Fangs for Nothing (Vampire Hunting and Other Foolish Endeavors) (16 page)

Chapter 21

“You are never to go back there
,” Xander raged. “You understand me? Never.”

“You’re not my father,” Rini
shouted right back at him. “You understand me? Not my father.”

Having them both scream
ing at each other in the middle of Westgate Mall really served no purpose and was starting to get a little embarrassing, so I said, “Both of you sit down and shut up.” Surprisingly, they did it. “Now let’s just figure this thing out. Rini, did you go back to the vampire’s lair?”

“No,” Rini growled. “I went to the orthodontist like I told you. In case you haven’t figured it out, vampires can’t magically get braces off of teeth.”

“Okay, fair enough,” I told her. “But you can see how we might be concerned since you’re wearing a vampire necklace.”

“You signed up to be a blood bag and then you went back to make it official,” Xander
growled.

“Easy,” I cautioned Xander. We weren’t going to get any information out of Rini if he kept putting her on the defensive.
I turned to look at our aspiring little vampire. “Xander’s got a point. We’re just a little worried here. Rini, where’d you get the necklace?”

Rini
made a dismissive flapping motion with her hand. “It’s no big deal. They give one to you after you’ve been bitten for the first time. I thought I’d lost mine, but this morning I found it with my stuff.”

“So you thought you’d just wear it?” Xander demanded.

“Yes,” she replied, refusing to flinch. “I like it, and I thought I’d wear it. And besides…” She stood up from the table. “It’s really none of your business.”

She turned to walk away. Xander sat there stunned
, but I called after her, “So are you working today or what? What about Nigel?”

Laughing, she threw me an amused look over her shoulder. “Tell him I quit.”

“Screw that,” I said, getting to my feet. I’d already run over my break by ten minutes, and I knew Nigel would probably blow a gasket. “If you don’t want to work here anymore, you can tell him yourself.” Rini just ignored me and kept on walking. A couple of young guys heading for the food court stretched their necks to watch her slink past.

“I can’t take this,” Xander said
, bolting out of his chair and making a beeline for the nearest exit.

“Okay, well ping me later,” I called after him, but I don’t
think he heard me. I was left standing there like an idiot with nothing better to do than go back to work and get yelled at for something that wasn’t my fault.

*****

I went straight home after my pretzel shift. I was grounded, and Grandma was already pretty shaken up by the egging, so I didn’t want to upset her even more. For dinner, she made liver and onions, a dish she loves and I hate, so either she was trying to prepare comfort food for herself or torture me with something I found disgusting. Knowing Grandma, probably a little bit of both. After eating, we sat in the living room and watched TV. It wasn’t the most exciting evening of my summer vacation. But on the other hand, it was much better than being tortured by a blood-crazed vampire. It had that going for it.

About a quarter to ten
, I couldn’t take it anymore and told Grandma I was headed for bed. In my room, I kept an ear cocked, and when I heard her get up to get something from the kitchen, I connected my dial-up. As soon as I logged on, there was a message waiting from Xander:

Xan-Z-Bar:
You hear from Rini?

Sherbert:
No. You?

Xan-Z-Bar:
No. What the hell is wrong with her?

Sherbert:
Vampire hysteria?

Xan-Z-Bar:
Not funny.

Sherbert:
Not trying to be.

Xan-Z-Bar:
Do you think she’ll go back there?

I thought about it. If I was honest, yes. She’d head back
to the bridge in a heartbeat. But was that something to tell Xander? He was already acting pretty freaked out. So I hedged.

Sherbert:
Maybe not.

Xan-Z-Bar: I need you to meet me outside in twenty minutes.

Sherbert: Can’t. Grandma. Grounded

Xan-Z-Bar: Tell her you’re going to bed.

Sherbert: She’s not an idiot.

Xan-Z-Bar: Sneak out the window.

Sherbert: Why?

Xan-Z-Bar: I need your help.

Sherbert: For what?

Xan-Z-Bar:
If Rini was stupid enough to go back to the bridge then we’re going to get her.

Sherbert: That’s crazy
.

Xan-Z-Bar: No it’s not. That vampire won’t let anyone hurt us.

