Fast Track (22 page)

“I don’t know,
maybe it’s just me, but I’ve always wanted to find that special
someone. I thought I found him-”

“You mean
Justin?”

Yes.
“I
was engaged. He moved out to California not long ago, and I decided
not to go with him. It turns out he wasn’t the right man for me,
after all.”

“Better you
find out now.”

“I guess
so.”

“Justin’s not
the right man for you either, huh?”

“Right man,
wrong career.” Anna tried to smile, but she knew she couldn’t fool
someone as shrewd as Megan. “It is what it is, right?”

“I think it is
what you want it to be.”

“What do you
mean?”

Megan shrugged.
“If you wanted to be with Justin, you’d find a way to make it
work.”

“It’s not that
simple, Megan. I’m not like you. I can’t just pretend it doesn’t
bother me that he’s willing to put his life on the line for no good
reason.”

“He does have a
good reason, Anna. It’s called passion. Most people go through life
never figuring out what it is they were born to do. Justin’s
following his bliss, and even if it ends his life prematurely, at
least he can say he lived instead of merely surviving.”

Anna watched
Megan push off the counter and walk out of the room. Anna wanted to
challenge her, but how could she? Everything Megan said was
true.

***

“Would you stop
fussing?” Justin said through clenched teeth. “You’re driving me
crazy.” He squeezed his eyes shut and pleaded for patience when he
saw his mother’s wounded expression. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to
snap at you.”

“It’s okay,”
she said, sitting on the sofa beside him. “I know how you get when
something puts you out of commission for a while. The doctor said
it’s going to be a few weeks before you can get back to work. Why
don’t you go to the island-”

“No!” Just the
thought of setting foot on that island brought back an onslaught of
memories he wasn’t prepared to deal with yet.

“I’m sorry, I
just thought-”

“No, I’m
sorry.” Justin reached for his mother’s hand. “Look, I appreciate
the ride home, but you can go now. I’ll be fine.”

“I’m sorry
things didn’t work out with Anna, honey.”

Closing his
eyes, he let his head fall into the cushions behind his neck. “I
really don’t want to talk about her.” Forty-eight hours had passed
since the accident, and her silence told him they had no future.
Her worst fear came to pass when he got into that accident, and
evidently she couldn’t find the courage to move beyond it.

“Maybe you
should go to Nashville and try talking to her.”

“Why? What
difference would it make? I’m tired of trying to sell myself to
her. At the end of the day, I’m still going to be a professional
race car driver. Nothing’s going to change that.”

His mother
sighed, drawing his attention.

“What’s that
all about?”

“You don’t
understand how hard it is for the people who love you to accept
your job. My hands are clenched so tightly during every race I have
imprints in my palms for hours.”

“But you’ve
never tried to talk me out of racing.”

“It’s not like
I could have.” She patted his hand. “I can’t tell you how many
arguments your father and I have had about it, Justin. In the early
days, I used to plead with him to convince you to take an office
position, but your father knew that would never make you happy. He
told me this is your life, not ours, and we have to find a way to
let you live it, even when we don’t agree with your choices.”

“You really
don’t want me to be a driver?”

“As a mother,
no.” She smiled at his surprise. “You’ll understand when you’re a
parent, sweetheart. A mother’s instinct is to protect her child at
all costs, and I’ve been around this sport too long to ignore the
risks. I’ve watched friends lose their children in crashes, and I
go to bed every night fearing that I’ll be the next one who has to
bury my child.”

Justin leaned
forward, putting his arm around her, ignoring the pain shooting
through him. “I had no idea you felt that way.”

“Your father
always told me we owed it to you to keep our reservations to
ourselves.”

“You mean Dad
feels the same way?” Justin found that hard to believe. His father
had been part of the racing world for as long as he could remember,
and he was always the first one to pop the champagne corks to help
Justin celebrate his victories.

“As a team
owner, he’s so proud of you, but as a father, he’s afraid for you.
Just like I am, just like Anna is. We love you, Justin. We’re all
afraid of losing you.”

