Falling (5 page)

DANA

It… There aren’t words.

It’s like a Twilight paraphernalia truck threw up in here. Even her comforter matches one of the posters. There are Teen Vogue magazines, and pictures of teen guys everywhere trying to make bedroom eyes with what’s probably airbrushed-on five o’clock shadow.

When I think about staying in this ten-room dump of a lodge for who knows how long, I don’t know if I can do it. The thought of spending more time with Craig is appealing. And being home in Anchorage feels impossible. Going home to St. Louis just sounds stressful. So no matter how worn down the place is, and how much of a jerk Jason seems to be, the lodge still feels like my best option. At least for now.

The frozen peas are working fast, and I relax on the bed that Craig and I just played on to pull out my phone.

Six missed calls. Fourteen emails. Twenty-five @ mentions on twitter.

I’m not in the mood to check them, but there’s nothing else to do. Even though my dad and I just talked, there’s a message from him. There’s one from my brother and one from my boss. The next is from Leann sounding a little frantic. I haven’t talked with her since I texted her and told her to get out of the house. I work myself back into my most confident self and call her because I can’t let her hear how I have no idea how I’m going to function in this rundown, old place.

“Dana! I’ve been so worried. What’s going on?” Her voice sounds just as panicked as she had on the messages.

I can’t keep from smiling. Leann is nice to care.

“It’s fine. I’m fine,” I tell her. “The guy I saw on the night of my accident showed up at work. Craig thought I should get out of town.” I smile at the mention of Craig.

“Craig is still around?” Curiosity oozes out of every word.

“Yep.” I smile smugly. This is the part of my life that I have together, and I know what Leann thinks about him.

“And he’s still married?” Her voice is curious, not accusatory.

“It’s good. It’s okay.” I’m trying to figure out how to explain. “I mean I really, really don’t want an actual relationship, and it seems like he and his wife are totally on the outs, so…”

“No. Way.” She pronounces each word carefully.

“What?”

“You’ve totally slept with that hot guy, haven’t you?” There’s both disbelief and awe in her voice.

“I—” But she doesn’t let me finish.

“You lucky little…” She laughs.

I laugh with her, even though uncertainty is starting to taint my happy place.

“Just be careful, Dana,” she sings. “He’s married, even if he isn’t acting like it.”

“Thanks,
Mom
.” I laugh. “But this is just for fun.”

“I’m just sayin…” There’s a hint of tease but also a hint of truth in her voice. It’s okay. She’s not judging me. I don’t think. “Sometimes we fall for someone when we don’t expect it.”

“Not this time.” I shake my head. “I know what I’m doing.” Hopefully.

The Odd Couple Would be the Understatement of the Year

It’s early and Craig knocks quietly on my door before coming in to say goodbye in much the same manner that he said goodnight last night and good afternoon the previous day. It’s as incredible now as it was then—even though my side is really sore. He takes off, hopefully to return sometime next week. I’m groggy from lack of sleep, good sex, painkillers, and little food. I drift off again.

When I wake up, I grab my glasses and my sweats. I don’t usually wear either in front of people, but I can’t imagine that what I wear or don’t wear will matter in front of scroungy, hairy Jason. It’s easier to read my computer screen with glasses anyway.

I’m rubbing my eyes as I walk into the kitchen and run into a soft wall. I bounce back against the counter and look up to the largest, hairiest man I’ve ever seen.

“Holy shit!” I try to focus on the guy in front of me.

Jason is sitting on the counter on the opposite side of the kitchen, laughing. Hard.

I’m completely disoriented. 

“I’m Boz,” the large hairy wall in front of me says.

“Boz?” I ask. His mother must hate him.

“Yes, Boz.” He shakes his head like I’m daft or something.
Me
.

“Boz lives next door. He helps out in the kitchen,” Jason explains, still wiping tears.

“Boz.” I look him
over
again. I laugh because actually the name suits him. Boz.

“You must need coffee.” Boz must be over six feet. He’s broad and fat and has a huge reddish beard and is even shaggier than Jason. I feel like I’m in the world of hairy mountain men. But then I decide I can handle them. It’ll
just
be…an experience.

