Fangs for Nothing (Vampire Hunting and Other Foolish Endeavors) (22 page)

Chapter 31

No one listened to the police. Well, everyone heard the police as eviden
ced by the whole room instantly scattering, but no one obeyed the police. The problem was that there was really only the one exit that wasn’t boarded over. Many of the Chosen used the swarm technique figuring the cops couldn’t grab everyone. Others scrambled to hide behind loveseats or in Vincent’s inner chamber. With the cops temporarily occupied, Xander grabbed a chair and started bashing at the wood that was blocking one of the old doors. I reached in to yank away any broken pieces after each swing, but it must have been a very hard wood because the chair was disintegrating faster than the door. Lana dragged over another chair. “Here, Sherbie. You help smash; Rini and I will pull out the wood.”

There was a lot of yelling and police whistles blowing and the Chosen stampeding back
and forth. Our progress was slow. Whoever the carpenter was that fitted the wood parquet to block the doors was a master craftsman and had done his best work. We weren’t making much progress. There was a hole that was maybe big enough for Rini to shimmy through, but the rest of us were screwed. Xander raised a hand to get my attention. “Hold up.” He pulled Rini toward the hole. “I think you can make it out. Take my keys and go.”

“No
.” Rini crossed her arms and dug in her heels.

“There’s no time to argue
.” Xander tried shoving her, but she resisted.

“You’re all here because of me. If one of us deserves to take the blame, it
’s me. If the cops get us, I’ll tell them it’s my fault.”

I give Rini points for this because a large part of it was her frickin’ fault. But it also wasn’t a good time to stand around point
ing the finger of blame. “Move,” I barked, raising my chair up to smash the door again.

“Sherbie
.” A girl grabbed my shoulder. I assumed it was Lana, but it turned out to be Maureen.

“What the hell?” I jerked away from her just in case she had a knife or something.

“If you want to get out of here, follow me,” she yelled over the chaos.

“
Weren’t you just swearing you were going to kill us like five seconds ago? Why should I trust you?”

“Yeah, sorry about that. I was pretty freaked. But listen, I know a way out of here
, and I’m leaving. You coming?”

The initial scrum
that had formed at the mouth of the passageway had thinned out. The police had detained a few kids. Others were falling back to find hiding places in the lair. We were out of options, and I wasn’t looking forward to giving Grandma a call from the police station. “Maureen knows a way out,” I called to the others.

“
Let’s go.” Maureen slipped along the wall to the furthest corner of the room. There was yet another door there blocked over with the parquet woodwork. Running her hand along the edge of the door frame, Maureen flipped a hidden switch, and a panel of the blocked wood popped open. “Go.” She nodded toward Rini who, after a moment’s hesitation, slipped inside. Lana and Xander quickly following.

I was about to head
into the secret passage myself when I glanced at Maureen. She was looking back into the room, taking it all in, her eyes brimming with tears. I reached out and took her hand. It was still sticky with Short Vincent’s blood. “Come on.” I tugged gently and she followed me.

The vampire’s secret passage
was a false wall that left about two feet of space between it and the real wall. Or at least that’s what I glimpsed before Maureen snapped the hidden panel shut and we were engulfed in pitch black.

It was definitely not a good time to consider claustrophobia as a new personality quirk. Maureen
ordered, “Rini, start walking,” and we all shuffled forward, repeatedly bumping into the back of each other and scraping our knuckles on the walls. After about ten feet, the false wood wall disappeared; the passage widened and I could feel tile work.

A dim light came on. Xander had accessed his phone. “We’re still in the station,” he said.

Somebody in the lair shouted, and there was the loud crack of splintering wood. “What is that?” said a deep male voice.

“Some type of secret passage,
maybe,” said a second voice. “We’d better check it out.”

We all started running or trying to run as fast as we could with only a measly cell phone to light our way. Xander herded Rini and Lana in front of him
, and I grabbed Violet Maureen by the arm. I didn’t want to deal with one of those scenes from the movies where one person falls, others go back to help, and everyone gets caught. Or killed, depending on what kind of movie you’re watching.

I could see Rini
’s and Lana’s heads as silhouettes in front of the light of Xander’s phone. They both abruptly disappeared, but Lana immediately popped back up again. “Damn it!”

