Falter (30 page)

An overwhelming urge to scream in frustration lumped in my throat. Why did the otherworldly beings always overtake my emotions? Tears tumbled down my cheeks, and I gave up resisting the notions that filled my body.
 

“What do you want from me?” I whined to what I assumed was an angel lingering near. “Can I not have a moment to myself anymore? Don’t I deserve that?”

A voice invaded my head, kindly but sternly responding with
Of course you do. But unfortunately your circumstance demands constant watching.
 

I knew I should be surprised by the intruding person in my brain, but it felt so natural, like he’d staked his claim there long ago.
 

There was no questioning who it was anymore. I recognized it right away and loved the comfort it brought, but I was angry at the same time. Angry for the control he had over me, for the lack of answers he’d given me, and for the constant pulling me in and then pushing me away.

“If I need a babysitter so badly, why weren’t you here before when I was getting my ass ran through by demons?” I waited for him to respond and became enraged when he didn’t. “Answer me, Archard!” I demanded.

I can’t,
he thought into my mind. Hints of his regret mingled with my own emotions.

“You can’t—or don’t want to?” My words came quiet and without the expectation of an actual answer. I fell to my knees. I surrendered to the urges he brought, to the controlling powers taking over my life, to defeat, and to the mental destruction of it all.

A rhythmic wind stirred at the other end of the warehouse and moved toward me, lifting puffs of debris off the ground and then dropping them with a patter along the way.
 

Thrum…thrum. Thrum…thrum
.
 

Like the beat of a resting heart. Such a simple sound, yet so full of wonder.

My gaze scoured the ceiling for him, tracing every metal rafter and beam. I squinted into the shadows, trying to force my eyes to adjust. Finally, I saw him soaring in from the western portion of the building. The radiance of his smooth skin and the sheen of his aqua eyes created its own faint glow in the dark.

Archard’s wings resembled Malach’s in size and softness, but his were slightly more tattered and had inches of gorgeous deep purple tipping each of his long feathers. The small amount of light shining into the building reflected off gold, metallic pieces staggered throughout the milky-white.
 

The pulsing of his wings continued to slow until he finally glided the rest of the way down. His bare feet landed on the ground a few feet in front of me with the controlled ease of a dancer. In one fluid motion, he kneeled on a knee before me. His expansive wings stretched out beside him, draping the floor in a blanket of gleaming feathers. They were so mesmerizing; I couldn’t take my eyes away.

“Why me?” I cried, dropping my head and refusing to look him in the eyes.

His warm hand reached out, caressing a finger under my chin, urging me to meet his gaze. My head lifted, submitting to his touch, but I still couldn’t bring myself to look into such holiness.
 

“Look at me, Nevaeh,” he whispered in a gentle plea.

The allure was too great. I longed to stare at him. I yearned to memorize every valley and rise of his heavenly face. And to kiss him—that would surely destroy my humanly standards of kissing for the rest of my days. It would be worth the risk though.
 

My eyes traced the hard outlines of his jaw, moving to his deliciously red, parted lips. I swallowed hard, tempted by the redemption I saw waiting there. His sharp, regal nose was next. My gaze hesitated there a moment, afraid to see what was lying in the eyes just above.
 

I sucked in a deep breath, gathered my courage, and looked up. I was pleasantly surprised by the sympathy and concern staring back from the depths of his jewel-like eyes.
 

“I’m so sorry,” he said.
 

With movement that was so fast and smooth I could barely keep up, his hand moved to the back of my head and pulled me to him. He dropped his other knee and pivoted forward, bringing our bodies together. The second we were close enough, the heated slickness of his mouth crashed into mine. The sensation was unbearable. Supple. Fierce. Urgent.
 

For once, it felt as if he desired me the way I did him. Jolts of power ignited between us, sending a welcomed wooziness straight to my brain. The freedom and serenity bound within our intimacy was intoxicating.
 

I found my hands running up his lean rippled chest, bare and hot under my fingertips. I stroked a trail up his strong neck, and then entangled my fingers in silky ribbons of his hair, tugging slightly to keep him near.
 

Heavy breaths fled our open mouths as they moved against each other. His arms hooked around my waist, saving me from any chance of separation. I closed my eyes, allowing my other senses to relish the moment.

A soothing, warm pressure wrapped around me, supporting my back and engulfing my torso like a cocoon. Curious, I peeked out from my lazy eyelids, careful not to leave his lips, and saw that his wings were enveloping me in a cradle of lush feathers.
 

I moaned, the desire too much on my senses. His eyes flew open, widening in surprise. We melted into each other, searching one another’s soul, enjoying the sweet-salty mix we made as our tongues danced.
 

All of my anger swept away.
 

A muffled sound came from outside the warehouse. I paid it no attention, but Archard broke from me and glared at the door. I felt as if he snatched away a piece of me that I couldn’t live without. Tightening his grip around my waist and flexing his wings behind him, he waited and listened.
 

Nothing.
 

His face relaxed, and his ocean eyes returned to me.

“What is it?” Nothing could be so important that it required him stealing his lips from mine.

“Someone’s coming for you,” he said quietly.

“What? Who is it?” My insides twisted, anxiously anticipating an attack—and the feeling that our time together was finished.
 

