Fallen Angels (2 page)

Taking the bottle from me he leaned closer. “It’s an ancient healing remedy. A nasty concoction of herbs, oils, and fungi that works miracles.”

“Healing remedy? For what?” I asked, wishing never to smell it again.

“Scars.” He took my hand, slowly pushing the blanket away from my wrist. “A very little bit of this will go a long way. I know it smells so I bought you some perfume to mask the smell. Use it once a day, every day, and your scars will fade. Maybe as your scars fade, your memories of how they were formed will fade with them. One day your love for life and all of its wonders will come back.” He gently rubbed the oil into the scar around my wrist.

His gentle touch and hopeful words brought a tiny bit of hope back. Devlin was right about one thing. I was blessed to have friends like him. It also brought a sudden need to tell my story, to actually let it out. To trust Devlin and hope he would accept me the same way he always had.

My horrible experience spilled forth while Devlin sat listening, enduring my every word. I could see it pained him to hear every detail of my torture, but the more I talked about it the more I felt a weight being lifted from me.

Telling my story helped me accept what had happened in my life. I couldn’t change it, couldn’t hide from it. It had already happened, and talking to Devlin on this cool fall day was the first step I needed to take so I could get my life back.

I knew my life would never be normal, but I was still here and would do my best to enjoy the small things that made me smile. When I was finally done talking, Devlin smiled and gave me a curt nod. “Why are you smiling?” I asked, worried.

“Thank you for confiding in me. Do you see any beauty around you now?” he asked.

I looked around at the cloudy grey sky and the barren trees and was surprised to say I did see small glimpses of beauty in life on that cool October day. Devlin was my miracle. He single-handedly brought me back to life.

Devlin continued to make it a daily ritual for the two of us to spend time out on the patio, and as the days passed I saw more and more beauty in the world around me. I was coming back to life in spirit, but my pregnancy was taking its toll on my body, and my need to see Ravyn had returned with a vengeance.

Nebiros had put an I.V. in me, and was pumping fluids and vitamins into my body on a daily basis. He was worried, and it showed when he attached the bags of fluid to my I.V., in his gentle touch when he inspected the bruising on my arms. He was actually showing more emotion than my Mom, who was always by my side. I knew she was being strong for me, but I wondered how long she could carry this strength for both of us. When I showed them the multiple bruises covering my belly, Mom quickly left my room and Nebiros kissed my forehead then followed her. I didn’t understand why they left without a single word, but it was comforting to know that I would be missed by all of my friends.

A month had passed since Devlin made his return, and I was busy preparing to ask him for another favor while I stared out at the light snow falling over the patio.

“How are we feeling this morning, my dear?” His voice greeted me when he entered the kitchen.

“I’m tired. I don’t think I will last much longer, Devlin,” I replied.

“We will figure this out. You should be resting,” he insisted, leading me to the kitchen table.

“Do you know where Ravyn is?” I blurted out as he eased me down into the chair. His eyes snapped to mine, then he stepped away shaking his head. “I need to see her Devlin. I need to say goodbye.”

“Even if I knew where she was, I would never take you to her. She is dangerous and would not think twice about harming you.”

“She won’t hurt me. I begged her to kill me last time, and she wouldn’t lay a finger on me. I need this Devlin. The baby is killing me and you know it.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying. You and the baby are going to be just fine. You don’t need to see Ravyn. You can’t.”

“I will find her with or without your help, and when I do I’m going to see her,” I said, struggling to stand. Gingerly, I walked out of the kitchen.

“I know where she is,” Devlin said, stopping my slow trek up the stairs. “Trust me when I say you will not like what Ravyn has become.”

His warning still made me smile with relief. The simple thought of seeing her again instantly lifted my spirit. “I don’t have to like it. I don’t want to wonder what might have happened. I need closure,” I said.

“Will you move on when you find this closure?” His question struck me as odd, but I agreed anyway.