Rini squealed. “Stairs.”

Fortunately, the stairs were going up, not down, but I guess Rini smacked her shins pretty good. Xander hooked his arm around her waist for support. “Come on, honey,” he growled, and she started limping forward with him half carrying her. There was a light source from somewhere at the top of the stairs because the higher we climbed, the better I could see where we were headed.

At the top of the stairs were three large potted palms that were easy enough to skirt
. A man rushed passed us in a crisp white apron carrying a tray with plates of spaghetti. My brain stalled for several seconds and then locked into place. We were in Firenze’s Italian restaurant.

Another waiter hurried past and gave us a funny look. “Can I help you?” he asked.

“Um, yeah,” Xander told him. “We need a table.”

T
he waiter jerked his head toward the front of the restaurant. “You’ve got to talk to the maître d’.”

Behind a podium stood a debonair little man with a debonair lit
tle mustache. “Hi.” Xander flashed his most winning smile. “We’d like a table for five.”

The maître d’ looked us over. From his face, I concluded we
appeared a bit disheveled. “Do you have a reservation?” he asked.

“Yes
.” Xander glad handed him a twenty. “It’s under Andrew Jackson.”

“Ah, I see it.” The maître d’ grabbed some menus. “This way
, Sir.”

As we were
about to slip into the booth, the maître d’ got a good look at Maureen’s blood-covered hands and smeared mouth. “My God. Are you all right?”

“Uh…”
Violet Girl stared at her hands, trembling slightly.

“She’s fine
.” Lana put an arm around Maureen’s shoulder. “Just a really bad nose bleed. I guess we’d better get her cleaned up. Come on, Rini.”

The girls scurried off. Xander and I were left
sitting in a booth looking at each other. “What do we do now?” I asked.

O
pening a menu, Xander shrugged. “Order the fettuccini.”

Chapter 32

It wasn’t too long until a couple of cops appeared from behind the potted plants. They were also a little confounded
by running down a dark tunnel and ending up in an Italian restaurant. Xander and I busied ourselves with the menus, but that didn’t matter. It was barely six o’clock, so we were the only diners in the restaurant under the age of eighty. The police headed straight to our table.

“Is something wrong, officers?” Xander looked up, his face a study in innocence.

“How long have you been here?” the larger of the two cops asked. He had a big, fleshy face.

“We just sat down.” Xander indicated our open menus.
I did my best to keep my breath steady instead of panting from our recent exercise.

“Where did you come from?”
the smaller cop asked.

“Our… houses?” Xander feigned confusion as if he wasn’t sure what the police officer
s were driving at.

“I mean
, how did you get in this building?” the big cop snapped.

Xander shrugged and made a confused gesture
toward the front door. “We walked in?”

The officers
appeared annoyed, and I was wondering how long we had until they hauled us downtown. That’s when Lana and Rini showed up.

“What’s going on?” Rini bounced up to the table.

“Yeah, there’s a bunch of cops and stuff outside,” Lana said right after her. “Officer, is there a bomb threat or something? Should we go outside?”

“Bomb threat?” a senior citizen at the next table
repeated, looking up from his bowl of minestrone.

“There’s no bomb threat,” the cop told him in a steady voice. “Everything’s fine. Go back to your dinner.”

Lana scooted into the booth next to me. “If it’s not a bomb, then what is it?” she asked. Lowering her voice she added, “Is it a drug bust?”

The police officers exchanged looks. “It’s nothing,” the smaller cop said. “Just checking up on a tip.”

Our behavior must have appeared innocent enough because the cops told us to enjoy our dinners and went to talk to some of the other patrons. We all sat there practically frozen to our seats until a few minutes later when they left.

Sighing with relief, Rini flipped open her menu. “I’m starving. Let’s eat.”

I looked around. “Where’s Maureen?”

“She took off,” Lana told me. “We got her all cleaned up, but then I had to…
um… powder my nose, and Rini had to do the same. By the time we got out of the stalls, she was gone.”

“Gone?” I half stood
in the booth. “But she’ll…” I stammered. “We have to…”

“Sit down,” Xander
demanded. “There are a ton of cops outside.”

