Family Inheritance (16 page)

“I guess I really don't eat a lot.”

Helene stopped mid-bite. “Then how come you're so—”

“Fat?” Alice finished her sentence.

“Well . . .” Helene paused. “Yes.”

“Helene, I know I'm fat.” Alice threw her slice of pizza down onto the napkin in
front of her. “How can I not know it? I have to carry this load around all the time.”
She grabbed large portions of her stomach as her face contorted.

“But how can you be fat if you don't eat much?” Helene calmly asked.

“I don't each much when other people are around,” Alice admitted as she stared at
the floor.

“You mean you sneak food?” Suzanne chimed in.

“Yeah. Especially chocolate.” It seemed to be time for honesty between them. “I can
eat twelve candy bars at one time. And then I hate myself.” She blushed from embarrassment
of admitting her addiction.

“So, why do you eat them?” Helene's voice was matter-of-fact.

Alice glared at Helene. “For cripes' sake, Helene, if I knew that, I'd stop. Chocolate
calms me, that's all I know. When Jake would be really bad to me,
or Mom would call
and whine and nag, or the kids would act up, I would eat candy bars and then I would
feel calm. I don't know why.”

“Have you gone to a doctor?” Helene asked as she placed her piece of pizza down on
the paper plate in front of her. “Maybe you should get your thyroid or something
checked. There's got to be a health problem.”

“Helene,” Suzanne glared at her, “things are not always that simple. Why can't it
be an addiction? Why can't Alice be addicted to chocolate the way I am to alcohol?”

Alice and Helene's mouths dropped open. “You can't be an alcoholic,” Alice said.
“You're not like Dad.”

“That's what I've been telling myself for years.” Suzanne's voice became quieter.
“But sitting alone in that hospital room today I came to grips with my drinking problem.
I've gotten myself into a mess back in Dallas because of my drinking,” she slowly
admitted.

“What kind of mess?” Helene asked warily.

“Just a big mess, that's all.” Suzanne would not look at her sisters.

“Are you going to tell us about it?” Helene asked.

“No.” Suzanne's eyes were focused on the table where her fingers were busily tracing
the wood grain.

“Then why did you bring it up?” Helene's voice rose.

“Don't use that tone of voice with me, Helene,” Suzanne snapped. “I hate it when
you go into your ‘big sister' voice. That voice won't work on me anymore.”

“I don't
have a big sister voice,” Helene defended herself against the accusation.

“Wanna bet?” Suzanne leaned forward, her eyes warning of trouble and confrontation.
“You used it so much that me and Alice used to wish you'd get laryngitis or run away
from home.” Her eyes returned to the table where her fingers resumed their tracing.
“Until you did run away. Then I felt like it was my fault. Dad used to tell me that
both of you left because of me. And I believed him.”

Alice quietly watched the exchange between her sisters.

“Dad really hurt you, didn't he?” Helene asked Suzanne. “I mean more than physically.”

Suzanne's head barely nodded.

“How did you deal with that?”

Suzanne's eyes stayed focused on the table as she answered, “I haven't, and I don't.”

Helene's eyes widened in surprise. “How can you not have dealt with it?”

“I bury it. During the day I'm a businesswoman, and no one knows anything about me.
I don't share. I don't talk. If we were taught anything as kids, we were taught not
to talk, not to tell anybody anything about ourselves and about our private lives.
That's what I do.”

“Well, what about with men? It's got to affect you with men,” Helene stammered.

“I don't spend time with men. At least not when I'm sober. When I get drunk, I do
anything with men I want to.”

“What about when you were married?” Helene persisted. “How did you handle that?”

“I didn't,” Suzanne's voice was barely above a whisper. “It's the reason we got divorced.
I couldn't have sex with my husband unless I was drunk.”

“I'm so sorry,” Helene murmured.

