Fate Undone (The Mythean Arcana Series Book 5) (22 page)

“Why did you anger the gods so, Loki?” Her voice broke on his name.

“I had to. You
know
that I had to.”

“No, you didn’t. You could have listened to me and waited. You could have saved us from this fate by resisting your compulsion—at least for a while. You ignored the consequences you knew would come because you couldn’t wait. You’re so clever, but so unwise! And selfish!”

“I was made this way! By the beliefs and hopes of thousands of mortals. It is who I am. I am their belief in justice, in retribution against those who would abuse their power. I’m the spirit that makes beaten men and women crawl up out of the dirt and fight against those that would keep them down. The gods killed Fenrir. They had to be punished.”

“You sacrificed me—what we had—when you did this!”

“You could never understand. You are but a slave, never questioning, bowing and scraping before the gods.”

The anger and pain in her eyes twisted something in his chest.

Her brow creased. “I didn’t have any choice. I had to. Though I may have been a fool.”

“May have been? Of course you are a fool.” He worked to make his voice harsh. She couldn’t stay here with him. He’d brought her this low. He’d only bring her lower if she were forced to stay here for years, caring for him. She needed to be able to pick up the pieces of her life, no matter how desperately he wanted her to remain at his side.

Hurt flashed across her face. “How could you say that to me? After what I’ve done for you?”

“How? Easily. You are a fool. You blame me for getting you evicted from Asgard, but you made your own choices. I didn’t need your help. I didn’t ask for it.” He had to make her leave.
 

A shocked noise escaped her, then an incredulous laugh. “Of course you did!”

“You’re but a demigod. You think you could help
me
? Loki, the leveler of the gods?” It made his chest ache more to watch the tears spill from her eyes. It was tearing him apart inside, but in his fevered mind, he knew it was for the best. He told himself they were tears of anger, not pain.

More than anything, he wanted her to stay with him. But he couldn’t do that to her. She deserved a better life than caring for an invalid like him for centuries.

“But… but…” she searched for the words.

“You’re a fool, Sigyn. I had a plan all along—”
lie
“—and you ruined it. You were stupid enough to get yourself banished from Asgard and stupid enough to consign yourself to a life in Midgard. Go to it now. Leave me.” He had to grit his teeth against the pain in his chest. Was it the venom wound? Or was it his heart breaking?

She shook her head, grief and anger warring on her face. “I
never
want to see you again.” Her voice was so soft, so serious, that he believed every word. Never again would he see her. Hold her. Hear her voice.

She was lost to him.
 

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Barents Sea

Present Day

“Mind if I join you?”

Sylvi jumped, then turned to see Ian. She’d been so lost in her memories that she hadn’t heard him creep up on her. “Uh, I’m kinda enjoying a bit of solo seafaring time here.”

He raised a brow.
 

Fine. It was a dumb excuse. “I just don’t particularly feel like company, all right?”

“I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation with Esha,” he said, clearly intent upon ignoring her wish for isolation.

Annoyance streaked through her. “You were spying on me?”

“I wouldn’t call it spying.”

“Yeah, right.”

He shrugged. “Fine. I was spying on you. I’m a thief and a Sylph. What do you expect?”

Sylvi mentally kicked herself. Sylphs were air spirits, which gave him the power of invisibility. Of course he could spy on her if he were interested.

“Why the hell would you spy on me?”

“Logan is my closest friend. You’re one of the very few things in his past that he ever talked about, so I’m interested in you.”

Surprise raced through her. “He told you about me?”

“Some. Mostly when he was drunk. We’re friends. I saved his life. He’s saved mine. He taught me how to control some of my powers. We were partners—thieves, specifically—for decades before I was sent to prison. He’s my closest friend.”

“How can you forgive him for that? He left you there for a hundred years.”

“I’m not pleased about it, but we have a longer, stronger history than just that. I know how he works. He makes decisions for people that he thinks are right and he sticks by them.”

“That’s such a pain in the ass.”

“Don’t I know it. I sat in a cell for a hundred years because of him. But he did spring me eventually, once he had the means. Before he had the bracelet that allows him onto the campus, he couldn’t have saved me at all. When he took my place in the prison, it was a major sacrifice for him. He put his plans for the labyrinth on hold so that I could be with Fiona.”

“Don’t try to talk him up to me. I see what you’re doing. You’re trying to make him seem like a better guy than he really is.”

“Nah. He is who he is. A god. And he’s got all the arrogance of one. He was born to put the other gods in their place. Of course he’s full of himself and thinks he’s always right. Doesn’t make him a bad guy. I might be pissed at him sometimes, but the good he’s done for me outweighs the bad and I know his intentions are honorable.”

“I’ll decide that for myself, thanks.”
 

“Don’t use his actions in the cave to help you make that determination.”

Shock hit Sylvi in the gut. “What? How do you know about the cave?” Had Logan
told
Ian how he’d rejected her?

“Logan told me about it once when he was drunk. We were celebrating a big heist and he drank his filter away.”

“
Why?”

“He regretted driving you away. He never wanted to, but he didn’t want you to be saddled with him for centuries while he healed in that cave.”

“What? Centuries? And what do you mean, he never wanted to?”

“That poison was a nasty one. He knew it’d take centuries to get it out of his system. He loved you, Sylvi. Probably still does. But he wanted you to have a better life than one in a miserable cave in the mountains, so he drove you away. He knew you wouldn’t leave as long as you thought he needed or wanted you, so he chose cruelty. He regrets it, you know.”

“He never told me.” Her mind struggled to comprehend the history that Ian was rewriting.

“I had a feeling he didn’t. He wouldn’t explain himself. Never does. Stubborn arse. But he’s suffered all these centuries and I don’t want to see it anymore. I thought if you knew the truth of why he drove you away, you’d forgive him.”

