Falling (8 page)

“I guess I do. Rides and my stomach do not like each other. They haven’t gotten along for years,” I say with a shrug. I look towards Blake because I know he must be confused by how I have acted this week. He looks at me and smiles, which makes me feel even worse.

A cute redhead walks up to us and links her arm through Blake’s, “Hey, you ready to head to Charlie’s, Blake?" He glances in my direction then whispers something in her ear. She squeezes his arm and then walks over towards the rest of their group.

“Abby, can I talk to you for a second,” Blake asks with a nervous look. I nod, then look towards Allie.

“Connor, will you stay with Allie for a minute, please?" He glances between me and Blake with a questioning look then shrugs and starts teasing Allie. Blake and I walk to the nearest bench and sit down.

“So, do I need to explain why I am out with Sarah?” Blake asks cutting right to the heart of the matter.

“No, I have been avoiding you all week because I didn’t know what to say. I was sure you were mad at me.”

“No, I’m not mad. I just wish you would have told me the truth. You like someone else.” He says so simply.

“Why would you say that?”

“Abby, I was at the pool. I saw you with Connor.”

“First off, let me just say that I really think you are great. You are so nice and funny, and gorgeous. All I can say is I’m really sorry, and I feel like slime for how I have been treating you."

“It’s okay Abby. I actually enjoyed hanging out with you, so maybe we can still do that as friends sometime,” Blake said with a smile.

“How can you be nice to me? I am the slime of the earth. You have my permission and my approval to yell at me and call me a bunch of insulting names." Blake laughs and shakes his head.

“So, when are you going to tell him?" He asks with a nod towards where Connor is laughing at something my sister said.

“I’m not. He doesn’t think of me like that. It would just make things awkward when I am over at Leah’s house. I love being around the Sparks, I won’t ruin that,” I say with a shake of my head. Blake, I know he is your best friend but could you just keep this to yourself?” I plead.

“It’s not my secret to tell. He won’t hear about it from me, but I really think you should tell him the truth,” Blake answers. “Well, I have to get back to Sarah. I guess I will see you later at school or Mathletes, right?”

“Yeah. And Blake, thanks for understanding and being so great." He nods and with a wave disappears back towards where Sarah is waiting. Inside I am relieved that the situation with Blake is over, but I also feel sad because I didn’t feel anything for him and he was fantastic in every way. I glance at Connor and notice that he is watching me with a puzzled expression. I walk back over to Allie and Connor.

“Thanks for staying with Allie,” I say to Connor, then to Allie, “So what ride now?”

“You are going to ride with me even though you got sick?" Allie asks with excitement.

“No, I thought I would just watch you ride. Allie, my tummy cannot take any more rides. I’m sorry.”

“Great, now I will look like such a dork riding everything alone. Let’s just go home!” She pouts.

“Really,” I say with a look at her. She looks so sad, I can’t take it. “Fine, I will ride a few more." She hugs me and starts jumping up and down. Connor is still standing with us and looks shocked at my agreement to go on more rides.

“Abby, you are not riding any more. You got sick. I will ride a couple with Allie." He grabs Allie’s hand and starts dragging her towards the Gravatron, a ride that goes around repeatedly at a high speed. “Come on big Sis, you wouldn’t want to miss watching us,” Connor teases.

“Connor, this is really sweet of you, but isn’t Samantha and the others waiting on you?”

“It’s fine. Well, let me run over there and tell them that I will meet them at Charlie’s later. I’ll be back, save my place in line, Allie." He jogs over to Samantha and from the expression on her face, I know she is unhappy. It is obvious they are arguing and that she thinks I am the reason. She glowers in my direction as Connor starts walking back towards us. Samantha is right on his heels saying things. The closer they get to us, the clearer the comments are to my ears.

“Is there something going on between you and that pathetic girl?” Samantha demands to know. I shrink and turn away from the argument hoping they don’t notice how close I am.

“No, we are just friends. I have no interest in her. She is my little sister’s best friend. I have to be nice to her,” Connor argues. Every word he says is true, but my heart crumbles still.

“I have seen you with her before, Connor. I would rather you come with me to Charlie’s now.” She insists.

“You are being ridiculous, Samantha. I mean, look at her, she isn’t even my type." My eyes start to water with this new knowledge. I knew he was out of my league, but I guess I didn’t realize that I disgusted him. I wipe at my eyes hoping I can hide this until I get home. Thank goodness Allie is focused on the line in front of us and not paying any attention.

“I will see you at Charlie’s in about an hour.” I hear as Connor comes and stands beside me.

“So we ready to ride?" He asks with a grin at Allie and me. Allie nods excitedly. How am I going be around him knowing what he thinks of me? I will just keep my head down and try to keep my distance from him.

“Abby? You okay?" Connor says as he uses his finger to lift my chin so he can see me.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I force a smile, “You two go on and get on the ride before it fills up." He stares at me for a second longer before taking off with Allie. Once they are on the ride, I find a place to sit and wait for them. I peek over at them and they are both laughing. Well, at least Allie is having fun. I can suffer through half an hour for my sister. I can pretend I didn’t hear what Connor said. I can do that for my sister.

When the ride is over, Allie and Connor jog over to me and tell me they are heading over to the Rocko-Planes, a ride like the Ferris wheel but the compartments turn upside down. Allie loves it, while it makes me sick just looking at it. 

“You guys go on and have a good time, my stomach is still a little unsettled.  I think I will just sit here and wait on you." I say as I hold my stomach to prove the lie.

“Abby, you sure you are okay to stay? I would be happy to take you guys home,” Connor offers. Allie looks worried that I am going to make her leave.