He took a
moment to process that before he asked, “You think that’s the
reason Anna has such a hard time with this, because she loves
me?”

“Honestly, I
think she’s the first woman who’s really loved you.”

Leave to his
mother to tell him the truth, no matter how much it hurt.

“Those other
women may have loved you for the way you looked, your celebrity
status, or your bank balance, but they never loved you for the
amazing man you are when the cameras are off.”

Justin held his
bandaged ribs, wincing as he shifted position. “You think Veronica
felt that way too?”

“I think she
cared about you,” Colleen said slowly.

He could always
tell when his mother was hedging. “Give it to me straight, Mom. You
know I can take it.”

“Do I think she
loved you the way Anna does? No, I don’t.”

“What makes you
say that?”

Colleen smiled.
“The only thing standing between you and Anna is your career. If
that was the only reason she wanted to be with you, she’d be
encouraging you to race as long as possible.” Reaching out to take
his hand, she said, “She loves you because of who you are, not what
you do. I don’t think I have to tell you how rare that is.”

“I love her so
damn much,” he whispered, closing his eyes. “But I don’t know how
to fix this. I don’t know how to convince her I’m not going to lose
my life to this sport.”

“You can’t
convince her of that. It wouldn’t even be fair to try.”

“Then what do
you suggest?”

Wiping away a
tear, Colleen said, “Just convince her to treasure every day you
have together. Whether it’s days, months, or years, make her
believe that you have what it takes to make her happy.”

Justin pulled
his mother forward so he could kiss her cheek. “Thanks, Mom. That’s
exactly what I’m going to do.”

Reaching into
her handbag, Colleen extracted a thick envelope. “I was going to go
to Nashville myself, but since I assume you’re going, you can save
me the trip. Besides, I have a feeling this may mean more coming
from you.”

“What’s this?”
Justin asked, taking the envelope his mother offered.

“It’s a
publishing contract. We started talking to Lauren about Anna’s work
at the fundraiser. Lauren said she had digital files of Anna’s
books, so we asked her to email them to us. She’s good, son. Really
good.”

Justin smiled,
unable to contain his pride. “I thought so too, but I’ll admit to
being a little biased.”

“Well, I’m not
and neither are your sisters. We recognize talent when we see it,
and Anna has it. We’d love for her to join our team. Do you think
you can convince her?”

Justin laughed.
“I’m going to work on my proposal first, then I’ll work on yours.
How does that sound?”

“Oh, honey…”
She gripped his leg. “Are you going to propose to her?”

As much as he
would like to, Justin knew it wasn’t the right time. She was still
coming to terms with ending her engagement, and it wouldn’t be fair
to ask her to be his wife until she felt more comfortable seeing
him behind the wheel.

“No, not yet.”
Justin grinned at the disappointment on his mother’s face. He knew
she’d waited a long time for him to feel that way about someone,
and she probably wanted it to work almost as much as he did. “Don’t
worry, Mom. It’ll happen… when the time is right.”

The morning heat was
so stifling, Anna decided to wait until sunset to go for her jog.
When she opened the door, she almost ran right into Justin,
knocking him off balance.

“Oh my God,”
she said, reaching out to steady him. “Are you okay?”

She saw he was
in a lot of pain, but the pain etched in the lines bracketing his
mouth wasn’t what twisted her heart. It was the pain deep in his
eyes, obvious to anyone who spared him more than a passing glance.
She was responsible for that. It was her fault. She’d made him
believe, in that one magical night they shared, that she was strong
enough to be his other half.

He braced one
hand on the doorframe, the other over his ribs. “Yeah, just give me
a minute to catch my breath.”

Anna felt a
little breathless herself. She’d never welcomed confrontation. She
wasn’t even sure who or what she was fighting anymore: her love for
him or her desire to live a stable,
normal
life.

Even when
Justin retired, he would always be a thrill seeker, the guy who
jumped out of planes, scaled mountains, and ran headlong into his
next adventure without heeding warnings. She would always be the
girl sitting on the sidelines, watching, waiting, and praying for
his safe return. She couldn’t live like that, no matter how much
she loved him.