Chapter Two

Ravyn

New Beginnings

I made the ultimate sacrifice and was in turn rewarded with the ultimate gift. The unconditional love of my mother’s embrace welcomed me into the fabled heavens. I thought she would hate me for the things I had done, but I was more than wrong. Her pride soared with thoughts of my love for Kara and the sacrifice I made for her. I could feel that she understood fully, and I missed my mother more than I ever cared to admit.

I found the long-awaited peace that my visions of death had always promised, and just when I felt I was home, my mother’s light began to dwindle, eclipsed by an eternal darkness that moved closer and closer, pulling me away from her outstretched arms. I clawed at the thick air of nothing, desperately trying to reach her, but the distance grew further and further, until suddenly, she was gone.

The overwhelming love of my mother’s embrace was replaced with the hatred of the dark fires of hell offered by my father, Lucifer. He looked down at me, his disgustingly cocky grin brimming with pride. My ears tuned in, trying to find any sign of life, but all I could hear was the endless crackling of distant fires. There were no heartbeats, not even my own, no occasional breath of air, and no feeling of warmth or cold. The wretched smell of stale ashes being whisked around by the stagnant air and my father’s horrible grin were all that welcomed me back. I was alive, but I was not the same.

My father had done the unthinkable. He revived me with the healing power of his own blood. His blood flowed through me as it always had, but my mother’s bloodline and the humanity it carried were forever vanquished to the depths of hell.

Astoroth knew all along that my father’s love for me would force his hand in making me the full-blood I was always meant to be. It was one of many things my blinding arrogance had overlooked. My true potential had blossomed thanks to Astoroth, my father, and my own arrogance.

Coming back was like being born all over again, and again my father shoved me into the human world, back to the city of Chicago that I once called my own. He brought me back, and then left me to discover my new abilities and learn how to control them all on my own.

The demon in me still changed my appearance very little. My fangs were slightly longer, my eyes were still black, and my fingernails still grew to dagger-like claws, though now a bit longer, deadlier. The death of my humanity had in fact awakened the angel within me, which I found ironic.

The angel gave me wings, large wings covered with black feathers like that of a crow, which grew out of my back near my shoulder blades. It took some getting used to and a lot of practice, but soon I was able to control my wings at will. I could even control them when I set the demon within me free. I guess this was possible because it was not a part of the demon and therefore controlled separately, but that was only my assumption.

The ability to fly was not the most challenging of my new abilities, but it was my favorite. Flying through the night skies, somehow, freed me of the hatred and guilt that were still very much alive within me. When I wasn’t flying I was busy feeding my insatiable lust for blood.

Blood ruled every thought and every action. I wanted to bathe in it and drink every human walking this earth dry. It didn’t matter how much I drank or spilt, it was never enough, and the more I tried to control my thirst, the more violent I became. There was no give and take in this new life; the city looked soaked in blood and I wanted to taste every last drop.

I tried to kill only those who deserved the brutal death I offered, but the innocent tasted so much better, and they often became my victims even when I was trying to protect them.

I had become my own worst nightmare, and my new abilities pushed me far above the demon race. I could not be stopped nor could I be controlled, so I remained out of sight. I didn’t want anyone in the demon world to know I was alive, if that’s what you would call it. I watched the city from above, night after night. Watching humans enjoy the fruits of a life that I once enjoyed myself. I found myself hating everyone simply for their enjoyment of this life.

Weeks felt like days, and the body count in Chicago quickly grew. Humans began to panic over news reports of the serial killer. It was the first time I truly laughed since my rebirth. The media had become obsessed with finding this mysterious murderer. Their obsession sparked a faint feeling of joy, and I began to target the journalists telling false tales of a fictitious killer. I graciously allowed several of them to see the truth before they died.

When my joy returned so did thoughts of Kara and the visions of her lying on that steel table, black stitches lining her precious skin. I suddenly wanted to tell her how sorry I was. To kiss her and hold her while she slept, listening to her peaceful breathing while feeling her warmth. To tell her how much she meant to me, and that I would always be by her side.