“You get your coffee, and then I’ll fill you in on what needs to be done around here. If you’re not up for it, you need to let me know. It’s not a big deal, but there’s a lot of hard work to do, and I can’t afford for you to have the room unless you can pull your own weight.” Jason isn’t snotty, just matter of fact, but I’m still not used to being treated like this—especially not by guys.

I throw him a look. “I heard you yesterday. You can hear everything down here from the purple Twilight room.” I pour myself a cup of coffee and sit on one of the two tables you can see from the open doorway of the kitchen. And then I start to wonder if that hearing thing goes both ways because I don’t think Craig and I were actually quiet.

“You can hear everything except the six-feet-two-inch sasquatch from next door.” He suppresses a smile.

Boz laughs. I don’t say anything. Jason is intent on his computer. This is quite a party.

I take in the area again. Kitchen in one corner, a living room set up in another corner, and fifteen or so worn, wooden picnic tables scattered against the wall of windows that look over the snow fields below.

“What’cha doin
’
?” I ask Jason. He’s so intent on his computer.

“Working.” He glances up briefly.

“On what?”

He sighs. “Just working.”

Well,
just
in case we weren’t already clear on where I stand with
him
…

“Ready for the tour?” Jason asks.

“Ready.” I start to smile, but he’s already moving. He moves easily and quickly despite being practically glued to his computer for hours.

I get the full tour of the outside, cabins, the dumpy showers, the laundry, and all the other mundane tasks that are part of running his lodge.

I’m waiting for Jason to warm up to me, or talk to me about more than what he needs to say, but he never does, just slides me a few pieces of pizza when we finish and flops down in front of the TV—computer back on his lap. I’m starting to get curious as to what he’s doing.

His pizza’s surprisingly good, but I’m going to have to watch my carb and fat intake. Pizza is deadly to waistlines and hip measurements. “So, everything’s set up. Now what?” I ask.

“Whatever you want to do.” He simply continues typing away with ESPN in the background. I’m not exactly sure why he doesn’t like me. I guess it shouldn’t matter. Well, actually, it
doesn’t
matter. At all. I don’t care.

“Do you have a Wii?” I’m hoping for a little workout or at least a little distraction.

“No games.” Boz laughs from the couch.

“
What
?”

“I just don’t want any video games up here, that’s all.” Jason shrugs.

“Whatever.” Weird. I’ll just pick a table, and pull out my computer again—maybe that’s why Jason’s always on his. There’s nothing else to do, and I begin to realize how long the weeks are going to feel between Craig visits.

Jason and Boz laugh at something on the TV, on the other side of the vast room, and I’m trying to remember a time in my life when I felt this alone, and I’m not sure that I ever have. It pulls at me, and makes me want to call Craig, but I refuse to play the part of every guy who nagged me through college.

I’m tough. I’m strong. I can handle this.

And I’m going to have to repeat this a lot of times for it to feel true.

The Brother.

My phone rings and startles me awake. Jumping like that still really hurts. I’m pulling up blankets trying to find my phone, wondering if Dad ever looked at the photos I sent him around Christmas. When I finally get my hand on the thing, I check the ID.
Keith
.

I really don’t want to talk to my brother right now. Unfortunately, I know he’ll keep calling until he gets through. Best to get it over with.

“Hey Keith.” My voice is cracked from just waking up, but I don’t care as much how I sound when I’m talking to Keith as I do when I’m talking to Dad.

“Dad said he talked to you and you sounded okay.” His voice sounds more matter-of-fact than concerned.

“I’m fine.”

“Do you think you’ll come home?” he asks.

“Well, honestly I’m a little tied up at the moment given that my ribs are making it hard to breathe and move.” Overstatement. My ribs are healing up quickly. Without all the extra Craig-exertion, I’d be doing pretty well.

“I didn’t mean right this second, Dana.” His voice is impatient, and I picture him running his hand over his straight brown hair. Keith and I look so similar. Same pale skin. Same stick straight hair and angular face. His high cheekbones give him no end of compliments from the girls, and I’m almost as tall as him, too, which makes him a little insane.

