when the boat shifted. It was freezing cold, it was the middle of the night, and they had to balance on this overturned lifeboat for hours.”

Molly held her hands out to her sides and rocked
back and forth like she was on a tightrope, showing me what the men had done.

“If the boat shifted even a little bit, they could fall in. And then they would've died. The cold water was what killed everybody, you know. Not drowning, because they were all wearing life vests. Anyway, they kept that up all night long until they were rescued the next morning. So don't tell me about impossible. Nothing's impossible.”

Molly was convinced that anytime anyone needed a pep talk, there was some
Titanic
story that would work. As crazy as it sounded, her story did make me feel like I was being a little dramatic.

So I'd agreed to come back for today's lesson, even though at first I'd been really stressed.

“Ready to try left turns now?” asked Wayward. “Okay, Whitney, let's see what you got.”

Amber, Molly, and I watched while Whitney made a left turn and walked toward Wayward before making another turn. The whole time she had this totally satisfied look on her face. She
was
the most advanced of all of us. She'd even done a few jumps over crossrails before.

“Most excellent!” yelled Wayward, and Whitney couldn't wipe the smug look off her face.

Now it was my turn. I wished I could tell Odie,
Just
do exactly what Cleo did
. But I couldn't. I'd have to get him to make the turns myself.

I clucked at Odie, and we started forward. With my inside hand, I increased the tension on the rein while I squeezed Odie's side with my outside leg. Odie started turning left. Like magic, Odie was moving in exactly the direction I wanted him to go. Maybe he really could read my mind. “Good boy,” I murmured to him softly.

When we reached Wayward, we made another left turn, and she gave me two thumbs-up. “Perfect, Jordan! Great control!” From Odie's back, I felt like I was on top of a high mountain, looking down on the beautiful world below. Definitely a movie moment.

The whole lesson was a lot of fun, and after it was over, I felt like I had progressed a major amount. I was so glad Molly had talked me into coming back today.

We all dismounted and went through the steps we needed to do for our horses. I ran up the stirrups, pulling the leather straps up so the irons wouldn't flap against Odie's sides. Then I loosened the girth and put the reins over his head so I could lead him out of the ring.

“Okay, good work today, y'all,” said Wayward. “You want to keep developing your natural aids, which are . . .”
She waited for us to fill in the blanks.

“Hands, legs, seat, voice,” the four of us chanted
together.

“Right. Your horses will do what you tell them to do, but you have to speak their language.”

“Can we come back this afternoon after lessons are over and help you turn the horses out?” asked Whitney.

“Sure, we can always use extra help,” Wayward said. “See ya.”

As we were walking away from the stables, Molly groaned, “I'm so sore! My leg muscles are all tied up in knots.” She did a couple of squats to stretch out. “Ah! This is killing me!”

“I know! I'm sore too,” I agreed. The muscles in my inner thighs always hurt the worst when I hadn't been riding in a while.

“Luckily, I do gymnastics all the time, so that helps me to stay limber,” said Whitney. She skipped ahead of us a few steps and did a cartwheel in the grass.

Suddenly somebody grabbed me from behind. “Hey, Babykins. How'd you do today?”

“Maddy! You scared me to death!” I yelled. She'd come up behind me, and now she had me in one of her boa constrictor hugs. And why'd she have to call me by that stupid nickname?

“So? How'd your lesson go?”

“Everything went really well.
Today
,” I said. She was
leaning against my back like she was about to hop on for a piggyback ride. “You're squishing me, by the way.”

“Hey, I saw you making those turns. Looking good, Jordan. Your problem on Monday was you were so nervous, you were freaking Odie out. Horses are really sensitive. A nervous rider equals a nervous horse.”

“Yeah, that was one of my problems,” I said, wriggling free of her arms at last.

“Oh, you mean
I
was your problem? I'm just trying to help you. I want you to do your best.”

I was secretly glad that Madison had seen me during my lesson. I did look good today. I really could ride well under the right conditions.

“I know! Now can we leave? We're late for . . . tennis.” Actually, we had no plans to go to tennis. I just wanted to get away before Madison did anything else to me—called me another nickname, started giving me tennis advice, or crushed me in a sumo hold.

“I just wanted to say you did a good job today. Keep it up and you'll definitely be ready for crossrails by the end of the summer.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” I said, in what was only a slightly snotty voice.

The four of us walked down the long dirt road away from the stables. When we were far enough away, Molly
poked me in the side with her elbow. “You're so mean to Madison. She's just trying to look out for you.”

