Fakebook (31 page)
Authors: Dave Cicirelli
Elizabeth Lee
O.M.G. Davidâ¦is it yours?
3 days ago via mobile
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Elizabeth Lee
Joe, I usually don't agree with youâ¦but in this case, I do. You should def. get a paternity test.
3 days ago via mobile
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Mary Carroll
Cuz maybe you should get some drinks tonightâ¦
3 days ago via mobile
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Dave Cicirelli
Is there ANY chance that Jonathon will allow his Amish grand son to get a DNA test?
3 days ago via mobile
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Kevin Conway
Well at least all your Maury Povich experience will finally come in handyâ¦
3 days ago via mobile
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Ted Kaiser
So many questionsâ¦I had given up feeling bad for you, but now there's a kid involved. I hope for his/her sake that you get your life together man.
3 days ago via mobile
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Dave Cicirelli
I don't know if its mine. She did cheat on me at least once. But what are my options? I mean, can I leave her to raise a bastard child that may be mine in a community that is NOT cool with the single mother thing� I mean, I still care about her. Can I abandon her if she's in need? Am I a sucker? What a spectacular mess.
2 days ago via mobile
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Erin Brennan Hanson
O.M.G.
2 days ago
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Lauren Shockey
maybe you can write up your adventures and pitch it as a lifetime movie.
2 days ago via mobile
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Erin Brennan Hanson
“Confessions of an Amish Baby Daddy”?
2 days ago via mobile
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Dave Cicirelli
I've racked my brain, and there doesn't even seem to be a Morrissey song that perfectly encapsulates this situation. Perhaps I should write my story. Like Jim White once sang “what wonderful fiction I will craft from this terrible pain.”
2 days ago via mobile
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Steve Cuchinello
Dave, its time to man up. If this isn't a slap in the face of reality I don't know what is. Your self destruction is one thing but now you are talking about a kid's life and that has to teach you to grow up. If its yours it's time to be a man.
2 days ago via mobile
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Dave Cicirelli
It must be hard to read type this small from atop your high horse, Steve.
2 days ago via mobile
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Steve Cuchinello
Oh yes I forgot the last 6 months has constantly reminded me of your excellent choices in judgement. What was I thinking.
2 days ago via mobile
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Dave Cicirelli
Ok, let's get to it. Names that will ruin (possibly) my baby's life. Go!
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Ara Arnn
David Cicirelli, Jr.
yesterday via mobile
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Annette Pandolfo De Luca
Sue, but only if it is a boy.
yesterday
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Chris Mitarotondo
sapphire
yesterday via mobile
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Kristen Scalia
Sissy Cicirelli
yesterday via mobile
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Stephen Ortez
Ismael
yesterday via mobile
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Aaron Summers
Aaron Summers
yesterday
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Ted Kaiser
Mark Messier Cicirelli
yesterday via mobile
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Howard Tsu
Hettoit Cicirelli
yesterday via mobile
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Dave Cicirelli
Good suggestions.
Let's remember, this kid'll be going to an Amish school. Can we think of anything for that specific breed of school yard bully?
Combustible Engine Cicirelli?
yesterday via mobile
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Dave Cicirelli
I've reviewed the entries and have decided Ara showed the most wit. Well done.
Regardless, I'm naming my son Sparkles, and if it's a daughter I'll name her George Foreman Jr.
yesterday via mobile
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MARCH 29: End of the Road.
When it all beganâ¦
I've been through a lot. An awful lot. So, so much. I think I've reached the end of the road.
I'm writing this from a coffee shop in Intercourse Pennsylvania. The same coffee shop where I wrote a post leading to my first visit to the Amish. I'm about to return.
It reminds me of the classic philosophical question that asks “can a man step into the same river twice?”
It feels an appropriate thing to ponder just before my returnâ¦and my reunion with Kate. I'm a different man than the inspirational figure who thought freedom meant walking over the GW Bridge and across three states to find a niche religious community just to toilet paper their horse and buggy.
When I was last here, I was a vandal, an unrepentant hate criminal who indignantly left with one of their daughters, whom I'd taken as a lover.
When I rejoin them, as I step into that same river twice, I know the waters will be choppy. But as the river changes, so has the man. I'm stronger now, strengthened by the confidence that only a fashionable tattoo can provide.
I started this journey running from responsibility, now I run towards one. It's come so full circle, it almost feels scripted.
Although Kate being pregnant with (probably) my child is the unplanned driving force for me to adopt the Amish way of life, I'm at peace with this. I'm not running away any more.