“I know you didn’t mean right this second.” I have no idea why he’s calling. We talk sometimes but not a ton. Conversations with Keith generally backfire. He reads me better than Dad does and then reports back to Dad. It’s a pretty crappy arrangement—for me anyway.

“So, you’re settled back into your routine now?”

“Not exactly.”

“I thought your roommate, Leann, was helping you out. She works at that hotel with you, right? Life should be back to normal.”

His attitude about what I’m doing in Alaska generally pisses me off. “
That
hotel is the nicest one in Anchorage. She manages the Crow’s Nest, which, in my opinion, is the nicest restaurant in town. I take care of any and every event planned at
that
—”

“I know what you do, Dana.” Keith has the same impatient voice as Dad. “It’s still a waste of your talents and probably won’t get you anywhere.”

“Is this why you called, Keith? To give me the same lecture you do every time we talk?”
And the one I expect from Dad?
In my mind it would seem that Keith should be happy when I’m not living up to the lofty expectations of my family.

“No. Sorry.” He exhales. “Work’s been crazy.”

I wait for him to continue.

“So, what else is going on? And why did you say ‘not exactly’ when I asked if you were settled back into your routine?”

“Who said something else is going on?” I ask. I realize as soon as it comes out of my mouth that it probably wasn’t the thing to say.

“I can
just
tell.”

I sigh. Might as well get it over with now. “I’m not telling you anything unless you promise not to tell Dad.”

“
What
?”

“Promise.” I stop for a moment. “He’ll worry too much, and it’s not that big of a deal.”

“Dana…” He sounds disapproving, and I haven’t even said anything yet.

“Just before I got run off the road I saw these two guys. One of them got shot in the head. The other one ran me off the road. And as far as I know, I’m the only witness.”

“Only you.” I can feel his stare and exasperation over the phone.

“Look! It wasn’t my fault. The directions to my friend’s house were bad, and I just happened to be the one—”

“Well, shit, Dana. Why don’t you just come home? If the state of Alaska doesn’t want to fly you up there to testify, they’ll have to do without you. I’m sure I can arrange something. The firm always needs a little pro bono work. I’ll slide you in.”

I’m kind of pissed now. “Don’t bother, Keith. I’m not leaving. And I’m not at home. I’m staying at this…very cool wilderness lodge for a bit.”
Lie
.

“Gah.” He breathes out. “Why do you have to be so stubborn? Why can’t you admit that going up there was a big mistake?” I’m sure his lanky arms are thrown up in the air in exasperation.

“Because it wasn’t a mistake! You’ve never even been here, Keith. Don’t judge what you don’t know.” Each word is really piercing into my ribs now.

I figured I’d get some peace from them up here. I took a cruise with friends halfway through college, and we had a blast. It seemed like a good place to de-stress for a year. I was obviously wrong.

“Well, maybe I’ll come up for a short visit. Hang out at this lodge you’re hiding out in.”

I go pale for a moment until I remember something. “You only take time off to ski or golf with Dad. Talk to you later, Keith.”

“Wait,” he warns. “I have a condition—if you don’t want Dad to know.”

“Are you
kidding
me?” I want to strangle him now, but if I’m too mad he’ll do something to get me back. He’s really annoying that way. Deals between us never end up well.

“You have to keep me informed or I
will
tell Dad.”

“
What
? How old are we?”

“Believe it or not, Dana. I’m worried about you way up there. I thought you were at home. I mean, changing where you’re sleeping every night is sort of a big deal. Just call once in a while and keep me informed.” And he does sound worried, but I’m too pissed to care.

“And if you don’t answer your phone?” I add with the best snotty voice I can manage. He
never
answers his phone. If Keith wants to talk, he’ll call
you
.

“Leave a message, Dana. That’s what voicemail is for.” His voice is tired. We’ve had this interchange before.

“Talk to you later, brother.” I’m done.

“Later, sister.”

I push End on my phone with as much force as I can manage. No matter how we argue, we always end our conversations like that. The only time we didn’t is when his best friend broke my heart. Keith should have been on my side for that one, not Clive’s.