“No, I will be fine sitting here. You two go on and ride." Connor still looks unsure but leaves with Allie
. While they are gone, I watch people to take my mind off what happened earlier. I see couples walking by holding hands and kissing. I want that with someone, and now I have no options at all. Blake was never really an option because of Connor. My thoughts are interrupted when someone collapses onto the bench beside me and bumps into my shoulder.

“Allie went to get some cotton candy. Abby, what is going on? You look so sad,” Connor asks in such a sweet voice. I can’t possible tell him the truth so I continue to glance anywhere but at him.

“Nothing at all, I am just not feeling so well. Look, I really appreciate you helping me out with Allie. I know it ruined your evening,” I reply. 

“Are you kidding? You saved me. I was just going to Charlie’s with friends. Samantha was especially annoying tonight. You saved me from that,” He says as he bumps my shoulder again.

“Well, it is getting late, so I think I am going to go find Allie and take off. Thanks again,” I say as I push off the bench.  Before I can take two steps, Connor has me by the arm turning me towards him.

“Something is wrong with you, and I want to know what it is. You might not be feeling well, but there is something else wrong. You won’t even look me in the eye. Did I do something to make you upset?”

I look at Connor and at that moment the pain is just too much. “I overheard you talking to Samantha. I guess I didn’t realize just how repulsive you found me, but now I know, so I will stay out of your way." I turn to leave but Connor is still holding on to my arm. He tightens his hand around my arm when I start to pull away.

“Repulsive? Abby, what are you talking about? I find you about as far from repulsive as possible. “

“I heard what you said to Samantha about me.” I say as I try to pull my arm out of his grasp. He pulls me towards him and grabs me around the waist. I have to get out of here or I am going to humiliate myself further by sobbing in front of him. I push against his chest as I continue to struggle to escape his hold.

“Abby, please listen to me. I didn’t mean it. Let me explain,” he begs. He catches my hands against his chest.

“Connor, please let go of me. I need to find Allie. I want you to leave me alone,” I say in such a cold voice that he releases his hold on me. As I walk away from him, I know my heart is completed trampled.

**********

I haven’t left the house since Allie and I returned from the fall festival. When my mom and dad got home Friday, my mom checked on me.  She knew I had been crying because of my puffy eyes. She wanted me to talk to her, but I couldn’t, the pain was still too close to the surface. She hovered the whole weekend, which under normal circumstances, I would have loved.

I talked to
Leah several times and she knew something is wrong, too. I just don’t know how much to tell her. I might have to break down and tell her, just to get it off my chest. Connor has also called several times, but I have avoided those calls like the plague.

On Sunday night, I am sitting on my bed reading, hoping that Stephen King’s
Salem’s Lot
would take my mind off of things. I hear a knock on my door.

“Abby, can I come in,” my mom asks as she peeks her head in the door. I nod and she comes and sits on my bed beside me. “What is going on, Abby? What happened at the fall festival?" I had to talk to someone, and so I broke down.

“It’s just a guy, Mom. I overheard him saying some things about me,” I sobbed. She wrapped her arms around me and just let me cry. We sat like that for while, and I noticed she was rubbing my back trying to comfort me.

“Honey, I know it hurts right now, but it will go away, I promise. Tell me, what did this boy say?" I told her the whole story and she just held me. After crying for what felt like hours, I am so exhausted, my mom tucks me in bed and kisses my forehead. “I love you, Abby,” she whispered as she left my room.

Chapter 10

“Abby, wake up honey,” my mom says as she shakes me awake.

“Mom did I oversleep?”

“Well, kind of. I turned off your alarm clock last night. I have decided you needed a day off from school. Not just you, the whole family.”

“What?”

“We are having a family day. Remember you wanted us to. Your dad and I decided today was as good as any day. “I continue to stare at my mom with my mouth open because this is so unlike her.

“So I was thinking, maybe we could go shopping to some outlets and get you a new winter wardrobe. You could use some new clothes. I also thought a movie would be fun. What do you think?”

“That sounds great, Mom. Let me just text Leah and ask her to get my homework for me, so I won’t get behind." As soon as my mom leaves, I get up and feel much better than I did the previous night. I still hurt but it feels bearable today.

This is just what I needed. My mom continued to hover over me and I think she did this because of my breakdown last night. Allie and I got some new clothes, but what I liked best was the talking and laughing as a family.  I was trying on a skirt my mom had forced on me when I decided I needed to be completely honest with my mom.

“Why don’t we spend more time together? I know you guys are busy but if we love each other we should make time, right?" I ask.

“Honey, I know that lately we have been busy, but I promise that from now on I am going to make more of an effort to be with you and Allie. This weekend when you were so upset, I realized that I don’t know that much about your life. I didn’t like the feeling and I want that to change. Now, we might not ever be like the Sparks and their family nights, but I want us to be close." She wipes her eyes as she looks at me. “I love you girls more than anything, don’t ever question that.”

“We love you too Mom." My family spends the rest of the day together reconnecting. By the time, we return home that evening, I felt hope blooming inside of me that my parents might try to be more involved with Allie and me. Might is the key word. I don’t want to be negative, but I can’t help but wonder how long we can hold their interest before they forget about us again. I have been disappointed so many times in the past that it is really going to take more than one family day to fix my trust issues.

************

Blake and I walk towards my locker together after running into each other after first period. He is being so nice considering the way I treated him, I don’t know if I could be that forgiving. I can barely pay attention to what he is saying because I am watching to make sure Connor is a safe distance from me. I haven’t seen him yet today and that is a godsend. I know that my luck will not hold all day. I always see him at school, usually several times. Then of course, there is pre-calculus, he will be in the same room with me.