I sat down, but I couldn’t stop worrying about Maureen.
Yeah, she had tried to incite the Chosen to kill us, but she also saved us from getting nabbed by the police. Plus, I was half convinced that she first started down the road to being a vampire snack pack because of me, and that didn’t leave me feeling too good. I hadn’t meant to ignore her at school. That is, if she actually did have a crush on me. I was just oblivious. Apparently, when it comes to girls, I’m kind of an idiot.

“Xander, what happen
ed to you in the lair?” Lana asked after we’d been served our appetizers.

“What do you mean
?” Xander crammed a large fork full of tortellini in his mouth.

“The vampire enchanted you, but then you staked him. What made you snap out of it?”

Xander gave a short laugh, his mouth still half full. “I was never enchanted. I just faked it.”

“What?” I paused in the middle of serving myself some
Caprese salad. “How’d you do that?”

“I don’t know. Vincent never seemed that cool to me
.” Xander curled his upper lip in distaste. “I know you guys all liked him, but I thought he was kind of sleazy. I mean, feeding off of teenagers is pretty low.” Leaning in, he lowered his voice. “I’ve always wanted to meet a vampire, but I just thought he’d be more charismatic or something.” He went on, “When Vincent tried to lock onto me with those crazy eyes, I just pretended like it was working and he was enchanting me. No one took my bag with the stakes in it, so I figured I’d wait until he came to feed on me, and then I’d stab him in the heart. But when he got all wound up about Sherbie, I thought I’d take advantage while everyone was distracted.” He smiled at me. “Good job, by the way. You really suckered him in. I was hoping you’d think of a distraction.”

“
You two were incredible,” Lana gushed.

“Yeah, uh…
thanks.” My face went hot.

I had to laugh. It figured that Xander was too c
ool to be taken in by a vampire. But I did appreciate him giving me partial credit, even if it was totally due to my grandmother. I didn’t see any reason to share that piece of information with the girls.

By the time we were done with dinner, the cops had cleared out
from the area, and we figured it was safe to go home. We stopped to drop Lana off first, and Rini insisted I walk her to her door. “The vampires are dead, but you never know who else is lurking out there,” she told me.

“Take your time,” Xander added with a wolfish grin.

Somehow walking by myself with Lana made me feel awkward. Slaying vampires and running from the cops was one thing, but saying goodnight to a pretty girl who also happened to be incredibly cool felt awkward as ass.

“Thanks for coming back and saving us,” Lana said
in a quiet voice as we approached her door. “I mean, I know you came for Rini, but I really appreciate you saving me, too. I probably owe you my life.”

“Sure
.” I felt my face growing hot as the sun. I couldn’t believe she thought I actually saved her from the vampires. If I was ever going to get a real kiss out of her, it was the perfect moment. But naturally, my brain was in overdrive, and instead of sweeping her into my arms like Xander would, I asked, “Why did you go back down there, anyway?”

Lana
squirmed a little. “I don’t know. Rini’s been looking so pretty with the vampire biting her and all. I thought maybe if I just let Vincent bite me once then maybe I would look better, and you might actually like me.”

She said the last half a sentence in a mumble
, and I wasn’t quite sure I’d caught her words accurately. “What?” I asked, a lump in my throat.

“I said, if I was a little prettier the
n someone might actually like me.”

The second time it made more sense.
“Oh.” I nodded. I should have known it wasn’t me she was talking about. “You mean someone like Xander.”

Lana’s mouth fell open slightly. “Wow, Sherbie
,” she said in a half laugh, even though her eyes were tearing up. “Rini told me you were kind of thick when it comes to girls, but you are totally clueless.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean Xander and Rini kept encouraging me, telling me that you might actually like me, but you kept blowing me off.” She swiped at a tear that was slipping down her cheek. “Now it’s gotten to the point that I feel like a total stalker, and you keep thinking I like Xander.”

And then I was kissing her
. I don’t even know how it started. Usually if there’s any possibility that I might get to kiss a girl, I get all nervous and start licking my lips too much and worrying about my breath or asking permission. It was not one of those times.