“I am not!” I protested. “I can't believe you called me mean.” I crossed my arms and walked ahead of her along the shady road.

“Okay, not mean, I guess. It's just so obvious you want her to leave you alone.”

“That's because I do want her to leave me alone!”

“Just be glad you have a sister. You could be an only child like me,” said Whitney. “I would
love
to have Madison for a big sister. She's so pretty, and she's popular and outgoing. Don't you just love her?”

“Yeah, all the CATs are cool, but Madison's, like, everybody's favorite,” Amber gushed. “You're lucky, Jordan. I bet my older brother hasn't even noticed I'm at camp right now. Madison's really nice.”

“Yes, you're all right. Let's see—Madison's nice, pretty, popular, outgoing . . .” I counted off all her many qualities on my fingers. “Next time I see her, I'll crown her Princess Perfect.”

Molly and Amber laughed out loud over that, but Whitney just shook her head and frowned at how ungrateful I was to have such an amazing sister.

Of course I loved Madison. She was my sister. It's practically a law that you have to love the people in
your family. But didn't they all see how much pressure she'd put me under the other day? Sure, she was trying to help me. She would love it if I turned out to be a Madison clone.

I'd be so happy if I could learn to jump this summer. But was that enough?

Even if I did jump, I could already hear what people would say.
Oh, look at Maddy Junior! She's just like her big sister!

But Madison and I weren't anything alike. Maybe we looked alike, but the similarities stopped there. I could never be like Madison—confident, adventurous, daring. That just wasn't me.

No matter how good I got at riding, I'd just be Madison's little sister. What would it be like if I did something that was all my own—just me?

“I'm glad the rain finally stopped,” said Maggie, a girl from Cabin 4. “I hate rainy days at camp.”

We had just walked into the lodge for evening program, and the noise of all the Middlers crammed into one space was a little deafening. The lodge was one big room with high ceilings and wooden rafters overhead, and tonight there was a fire going in the fireplace, since the rain this afternoon had made everything damp and chilly.

“Really? I happen to like rainy days.” We found a spot on the floor where we could sit down near Melissa, Brittany, and Erin.

“Well, at least we didn't miss our riding lesson because of the rain,” Molly said.

I thought the rainy afternoon had been a lot of fun.
After lunch, we'd gone back down to the stables to watch a group of Senior girls do a jump course. We'd all run to the stables for cover when the rain came, and the smell of the rain, the horses, the hay, and the leather had all mixed together.

“Erin and I were at the climbing tower, so a bunch of us ended up on the dining hall porch. I like rainy days too,” said Brittany.

The counselors had been out on the porch of the lodge, planning something for tonight, but then they all filed in through the doors.

Libby Sheppard, one of the swimming counselors, announced, “Tonight we bring to you a skit performed by your exceptionally talented counselors! Presenting a fractured fairy tale for your enjoyment—here's the story of ‘Prissyrella'!”

We did lots of different things at evening program—games and contests and things like that, but skits were my favorite. I loved watching all the counselors perform.

Then Michelle Burns, a counselor from Cabin 2, came out wearing a “wig” that looked like she'd stolen it from a mop. She held up a mirror and brushed her stringy gray mop hair and sighed, “Pine Haven is
soooo
boring with no boys around! I can't wait till the first
dance with Camp Crockett.”

Next, a bunch of counselors told Prissyrella she couldn't go to the dance until she went to all the great activities available at Pine Haven. So Prissyrella had to swim a lap across the lake, climb to the top of the climbing tower, and hit a bull's-eye in riflery before she could go to the dance.

All during the skit, the counselors were obviously loving being onstage and drawing attention to themselves. I wondered if maybe some of them were a little bit nervous performing in front of all of us. Did they think they looked stupid? Were they at all self-conscious? They definitely didn't show it if they were.

Our two counselors were really fighting for the spotlight. Tis kept intentionally scooting in front of Rachel since Rachel was so short, but Rachel would grab Tis around the waist and drag her off the stage, then run back to her former spot. They had the whole lodge in hysterics over their competition for center stage.

If only I could be like that. If only I could be on a stage and not care about how I looked or what people thought about me.

It was so not me to act that way. But wasn't that why they called it acting? Because you weren't on stage being yourself. You were pretending to be someone
else. And why couldn't you pretend to be someone who was confident and outgoing? It was like stepping outside of yourself and becoming someone new, at least for a little while. What would that be like?