Fastball (16 page)

Sighing with pleasure, Maddie took a seat on
the over-stuffed sofa and pulled her legs up under her. The room
had a big gas fireplace which poured out warmth and soft lighting.
For the first time in days she began to relax, and she gave Emma a
grateful smile when her friend handed her a cup of cinnamon-spiced
decaf coffee in a generous mug.

“So, now that we’ve talked about everything
else,” Emma said with a little grin, “let’s talk about the good
stuff. What have you been doing for sex lately?”

Maddie rolled her eyes. Emma was nothing if
not direct. Her old friend knew all about her reluctance to engage
in casual or meaningless relationships, so she was clearly yanking
her chain.

“What’s sex? Oh yeah, now I remember. That’s
what vibrators are for, right?”

They both dissolved into laughter, although
in Maddie’s case her joke was actually a pretty accurate assessment
of her sex life.

“That bad, still?” Emma said after she
stopped giggling.

“Stone cold bad. It’s not that I don’t get
asked out. Once in a while some new guy at the paper tries his
luck. And sometimes I meet interesting guys from news agencies or
TV stations at the games. I get a dinner or two at nice
restaurants, but honestly that’s about as far as I’ve ever wanted
to go since I know most of those guys aren’t remotely serious. I’m
not jumping into bed with a guy just because I’m a little
horny.”

“A
little
horny? Sister, you must be
climbing the walls by now. But I hear you. I was so lucky to meet
Reed when we were young. Thank God I was spared all that dating
angst.”

Maddie wrinkled her nose. “Some women love
it—the dating, not the angst. My friend Martha at the paper, for
one. But I guess I’m old-fashioned, like my mom. For me, sex
without love isn’t worth much. Maybe it’s not even worth
anything.”

“I’m with you, honey,” Emma mused softly. “I
hope something good happens for you soon, though, Mad. It should,
because you’ve got it all. Any guy in the world should want to have
you and love you forever. I know it’ll happen soon for you. It’s
bound to.”

Maddie rolled her lips together, trying to
decide how much to confide. “Well… there
is
something, now
that you mention it. But I don’t think it’s going to work out.”

“What?” Emma jerked upright, reaching across
the plump cushions scattered between them to poke her in the
shoulder. “Give it up, girl!”

“Well, if you insist,” she drawled in a
teasing voice.

“I insist,” Emma practically yelled.

Maddie laughed. “Okay. One of the Patriots
players seems to have taken an interest in me. Have you heard of
Jake Miller?”

Emma thought for maybe a few seconds. “No,
but you know me. I don’t exactly follow sports. I’m sure Reed would
know who he is.”

“Oh, there’s no doubt about that. Miller has
been one of the biggest stars to come along in the last ten years.
Anyway, you don’t care about that, so I’ll skip the baseball card
bio. Jake was called up earlier this month, back when I was in San
Diego travelling with the team. He was badly injured at the
beginning of last year, and missed the whole season. In fact, he
even had to spend a couple of months playing in the minors this
season, too.”

Emma made an impatient
get on with it
gesture.

“Okay, I’m getting there. After Miller
finally got called up, I figured I’d do a big story on him—the
whole comeback thing. It would be a coup if I could get him to open
up about himself, because he’s notorious for refusing to talk about
anything but his game on the field. When I finally approached him
for an interview, he agreed, but insisted we do it away from the
park, privately.”

She paused, remembering the weird intensity
of that first meeting. “The way he looked at me, Emma…well, it was
amazing. Anyway, to make a long story short, let’s just say I did
something really stupid and agreed to meet him in LaJolla for
dinner.”

“What’s stupid about that?” Emma said with a
puzzled expression.

“That kind of thing is a complete no-no for
reporters. The teams have strict rules against it. You can ask a
player questions in a scrum in the hallway or locker room, but for
an in-depth, formal interview you have to have it set up by the
team’s PR guy, and conduct it at the ballpark. That way they have
control over what’s going on.” She shook her head. “It’s a crappy
system for getting a really good, in-depth story, but that’s the
only way the teams will play it.”

“So, you blew that off and met Miller for
dinner, right?”