Lana was in my arms.
And she was kissing me back. Not for luck and not because she was trying to get to Xander. She was kissing me because she wanted to kiss me. And maybe a little because she thought I’d saved her life. But I didn’t care. Her soft, pliant lips tasted like honeysuckle, and I just couldn’t get enough. I could have kept kissing her until we starved.

We broke apart when we were interrupted by a lady walking her cat. Yeah, I don’t know. People can be weird about their pets. Lana’s face was flushed and glowing
. She was the prettiest I’d ever seen her. Once the cat lady had gone inside to her apartment, I asked in a hushed voice, “Lana, you didn’t let the vampire bite you, did you?”

She shook her head. “He was going to after we got back from Cedar Point.”

“Good.” I nuzzled her neck, and she shuddered as my lips brushed her bare skin.

Pulling back slightly, she looked at my face. “Why?”

“Because you’re just so beautiful,” I told her. “And I’m glad that it’s only you.”

I guess I said the right thing because she started kissing me again with a vengeance.

Twenty minutes later, I was back at the car after promising I’d IM Lana once I’d faced the fury of Grandma. Xander and Rini were fogging up the windows, and I felt like a complete tool knocking on the glass. Seeing the two of them go at it was weird. Not because Xander is practically a Nearling without ever having donated any blood to a vampire, but because they’re my best friends. Seeing your best friends French kissing is a little disorienting. It was even worse that they ignored me at first, and I had to knock a second time. Xander finally rolled down the window and grinned at me. “You were gone awhile.”

“
Um, yeah.” I blushed. “You know, just saying goodnight.”

“And did she say goodnight back?” Rini giggled.

“Come on, guys. Cut it out. Let me in the car.”

As I was unlocking the door to our house
after Xander dropped me off, I felt an overwhelming wave of guilt. I didn’t know what I was going to tell Grandma. She was probably going to have a stroke at any moment, and it would all be my fault.

“Is that you
, Herbie?” Grandma called from her customary post on the Barcalounger.

“Yeah,” I
answered, trying to keep the cringe out of my voice. “I’m home.”

“That’s good. Did you have a nice day at work, dear?”

Dear
? My grandmother was not the type of person who called her grandson
dear
. My state of alarm immediately skyrocketed to eleven. “Yeah,” I said as I quickly strode into the living room. “It was fine. Sorry I’m a little late. I know I’m still grounded, but I, um…” I flat out couldn’t think of a plausible excuse. I don’t know how many times I’ve reminded myself to prep before entering the house, but in my defense, it had been a long day. After a few more seconds of saying, “Uh,” and “Err,” I decided I might as well try the truth. “Xander and I were out killing vampires.”

Grandma gave a laugh that came out more like a snort. “
Don’t be silly.”

“
I wasn’t…” Then I stopped because Grandma was actually smiling. I couldn’t tell if she’d just watched a really good episode of CSI or was setting me up for an elaborate trap. “So you’re not mad? I’m not extra grounded or anything?”

Pulling the lever
that cranked her Barcalounger into the upright position, Grandma sat up. “I’ve decided you’re not grounded anymore. Unless you screw up again, and then you’re grounded for eternity.”

“Okay,”
I said hesitantly. It would figure that we’d killed all the vampires in Cleveland and now my grandmother was possessed.

“I just want you to be safe, Herbie.” Grandma reached up and took my hand. “And I want to be able to trust you to make good decision
s.”

“You can,” I told her. “I promise.” I really wasn’t planning on doing anything stupid or life endangering for the rest of the summer.

Grandma hoisted herself to her feet. “But most of all, I want you to be happy. All these teen suicides have really got me worried.”

“Don’t worry, Gr
andma. I would never do anything like that.”

“I hope not.” Grandma pulled a tissue out of the sleeve of her housecoat and dabbed at her eyes. “I know I probably don’t tell you this enough, Herbert, but you’re a good boy
, and I love you.”

“I love you
, too, Grandma,” I said, giving her a squeeze and a kiss on the cheek.

I guess that was enough outpouring of emotions because Grandma
abruptly broke our hug, sat down, and picked up the television remote. “I suppose you’ll want to get on the internets and talk to Kewpie doll.”

“If you don’t mind.”

Grandma changed channels, keeping her eyes on the screen. “That’s fine.” As I headed to my room she added, “Don’t stay on too long.”