Fear and Aggression (36 page)

She could hear someone approaching. It was
Steve. The glance that they both exchanged showed that they were
both in a foul mood. “Can we talk? In private.”

He nodded, and they made their way along the
corridor to his room.

“
Things aren’t looking
good,” said Tammy as the door to his quarters was shut.

“
No, things are looking
pretty bad. I’m ready to drop the bomb. Somehow, I don’t think that
me getting you pregnant will be much of a concern compared to
everything else happening on earth. They’ll relieve us, or just
have us come back to earth. We can drop off Aspiria, and be back to
the station within a week. I’ll bet within a month we will be back
on earth. I’m sure that they will want to ‘detox’ us and make sure
that we are not spreading alien diseases. We will be getting
debriefed during that time as well. I may get let go, but that may
happen anyway. The President is looking for people to take the
fall. We’re not coming home to a hero’s welcome any way we look at
it, so this might actually soften the blow. Besides, Tammy, I just
love you. I’m ready to begin our family. I think that it will be
better to have you on earth as soon as possible, away from all of
this stress.”

“
If I wanted this child,
I’m sure that what you said would be comforting. At least I know
that you are truly brave. But I don’t want this child. I’m not sure
if I ever want children. I love you, too, but I’m not sure if I
want this; I’m not sure that I want to have a family with you. I
don’t know what I will want in the future, but I know that I don’t
want this now— even if we could, somehow, ‘get away with it.’ I’m
mad as can be about what’s going on back on earth. I really want to
bring her back and show her off. But people are so stupid. It just
makes me mad. Once they stop acting like fools, I may still get my
chance to display her. Maybe we can take her to a space station and
wait for the earth to cool down, so I can bring her
there.”

“
I’m not bringing her
anywhere, other than back to her family. She deserves nothing
less.”

“
I don’t think that that
is your call,” Tammy said in a frigid tone

He glared at her, feeling hurt, anger,
fatigue, and stressed. He, however, recovered quickly. “I’m sorry;
I don’t want to fight with you. We’re both just so exhausted.
Please don’t abort our child. I know that everything seems to be
going all wrong, but who knows what tomorrow may bring. Please give
it some more time.”

He looked at her tenderly, but firmly. She
did not look him directly in the eyes. She came close and embraced
him. They held each other for a long time, and both took solace in
each other’s touch. “I’ve got to go,” she said as she let go. He
gave her a soft kiss on the cheek.

“
Get some rest,” he said
lovingly.

“
I will; you
too.”

Tammy walked out of room and into the
corridor. Tears began to well up in her eyes. She tried to keep
them from falling, but it was no use. She wiped her eyes, and
choked back the flood that was ready to heave over its bounds. She
quickened her pace, thinking that her resolution, towards her
mission, would dissipate the emotions.

As she walked into the lab, she could see
Aspiria in her open cell reading or studying on her tablet. She was
obviously preoccupied, but looked up and smiled warmly at Tammy.
Tammy gave her a quick nod, and continued past the cell towards her
medical supplies.

“
How are you feeling?”
asked Aspiria.

“
Not well, I need to take
some medicine.”

“
Be careful, it may not be
good for the child.”

Tammy did not answer, nor acknowledge her.
She rummaged through her things, until she found what she was
looking for. She took out two pills, and put them in her right
hand, closing her fist around them tightly, and then put the bottle
back. She walked over to the small refrigerator and took out a
bottled water, and held it unopened in her left hand. “I need some
rest; I’m going back to my bed. If you need anything, could you
call Danny?”

“
Sure,” Aspiria responded,
“I’m sure sleep will be good for you. You are an amazing woman. I
can’t image keeping up the pace that you do, especially being with
child. I have learned a lot from you. I’m glad that it is you that
is here with me.”

“
Thanks, Aspiria, you’re
sweet. I’ll see you later.”

She walked out of the lab, and towards her
room. This time the tears could not be stopped. She let them fall
as she walked, blurring her vision completely. Her head ached as
she cried. She entered her room, locked the door, and sat on her
bed. She put the pills, and unopened bottled water, on the stand,
and then just held her head in her hands. The tears flowed now,
along with loud audible sobs. She felt alone, angry, and
overwhelmed. Eventually the tears and the sobs subsided, but what
she felt inside had not changed. She stared at the light, coming in
from under the crack under the door, from the corridor. Her head
really ached now, and she began to feel queasy in her stomach. She
opened up the water bottle and took a drink. Then she slowly picked
up the pills and put one on the back of her tongue. She lifted the
bottle, and swallowed it down. Then she followed suit with the
second pill. She drank half the bottle and put it down on the
stand. She lay down on her bed, with her back towards the door.
When she awoke, the pregnancy would be over.

Mike, like everyone else, was feeling edgy.
It didn’t help that his job description had, essentially, become
non-existent over the past several weeks. They were in a perfect 3D
orbit, and he had not needed to fire the engines. Maintenance and
other daily, menial tasks were completed within the first couple of
hours of his shifts. Talking, card games, and reading filled up the
rest of his time. Kenny and James were primarily doing the
planetary observations and research. He helped them from time to
time, but found himself as much in the way as providing any
assistance to them. The mission prerogatives were well completed by
now; so, they too were generally left with a plethora of time on
their hands. The next stages of research, for everyone, would
require going to the planet and testing directly, or would require
more subjects. All of this was currently out of the question.

Steve was the exception on the ship. He was
absorbed constantly in his duties: dealing with Central Command,
learning Aspiria’s language, and preparing reports. Central Command
spent hours with him each day, and he always returned from his
briefings looking worn and stressed. He seemed to enjoy his
language sessions, and he, perhaps more than because of duty, spent
the hours trying to get away from his other stresses.

