Faithless (Mistress & Master of Restraint) (110 page)

“You win,” Cort says in defeat, throwing his hands up in the air. “I give up. No more women. Tomorrow I will tell them to leave me alone. I’ll save myself for when Ezra’s whore gets here- Don’t look at me like that Ez,” Cort snarls. “You’ve stalked her, and now you say I can’t touch her when she gets here. I’ll behave if you do.”

“Don’t talk about Katya like that,” Ez snarls back. They are on the edge of a massive fight. It’s a fight I refuse to get involved with. I gave Ez the name that Marcus and Cortez had had all along. If Cortez is blindly jealous of one of his own friends th
at he willingly shared with Ezra, imagine how he feels about a woman Ezra became obsessed with after one horrific hour. And that is the least of Cort’s secrets he’s withheld.

“You have it in your head that you want a woman now, after you took my girlfriend away from me when we were kids. Now you’
ve got your sights set on your dad’s mistress to get back at him. And you want me to admit I’m gay,” Cort incredulously says, eyebrows reaching his hairline. “You fuck women as if it’s a weapon of mass destruction. We’ll play your game. We’ve shared before. Only this time, you aren’t going behind my back and knocking up our girlfriend. Partners, right?” Cort snidely says. “What’s yours is mine and mine is yours, right? Well, Katya fucking Waters is mine now, too. Keep her away from me at your own risk.”

“This shit is too personal for me- I’m out,” Dexter says, reaching a full-out run before he flees the room. I just stand by the doorway, making myself as small of a target as possible. I can’t
not
watch this train wreck.

“It sounds fair,” Marcus mediates, and he receives a pair of pissed off snarls. He backs up until we share the doorway. He half turns wanting to leave, but he can’t force himself to walk out of the room.

“We’ll come up with rules,” Ez says.

“Yes,” Cort agrees, “and consequences.”

“Yes,” Ez says.

“Deal, now get over here. I’m going to fuck you, and it’s probably the last time,” Cortez says in an angry voice, but he’s smirking.

“I’m extremely patient,” Ez says, brilliantly smiling back.

“Yeah,” Cort says with a masculine laugh that makes Ez blush, “but can you outwait my stubbornness?”

“Oh yeah,” Ez purrs, and for the first time in my life, I witness Cort blush.

Marcus and I flee the room when the pair lunges across the room at each other. The sounds that pour from the impact room could only be classified as animalistic- hungry moans and cries of agony. They are literally weeping while they devour each other.

“I can’t take this shit,” I stiffly say to Marcus as I leave the Brownstone. I brush the tears off my cheeks and clear my throat. “I’ve done some bad shit, but either God gave me those assholes because I’m strong enough to leash them or I’m being punished. But what I really think is happening is that the Devil himself is laughing at us all.”

“They will get better,” Marcus tries to reassure
me, but it’s utter bullshit.

“
Let’s be realistic. They are toxic to everyone, to each other, and to themselves. They will decimate Katya Waters. They are using her as much as they used me, as much as they use everyone in their path. Will they ever just let go?”

“I think Katya will help them,” Marcus says, sounding like a delusional idiot. I don’t respond
, but I know better. I was their first, and I knew I wouldn’t be their last. I’m not jealous, I’m practical. Their jealousy is equal to their insanity. They will ruin the strongest of women. They will eat her alive and shit her back out.

“I want to meet my grandson,” Marcus demands.

“My private life is private,” I demand right back. “I don’t let anyone into it. You make me a promise and I will bring Zane to you.”

“Anything,” Marcus vows.

“Two promises. One, never speak of my son. That is my private life. If you respect me, I will respect you and reward you with visitation. Never encroach on my privacy,” I stress, because my privacy is the game, and I don’t want to have to execute anyone because of a fuck up.

“Two, we both know of another ten year old- a girl that is four months younger than her look-alike brother. I know you’ve kept that from Ezra for Katya and Ava’s safety. Promise me you will protect that girl and any other children they produce. My hands are full with my private life. I can’t police my son’s siblings, too. But someone must, because, let’s face it, they sure as shit
can’t take responsibility of themselves, let alone a child.”