As the exchange was taking place between her sisters, Alice sat there stunned. She
couldn't believe it. She'd always thought that her sisters' lives were perfect. She
had always been the loser, the one who didn't go on and do anything with herself.
Yet Suzanne was sitting there talking about being an alcoholic and having sex with
men she didn't even know, and Helene knew her husband was cheating on her but wouldn't
do anything about it.
They're both nuts. I'm not the only one
. And for some reason,
Alice felt better about that.

“Suzanne, have you tried quitting?” Helene's voice was filled with concern.

“Are you kidding? I try quitting all the time. Each time I wake up in a strange man's
bed, I vow I'll never drink again. But I always do.”

“What about one of those clinics? Famous people go to them all the time. If you can't
afford it . . .”

Suzanne scoffed. “I don't need a handout, and I don't need you to fix my
life. Fix
your own instead of trying to fix other people's lives! You always did that, even
as a kid.”

“Did what?” Helene asked.

“Tried to fix everything.” Suzanne's chin jutted as she strongly pronounced each
word.

“I did not.” Helene straightened her shoulders in defiance, daring Suzanne to continue.

“Helene, you did too!” Suzanne responded. “You always had a solution. Well, I'll
figure out my own solution. You figure out yours.”

“I'm not an alcoholic,” Helene spat.

Alice watched as Suzanne unfolded before her eyes and began to cry. “I just can't
take any more of this. I'm in such a mess. I could lose my job, my reputation. Everything.
I just don't know how to get out of it.”

“Get out of what?” Helene asked.

Suzanne leaned her head back against the bed and began to talk.

As she listened, sadness settled over Alice. Her momentary feelings of being glad
her sisters' lives were a mess began to quickly subside as she listened to the agony
in Suzanne's voice as she talked about Jeff and how he had taken naked pictures of
her. Suzanne's life was far from perfect. She was lonely and scared.

Alice reached over and touched her sister's cheek. “I always thought you had everything.
Your big-city life and big-city job. I never knew. I would have tried to help somehow
if I had known. I just always thought it was all so good.”

“See,” Suzanne smiled
weakly at Alice, “Helene's the one with the perfect life, not me, that's for sure.”

“Do you really think that?” Helene asked.

“Well, you have it all.” Suzanne listed things off, finger by finger. “Big house,
big cars, handsome husband, great son. What in your life is not perfect?”

“My marriage.” Helene stared down at the floor.

“Ah, come on, Helene.” Alice turned to her. “So it's not perfect. It's not hell like
mine was. Does it all have to be absolutely perfect before it's okay for you?”

“Bill cheats on me.” Helene raised her head slightly, her voice just above a whisper.
“He's had so many affairs these last twenty years, I can't count them all.” Lowering
her head again, she continued, “He doesn't have sex with me very often. He finds
it elsewhere.”

“So you said, but if it really bothers you, you wouldn't stay with him,” Suzanne
responded.

Helene's lip quivered. “It kills me inside each time I discover another lipstick
mark or telephone number. Every time a woman calls, I want to scream at her.”

“So, tell him!” The tone in Suzanne's voice registered impatience and Alice squirmed.
She didn't want to have to deal with a fight between Helene and Suzanne. “Tell him
to shape up, or you'll leave!” Suzanne declared.

“I can't.” Helene murmured.

“Why in the world can't you?” Suzanne's hands flew to her hips, and she leaned toward
Helene angrily.

“Because I don't think I deserve what I have. How can I ask for better?” The words
seemed to fly from Helene's mouth without any forethought, and as they settled into
the air around her, Alice winced.

“That's crazy.” Suzanne sat back and reached her hand toward Helene. “You deserve
the best of everything. You are a terrific person, you always have been.”

“Me?” Helene croaked.

“Of course you.” Softness now etched Suzanne's face. “You were were always such a
great example. You never let anything stop you. You always felt you could do whatever
you wanted, and you did. Look where you're at.”

“I'm not anywhere. Bill's the one with the job and earning the money.” Helene slumped
back in her chair. “I'm just his wife. I'm not capable of anything. I always thought
I'd at least be a good mother, and now I know I wasn't even that.” She paused for
a moment. “You're the one who worked your way up in the business world, Suzanne.
And look where you are now. You've accomplished something. All on your own, you're
not clinging to a man's shirttail.”