“Come in,” she
said, reaching for his hand. “Let me help you.”

“I’m fine.”

She didn’t know
who he was trying to convince, her or himself, but it was painfully
obvious he was far from fine. “You shouldn’t have traveled in your
condition.”

“Mitch flew out
here with me. He went over to Hotshots to see Deacon.”

Anna closed the
door, wishing there was more room to breathe in the small foyer. It
seemed no matter how much oxygen she drew into her lungs, it fell
just short of being enough. “Can I get you something to eat or
drink?”

“This isn’t a
social call, Anna.”

“Then why did
you come?”

“I deserve
answers.”

She couldn’t
deny he was right. She’d uttered promises in a moment of weakness,
vows she would now have to admit she didn’t have the courage to
honor. “Let’s go into the living room and sit down.”

Without a word,
he followed closely behind her.

His body may be
battered and bruised, but he still oozed power and sexuality like
no other man she’d ever met.

“Have a seat,”
she said, gesturing to the taupe sofa. Looking around, she frowned,
seeing her home as he must see it: plain, non-descript. It was
decorated as though she couldn’t even take a risk with furniture or
paint color. When had her life become so
beige?

“I’m glad
you’re all right,” she said, sitting down across from him. Folding
her hands primly in her lap, she swallowed when he glared at
her.

“Do I look all
right to you?”

“I-”

“I’m not
talking about the cuts and bruises. Those will heal. Can’t you see
what you’re doing to me?”

Anna was
speechless. No man had ever loved her enough to admit that the
thought of losing her left him… “No, why don’t you tell me?” She
knew asking him to spell it out was cruel, but she may not have
another chance to hear the words only he would be brave enough to
say.

“Not many
things scare me, Anna. There aren’t many things I won’t do. But
letting you go… that qualifies as one of them.”

Anna closed her
eyes, regretting her wish for full disclosure. She knew his words
would haunt her for the rest of her life. When she lay in bed next
to her husband, listening to him breathe in the seconds before he
fell asleep, when she rocked her newborn baby in her arms… She
would hear Justin’s voice asking her if reality was everything she
hoped it would be.

“When you asked
me if I’d been in love before, I automatically thought of
Veronica.”

Just hearing
the name of the first woman who’d stolen his heart prompted
feelings of jealousy the old Anna would have been incapable of
experiencing. Knowing him, loving him, had changed her in ways she
never would have expected.

“In fact, I’ve
thought about her a lot lately.”

“I see.” She
didn’t, but she would chew off her own arm before she admitted she
despised a woman she’d never even met because she’d claimed his
love first.

“I thought
about the kind of relationship we had, what I liked about her, what
I didn’t, what was missing.”

“No
relationship is perfect.” Anna tried to pull off stoic, but the
tremor in her voice told her she was failing to convince him or
herself.

“You’re right.
Relationships are hard work, but when it feels right, it’s worth
it. Don’t you think?”

“I don’t know.”
She’d always believed relationships were supposed to be easy, like
her relationship with Tom. They never fought, perhaps because
neither one of them cared enough to put up a fight until it was too
late to salvage the remnants of hope that had died years ago.

“Anna, look at
me.”

It wasn’t until
he asked that she realized she’d been focusing on her hands. She
was twisting them, trying to infuse heat into skin that suddenly
felt lifeless.

“You can’t live
your life in this state of perpetual fear. Sometimes you have to
take a chance and just hope for the best possible outcome.”

She couldn’t
believe he was trying to convince her to gamble her entire future,
like she was betting a week’s pay at the blackjack table. “You’re
asking me to be someone I’m not. You love the cameras and the red
carpets, but I don’t. That’s not the life I want.”

“That’s not
what this is about, and we both know it.” His voice was deceptively
calm, but she saw he was furious.

“Why don’t you
tell me what it is about, since you seem to have all the
answers.”