Maddie smiled wistfully. “Unfortunately, I
did. And it turned out to be a great interview. I couldn’t believe
how Jake opened up for me. He talked about practically every aspect
of his life. In fact, I’ve never had a player get quite that
personal before. It was like he really
wanted
me to be able
to write a great story. He didn’t treat me like the enemy, which a
lot of players do.”

“Interesting. What else happened?”

Now she began to feel uncomfortable. How to
explain something she didn’t quite understand herself? “Ah, there
was a hell of a lot of chemistry between us, I guess you could say.
And all night long Jake looked like he wanted to climb across the
table and, well, you know. Not that he’s a caveman,” she rushed to
add. “He’s surprisingly sophisticated, and acted like a gentleman
all evening, but I could tell
exactly
what he was
thinking.”

“Men,” Emma said, shaking her head. “What
else do they ever think of? But, then again, I say thank God for
that!”

They both started laughing again, easing the
tension of the moment.

“And what were
you
thinking?” Emma
asked.

Maddie stared down into her half-empty mug.
“I had so many emotions running through me it’s a miracle I ever
got through the damn interview. I guess what I was feeling wasn’t
too far from what he was feeling. That I wanted to spend time with
him, get to know him. And you cannot believe how attractive and
sexy he is.” Lord, just thinking about the man made her blush.

Emma grinned. “Smoking hot, huh?”

“Totally on fire hot. He’s really big and
built, but not coarse at all. He’s smart and gentle and sensitive.
A small-town, family-first kind of guy, which is very, very
appealing.” Especially to Maddie, who’d always yearned to be part
of a big family.

“You say you both wanted to… so did you?”
Emma asked.

Maddie gave her friend a sheepish smile. “No.
We went for a walk down to the oceanfront, and he tried to kiss me.
But I pulled back. The thing is, I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted
it more than I can tell you. But I had to think about what it would
do to my career if I got involved with him.”

Emma looked skeptical. “Would it really be
that bad? I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?”

“Sorry, Em. You’re not looking at it from the
other point of view. A sportswriter can’t be objective about the
game if she’s involved with one of the players. That’s what’s
holding me back. Well, that and the fact that Patriots management
could probably get me fired.” She sighed, starting to feel
exhausted and depressed again. “Jake says he understands my
situation, but he wants us to say to hell with it and see each
other, anyway. Yesterday when we were together at a golf
tournament, he followed me into the woods, shoved me up against a
tree, and kissed me hard. My knees buckled, literally. God, we
weren’t far from having sex right there in the woods, even with our
playing partners back in the fairway waiting for us.”

Emma bounced excitedly in her seat. “Cool!
You should have let them wait!” When Maddie gave her a dumbfounded
look, her friend shrugged her shoulders. “Okay, I hear you. But did
that change anything? Did it make you want to give him a try after
all?”

“Of course. But I can’t. I’d be risking
everything I ever worked for.”

“Mad, you’re not really answering the
question,” Emma said in a gentle voice. “You can tell yourself a
thousand times a day that it’d be risky. The question is would it
be worth the risk? Is
he
worth the risk? What if he’s the
one?”

Maddie put her cup down on the coffee table,
refusing to meet Emma’s gaze. As usual, her friend didn’t let her
get away with the avoidance ploy.

“Maddie, I know you,” Emma continued, “and it
sure sounds to me like you’re fighting a losing battle with
yourself. You’re working so hard to convince yourself that a
relationship with Jake is too dangerous that I think you may be
missing the point.”

“And what point would that be?” Maddie asked
in a sarcastic tone. She winced. “Sorry.”

Emma gave a magnanimous wave. “No worries.
The point is that some things are worth taking a risk for. Just
like some things are worth fighting for. You don’t know how it will
turn out in the end, but you do it anyway because just the act of
doing it is worth it. So the question for you comes down to this—is
Jake Miller worth taking a risk for? It sure sounds to me like he
might be. Hell, Mad, you’ve described the perfect man.
I’m
ready to date him.”

