Fate Undone (The Mythean Arcana Series Book 5) (36 page)

CHAPTER THIRTY

A second later, Sylvi was sprawled in the same place on the university grounds from which Yggdrasil had stolen her. Her friends were gone, no doubt trying to find her.
 

Logan was gone. She wept into the dirt, unable to process anything other than grief. More than anything, she wished she could remember all of their time together. But there were blank holes that her soul grasped for.

The night was black around her, the stars all gone behind clouds. She had half a memory and nothing but tears. How was she supposed to be able to save him?

The faintest rustling noise drew her eye upward. A black bird circled overhead, rising to the sky. His black feathers were soon lost in the dark night.

 
Logan?

Her chest throbbed at the thought.

It couldn’t be. He’d flown away. And he had no memory of her, so he wouldn’t be here.

Her only hope of restoring him was to get him back his memory, and that was hopeless. Why hadn’t she forgiven him sooner? She should have realized why he was pushing her away and stayed.
 

True, he never should have pushed her away, but she should have gotten over her fucking pride and forgiven him.

But she’d never been any good at forgiveness. All her time in Asgard, she’d held herself to such a high standard in her attempts to ascend to godhood that she’d started to hold others to that high standard as well. She hadn’t even been able to forgive her own mother, for fate’s sake.

She blinked.

Freya. Of course Freya would be able to help her with this. Freya, among her many titles, was the goddess of memory. The raven Munin, whose name meant memory, sat upon her shoulder while the raven Hunin, whose name meant thought, sat upon her husband Odin’s shoulder.

Her mother had tried to contact her over the years, but Sylvi had ignored her. She’d been so angry with her for not defending her against the other gods when they’d evicted her from Asgard. But for Logan, she’d go on her hands and knees to Freya.

Sylvi sat, every muscle in her body aching. She had to get to Asgard, which meant she’d need Vivienne’s help. When she’d been evicted, the gods had taken away her ability to aetherwalk home. But Vivienne had the power to aetherwalk into any afterworld. She could take her.

With hands trembling with fatigue and nerves, Sylvi withdrew her phone from her pocket and dialed Vivienne’s number. Minutes later, they met in the cobblestone courtyard near the Praesidium. Esha and a blond woman that Sylvi recognized but couldn’t place came with her. The knowledge that the blond woman’s identity was erased from her memory sent a shiver down Sylvi’s spine.

All three hugged her.

“What the hell happened to you?” Esha asked.

“It’s a long story. I’ll have to tell you later. I need to go see my mother.”

Esha’s brows shot up, a nonverbal
You have a mother?
 

Sylvi ignored it and turned to Vivienne. “Can we go?”

Vivienne nodded and wrapped her arms around Sylvi. A second later, she stood in the flower-filled courtyard outside of her mother’s home.
 

Her heart suddenly ached with a homesickness she hadn’t felt in centuries. This had been her home and Freya, her mother. Overwhelming feelings of loss and love bombarded her. Perhaps she hadn’t forgiven others not just because of her own high standards for the conduct of others, but because it hurt too much not to be angry.
 

Anger was better than pain.

She tried her best to repress everything that was bubbling up in her chest and turned to Vivienne. “Thank you. I can get home from here. They’re sure to kick me out when this is all over.”

“Okay. Good luck.” Vivienne squeezed her arm, then disappeared.

Sylvi turned back to the courtyard, marveling at the expanse of beautiful gray stone and the elegant building in front of her. Flowers tumbled along the edges of the courtyard and a creek burbled by.
 

She made her way slowly across the courtyard. What was she going to say to her mother?
I’m sorry for ignoring you for eight hundred years, please save my love, the god you hate?

Before she could dwell on it any longer, a slender figure rushed from the front entrance. A brilliant blue cloak flew from her shoulders and her golden hair glinted in the sun. A black raven—Muninnn—flew in her wake.

Mother.

Freya threw herself into Sylvi’s arms and squeezed her tight. “I knew you would change your mind!”

“You did?” Sylvi asked when Freya pulled back. Tears glinted in her eyes and Sylvi realized that her own eyes were wet as well. She caught sight of Muninn sitting on a rock several feet away.

“Eventually you had to forgive me. I’m sorry we evicted you.” Freya squeezed Sylvi’s arms to emphasize her point. “I truly had no power to stop it once all the other gods had decided.”

Sylvi swallowed hard. Her mother was right, of course. In her pain and anger, Sylvi hadn’t wanted to think of such things. She’d been so young then and the sun had risen and set on Freya. But Freya was no greater than the other gods.

The consequences of her inability to forgive were becoming more apparent. But if she could forgive Logan, of course she could forgive her mother. And apologize, though the concept would have seemed foreign to her even ten minutes ago.

“I’m so sorry I ignored your requests for contact for so long. And that I was so angry with you. I see now that you had no choice.”

“Of course. Come inside.” Freya turned and tugged on Sylvi’s hand.

Sylvi resisted. “I can’t. I want to, one day. So that we can catch up. But I need your help now.”

“Anything.” Sincerity gleamed in Freya’s eyes.
 

The whole terrible story spilled from Sylvi’s lips. Freya’s eyes grew wide.

When Sylvi finished her tale, Freya said, “You truly do deserve the godhood that has been denied you.”