Sherbert: Read over what you just typed. Does it make sense to you?

Xan-Z-Bar:
Fine. I’ll come by at two. Grandma will be asleep.

Sherbert: No, she won’t.

Xan-Z-Bar: Just do it.

Sherbert: No.

Xan-Z-Bar: See you at two.

Xander signed off before I could protest further. He was absolutely out of his mind if he thought I was meeting him to go charging back into the vampire’s lair. Here’s the thing about vampire lairs, there are vampires in there. Creepy,
blood-sucking, waxy-skinned, roofie-dosing vampires.

I tried to reason myself out of worrying about
Rini. She was a smart girl. She was acting a little weird lately, but would she really go skipping back to the vampire just to look pretty? That was way too superficial / suicidal to be something the Rini I knew would even consider. Her brain didn’t work like that. Of course, Rini was wearing that bat pendant. But that didn’t mean anything. She probably just liked it as a cool piece of jewelry. I mean, I liked them too before I knew their meaning.

Xander would probably calm down in an hour or two and realize his plan was idiotic. Or
knowing him, he’d fall asleep. I’d be left standing out at the curb waiting for him, and he’d never show. Any way you sliced it, I wasn’t going back to the bridge, end of self-discussion. I turned off my light and climbed into bed.

I fell asleep pretty
quickly considering everything that had happened in the last couple of days. But I was also dead tired. My dreams were not all that restful, but at least I was sleeping. That was until the sound of a shrill girl cackle rocketed me out of the bed. There were several seconds while my heart was hammering in my chest where I didn’t know if I had been dreaming or if the crazy chicks were back for a second drive-by egging.

T
here was a gentle tapping at my window. “Sherbie,” someone called in a hushed female voice. “Are you in there?”

M
y temper hit the roof. It was one thing for the freaks to try to kill us as we fled the vampire’s lair. I mean, we had walked into the lion’s den of our own free will so fair enough. But to come by my house and upset my grandmother? That was another thing entirely. I knew it was Violet Girl out there with a bunch of her Nearling wannabe friends. They must have been off the clock as far as vampire duties and decided that harassing me sounded like a fun way to spend an evening.

My first impulse was to tear back the curtains and
cuss them out for being the vampire-loving psycho bitches that they were. My second impulse was to keep quiet. If they knew I was home they’d probably never leave, and Grandma really didn’t need more vandalism done to her property. That’s when I heard the doorbell chime.

What
the hell? They weren’t seriously thinking I’d let them into the house, were they? I checked the time. It was eleven thirty-seven. Waaay too late for callers.

There was no time to
even grab a robe. I bolted for the door in my boxer shorts. With any luck, Grandma had gone to bed. More than likely, though, she had fallen asleep in her chair with the television on. I had to get to the door first and chase off the girls before Grandma could talk to them. Or worse yet, invite them in for tea.

As I sprinted through the living room, I noticed Grandma wasn’t in her chair.
She wasn’t standing at the front door, either, so that was a good thing. I paused and listened. It sounded like there was a flock of girls standing on the front porch chatting. I was undetermined what to do until I heard one of the girls say, “He’s got to be in there, Maureen. Ring it again.” That’s when I wrenched the door open.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing
?” I shouted right in Violet Girl’s face.

There were about six
gorgeous girls crowding behind Violet Girl as she stood at the door. The Chosen. It was all lustrous hair and glittering eyes out there. They collectively gave a little gasp as I flung the door open and then broke down into fits of hysterical giggles. That’s when I remembered I was only in my madras boxer shorts. Violet Girl didn’t giggle. She raked her eyes appraisingly over my body and then nodded her head. “Not bad. Have you been working out?” she asked with half a smirk.

It was all I could do to stop myself from
checking that the fly on my shorts hadn’t flopped open. That really would have been the icing on the cake. “What do you want, Maureen?” I asked.

The cunning look i
n Violet Girl’s eyes softened, and she gave me a shy smile. “You remembered me,” she said, her face starting to glow. “I didn’t think you’d ever figure it out.”

“What are you talking about?” I demanded before it occurred to me that I actually should have played along.

