Falling Away (36 page)

The first day was always the hardest. Work was my crutch. It helped take my mind off the loss my heart was having difficulty accepting. A solid week went by before my head stopped checking to see who walked through the door every time it squeaked…’cause it was never him. And if he ever sneaked a peek of me through the glass windows or across the avenue, I never knew.

             
I missed him. I missed waking up every morning in his arms, even though we both claimed to hate cuddling while we slept. I loved that even to our last day, he was paranoid his mother would do something to scare me off. And I adored that he was secretly scared of spiders. I still laughed when I remembered the day I caught him trying to swat one off a web, squawking and springing back and forth like he was fencing, but his sword was a rolled newspaper that shook so hard it practically unraveled by the time the spider met its demise.
             
And then there was the sex. I may not have much to compare it to, but that boy was all over the spectrum, and always had me guessing his next move, which made it anything but boring.

             
Thinking all these things made it hard to move on, and my mind continued to remind me, to fight against letting him go.

             
Sophie returned from her honeymoon after my second week of officially being single. She had shot me the occasional text to say hello and brag about all the things they were doing across Micronesia. Like I promised myself, I refused to tell her until she got back that Evan and I broke up on her wedding night. It cost me a lot of yelling, but it also got her to come visit the following Sunday, ‘cause I just wasn’t gonna rehash all the details over the phone.

             
Unfortunately, with my miserable funk, I wasn’t the best company right now.

             
“I can’t believe you guys are over. There were these moments when you two were lost in your own world, that I thought to myself, how ridiculously happy you seemed.” She was sitting in the only chair I had in this shoebox, with her feet kicked up on the end of the bed. She softly nudged my foot, as I was sprawled out on my back on the bed, and I lifted my head to meet those piercing blue eyes. She cocked her head sideways, basically saying,
I came all the way here, acknowledge me
.

             
My head crashed back down on the pillow. “It felt happy too. Who knew it’d all go to shit so fast.”

             
“I’m sorry I invited him for you. If I hadn’t…”

             
We’d still be together. Yeah, I knew, but I hardly blamed Sophie for that fiasco. “Something else happened the night of your wedding that I haven’t told you about yet.”

             
“Oh, yeah? Go ahead. Lay it on Mrs. Murdock.”

             
I rolled my eyes playfully. That was the third time she’d thrown her married name into the conversation. “Robert said he came back for me.”

             
Sophie shot up like she’d been bounced off a spring. “He. What?
And you’re just now telling me this?!” she yelled, her hands squeezing her cell phone so hard I cringed, waiting for the screen to shatter. “Jenna! I’m your
fuckin
’ BFF! Come hell or high water, you’re supposed to tell me this shit the second it happens!”

             
“I didn’t
wanna
drag you aboard the drama express in the middle of your wedding.”

             
“Are you
eff
ing
kidding me? I live for drama when it’s not my own! What did he say? When did this happen?”

             
“When we went to the bar. We were going at each other about who was to blame for the breakup. He said he came to get me last spring and ended up catching me with Evan. We weren’t able to really talk about it ‘cause Charlotte came and got us, and then I had to deal with Evan. That was the last time I saw him.”

             
“So, does he want you
now?”

             
I shrugged. “I don’t know, and to tell you the truth, I’m a little burned out in that department right now. Both of these guys apparently loved me and they both kicked me to the curb. I don’t think my heart can take any more bruising right now. I just
wanna
lie here for a million years and catch up on my rest.”

             
I closed my eyes and sighed, my body sinking deeper into the comforter. The silence was perfect, sans the TV I heard through my neighbor’s wall…until a nudge against my foot reminded me I wasn’t alone. “Hmm?”

             
“If he did want you back, would you want him?”

             
“Honestly…I don’t know. I’m having the same problem I did last time, but this time, it’s Evan that’s constantly on my mind. I’m not ready to date anyone else, not even Robert.”

             
“Then just be friends. That boy has gone downhill without you. I don’t know what you did for him that Anne’s not, but you stabilize him somehow. He just seems so miserable.”

             
I did miss him. After Sophie, he’d known me the longest. Hell, after living with him for a year and a half, he’d actually spent the most time with me out of anyone. And now that Evan had exited stage left, my days were lonely again. Can two
miserables
make a happy?
             

             
“Yeah. Maybe I’ll give him a call sometime.”

             
Sophie dug through her purse and a few seconds later a jingling object landed hard on my breastbone, making my body cringe up like a dying spider. “Ouch!”

             
“Go see him,” she commanded, pointing to the door.

             
“Go?” I placed the keys with the umpteen decorative rings on the table beside me. “I’m not going anywhere.”

             
“Why not?”

