Family Values (4 page)

             
I walked back into the house and refilled my cup. I asked Ms. Sharon for a larger cup. I wanted to enjoy this night.

6:45 a.m. and there was my wake-up call from the front desk. After hanging up the phone I walked over to the curtains and pulled them back. I screeched at the morning sun that blinded me. I walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. It hit me that I promised myself never to come in at 3:00 a.m. again.

              I started to brush my teeth when I heard my phone vibrating on the nightstand. I figured that it might be Madison so I decided against answering it. I wanted to get myself together before I talked to anyone.

             
Once again it started to vibrate. I walked over to the phone and answered it.

DWIGHT

Hello.

GRANDMOTHER ELLA

Good morning.

DWIGHT

Oh, good morning Grandmother.

GRANDMOTHER ELLA

I took it upon myself to call you and tell you that the funeral is today. I don’t know if you are coming or if you are back in Seattle.

DWIGHT

I am coming.

GRANDMOTHER ELLA

Okay, well meet us at the church. Madison, Landon and I are riding in the family car.

DWIGHT

Grandmother, can I tell you something?

GRANDMOTHER ELLA

Go ahead.

DWIGHT

I love you.

“Click” was the next sound that I heard. I placed the phone down on the bed. I paced around the room contemplating
whether or not to attend the funeral. Grandfather already told me exactly what he wanted me to know.

I was lying on my bed when there was a knock on my door. I walked over and looked through the peep hole. I quickly opened it when I saw that it was my brother.

DWIGHT

Landon, what are you doing here?

LANDON

To make sure that you were coming to the service. Grandmother told me
that you were not allowed to ride in the family car.

DWIGHT

Yeah she called and told me.

LANDON

Do you think that she will ever change the way she feel about you?

DWIGHT

Yes I do. Two days after hell freezes over.

LANDON

Do you want me to ride with you to the service?

DWIGHT

No. I want you to ride with Grandmother and Maddie.

LANDON

Dwight I want you to know that I love you man.

DWIGHT

I love you too.

             
I rubbed his dreads and pulled him to me. I gave my brother a hug like never before. My heart felt as though it skipped several beats when he returned my embrace. I could only imagine what was going through his mind.

LANDON

I think that I need to be alone. I will meet you all after the service.

DWIGHT

Are you going to be alright?

Landon looked me dead in the eyes.

LANDON

Better than some people will.

             
He walked out of the door without another word. Maybe I should not have told him about our grandparents but he needed to know. I walked over to where my suit was hanging and began to get dressed.

             
As I was putting on my watch I noticed that it was close to 10:30. I knew that I need to hurry to get there on time.

             
I took one final look in the mirror to make sure that I was presentable. Everything needed to look genuine for today.

              Arriving at the church I saw the pallbearers taking the casket in. I saw the family car parked to the left of the church. I wanted to go over and speak but I didn’t want to upset Grandmother anymore than she was.

             
When I saw them getting out of the car I decided to at least walk in with the family. Madison spotted me and beckon for me to come stand beside her. I quickly walked to the front and took her by the hand. Grandmother looked at me and gave a quick huff.

MADISON
Where is Landon?

DWIGHT

He came by my room earlier. I thought that he would have been here by now.

MADISON

Did you talk to him again?

DWIGHT

No. He came by, checked on me and left. 

MADISON

I hope he gets here soon.

DWIGHT

He will.

              As everyone was leaving the cemetery I decided to visit my mother’s grave. I walked over and kneeled down at her headstone. I placed one hand on the headstone and the other one on the grave. I sat in silence for a few moments. I turned and looked back at Grandfather’s grave. The fresh flowers rested on top of the mound of dirt. I could not help but wonder what really goes on underground.

DWIGHT

Hey mom. I know that it has been a long time since I have visited you. Living in Seattle and working makes it hard to get here. We laid Grandfather Davis to rest today. He is over in the “Cove” section. But anyway, how have you been? I know that was a stupid question but I am missing you so much. I wish that you were still here with me. I need you mom. A lot has happened since I was last here. I am so hurt. I don’t know who I am, what to do or where to turn. That is one reason why I moved from here. I have got to find myself. Why did you leave me? I feel that I have no one. Maddie has her own family. She is busy with the family oil business. There is nothing for me here in Waynesboro. Landon is another subject. Grandfather and Grandmother spoiled him rotten. That boy gets any and everything that he wants.

