Fear of Falling (15 page)

I tried to stay awake for as long as possible. I didn’t want to sleep. I didn’t want to miss a single second of feeling Kami in my arms. I didn’t want to forget her scent of vanilla and orchids, filling my senses as I breathed her in. I didn’t want to let go of the overwhelming urge to run my hands over every inch of her petite body until she shook with need. Need for
me
.

But after working all day, then beating the shit out of that drunken asshole, I had to finally give in. I let my eyes close and tried to hang onto the edges of my reality, refusing to dream. Because my dream was right beside me, curled against my body.

Some time during the night, I felt her jerk awake and gasp. I wanted to ask her if she was ok and soothe her if she had a nightmare. But before I could, I swear I heard her moan and nuzzle into my chest like a cat finding that sweet spot on the couch. She felt incredible in my arms, but more than that, it felt like she was comfortable there. Like she was made to be there. And that made me feel 10 fucking feet tall.

I kept my breathing level and my eyes closed as I felt the very tips of her fingers brush against my arm. At first, it was just a simple touch. I almost thought she had fallen back to sleep and was unaware of what she was doing to me. Then after a few seconds ticked by, she started touching me again with the most feather-light strokes of her fingertips. There was a pattern in her touches. She wasn’t trying to drive me insane, causing a deep throb inside my jeans. She was tracing my tattoos.

Her fingers outlined every curve and line with light, leisurely strokes. She worked her way up from the back of my hand to my shoulder, those delicate digits beginning their trek down to my chest. Softly, she brushed the ink next to my heart, letting her fingernails graze the ring through my nipple. I damn near bit my own tongue to keep from groaning.

After she had finished her thorough examination of the words that housed my pectoral, her fingers continued their dance down to my abs, taking the time to caress every ripple of my midsection. Her touch ignited a fire inside me, and I prayed that she couldn’t see the bulge in my pants in the dark. And if she did…well, shit, there was nothing I could really do about it. She had to have known the effect she had on my body. She was sexy as hell; I’d have to be dead not to be aroused.

Just as I was about to pretend to stir awake so I could cover the massive erection that was aching to be touched, I felt it. Her lips on my chest, so soft, warm and utterly perfect. It was just the slightest brush of her mouth, but it was enough to have my heart hammering double time and my cock throbbing. Shit. There was no way she couldn’t know what she was doing to me. And there was no way I could restrain myself much longer.

I heard Kami sigh, then she placed her head on the spot she just kissed. I couldn’t be sure, but what sounded like a sob broke free from her chest. I could almost feel the ache in her throat as she tried to muffle it, but once I felt the warm moisture of tears against my skin, I knew she was crying.

As much as it made me feel like an insensitive asshole, I let her cry in private. Only a few tears slid onto my chest, so I knew that she was somewhat ok. At least, that’s what I hoped. I just didn’t understand how she could go from caressing the length of my torso and kissing me, to crying. Had I done something? Was some hidden pain inside her triggered by my presence? Whatever the reason was, it tore me in two. She was too beautiful to cry. I wanted to kiss those tears away and make it so she never had a reason to cry again. Unless it was from the overwhelming waves of pleasure that I ached to give her. Those tears were absolutely acceptable.

The telltale signs of deep breathing told me she had fallen back to sleep. As carefully as I could without waking her, I wrapped my arms back around her and held her tight. This girl had gotten to me. She was making herself as permanent as the ink already embedded in my skin. Kami had branded me with those tears.

The bright sun filtering through the curtains stirred us from our slumber hours later. I didn’t know what time it was, but judging by how tired I still felt, I knew it was early.

“Good morning,” Kami whispered, her head still on my chest.

“Morning,” I replied in a gruff voice, kissing her hair. It was a reflex. I don’t know if she felt it but if she did, she didn’t react.

After a few beats, she sat up and stretched her arms above her head. My eyes, still lazy with sleep, were fixed on the patch of exposed skin from her tank top riding up. Her skin looked so soft and delicate. I imagined licking every inch of it. Every. Single. Inch. My mouth watered.

She looked back at me, catching my appraising gaze. “Oh God. It’s true.
Dammit
,” she mumbled.