I used to feel so compelled to have more and more. I was an experience glutton, discarding all that I had because I was seduced by the abstract “thing that I'm missing.” Now I see that only thing I was missing was maturity. The maturity to know that my friends and family weren't obstacles keeping me from the world, they were protection from its cruelty and danger. I always knew how important it was for them to look up to me, but I didn't realize how important it is to me to look down on them. To all my friends, I'm sorry for taking you for granted.
This will likely be my last post. I'm leaving the world of Facebook with a heart full of sadness for what I'm leaving behindâ¦but also full of hope for the future I'm committed to build, and the roots I hope to grow.
I almost lost everything in my inspirational search for more. Now I'm ready for a simple, honest life in a community that I always hated, to win back the woman I think I love, so I can raise what is quite possibly my child. Father hood with a twist.
Finally, a wacky adventure I'm excited to settle down with. Even though I'm no longer a citizen of the road, I still encourage us all to march into the future with no destination other than to court the many possibilities that lie just around the next bend.
Look how well it worked for me!
Thank you for all your support over these past six months. I'm happy to have traveled with you.
Tara B.
It's been one hell of a ride (and we're just readers). I mean it with all of my heart when I say: Good luck!
about an hour ago
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Pete Garra
Amazing. Seriously kudos.
about an hour ago via mobile
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Elizabeth Lee
Good luck david
about an hour ago via mobile
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Matt Campbell
Wow
32 minutes ago via mobile
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Jay Patterson
For what its worth man, you may have deterred some of us in the same “wanderlust vs rut” mentality of taking the same crooked travels. And even tho i barely know you its been good reading about your adventures, good luck with Fatherhood man!
29 minutes ago via mobile
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Peter Glass
Hey Dave, haven't really seen you since high school, but just wanted to wish you all the best, good luck man.
5 minutes ago via mobile
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Greg Cicchelli
“Sometimes your whole life boils down to one insane move”
less than a minute ago via mobile
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With Fake Dave's story over, and my confession still on the horizon, I could focus on my last two days at Handler PR.
Or at least I tried to. My voice mail was full of messages from Freddy and LiveWired, trying to get me to come in early or do assignments at night. It wasn't an optionâI'd already agreed to start that upcoming Monday, skipping out on any sort of downtime between jobs. I wasn't willing to now have these jobs overlap.
The guy's demeanor changed once I took the job. He was demanding, but I still kind of liked him. And I took him up on his offer of talking frankly by affirming I wasn't available until the last week of March. I owed Handler my two weeks' notice, and I was going to make sure they got it.
There are plenty of stories about horrible bosses and horrible jobs and the types of skewed versions of lifelong dreams that a job offered. This was never one of them.
On a professional and artistic level, I was completely at peace with my decision to leave. On a personal level, I was devastated. I was saying good-bye to a lot of friendsâfriends who, over the last six months, had been especially important to me.
And as the last two days wrapped upâwith me putting the contents of my desk into one of my completed superhero shippersâand as I stacked dozens of collaborative projects into this 20-inch cube, each press kit or invitation or stupid-awesome bobblehead was a memory. Feeling none of the day-to-day pressure of approaching deadlines and client demands, it was hard not to feel nostalgic.
That feeling was only compounded by the happy hour my boss threw for me on my last day. It was a great time, and it kept going well past the original venue. Christine and Joe were there until the very end and even bought me the greatest slice of pizza a dollar has ever been spent on.
Come Saturday morning, it was overâwith Friday only lingering as vague memories and a sharp headache. It occurred to me, as I took some aspirin and tried to salvage what I could of my two-day stretch of unemployment, that it really was over in more than one way.
Both PR and fictional profiles were behind me. I was officially out of the business of creating public faces.
In my life before and after Fakebook, I've had a lot of bosses. And in my experience, there's usually a line or a moment within the first few days that speaks volumes of the relationship that's about to unfold. I once had a creative director who welcomed me into his office. He had the classic album
In
the
City
by The Jam playing out of his speakers and an autographed photo of legendary New Jersey Devils goaltender Martin Brodeur on his desk.
“This,” I thought to myself, “is a good sign.”
His replacement, however, canceled our initial meeting because she had to deal with her “au pair quitting via text message.”
“This,” I thought to myself, “is a bad sign.”
But as far as red flags go, little compares to “Where's your computer?”
“I'm not sure, Freddy⦔ I said somewhat confused, as I got up from the couch in reception of LiveWired to greet him. “Where did you set it up?”
“You mean you didn't bring yours?”
“I'm sorry,” I said, completely dumbfounded. “Were you expecting me to donate the use of my personal computer?”