Mom, I feel like just running off the end of the
earth.
I have something I need to tell you, and I hope it doesn’t change our relationship.  I love you, and I’m grateful for all that you have ever done for me to help make me the man I am.
Then there is another thing that is going on with me. My so-called love life. I am same gender loving. I know that sounds strange but most people say gay. I don’t like that term and never have.
I have tried for a long time not to be.  I’ve tried to change.  I’ve tried to pray.  I’ve tried to stop thinking about men.  I’ve tried to force myself to like women.  I’ve tried, mother - I promise. I’ve tried so hard, but I can’t change who I am. I have played this conversation out over and over again in my mind, which has caused me grief and anxiety while trying to figure out what your response would be. Would you disown me? Ridicule me? Pray over me? Ignore me? Would you be disappointed in me? Be angry at me, ignore me, or worse - dismiss me?  The fear of the unknown has crippled me. 

I live with my partner whose
name is Brian. We have been together for two years now.

When I came home on yesterday, I stopped by the first guy I had ever had sex with. We talked and kissed. That was all. I told
Brian about it when I talked to him. Of course he hung up on me. I don’t know what to do. I try hard to be honest and all but everything I touch or try to do…I mess things up. I need you to give me a sign. I need to know that you are there watching me.
 

LANDON (stepping up behind me)

She is watching all of us.

DWIGHT
(jumping to a standing position)

How long have you been standing there?

LANDON

How long have you been gay? No wait…same gender loving.

DWIGHT

You hate me now.

LANDON

I could never hate you. You are my brother. I hate that you felt that you couldn’t talk to anyone.

DWIGHT

It is not that easy.

LANDON

Does Maddie know?

DWIGHT

No one knows but you now.

LANDON

I think that you should tell them.

DWIGHT

Oh you do.

              Landon and I started to walk towards our cars. We discussed my situation in more details. Upon arriving at my car Landon pulled my arm.

LANDON

Dwight, Grandmother and Grandfather loved you. They just didn’t know how to tell you.

DWIGHT

When and how did you become the voice?

LANDON (with a crooked smile)

Age. Plus I know them. There is no way that they could hate family.

DWIGHT

That’s the thing I am not family. I only have you and Maddie. I thought that I had Brian but now I might not even have him. Why did I have to go by Patrick’s house?

LANDON

Do you love this Brian guy?

DWIGHT

More than you know.

LANDON

He is just hurt. I think that he will come around.

             
I just stared at my little brother. I heard those words that were coming out of his mouth, but I could not believe it. Of all people, I thought that he would be the one upset.

LANDON

Call him when you get in your car. Explain it to him. Even if you have to talk to his voicemail. Be honest.

             
I grabbed Landon and hugged him so tight. I cupped the back of his head and gave him a kiss on the cheek. We got into our cars and parted ways.

             
I reached into my coat pocket for my phone. I dialed Brian’s number but there was no answer. I didn’t leave a voicemail because I wanted to talk to him. I pressed redial several times. Finally I got an answer.

BRIAN

What do you want? Go find the guy you kissed.

DWIGHT

Would you please be quiet and listen to me? I love you. You and only you. You are all that I have.

BRIAN

Please. Save this speech for your mama.

DWIGHT

My mother is dead.

             
Silence.

BRIAN

I didn’t know. This is what I am talking about. You don’t talk to me. I only know a little about you. I don’t know anything about your family.

             
I pulled my car over and cried like a baby.

BRIAN

Dwight, are you okay? Do you want me to come down?

DWIGHT
(sobbing)

No I am good. It’s just that I don’t have anyone in my corner.

BRIAN

Baby I am here for you. Anything you want, anything you need. I will do my best to make it happen.

DWIGHT

Thank you but I am okay.

BRIAN

What are you about to do?

DWIGHT

Go back to the ranch and be with my sister and brother I guess.

BRIAN

When will you be home?

DWIGHT

Before the week is out.

BRIAN

I love you dude.

DWIGHT

I love you fellow.

              We ended the call on a good note. In my mind I wanted to go to my hotel room, pack my bags and return to Seattle. I knew that if I did that, I would not hear the end of it.

              Landon’s heart pounded in his ears as he drove down the highway. He didn’t know what to expect when he reached his destination. When he looked down he noticed that the speedometer was on 85 mph. His mind was traveling faster than his car.

             
He pulled up to a brownish-red house where three vehicles were already in the driveway. He hopped out of the car with his shirt hanging out of his pants. His sports coat was half on and half off. He raced to the door of the house and knocked four times.

             
A frail younger guy answered. He looked Landon up and down.

ROMAN

What up?

LANDON

Is Apollo here?

ROMAN

Who’s asking?

LANDON (nervously)

Terry…

ROMAN

Wait in here.

Roman
pointed to a couch in the living room. He walked to the back of the house and stayed for about two minutes. When he returned he sat at the table with a few other guys and picked up the cards that were in his spot. Landon waited patiently for further directions. Five minutes passed and Landon asked him if he could see Apollo.

ROMAN

He said that he don’t know you.