Logan had wanted her all along? He’d tried to give her a better life by driving her away from him when he was sick so she wouldn’t waste centuries caring for him? That’s exactly what she’d wanted to do.

“What an asshole!” She hit the boat railing as hard as she could. “That son of a bitch!”

“Whoa, calm down!” Ian reached out a hand to pat her shoulder and she swatted at it.

“Don’t tell me to calm down, you idiot. Why the hell did you think this would help?”

“Because I told you he loved you and acted to protect you?”

An enraged little shriek escaped her. “He gave me centuries of pain because he tried to decide what was best for me! Like he did with you and the prison! Arrogant bastard!”

A thoughtful gleam entered Ian’s eye. “Huh. Maybe that’s why Logan never told you what he did. He knew it’d piss you off.”

That enraged her even more. She shoved him out of the way and stomped across the deck toward the cabin door.

She had to get her shit together. This was
not
the time to lose it over Logan. They would be going up against the Retaliator soon and she’d need all her wits about her. She’d have to shove her anger down deep—or better yet, use it as fuel against the Retaliator—and once this was all over, she could address the matter at hand.

She sucked in several deep breaths to calm herself, then reached for the cabin door just as it swung open. She dodged out of the way.
 

Esha stood in the stairwell. “Hey. I was just looking for you. It’s about time for dinner. Lutefisk calls.”

At her feet, the Chairman’s ears perked up. He liked it as much as Sylvi did.

Sylvi tried to mentally shake off her disquiet. “Sure. Let’s go eat some freaking lutefisk.”

Esha gave her a weird look, like she knew something was up, but wisely didn’t pursue the topic. Instead, she said, “I don’t know how you can eat that stuff.”

Sylvi was grateful for the distraction and ready to play along. “Come on. I’m Norwegian. And he’s a cat. Of course we can eat it. And mind your own trough. You can eat the potatoes.”

They made their way to the stairs. The
Amerfisk
was relatively large at over a hundred feet. It meant there were enough cabins for each of them and the two crew members, for which Sylvi was grateful.
 

By the time they reached the galley, dinner was almost served. Lutefisk, potatoes, and tinned peas sat on chipped ceramic platters on the main galley table.

“Hey! Back from enjoying our fine Nordic weather?” Aurora asked from where she was spooning potatoes onto her plate. She was so different from Esha that it was hard to believe they were sisters. Aurora was short and curvy, with golden skin, eyes, and hair. Though they were both soulceresses, Sylvi was almost certain they were only half sisters.

“Nothing finer,” Sylvi said, appreciative of anything to talk about that would distract her from thinking about Logan. She studiously avoided looking at him.

Warren leaned over to kiss Esha. Chairman Meow sauntered under the table to sniff at Aurora’s familiar, a sleek black cat who Sylvi figured was a girl. She hissed at the Chairman.

Sylvi grinned and glanced up, only to catch Logan’s gaze on her. He’d adopted his false face again, but his eyes were still so familiar. She glanced away and set about filling her plate, proud of herself for acting like everything was normal when it seriously was not.

Though her conscious mind was determined to pretend that she was over him, her body wasn’t. He still made her breath come quick and it pissed her off. Though, in fairness, her breathing problems could be from anger.

She shoveled too much lutefisk onto her plate and thanked the smiling cook. The scruffy blond man smiled and nodded. He was the captain’s all-around helper, attending to both the ship and the cooking. She assumed mortals would need a larger crew to run a vessel this size, but both the captain and his mate were some type of Mythean species that dealt well with water, though they hadn’t said which. Her gut said some kind of fey, but she wouldn’t pursue it if they didn’t want to share. Some species were secretive and it was safest not to press them.

She carried her plate to the U-shaped bench that surrounded the main table where everyone was sitting. Esha and Aurora blinked at her and smiled innocently.

The only seat left was next to Logan. Which they’d planned, of course. Their loss though, because she was a damned adult and she could simmer in anger as silently as the next person.

She slid into the bench and tucked into her lutefisk.

“The captain said we’ll arrive in Svalbard tomorrow morning,” Warren said.

“Good,” Sylvi said. “I’ll get up early and try to perform a spell to help us locate the Retaliator’s island.”

“Once we find it, we’ll take a skiff and beach it,” Logan said. “With any luck, this’ll be done quickly and the Retaliator’s spell will only stop us from entering Svalbard via aetherwalking. We could be home by tomorrow evening.”

Everyone nodded. There wasn’t much else to plan in their attack other than everyone else acting as a distraction or backup while Sylvi tried to suck out the Retaliator’s knowledge with her staff.
 

Aurora and Esha started chatting about the witches back at campus—who they both mutually despised—and Warren slipped the Chairman all the lutefisk from his plate. Aurora’s familiar stood with her paws on the table between Aurora and Logan. Her head was buried in the lutefisk on a distracted Aurora’s plate.

“I like your friends,” Logan said softly at her side.

She jumped a bit in surprise and scowled. “You’d be an idiot not to.”

“I’m not sure this rules out idiocy for me.”

She scowled. No matter how angry she was at him, she’d missed him. It just made her madder. “I believe that.”

The sleek black cat who’d been eating off Aurora’s plate turned her big yellow eyes on Logan. Sylvi glanced at Aurora’s plate to see that it’d been cleaned.

“What’s this cat’s name?” Logan asked.

“Mouse,” Aurora said.

His brows rose, but he scooped up a big bite of lutefisk and put it on the paper napkin in front of Mouse. “Here you go, Mouse.”

The cat didn’t spare him another look as she set about devouring her prize. Because she was a familiar rather than a normal cat, Sylvi figured Mouse could probably eat the entire serving platter of lutefisk. Still, she didn’t think she’d have to share as long as Mouse had a mark like Logan.