“I promise,” Marcus readily agrees. “You knew about her?” he sounds shocked.

I turn to Marcus as we stand on the sidewalk in front of the Brownstone. I hold his gaze and let him see the real me. I’m no longer frightened, or lost, or weak. I am Syn.

“I know a lot of things, Marcus,” my voice floods the night it’s so dark. “I know more than you do. For instance, I know exactly who the man is that is watching us from the window in his library. I even know your secrets, Marcus,” I threateningly say in warning. “You just remember that when you encroach on my privacy. Have a good night,” I pleasant
ly say as I fade into the shadows and disappear in to the night.

~Chapter Ninety-Six~

“Are you alright?” Wil whispers in the dark of our bedroom. “I was worried when you didn’t come straight home.”

“I walked around for a while. I had a lot to mull over. Didn’t you get my text message?” I ask as I strip out of my clothes. I felt so dirty that I didn’t come home after I left the Brownstone. I showered at Restraint in my private room. I didn’t want to bring the filth- taint- into my sanctuary.

“Yeah,” Wil softly says, pulling the edge of the blankets up so I can crawl in beside him. “I… I know what happened,” Wil’s voice is very careful, and slightly shaky. “I was there. Are you alright, and don’t bullshit me, let me in.”

“No, I’m not alright,” I say, not ready to lie down just yet. “It drained me emotionally. I just… even at fifteen, I knew what their destiny was. I didn’t know my own, but theirs was set in stone. Since then, they’ve went off track. This reunion is tenuous. The glue that is fusing them together is false.”

“You don’t think the woman is a good idea?” All I hear is curiosity in his voice, and it draws me closer to Wil. I don’t cuddle up with him. I’m not ready for that much contact
yet. I lean my side against his, and curl our fingers together. I want to feel connected to Wil, but not suffocated.

“No,” I sadly admit. “I don’t. I said as much to Marc, and I’ve said it to Ez on multiple occasions. I don’t want you to think this is coming from a position of jealousy. I love them, and I want them to be happy. They can’t make me happy, and I can’t make them happy. I’ve always known this and accept
ed it. I don’t want to be with them like that. I just want what’s best for them. Wil, I met this woman. I attended to her. I don’t want to see her get hurt, and like a disease, they infect all those they come in close contact with. You can’t fix something broken by patching it with something equally broken- you just end up with a worthless piece of shit.”

“I don’t believe you are capable of jealousy,” Wil’s calm voice is intimate in the dark- a feather of a caress. I fight off a shiver. I want to so very badly fall into Wil and never resurface. But we need this time together first, without getting distracted by the physical.

“Ah, I’m no saint,” I say with a small laugh. “If it were about you, I’d be wicked jealous.”

Wil’s snort ricochets around the room. “I know that you worry about them. That you worry about Katya, because if she is hurt, Zane’s sister is hurt. You are a hard woman, with a huge capacity of love. You care for so many people. I worry about the stress it put
s you under.”

“I need to apologize to you,” I abruptly say
, having to say it before I chicken out. “All that sex, and you were petrified. I didn’t realize how terrifying it is. I’m sorry for all the pressure and guilt and shame and pain I made you feel. I… I didn’t know what it was like.”

“Pixy,” Wil softly cries. Ignoring my personal space, he curls around my side. I sigh into the warmth of him. “Not once did you pressure me or push me. That sex, that was for us, for me. I heard it all tonight, and Ezra was correct- you have to drive right through the fear, there is no avoiding it.”

“I’m sorry about everything I said tonight. You weren’t meant to hear it, but at the same time, there is never anything I don’t want you to know. I just don’t want to hurt your feelings. The more people that know about Zane’s parentage, I feel like they won’t respect you as his parent. You’re more of a dad to him than Ez, and you deserve to be respected for it.”

