Faithless (Mistress & Master of Restraint) (109 page)

“Just ask, why don’t
ya,” I hiss. “You’re already fucking me over. Just fuck me over some more, why don’t ya?”

“I’m not fucking you over,” Marcus growls, tipping his chin at the cowardly Ezes that are staring at the
floor while standing at his side, “they are.”

“Zane has my partner
’s name on his birth certificate. If you want a real answer, ask the ones that love fucking me over, then,” I defiantly reply.

“Thank you, Faith,” Marcus sounds genuine. “I apologize that they are truly spineless. We will see just how spineless they can be. Dexter?”

“I’ve been dreaming of this for a long time,” Dexter purrs. “Should I get my whip, so we can see if you can take me? Last time you couldn’t even take my whip, I doubt my cock will fit your petite cunt. I will never forget the sight of you crawling away on all fours in terror. I’ve never cum so hard in my pants before. Your fear was delicious.”

“Jesus Christ, you’re insane. Just get this over with.” I lie back on the table and stare at the ceiling, pretending I’m on an examination table and about to get a Pap test with a baseball bat. I bet that cock is bigger than the premature Zane I delivered. “I never thought I’d say this, but I’d take fucking Cort over you, Dex. He’s huge, but not motherfucking huge.”

“It runs in the family,” Dexter salaciously says. “Marc is a couple inches shorter than me, but he’s as thick as a soda can. Be happy that his pants always stay buttoned.”

I shiver, imagining Regina taking
that
on. Fate hasn’t reported that Regina died from a massive hemorrhage from being fucked blind. I guess the girl’s vag is proportionate to her large body.

“That is truly
frightening,” I drawl. “And not because he is so huge- it’s the running in the family comment. I don’t know the size of my brothers’ cocks or what my sisters’ intimate parts look like. What’s even more frightening, is you banging Ez and Cort gobbling Marc’s soup can cock.”

“Soda can, not soup can. Let’s not make Marcus bigger than he is- his ego barely fits into his huge skull
, as it is,” Dexter purrs, trying his damnedest not to laugh. I close my eyes and breathe through the need to join Dexter. If one of us laughs, the other will quickly follow. We’re badass Sadists, we don’t laugh while talking about painfully monstrous cocks.

“Get to sticking, my hair is turning gray from the wait,” I sarcastically say. I know Dexter is going slow, trying to wait out the Ezes’ fear. But there is no sense in waiting. They aren’t coming to my rescue. “No foreplay. It’s too intimate.”

“You’ll be dry,” Dexter gulps out, looking down at me with compassionate eyes. “I will hurt you.” I know he doesn’t want to do this anymore than I do.

“You’re a sadist, knowing you’re hurting me will get you off,” I grumble.

“Syn,” Dexter growls back. “You know I don’t operate that way.”

I sit up on my elbows and open my thighs. Four sets of eyes drop to my exposed pussy. I point down at my bone-dry slit, and order, “Pussy, fuck it!”
I slide my arms down and let my head fall back to the table. I can feel their eyes on me. If I’d felt lusted over, I’d have ran hysterically screaming from the room after I knocked Marc off his chair. But all I feel is their curiosity and awe.

I project an inner-calm, but it’s bullshit. My blood is rushing in my veins, pounding in my eardrums. My skin is beaded with a feverish sweat. I breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth. I pretend Wil is here lending me support. I calm my breathing and heart rate as if we are meditating. In
my heart I am not cheating on him- not mentally or emotionally. Physically, I’m not cheating on him either. I liken this to a doctor’s examination as I try not to hate every man in the room.

Wil said I sought danger. If it wasn’t for the men blocking my path, I’d run from the danger. Dexter scares the living daylights out of me.

The sound of a foil wrapper has my heart racing and my muscles twitching. Small hands gently move my thighs a part. The feel of dry latex on my pussy lips makes this all too real. My eyes bulge in fear, sweat slicks my skin, and I freeze because it’s impossible to flee. It’s just an ordinary body part touching another ordinary body part. Why am I panicking?