I frowned, my eyes narrowing with confusion. Was she regretting letting me stay? I sat up next to her, still reclining back on my elbows. If she wanted me gone, she was going to have to say it. And judging by the way she was touching me last night, she had no regrets then.

“You’re one of
them
,” she muttered shaking her head.

“Them?”

“Yeah,
them
,” she sighed. Her eyes met mine, the rosy flush of her cheeks giving away her reticence. “One of those guys who have freakishly amazing hair first thing in the morning. Those guys that don’t even have to style it. Just run their fingers through it a few times, and it’s magically perfect and gorgeous.
Them
.”

I chuckled to mask my relieved breath. “Them. I wasn’t aware there was a club. Do I get a membership card?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugged. “I’ve never seen one in the flesh. I’ve never woken up beside a guy. Other than Dom, but of course, he doesn’t count.”

Again, my eyes widened, and my playful smile faded. Was she trying to tell me she was a… “Oh.
Oh.
That’s ok, I mean, uh…”

“Oh no!” she giggled shaking her head. “I mean I’ve slept with a guy…like…you know.
Slept with
-slept with. But I’ve never slept with one for the sole purpose of sleeping.”

“Never?” I asked, my brow cocked with skepticism.

“Never.”

I ran my hand through my tousled bedhead without thinking, earning an eye roll from her. “Well,” I smiled, “glad I could be your first.”

Kami shook her head before climbing out of bed and crossing the room to the bathroom. She turned back to look at me before reaching the doorframe. “Well, why don’t you and your sexy head of hair go make some coffee? Since this is the first time,” she rolled her eyes again, “I should warn you: I am a bitch on wheels without my coffee.”

“Yes, ma’am,” I grinned, rolling out of bed.

Kami giggled as she entered the bathroom, causing the smile on my face to widen even more. “Ugh! You southern boys with your perfect manners! Kill me now!”

I popped into a hall bathroom to freshen up before heading to the kitchen in search of steaming hot ground goodness. They had one of those fancy machines that made one cup at a time. I had no fucking clue how to work one, but after tinkering with it and finding the little cups of assorted coffees, I finally figured it out. Kami walked in just as the first cup had finished brewing.

“I made you French Vanilla,” I said, handing her the hot, steaming mug. “You guys have so many different flavors, and I didn’t know which one you’d like. I figured it was safe.”

Kami took the cup in her hands and took a sip without the use of cream or sugar. “Oh, so you thought I looked like a vanilla type of girl?”

I had to turn away from the task of trying to brew my own cup to assess her face. I didn’t know if I had offended her or not, but the sweet smile on her face told me she was just teasing me. “I don’t know, Kami. Do you like vanilla?”

She shrugged, then took another sip. “It’s great sometimes; vanilla can be really good when it’s done right. But I like it a bit bolder. Stronger.”

I had to grasp the edge of the counter to keep from splaying her body across the breakfast bar and covering her with my mouth. Shit. There was no way we were still talking about coffee. The evidence was right there in her pink cheeks. Kami was flirting with me. And if she wasn’t careful, she would see just how bold and strong
I
could be.

Still blushing, Kami broke eye contact and set her mug down. I took the opportunity to finish making my cup of coffee, taking it black as well.

“Are you hungry?” she asked, making her way to the refrigerator. “I can make you breakfast.”

I sipped my hot brew and contemplated her question. Oh, I was hungry alright, but not for eggs and bacon. The way I was feeling at the moment, I was ready to make Kami my breakfast, and I didn’t have enough time to fully savor her.

“No, thanks. I actually have to get going. CJ will be by to pick me up soon. I texted him earlier.”

Her face instantly dropped though she caught it quickly, slipping on a manufactured smile. “Oh? Big plans today?”

“I don’t know. That depends, Kami,” I shrugged.

“Depends on what?”

“Whether or not you can be ready by 6.”

I set my cup on the counter and walked over to her at the refrigerator. I eased the door closed and propped an arm over her head, gently pushing her back against it. “I have to go by the bar, but I want to take you out later. I know it’s your day off so I understand if you have plans already. But if not, I want to spend the evening with you. Will you let me?”