Maureen’s face fell, and she turned her head away. “Never mind.”

A
scintillating blonde with giant blue eyes standing at Maureen’s left elbow gave an exasperated sigh and said, “Can we come in?”

“What?”

“Are you going to invite us in or what?” the girl demanded. It took me a moment to realize she was the frizzy blonde from the other night who was so eager to sign the blood contract. She must have realized she was being a bit bitchy because she plastered a demur smile on her face, batted her lashes, and said, “Please?”

“No, he is not
!” Grandma appeared at the door standing imperiously in her house coat. “You may not come in. As a matter of fact, I don’t even want you on my lawn. That’s private property too, you know.” The girls all exchanged looks, their bravado quickly deflating under the stern gaze of a no-nonsense matriarch. “Herbert doesn’t want to be friends with you, and I can see why. Dropping by at all hours. Causing a racket. Your parents would be ashamed if they knew.” Some of the girls hung their heads. “You all go home now and think about what it means to be a productive part of society instead of running around all night like a bunch of floozies.” The blonde jerked her head up sharply and gave a challenging look, but Grandma wasn’t having it. “And don’t even think about vandalizing our house again. I wrote down the license plate of your car, and if so much as one more flower gets trampled in the yard, I’m calling my cousin who is the chief of police.”

“Sorry
, Mrs. Lehmer,” Maureen mumbled as the girls shuffled off the front steps.

“Keep it down as you leave,” Grandma
added. “You’ve already disturbed the neighbors enough for one evening.” The girls started moving down our front walk. “There’s still time for you girls to become young ladies, you know.” The formerly frizzy blonde lifted her hand and gave Grandma the finger. “Except for maybe you there, missy,” Grandma added.

Chapter 22

What the hell was up with those
chicks? I was back in my room, but way too wired to sleep. Thank God for Grandma and her rigid adherence to manners. The girls were all so pretty, I’m not sure I could have kept them out all on my own. The exception was that blonde girl. Even becoming one of the Chosen couldn’t mask that nasty personality. She was repulsive.

I started
thinking about Violet Girl, aka Maureen. I guess I should have figured out sooner that I knew her from somewhere. She was pretty dazzling, but that was obviously from signing the blood contract. I’d probably met her pre-transformation, and that’s why I didn’t recognize her. Sticking a hand under my bed, I felt around until I found my dusty stack of yearbooks. I cracked open the most recent one and began scanning names starting with the girls in my class.

Ten minutes later
I found her: Maureen O’Neil. I definitely knew her. She was in my biology class sophomore year, and we’d dissected a frog together one day when both our lab partners had decided to play sick. She didn’t go by Maureen at school; everyone just called her Mo. Studying the photo, it was obvious that Mo and Violet Girl were one and the same by her pointed ears and tiny upturned Irish nose. Still, it would be easy to mistake Violet Girl for Mo’s older, hotter sister.

Then I remembered the girl in the airport
when we came home from San Francisco. The one that had glared at me while that flock of girls was tossing their hair around trying to get Xander’s attention. It was Maureen. I’d looked right at her and not recognized her. No wonder she’d given me the stink eye. And I always complained that hanging out with Xander made me invisible.

Wa
s that why Maureen had signed the blood contract and let some creepo vampire feed off of her? She was just tired of being overlooked? I had to assume that was the reason, but honestly, it didn’t really make any sense. If I remembered correctly, she was perfectly cute without having to become a snack-pack for the undead. She’d needed to brush her hair a bit more and maybe buy some clothes that actually fit her, but besides that, she had huge cute potential. At the time, I’d had a monster crush on her lab partner, Melanie Nickels, so I didn’t give her much thought. In my defense, I wasn’t the only guy in the school. Plus, it was obvious she had a good figure even under those baggy clothes, so I’m pretty sure not
every
guy in our class was ignoring her. Of course, Lana said even she had considered signing the blood contract, and that was sheer lunacy. If I live to be a hundred, I’ll never understand girls.

*****

The Dodge Dart rumbled up in front of our house exactly at two. I’d shimmied out of my bedroom window five minutes earlier and was lurking in the bushes. If I’d been smart, I would have told Xander to meet me a few blocks down the street just in case Grandma recognized the sound of the Dart’s engine, but it was too late for that now.