I finally understood why I was so miserable. Kara provided the light in my dark world, and without her everything was empty. It wasn’t my lost humanity that was making me hate the world; it was not having Kara with me. She was the one thing that made life enjoyable, and I had to see her. I had to hold her again.

It was strange because thinking about Kara had nearly erased my thirst for blood; drinking from her wasn’t necessary. I didn’t need it with her by my side. I only needed her. And for that reason I knew I would never hurt her. The decision was made; I had to go home to my Kara.

I felt at peace with my decision, and was preparing to take flight from the roof of the tall white stone skyscraper when my wonderful father appeared next to me.

“You have finally come to your senses.” Lucifer’s proud statement broke my clarity.

“She is all that matters. I have to go to her,” I said with a grin, feeling the joy flutter under my skin at the prospect of seeing her again.

“Are you sure this is the correct decision?”

“Yes. I have never been so sure about anything,” I replied without hesitation.

“Very well. You should know that the prophets were correct in their vision.” His sad words forced my eyes to his. Sadness and disbelief erased all of my joy. “Kara will know soon and since you don’t believe me, I shall bring her to you.”

I shook my head in denial of his painful words. When I looked up he was gone before I could tell him I no longer wanted to see her, not like this. “NO!” I screamed, hoping my father would hear my plea.

The next night, true to his word, my father showed up at my favorite resting place with Kara by his side. I didn’t have to look to know she was there. I could hear her frantically beating heart and smell her horrible new scent. Astoroth’s blood remained in Kara, and I knew then my father’s words were true. Kara was pregnant.

The smell made me want to rip her open and kill the thing growing within her. My mind taunted me with fantastic thoughts of killing Kara and the child, to be done with my horrible failures. Instead, I was cold and heartless, all because I could not tell her the truth of her situation. I made her believe things that were never true.

I was ready to give in and end her suffering and mine when Kara’s own tiny plea for death stopped me. What was I thinking? I could never hurt Kara, and she knew it. No matter what evil thing grew inside of her, I could not bring myself to hurt her. My love for her would always control the beast within me. I also knew my love for Kara would never be enough to protect the baby inside of her. I would kill it, and killing it now would only hurt Kara. I hated how I behaved and how I felt, but it was the only thing I could do. With only an apology, I disappeared into the night.

I left Chicago that night, to let Kara decide whether or not to keep the child. I knew I would never return to her if the child lived. I traveled the world, waiting for her decision. In my travels I continued to learn new abilities while I searched for some escape from my own self-loathing, but found none. I became withdrawn from the world around me, trapped in my own darkness. I felt peace only when I killed, and every kill made me think of Kara.

I ran into Devlin in Japan. He had followed my trail of devastation and finally caught up with me. I could feel his own loss and hatred still brewing within him as he continued to mourn Lilith’s death. He was surprised to see I was still alive but quickly realized I was not the same. Devlin knew then what my father had done, and being the true friend that he was he begged me to let him help. I might have accepted his offer if he hadn’t begged me to go back home with him.

Home?
I laughed repeatedly at the thought. I had no home; Astoroth had taken that from me too. After that Devlin didn’t say anything; we just went our separate ways, both of us hoping to find an escape from our own guilt.

Slowly I began to gain more and more control over my hunger, and when we found each other in Scotland we were able to enjoy a drink together without any mention of home or the past. I knew he was silently watching over me, and I thanked him for it. I also knew he wanted to return home, so I assured him he would see me again, and then disappeared.

By the time I reached the western shores of America, I was tired of traveling and had no desire to go back to Chicago, so I decided to make Seattle my new home. Buying a penthouse in the posh downtown area gave me a peaceful place high above the busy streets. Every night I sat perched on the balcony of my empty palace in the sky, dropping below only to feed, which meant another life drained from this world.