“I don’t want it,” Sylvi said. “I want you to return Loki’s memory to him. Muninn can do it.”

Freya’s face fell. “I’m sorry, Sylvi. Muninn cannot. When a memory is gone from a person, it is gone.”

“What?” Sylvi’s lungs struggled for air. A boulder surely pressed upon her chest. “No, of course Muninn can return Loki’s memories.”

Freya gripped her arms. “I’m sorry. So sorry. But Muninn cannot do this.”

Sylvi felt her knees buckle and managed to stiffen them right before she fell over. Logan’s memories were truly gone? Sucked from his soul?

“I’m so sorry, daughter.” Tears spilled from Freya’s eyes. “Perhaps you can make new memories with him?”

“He doesn’t even remember himself. He’s in his falcon form.
He’s lost to me
.”

Her mother watched her with thoughtful eyes. “He might not be,” she said slowly. “You have the power within you to return his memories, I think.”

“What does that mean?”

“I’m not entirely sure. But I can see it. The ability is within you. Only you can determine what exactly that means.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

Sylvi returned to her home a short while later after promises to Freya that they would see each other again. Her mother hadn’t been able to tell her any more about her strange pronouncement and Sylvi was having a hard time taking hope in her odd words. The stern taskmaster that she’d known when she’d been Freya’s protégé had softened with time. Though she should be happy about the reconciliation—and deep down, she was—she just couldn’t dredge up the joy that would be normal in this situation.

Her chest felt utterly empty as she made her way to her cottage. When she let herself inside, she was assailed by memories of Logan. Why was it that she’d lived here so long alone, yet now all she could remember was him?

And worse, there were blank spots in her memory that told her there were things she didn’t remember about him. She wanted to assume they were bad things, but the ache in her heart told her that
no
, the love she felt for him was strong enough that there was nothing dark about him missing from her memory. And she remembered many ways that he annoyed her or had pissed her off in the past.

Yet she still loved him.

Her tears started to fall in earnest by the time she made her way to the bathroom. Through bleary vision, she drew a bath in the old porcelain tub and climbed into the steaming water. She just wanted to lie here and weep, then, ideally, disappear into nothing.
 

Logan’s memories had been stolen from him. Torn from his soul and thrust into nothingness. For the rest of her life, her own soul would reach out for someone who had forgotten her, torn apart by the memories and shadows that now haunted her. Her love was lost on the wind, his soul free, but not in the way he would have wanted. Or the way that she wanted.

She wept. Her soul ached for his.

She opened her eyes and sat up, her hand pressed to her chest. It throbbed, like a second heartbeat within her. His soul. Hope and fear dawned.

It was
within her.
Like her mother had said.
 

When she’d saved him all those years ago, she’d given him part of her soul to help him escape his bonds. And she’d taken part of his in return.

She scrambled out of the bath and dragged her clothes on, not stopping to dry herself. She had no idea how she would find him, not when he was a bird flying far away, but she’d search for him for as long as it took.

Because now she had the answer. It felt right in all the ways her other ideas never had.

She ran from the cottage into the early dawn light. Though she personally didn’t have any type of magic that would help her locate him, she’d go to every witch, sorceress, shaman, and priestess in this world and all the afterworlds until she found a spell that would lead her to Logan.

She turned toward the witches’ courtyard to start her journey, then stopped dead.

That same rustling noise sounded overhead. She’d heard it right before she’d gone to Freya. Sylvi glanced up.

Above her, circling in the pale dawn light, was a black falcon.

Logan.

A harsh sob broke from her chest. The falcon spotted her and swooped down. Just before landing, he turned into a man.
 

Logan. Her love stood before her.

She threw herself against him and wrapped her arms around him. He didn’t hug her in return. She drew back. There was confusion—and perhaps even love—on his face. But no recognition. His mind was still gone, but he was drawn to her.

She withdrew her staff from the aether, then gripped his arm and closed her eyes, recalling the spell she’d cast so many years ago. She took a shuddering breath and searched deep within herself, locating the scrap of his soul that she’d taken for her own. Using everything in her, she forced it back into his body. It would reignite the larger part of his soul, breathing life into what was forgotten.

Her skin tingled and a chill rushed over her as his soul passed back to him. Instinctively, she reached inside of him and recovered the part of her soul that she’d given him so many years ago. When balance was finally restored, she opened her eyes to see Logan’s gaze clearing. Her own mind finally felt at peace, as if the gaps had been filled in.

“Sylvi.” Logan’s voice was rough as he pulled her to him.

Tears of joy spilled down her cheeks. “You’re back. You remember.”

“It was you. It was my love for you that couldn’t be extinguished by the labyrinth or Yggdrasil or any amount of memory loss. That’s what brought me back to you. I couldn’t leave.”

She flung herself into his arms again. He pulled her closer and kissed her, pouring all his fear and joy and hope into the kiss. She was everything he’d been missing for so long, and she’d brought him back from nothingness.

He didn’t want to let her go when she pulled away, but she was insistent.
 

“You remember everything?” she asked. “No blank spots?”

“Everything.”
 

“What about your will? Your hope? When you gave it all to Yggdrasil in the labyrinth, it was clear that you ran dry. You just stood there. It took everything I had to drag you out of the labyrinth.”