Mike was on the deck alone, and trying to
read, but unable to get into his book. Steve walked in from his
meeting with Central Command. Mike looked up, expecting him. Lately
they had not talked much, mostly because of Steve’s schedule, but
also because of the secret that they shared. Steve was supposed to
man the deck, and Mike started to get up.

“
Do you have a few
minutes?” Steve asked.

“
If there is one thing
that I’ve got, it’s time. What can I do for you,
Captain?”

“
Have I mentioned my
little brother to you before?”

“
Yeah, I think you
have…Mark, isn’t it?”

“
Things are getting bad
back home. He took a real bad beating. Sent him to the hospital
with a bad concussion, and broken ribs…all because he is
my
brother. Central
Command is considering requesting protection for our families. I’ve
got to get back to Mark. He only has me and our grandfather; I
don’t think Gramps is up to the job, not with all this going
on.”

“
They’re not going to let
you go back to earth, now, are they?”

“
I haven’t spoken about it
with Central Command. Look, you know what’s going on with Tammy and
me.” He dropped his voice, and then got up and closed the door to
the bridge. He also disengaged the microphones. “If we come clean,
it may allow me to take the fall for this mission, and then the
President and Central Command can save face. I’ll go home
disgraced; but, hey, it looks like that is happening anyway. Then,
I can focus on helping Mark, and starting my own family. Maybe when
things calm down, I’ll be looked at sympathetically, and have some
place in this whole history. Either way, what I care about most is
helping out Mark, Tammy, and our new little one. The rest of us all
want to get out of here for now. Another mission, with more
objectives, might bring anyone who wants to come back; but we are
wasting our time at this point. I think that it’s well past time
for Aspiria to get back to her family.”

“
Are they going to let you
just send her back? ‘Thanks for coming to space camp—don’t forget
to write!’”

“
I’ve told her that she
will go back home. She deserves nothing less. She could be a real
asset for future missions. She and I are the only ones who can
actually communicate with each other’s species, and I may not be
getting an ambassador ship anytime soon with what I am about to
explain to them. We are going to need friends on that planet. If
I’ve done anything right, it’s that I haven’t alienated the
alien.”

“
The people on earth are
freaked out about her and the rest of them. I know it’s crazy, but
what will happen if we let her go, and then she shares all that she
knows about us, which is a lot, with them? I like her a lot, but I
don’t think that we can just say, ‘thanks for your time, enjoy your
life.’ There is no way she is just going back.”

“
I trust her. She is good.
I think that she trusts me, and I am not going to let her down,”
Steve said, more forcefully than he intended.

“
Would you do it on your
own accord, or disobey Central Command? If you do, Tammy’s
pregnancy will be the least of your concerns. I don’t mind keeping
quiet about the baby, but I have a career in front of me. I won’t
help you disobey orders.”

“
You don’t think that it
will come to that, do you?” Steve asked more softly.

“
I don’t know. The way you
are talking, and everything that’s going on, I’m just
saying…”

“
Tammy said the same thing
yesterday. But, I think that I still have some clout…maybe not
after I reveal the pregnancy, though. I may need to work on getting
Aspiria back first, and then spill the beans. It’s not going to be
pretty, no matter how I look at this.” He sat quietly for a few
minutes. “No, I’ve got to get the ball rolling and get back. It
will be better for everyone. No one at Central Command, nor the
President, has any idea what to do at this point. If I let them
know, it will get things going, and I think I can manage to get her
back at that point.”

“
Is Tammy in on you
spilling the beans?”

“
She has been in on
everything from the beginning, that’s how these things work. We
share the consequences.”

“
Yeah, but does she agree
to it…this way?” said Mike looking his Captain directly in the
eyes.

“
I’m going to talk with
her right now. Do you mind keeping the deck a little longer? I’m
not overworking you, am I?” Mike was feeling underworked, but
sitting on the bridge, reading a book, wasn’t much work,
either.

“
No problem,” Mike
responded.

“
Thanks for talking with
me. I’m glad that you are here.” Steve meant it
sincerely.

Mike gave him a friendly solute and returned
to his book.

Steve headed towards the lab. He was
relieved to find Tammy alone; Aspiria was cooking with Bob and
Danny. Steve shut and locked the lab door, causing Tammy to turn
around and look at him curiously. They were used to looking for
ways to talk privately, but Steve had never been so overt
before.

“
We’ve got to talk,” he
said.

“
I can see that,” she said
motioning to the door with her head.

“
My little brother took a
bad beating, all because of me, and our mission. I’m ready to get
back. It’s time to help my family—him, and us.” He tried to smile
sweetly, but the sorrow and strain that he was immersed with showed
through too much. Tammy did not speak or offer an expression. “Like
I said yesterday, I’m ready to confess and get this over with. I
think that we can all be back on earth soon, and move on with
better things. This mission is all wound up anyway; it’s time to
get going.”

“
Steve, I know that you
have a lot going on. But you don’t listen very well. I’m not
confessing to anything. I’m going to get everything back on track.
It may take a while, and it may not go as I had envisioned it, but
I still possess the most important scientific research in
centuries. I am not giving it up.”

“
They are going to find
out. Confessing may help…”

“
No one is going to find
out anything.”

“
How? What do you
mean?”

She looked down, and then away. Her tears
were all dried up, but the emotion returned. She paused for several
moments, and then looked at him. His face did not show any hint of
understanding. “I told you that I didn’t want that child. I aborted
it last night. I’m not pregnant anymore; it’s over…it’s all
over.”