Maddie snorted and reached for the carafe to
refill her mug. Truthfully, she was giving herself time to think.
Like a true friend, Emma fell silent and let her do just that.

Emma’s words had startled her, but in the big
picture they also made a lot of sense. Despite her innate caution,
Maddie had always believed some things were indeed worth taking a
risk for, worth fighting for. Her dad had taught her that, and
after he died her mom had carried on with that philosophy. So why
hadn’t she been able to see that when it came to Jake? It dawned on
her that she’d been so fixed on worrying about what the outcome
would be, fearing the worst, that she’d lost sight of what was
really important—giving herself a chance for the kind of life she’d
always wanted.

And giving Jake a chance, too, by not
succumbing to her ever-present fear of failure. True, they barely
knew each other, but they’d shared a powerful connection from the
get-go. Maddie didn’t really believe in love at first sight, but
she did believe that the universe sometimes presented golden
opportunities, and she’d be a fool to ignore the one currently
dropped into her lap.

She let out a quiet laugh, acknowledging the
enormous sense of relief flooding through her. Maybe Emma was
right, after all.

After taking a couple of deep, steadying
breaths, she finally found the courage to speak the words. “You’re
absolutely right. You’ve always been the wise one, and I’m so lucky
to have you.”

Emma slid across the sofa and hugged her, and
Maddie couldn’t help but choke up. “I know I’m a total control
freak,” she said. “I never want to do anything unless I know
exactly how it’s going to turn out. And I’m always afraid that
something bad is going to happen.”

Her friend held her at arm’s length, studying
her. “I know, Mad. But don’t beat yourself up. It’s not like the
universe has been handing you and your mom bowls of cherries these
last few years. But I truly believe things will come right for you
in the end if you give them a chance. You’re a good person, and you
totally deserve the love of a good man. To me, it sounds like Jake
Miller just might be the right kind of man for the job.”

Maddie nodded. “I don’t think I’ve got a
choice
but
to try it. Because, really, this is no way to
live. I’ve been going crazy over it.”

“Look, you’ve got a couple of days here where
you can relax and have some fun with us. Spend some time thinking
things through.” Emma stood, picking up the empty coffee mugs. “I
know you’re going to do the right thing when you get back. I can
feel it. But for now, why don’t we do something really bad and have
some of that double-fudge chocolate cake I bought this
afternoon?”

Maddie smiled, relishing the sense of relief
and gratitude enveloping her. For the first time in days, she felt
right.
“I’m with you. Got any Haagen-Dazs to go with
it?”

After she returned home from Worcester,
Maddie had had little time to do more than unpack her bag and pack
a larger suitcase because early the next morning she was on the
Patriots’ crack-of-dawn flight to Chicago, about to cover the
three-game stand against the Cubs. She loved those afternoon games
at Wrigley Field, where thousands of Chicago faithful skipped work
or whatever else they should be doing to enjoy an afternoon of
baseball in a beautiful, historic ballpark.

The time she’d spent at Emma’s had given her
a chance to think. Of course she still worried about her career and
how a relationship with Jake could actually work, but she was tired
of being afraid. Right now what she knew for sure was that she
wanted to give him a chance to make his case. She would fly to
Chicago with the team and simply let the chips fall.

Maddie had desperately wanted to get a decent
night’s sleep before the alarm rang at five. Visiting her mother
was always emotionally draining, and a longer than usual drive home
in a traffic-snarling rainstorm had exhausted her. But instead of
getting a good sleep, she had tossed and turned, her restless
thoughts filled with Jake Miller and the uncertainty the next day
would bring. She’d had to call up all her reserves to pull herself
together so she looked half-decent when she got to the airport and
boarded the plane.

As she found her seat, she stopped to stow
her suitcase in the overhead bin and glanced farther down the
aisle. Jake sat about eight rows back, next to Nate. He did a
little double take when he spotted her, his eyebrows lifting. Her
heart skipped a beat under his suddenly intense look, and she
couldn’t hold back a smile. Maybe he’d missed her these past four
days. She had to repress a crazy grin as she sat down and buckled
in. Her exhaustion lifted, confirming her instincts that what she
planned to do was the right thing after all.