“I’ve… I’ve realized it, too… How we… How I’ve never gotten you pregnant. I was scared to bring it up. I knew you are healthy- you go to the doctor and everything checks out. Every month I prayed that you wouldn’t get your period. I don’t want you to think I don’t see Zane as my son. That’s not it. I just want us to be a family.”

“Wil,” I say, rolling to face him. I press our naked chests together and breathe in the addictive scent of his neck. “It doesn’t bother me either way. When I look at Zane, I don’t just see Ez. I see your imprint on my son, too. I can see your influence, and it pleases me to no end.”

“We’ve never discussed the future because it was so u
ncertain. But we need to, Pixy.” Wil pulls me tightly against his chest and runs his hands up and down my back in a soothing motion. “Do you want a child with me? I’d understand if you didn’t.”

“Oh, Wil,” I cry, voice warbling with emotion. “I would love a child of ours. Hell, I love Torian, and he isn’t even ours. I love him because he is the combination of our families. I can’t imagine how I’d feel with the real thing.”

“What if it’s not possible? Would you want a husband that isn’t a man? How can I be a man if I can’t even create a child? And then I see men like Ezra, and it makes me see red. He has two children, and he doesn’t take care of either of them- not really. It makes me want to kill something.”

“Wil, would you love me any less if I couldn’t have another child?” I ask, fearing the answer, and understanding why we are having this conversation now. I brought it up tonight
, and Wil heard it. The guilt suffocates me- guilt over the entire evening’s events.

“Pixy, I love you so much that I wasn’t angry that you volunteered to fuck Dexter tonight. I was just scared to death he would hurt you. So if you couldn’t have kids, I wouldn’t give a shit
, as long as you are healthy. This will sound weak, but you could shit on me and I’d just clean it off.”

I snort in Wil’s ear. “Don’t ever ask me to do that to you. If it’s your kink, we’ll find someone else. I draw the line at excrement.”

“Dumbass,” Wil laughs.

“You made my point. I love you that much
, too, dumbass,” I repeat his sentiment. “Wil, it doesn’t matter to me, as long as you are healthy. Now… if Dexter had gone through with it, he’d have taken my ability to reproduce, rendering this conversation unnecessary. That was beyond scary.”

“When Dexter touched you with that
thing
, at first I was jealous, and then I was petrified for you. I’m sorry you had a panic attack. I left Grant’s library and was on my way downstairs. By the time I got to the impact room, Ezra had calmed you down.”

“I’m sorry you had to see that, and that you almost blew your cover. You are supposed to be a ghost around them all,” I chastise. “The game’s identity is sacred.”

“When it comes to saving you, the game can eat shit and die,” Wil growls in my ear. “You never need help and you never ask for help. I saw you in distress, and I couldn’t sit idly by and watch.”

“Okay,” I murmur against his neck. I place a feather-light kiss to his throat. “
I would’ve done the same thing. I get it.” I plant a firmer kiss, and a firmer one after that. I press my breasts against his chest, my nipples rubbing against his flesh. I wrap my arms around his muscular back, and finally feel at home.

“Pixy,” Wil cautions when I continue to kiss his neck, causing his cock to stir to life against my thigh. “We’re not done talking.”

“Mm-hmm…” I murmur, kissing up the side of his face. “I’m addicted to your scent- you smell like home to me.”

My eyes slip shut from just the feel of his hand skimming up my back. His palm cups the nape of my neck, fingers tightening, controlling me. Wil pulls my seeking lips from his skin. He holds me in place, and I can feel his eyes on me,
somehow seeing me in the pitch-black of our bedroom. I whimper the longer he holds my neck, not liking the fact that his actions are telling me no, but accepting it anyway. Wil shows me that he may submit, but it is by his choice. He is a dominant male, and he will only submit to me, and only when he wants to.

“Good girl,” he whisper
s against my mouth- his hot breath searing my lips. “You were distracting me, and I wasn’t finished with what I wanted to say.”

“Okay,” I breathe, eyes still shut, body shuddering from the feel of his strong fingers controlling my head. “What were you saying,” I groggily mumble.