I could see Xander smirking in the dark as I climbed in. He knew I’d show.
There was never a doubt in his mind. Then I did a double take. “Why are you a blond?”

Xander was
clad in black pants, a black shirt, black vest, and a black jacket, but his head was as blond as Lana’s. His hand flew up to touch his hair. It was a very self-conscious gesture. A very un-Xander gesture. “It’s a disguise,” he said.

“Are we going to some kind of
Matrix
costume party or something?” I asked. Xander looked weird as a blond. Not bad, exactly, just weird. Like a character from
Bleach
.

“
No. I just thought,” he stammered, “that if I changed my look then maybe they wouldn’t recognize us right away, and maybe they’d, you know…”

“
Mistake you for one of them again?” I supplied.

“Well, yeah
.” Xander squirmed a little. “I mean, it worked the first time. I brought a disguise for you, too.”

I inwardly cringed
. If Xander had thought dying his hair blond was a good idea, I didn’t even want to consider what he thought was an appropriate disguise for me. Xander with black hair stood out. Xander with blond hair was like a flashing neon billboard. You had to look at it even if you didn’t want to. There was no way we were going to slip under the bridge unnoticed. “Good call, Morpheus. So what’s the plan?”

“Plan?” Xander shot me a confused squint. “What
do you mean? We’re going to get Rini. That’s the plan.”

“Great,” I mumbled to myself. Nothing quite like stumbling into
a nest of vipers without even so much as a snakebite kit. “We are so going to end up vampire treats.”

“I don’t think
so, Sherbie. Just relax for once and trust me.”

We
parked at the church, as usual. Xander twisted around and pulled some stuff out of the back seat. “Here, put this on,” he said, thrusting a kind of silvery metallic button-down shirt at me.

“No,” I said, throwing it back at him.

“Sherbie, it’s part of your disguise. No one that knows you is going to expect you to be wearing something like this.”

“No one that knows me is going to be under the bridge,” I pointed out.

“Rini’s going to be there. And Lydia Sarducci. Plus the vampire, and what about that super hot lady. She looked you over pretty good.”

“Aerony?”

“Yeah.”

I snatched back the shirt and started unbuttoning my own. “Do you think she’s a vampire, too?”

Xander shrugged. “It’s hard to say. She’s definitely one of those Nearlings. I wonder if they drink blood.” Xander unscrewed the lid off a tub of something.

“What’s that?” I gave it
a wary scan.

“Hair gel,” he informed me, rubbing a glob of it between
the palms of his hands. “Hold still.” Before I could protest, he had grabbed my head and was roughly smearing the gel into my hair. Then he combed his fingers through my hair, slicking it back. “That looks good,” he told me. “Now, for the final touch.” After wiping the excess gel from his hands onto a towel, he rummaged around in a small bag and tried to hand me something.

“What now?” I asked.

“Just use it.”

“What is it?”
I persisted, refusing to take the small tube he was extending toward me.

“
Black eyeliner.”

“Oh, no,” I protested.

“Oh, yes,” he countered. “Don’t make me put you in a headlock.”

By the time we got out of the car, I felt li
ke a total idiot. I mean, gelled and outlined and sparkly is not usually how I leave the house. But I didn’t look like myself, that was for sure. We cautiously made our way down the path to the access door. There must not have been too much going on because instead of the giant bouncer, there was just a surly Goth boy smoking a cigarette and reading a copy of
Sky & Telescope
. He barely glanced in our direction and did nothing to stop us when Xander reached for the door. Our disguises must have been working.

No one was around under the bridge, so we
immediately headed for the stairs. We could hear music and laughter coming from down below. “Let’s just try to slip in, grab Rini, and get the hell out,” Xander whispered as we cautiously descended the steps. We could see a light at the end of the passage from the vampire’s lair, but the hallway itself was pitch black.

“Yeah,
” I heartily agreed. I couldn’t shake the feeling we were already being watched. “I’m totally with you.”

And that’s when
a couple of the beefy boys grabbed us.