“Sure, and I don't have a man who loves me either!” Suzanne pushed the pizza box
away from her. “I can't even have a relationship with a man. What good is a great
career when I have to be drunk to have sex with a man? Just
because of our drunken,
sexually depraved father, I panic just having coffee with a man when I'm not drinking.
If it's not business, then I've gotta be drunk. What kind of accomplishment is that?”

Alice had had enough. “You two make me sick.” She slapped her hand against the table.
“Helene,” she glared at her older sister, “you with your big house, great husband,
neat kid,” then she pointed at her younger sister, “and you, Suzanne, you have a
good job.” Lifting her hands in the air, she raised her voice in frustration. “What
have you two got to bitch about?”

Pushing her chair away from the table, Alice's words came quickly. “Helene, you can
figure out what to do about Bill's affairs. You've always figured everything out.
What's stopping you? Maybe you just want an excuse. And quit whining, Suzanne. You
sound just like Mom! Sure, life has kicked you in the ass. So what? Who hasn't it
kicked? I've got two kids to raise, no education, have never worked, and I'm a huge,
fat slob with a husband who's threatening to kill me if I don't go back to him. Give
me a break! I'd trade places with either of you right now. Your problems sound stupid
compared to mine.” She slammed the cover down on the pizza box and sat back, a bit
out of breath from her tirade.

“Who are you to judge?” Helene snapped, and the air in the room seemed to crackle
with intensity. “Just walk a mile in my moccasins, as the old saying goes. And why
can't you do something about your problems the way you're preaching to us? So you're
fat. Haven't you heard of diets? There are diet clinics all over the place. And why
can't you learn a trade? And move if Jake is threatening you. Do something about
it, Alice.” Helene leaned forward. “Or are you all mouth and no guts?”

“You forget one little detail, Miss Know It All,” Alice snarled. “That all takes
money, and I don't have any. Right now I'm living in a women's shelter, dependent
on other people to feed us and keep us safe. I know I'm going to have to figure out
a way, I just don't know how 'cause it all takes money.”

“Well, that's no big deal.” Helene slowly shook her head as if Alice had just lost
her mind. “I've got money. I can help.”

“Damn you and your money!” Alice quickly stood and began pacing, agitation contorting
her face. “I can't take your help!”

“Why not?” Helene asked.

Alice stopped pacing for a moment and slowly wrapped her hands around her stomach.
“'Cause I can't.”

“Why in the world can't you take our help?” Suzanne demanded.

“I don't wanna owe nobody nothing.” Alice huddled back against the wall.

“Now who sounds like Mom?” Suzanne snarled.

Alice was quiet for a moment. “I do, don't I? Mom always told us not to owe anybody
anything. And that nobody ever gave nothing for nothing. That's what I'm afraid of.
If you help me, you'll want something in return. I don't have nothing to give.”

“You're my family. That's all you have to give,” Helene said softly.

“But you never wanted nothing to do with us before. Why now? What's the difference?”

“I don't know.” Helene shrugged her shoulders. “I've been asking myself that same
question. But for some reason, I really need to be close to you two. It's like if
we can be close, then everything wouldn't have been for nothing, and all the bad
things that happened when we were kids will just fade away and not be as important.”

Silence gently settled over the three women as Helene's words permeated each of their
thoughts. After several moments, Suzanne gently whispered.

“Now I remember why I always looked up to you and loved you.”

“Looked up to me?” Helene's tone was suspicious. “I thought you two could never stand
me. You always said I was too bossy.”

Quickly lightening the mood, Suzanne tossed a napkin at Helene, stuck out her tongue,
and grinned. “Well, you were!” Then she became serious. “But we always knew we could
count on you even when we couldn't count on Mom and Dad. That's why it hurt so badly
when you pulled away from all of us. You left home first, and then Alice left. I
was all by myself in that house, and I was terrified.”