This is how Wil felt his entire life. This is how he felt with his grandfathers- men who were supposed to protect and cherish him, but violated him instead.
My mentor, Master, the father of my son, and my ex-best friend do nothing to save me from this fear. Just as I put pressure on Wil, made him experience the fear. This isn’t sexy, it’s torture. My God, how did Wil stand touching me or being touched? The fear is cloying, suffocating, and all consuming. Nothing exists outside of the fear. I can taste and devour it, caress it, see it, and imagine it as a solid being- F E A R. I spiral into the madness until I no longer exist.

“Shhh…” Dexter soothingly sighs in my ear. “I won’t hurt you. Feel my chest on yours, slow your heart to
match mine, and breathe with me,” Dexter tries to coax me with a chanting tone.

“No,” I whimper,
panic increasing. “Not with you,” I whimper while fear renders me motionless.

“Don’t do that,” Ez’s
sharp voice fills my ears. “Her man has some issues. They have Tantric sex, and what you’re suggesting is too close to that.”

“Sorry,” Dexter’s says, his naked weight disappears off my body. “I don’t think I can do this, Marcus. I get what you’re trying to accomplish, but I don’t think it will work.”

“Chickadee, can you hear me,” Ez whispers in my ear. “Can you see me?”

I blink a few times, breathing though the panic. “It’s so awful… how do you stand it? How does he stand it? I thought I faced danger because it made me feel alive. No, I face danger because I fear the darkness of fear more.”

“The greatest fear is the fear of fear itself,” Ez chants. “You don’t stand it, you drive through it. If you stop and analyze the fear, you will forever be trapped- paralyzed. There is no way around it. You have to go headlong through it. Face your fears isn’t just a saying. I’m sorry,” Ez breathes in my ear. “I thought he’d crack by now. I’d stop this if I could, and I know that Marcus doesn’t look physically ill, but he feels sick on the inside right now. We can’t stop it because the choice is Cort’s. None of us thought
the fearless Syn
would break. Hang in there, it’s almost over.”

“Cort, join the party,” Dexter says in a snotty tone. “Stand next to me. It was your choice to make; you might as well have a front row seat to the consequences. I mean, it’s not like you haven’t had sex with Ezra thousands of times. But here I am, doing something that is
tantamount to rape because you’re a pussy.”

“Syn,” Dexter calls to me once Cort finds his way to the card table. I ignore everyone except for Dexter. “Watch, it will give you a feeling of control. That is where the fear is coming from.
Someone as dominant as you are hates giving up control. It’s what Marcus was feeling during his initiation. Choosing to do this and owning your choice gives you the illusion of control. Watch,” he orders.

“Hmm…” Dexter purrs in a spine-tingling cadence that has Ez’s eyes bulging. “Let’s see if I fit.”

I rest on my elbows with my legs wide open, feet resting at the edge of the tabletop. Dexter stands between my legs and the guys are sheepishly watching. There is no other way to describe how I feel or how this looks- clinical. Sex should never be clinical.

I blink my eyes because I must be imagining what I see, this cannot be correct. Dexter positions a cock the size of my forearm at my opening, except the bulbous head of his cock is wider than my pussy lips. There is no way in hell that will ever fit. I’m not even five feet tall. If Dexter wanted to brutally assault me, his cockhead would hit my stomach. My paramedic brain kicks in
, and I freak the fuck out. I audibly gulp down the fear that threatens to paralyze me.

I can’t do this- not even for Ezra.

“Hmm… what do you think, Cortez? Do you think I can slide in without tearing her pretty pink cunny to bits? Tis a shame,” Dexter purrs, preparing to forcefully push inside me. “Syn
had
such a perfect pussy.”

My mouth spews words, and for once, I’m thankful.
“How did you fuck so many people?” I abruptly ask Cort, and go into my final plea for help. If he doesn’t budge, I’m officially fucked. Begging won’t work, so I will use the last of my resources- piss Cortez off.

“I don’t understand it
, the way you disrespect yourself. I still love you, but I don’t like you or understand you. I think you are selfish and cowardly. Not because you don’t live the way I think you should, but because you hurt Ezra on purpose.”

“Of course you’d take his side,” Cort says in a voice so soft that I can barely make out the words.

“You hurt Ezra to hurt yourself. Sex should never be like this. It shouldn’t be about something to prove. It should mean something. Even if I didn’t want to do it, it still meant something to me. Being with you and Ez, it meant something to me. Don’t you get that? I’ve been with four people, and every time it meant something. Now I have to do this because you can’t… it’s wrong.” My voice is thready and weak.