             
“’Cause it’s already noon on a Sunday, it’s the middle of summer so he could be anywhere in the world right now, and I have to work tomorrow.”

             
“You’re such a chicken shit.”

             
“No,” I defended, but yeah, I totally was a little. Our last discussion ended a little uncomfortably and I’d rather hide behind a telephone that could
accidentally
die on me in case I felt the need to bail.

             
“First off, it’s only eleven, and if you take my car, you can get to his parents’ house and back by tonight.”

             
“His parents’ house?” I burst. Hell to the no!

             
“He didn’t want that apartment anymore so he didn’t renew the lease. And he’s got a few weeks before the apartment he does want is available, so he’s crashing with his parents until then.”

             
“You want me to willingly go into the devil’s lair?
Mommie
Dearest
will be beating me back with
freakin
’ wire hangers if I even think of nearing her son again.”

             
“Girl, I’m about to do the same right here.”

             
Getting slightly annoyed that she wanted me to leave the warmth of my bedroom, I asked rudely, “Why do you even care?” All the expression fell from her face, everything that made Sophie, Sophie, and I suddenly felt even worse.

             
“Because my best friend and
Jhett’s
best friend are both sinking fast into the pit of despair. And as hard as we try, we can’t seem to pull you guys back
out
. Robert’s in particularly deep, but he’s got several months on you. So if you’re willing and he’s willing, I think you two can save each other.”

             
Well, shit. How do you argue against that?

Ugh. I kicked the rock at my feet, almost hitting my target of that ridiculously expensive garden gnome – damn thing had always
creeped
me out. The last time I found myself at this house I wanted to bash Robert’s mother’s skull in for a Christmas present to myself. (Did I mention my mood had gone to shit since Evan and I broke up?) Batter up!

             
I took a deep breath and pushed the ridiculously elaborate musical doorbell. At least I was gonna have spontaneity on my side.

             
And apparently, so did Mrs. Jennings.
Izzy
or their butler, Thomas, would’ve let me in without hesitation, so I never thought getting through the door would be an issue. But I was pretty sure I assumed the deer-in-the-headlights expression the moment Mrs.
Jenning’s
opened the door to face me.

             
Holy hell.

             
She was nothing if not formal. “Yes? How may I help you today, Jenna?” She even gave me a fake, pleasant smile.

             
Thankfully
,
the frog
that was
caught in my throat dislodged quickly enough to avoid stammering my reply. “Hello, Mrs. Jennings. I’d like to speak with Robert, please.” Oops. I think I cringed on the
please
.

             
“I’m sorry. He’s not here.”

             
She moved to close the door. If she thought she was getting rid of me that easily after I came all this way, she had another thing coming. “His car’s in the driveway.”

             
Guess she forgot about that ‘cause there was a split second where she seemed taken aback. “Yes, well, his car may be here, but Robert’s not. I’ll mention to him that you came by.”

             
Like hell she would.

             
The door was almost shut when my body spontaneously
thrusted
forward, barging all the way through to the foyer. She jumped at my brazenness, but quickly regained composure to cross her arms at me.

             
“What the hell is your problem?” I snapped.

             
“Excuse me?”

             
“
Ya
’
know, I’d love to. But some things are just inexcusable and you seem to be the Queen Bee Bitch of that list.” I totally knew I needed to shut up, and that I was crossing a line I’d never be able to fall back behind again, but I just couldn’t help myself. The release felt so good, and if I could do one positive thing for Robert moving forward, perhaps I could bring his mother down a notch and a little closer to reality with the rest of us.

             
“Once and for all, what the hell is your problem? I always thought you were a bitch to me ‘cause you thought I wasn’t good enough for your son, but I’m not even dating him anymore and you’re still treating me like shit! What the hell did I ever do to you?”

             
She stepped forward, a fire raging in her eyes too. “You think I don’t know your endgame here, Jenna? I’ve seen it a hundred times. Most women just try to latch on and seduce, but you took a step I had never seen, luring him in by making him the hero, truly making him believe the feelings were genuine.”

             
Gasping, I cried, “You think I tried to kill myself to get his attention? Are you fucking serious? I ALMOST DIED! You could
not
be that delusional! And what the fuck do you mean my feelings weren’t genuine? I. Loved. Your son! And he’s the only reason I ever put up with your sorry, manipulative, judgmental ass!”

             
She took one more step, and was so close I was actually uncomfortable, but I refused to be the one that backed down today. I had always kept my mouth shut and walked away to keep the peace. But not anymore. Not this time.

             
It was probably humorous to anyone watching, with the two of us having a standoff in the foyer, her arms crossed and mine resting firmly on my hips. And over her shoulder I saw
Izzy
down the hall, waving her fist in the air as she peeked around the corner, but I was too pissed off to revel in her support.