This was probably a lapse in his judgment anyway. Pity for a sullen girl. But I experienced something far more potent tonight than the other times we were near each other. What I felt for him was different from the lust I had for Malach. Something about Archard made me want to abandon everything for him.
 

“I have to go.” His hands lingered at my waist.

“No, don’t go. I need you. I need answers.” My hands locked behind his neck, determined to keep him captive. I needed him more than I needed to breathe.

He smiled, kissed my cheek, and tugged my hands down. With a forceful, forward, swoosh of his wings, he stood up effortlessly.
 

Another sound of something scraping against the door caught his attention. “I’ll see you soon,” he whispered. Archard turned and swept the great white masses of feathers downward, launching him into the air.

The moment he flew away, my soul crumbled. My chest ached, and tears stung my eyes. I didn’t want this dependency on him, but it was out of my control.
 

Would this happen every time I saw him? Would I give in to him and then be left broken a little more each time?

I managed one last plea for him to stay with me. “Archard, please.” The whimper sounded pitiful and ridiculous. I couldn’t let him have this power over me. He darted to the ledge of one of the windows above me, perched on it, and glanced down at me. I stared after him as he pushed the window open and ducked through it.
 

Though it felt like I did, I
didn’t
die.

As the seconds passed, I became a little more whole without him again. Forcing myself to harden my emotions, I stood and slid into a shadow.
 

A moment later, the ragged, wooden door scraped against the ground. Still fastened with the chain, it only opened a few inches.

“Nevaeh? Are you in there?” The man sounded tired and worried.

“Gavyn.” I ran from the shadows to let him in. “Gavyn, I’m here.”

Slowing just before reaching him, I turned back and scanned the line of windows, wondering if Archard was still watching me from outside.
 

What now? What do I tell Gavyn?
 

Go to him. He can offer you more guidance than I can.
Archard’s words echoed painfully in my head. My heart ached as if someone had stabbed me. He was pushing me away—again.

Tell him what you must
, he thought, reluctance straining his thoughts.

“Nevaeh, are you coming? What are you doing here?” Gavyn pushed against the chained door again and shoved it open enough to squeeze his upper body through the crack. He looked distraught, but every bit of his distress eased when he saw me.
 

“I’m here.” I stepped closer. He grabbed my arm and yanked me against his upper body, sandwiching the edge of the door between us. He hugged me so tightly that I couldn’t breathe.

“Oh my God, Nevaeh.” He examined my face, kissed me, and then hugged me some more.

“I’m ok. Really.” I tried to convince myself more than him. Was I okay? I felt a reconnection to the man holding me, and I liked it. But the link I had with Archard was deeper. Something that was there whether I wanted it or not.

“You didn’t show up last night. I’ve been up all night and all day looking for you.” He stepped back, maneuvering me under the chain and through the slight opening he had wedged himself in. “I almost went home, and then I thought I should check here one last time.”

“You’ve been here before?” I asked as the last of my body shimmied between the door and warehouse wall. I hugged my chest and shivered as the cool, fresh air outside sent chills over my skin.

“Yeah, a few times in the last twenty-four hours. One of the homeless people saw you come in here.” He shrugged off his jacket and draped it around me.

“I’ve been missing for that long?” It seemed like only hours in the portal.

“What happened, Nevaeh? Where did you go?” He gripped my shoulders, focusing on my reaction.

“Right now, I just want to go home and clean up. I’ll tell you everything when we get back. Let’s get out of here.” I couldn’t tell him about Archard though. Not until my emotions calmed. Though our connection was strong, I needed to discern how much was what I truly felt and how much was the bogus angel-attraction crap.

He nudged me into his body and cupped my cheeks softly, warming my skin in the heat of his hands. He pressed his lips to mine. His kiss grounded me, brought me back to earth. His touch leveled some of my confusion. I pressed into the fullness of his mouth and invited the composure that he brought. This felt right—stable.

Don’t do this to me,
I begged my heart,
Don’t let me fall for both of them, then make me choose
.

When he parted from me, I noticed his eyes were glossy and his expression full of peace. “Come on, let’s get you home.” Gavyn took my hand and led me back into the city.

Gavyn unlocked the door to Joe’s and held it open for me. I squeezed by him, stepping inside the quiet space. I breathed deeply, inhaling the never-fading scent of strawberries and ice cream. The café’s warmth stung my cold cheeks but calmed my chattering teeth.
 

He locked the door behind us, placed a careful hand on the small of my back, and led me to the stairwell, leading to his apartment. “I think it’s safe to say you’ll be staying with me from now on?” An enticing smile tugged at his lips.

“Gavyn, I don’t want you to feel like you have to—“
 

He interrupted me with a wave of his hand. “I don’t feel like I
have
to do anything. I
want
you to be close. I can’t lose you again, Nevaeh.” He waited for me to take the first step onto the stairs—waited for me to accept his invitation.
 

Still unsure about my feelings for Archard, but not wanting to end things with Gavyn either, I accepted and climbed the stairs. Gavyn followed close behind.
 

About halfway up, his hand found my right hip, and he closed the gap between us. The heat of his body beside me washed away the uncertainty in my heart. He offered a coupling that would survive any future with me—no matter which way I chose to go. A chance of a life full of love and support, of steadiness and stability. As stable as it could be, given the circumstances. Not the constant thrusting into loneliness, after only a taste of affection, that Archard seemed to put me through.