Cort refuses to meet my eyes, so I give it one last try. My voice cracks before I can even begin. “
I’m sorry seeing Zane hurts you. But I would never change it. It wasn’t about you. There isn’t a moment of every day that I’m not thankful for my son. I almost lost him three times. Twice when I was pregnant, and then when I delivered him. I thought that was my punishment. I guess I was wrong,” I say, laying the guilt on thick. “I’ll do this for you. But after this, you have no reason to hate me anymore.”

“I don’t hate you, Faith,” Cort smoothly says,
looking me dead-on. “I despise you,” he snarls, and I know all is lost forever. He leans over me and breathes into my ear, “How would you feel if Wil had a kid running around and he lied to your face every time you asked him about it?” he seethingly hisses in my ear.

“Since I don’t think he can make a child, I highly doubt it,” I say out loud for everyone to hear. “But he knows exactly how you feel. But he chose to be a huge influence on Zane, and you didn’t.”

Cort’s stormy eyes physically hurt me to gaze into. My fingers twist around Cort’s short hair to pull his ear down to my mouth. I furiously whisper, “I get it, and I’ve apologized. But you can never give Ezra a child- it’s impossible. You won’t even commit to him. You could have raised my son as your own, too. You chose not to, and it was your choice. I also know an even bigger secret you keep, because I keep the same one. The only difference is that I’m not Ezra’s partner.”

I abruptly shove Cortez away, disgusted with him. He can lie to himself as much as Ezra lies to himself, but they can’t lie to me. Both have known about Zane. Cort knew I was pregnant. Cort knew I had a chi
ld. Someone as jealous as Cort would’ve made sure his suspicions were correct. He married Divina as retaliation. Now he continues to hurt Ezra in one of the worst ways. I only keep the secret because it’s not mine to tell. What’s Cort’s excuse?

“You should feel betrayed by Ez, not me,” I shout at Cortez. “Just get it over with Dexter. Cort will never, ever let go of this resentment.”

“I have to hate you because I can’t hate him,” Cort cries out, his voice fracturing underneath the strain of immense emotions that assault him. “You’ve killed people for less than this. You share a goddamned son!” he screams as he repeatedly punches the table. I scramble off the edge as it collapses. Cort looks crazed: eyes red-rimmed, face even redder. The veins in his neck bulge from beneath the skin, causing me to fear for his health. He breathes laboriously, almost hyperventilating.

“You’re right, you vicious bitch!
” Cort hoarsely slurs because his voice is gone from screaming. “I can’t give him a son. I would if I could. If someone could make it possible, I would gladly do it. But I can’t, and it only drives home the point that we are wrong together. Don’t you get that? If we were meant to be together, we could naturally have children,” Cort’s sharp cry turns to a pitiful whine.

“Look at me
, Cort,” I order, but he turns his head away, hiding his tears of torment. “Look at me, goddamn you,” I hiss, sharply pulling his hair. When his agonized eyes meet mine, I pour my soul out. “Almost eleven years, and I’ve yet to get pregnant. I work just fine or it wouldn’t have taken one night to make Zane. Does that mean I don’t belong with him? I still feel the connection. God has a plan for all of us, so don’t throw this away because you’re scared. There are no guarantees in life. We of all people understand this. You’ll find a way to make it work,” I infuse my voice with all the faith I have in fate.

“Get dressed,” Cort demands. “You’d need stitches if Dexter so much as tried to enter you. I’m not as oblivious as you think I am. I was too big for you and I hurt you every time. I know what I’m doing now.” Cort touches my cheek and stares at me with watery
gray eyes. “Please get dressed. I can’t look at our names written on your skin. It makes me realize how badly I fucked it up for us. After I do what I need to do, go home and commit- just finally commit to something.” Cort sounds as if he is speaking of Wil, but I think he is talking to himself.

I don’t give anyone a chance to change their minds. Hell, Dexter’s clothing manifests on his body in a heartbeat. I’m only two heartbeats behind. We are fully clothed before Cortez turns to a shocked Ez and a disbelieving Marcus.