I looked down at her big green eyes, our faces mere inches from touching. I needed to kiss her. So. Fucking. Bad. But not now. Not like this. I needed to make her believe that she needed to kiss me too. I needed to prove I was worthy of her lips.

The sounds of the front door opening and closing startled us, and I went back to where I had left my coffee. Not because I was scared or embarrassed, but because the ball was now in her court.

“Yes,” she whispered. “I can be ready.”

Dominic entered just as a relieved smile crept onto my face.

“Holy shit, what a night!” he exclaimed. Once his eyes fell on me, still shirtless and barefoot, his smile quickly faded, and he froze. His wide, almost angry, expression whipped to Kami, her back still flush against the fridge.

“Kam, what’s going on?” he asked her, though it sounded like he was asking her if she was ok.

Kami’s eyes met mine, and I took that as my cue to exit, downing my coffee and placing the cup in the sink.

“Hey, I’m gonna grab my stuff and wait for CJ downstairs. He should be here any minute.”

I walked over to Kami and slowly let my hand brush her cheek. I wanted to do so much more, but I didn’t need an audience.

“I’ll see you at 6,” I said quietly, still aware of Dom’s questioning gaze. Then I let my thumb graze her bottom lip before forcing myself to pull away.

“Dom,” I nodded as I passed him. He still looked confused, his eyes darting between Kami and me. I knew she was about to receive an earful, and I desperately wanted to save her from it. I heard the hushed interrogation before I even made it to Kami’s room.

I slipped on my dirty t-shirt and shoes and was just about to head out of the front door when Dom stopped me.

“Hey man, wait up,” he said, jogging towards me. “I’ll walk you down.”

Ah, I knew where this was going. Though the whole “What are your intentions” conversation was usually reserved for fathers and big brothers, I could respect Dom for looking out for Kami. I could tell he really cared for her.

“Kam told me what happened last night,” he began as we made our way down the hall to the elevator. “Thank you. Seriously. I should’ve been there. I should’ve brought my ass home last night. Fuck! Dude, thank you for helping her. I owe you.”

I shook my head. “You don’t owe me anything. I was just glad I was there in time before…shit. I’m just glad I stopped that fucker in time.” I felt my fists tighten at my sides and my face flame with rage.

“She also said you stayed with her. To make sure she was ok.” Dom cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable. “She said nothing happened.”

“Yeah, and?”

“It’s just…even though nothing’s happened yet, I see how you look at her. And how she looks at you. And I just want you to know… Kami is special. She’s unlike any chick you’ve probably ever dealt with. And because of how
special
she is, she needs to be treated delicately.”

“Ok…?” What the hell was he trying to get at? I knew Kami was special, but he was making her sound special in a totally different way, as if she was disabled or slow.

“Bottom line, she needs a lot of patience and understanding. She needs someone that can protect her, mostly from herself. And if you’re not that type of dude, walk away now. I won’t judge you; I won’t be upset. Don’t show up for your date tonight. I can even cover for you or something. Just get out now, and don’t look back.”

I frowned with disgust, furious at his words. “What the fuck… Do you have this talk with every guy she dates?”

Even after seeing the violent expression on my face, Dom chuckled and shook his head. “Only with ones she actually likes.”

“Hmph,” I snorted. “And is she ok with this shit?”

“Wouldn’t know,” he shrugged. “You’re the first.”

His words cooled the anger I felt just moments before.

I was the
first
.

I wasn’t just imagining it; Kami had feelings for me. Feelings as real as the ones that had kept me up at night for the past month, picturing those bright green eyes and pouty lips. Feelings that I needed to explore.
We
needed to explore.

“Let her know I’ll be back at 6. And tell her to dress comfortably.”

I stepped onto the elevator, the doors sliding closed on Dominic’s nod of acceptance. I already knew Kami was special. I knew she was unlike anyone I had ever met since the day she came into Dive, blinking away tears and in search of an escape. I knew she was running then. And thankfully, she had run straight to me. And I was hell-bent on making it so she never felt the need to run again.