Fairy Thief (21 page)

Wo blushed. “The girls…in the Earthrealm…” he looked at Tai, who broke out into a snorting nose laugh. Wo turned his back on Tai and kept his own face very solemn. “The girls in the Earthrealm don’t expose their chests like that.” He rolled the words out quickly, one attached to the other, then clamped his mouth shut, completely affected by Saffron’s obvious embarrassment.

Orji looked over at Saffron, where her arms crossed her chest. “Is that so?” he breathed, “Intriguing.”

Saffron slammed him with a look of fiery hostility.

Orji flinched as if physically slapped. He had never heard of such a thing in all his life — a woman so afraid of her own body. “Well, Milady, you are going to have to finish dressing yourself, then. Seems I’ve done a bad job.”

Saffron was tempted to change the whole outfit, but something caught her up a split second before she gave the command. She wasn’t sure what stopped her, but she wanted these clothes chosen by Orji, and she berated herself for such a crazy thought. “I don’t think I should wear these pants…I don’t want to run into the other realm PETA people. The animal protectors,” she explained and shivered.

“
But you should wear lower garments that are fitted all the same. Anything else may feel cumbersome or get snagged.” Orji looked very serious.

“
Aren’t they just a movie like the rest of me?”

“
No, Saffron.” Wo shook his head. “We’re getting these clothes from somewhere, so they’re real. The only clothes that are ‘movie’ are the ones you left your body with. …I could put those back on you….”

“
She can ‘think’ them on her damn self, Wo….” Tai kicked at the clouds.

Saffron shrugged like she could care less. “Nah, I’ll keep these.” She was running her hand down the side of her waist and leaving off at her hip. She couldn’t believe the watery, silky feel of the fabric. She sighed.

Orji licked his lips.

Saffron narrowed her eyes and considered Orji for a long time. “I’ll take some jeans then, and some riding boots. Hopefully I’ll look acceptable in the other realms. And give me a damn camisole or a tank top under this…” She fluttered the hem of the tunic with one hand while her other arm stayed firmly across her breasts. She huffed. “And a utility belt. Am I the only one with practical sense around here?” She looked hard at Tai, who obeyed her without interest, and zapped her a camisole
and
tank top, knee-high boots, and a worn utility belt that didn’t look any more Earthrealm than the gauzy top did.

The twins held steadfast to their lederhosen.

“
You can’t wear your lederhosen! You’ll attract attention…like we need that!”

“
Not changing my lederhosen.” Tai flicked his hand under his chin, like he was an Italian mobster.

“
You look stupid. Are you going to walk around with surfboards, too,
Dude
?” Saffron frowned and shook her head.

“
Saffron, we’ll just pretend we’re your kids or something. If we have to. Kids dress funny — we could pull it off. We don’t need to argue about this. Our wings, too, we could pretend we’re kids that like to play dress-up.” Wo stood in front of her to break the connection between her laser beam stare and Tai’s laser beam stare.

Orji chose dark-brown pant-like things for himself of another odd fabric. It was almost like muddied tapestry. Then he ordered up a snug sweater. The sweater was black, and it rounded nicely over his chest and biceps. It made his dark, curly hair darker, his hazel eyes brighter. He wore boots as well.

Saffron stared at him and absently wiped her fingers across her lips. “You should have a t-shirt under that.”

“
A what?” Orji lowered his eyebrows, but he was smiling.

Saffron huffed. “Wo, give him a t-shirt.”

Pzzzzt!

“
Ah, yeah — the t-shirt goes
under
the sweater…”

Pzzzzt!

Tai and Wo looked at Saffron, who was ogling Orji. Wo cleared his throat. “I think capes would be a good idea.”

In the end, they all agreed on capes. Capes for the twins to hide their wings. A cape for Saffron, who liked to cover up at night — much to Tai’s irritation because she wouldn’t truly get cold, he reminded her. She ignored him. And a cape for Orji, who had never seen such a thing and thought he looked positively amazing in the yards and drape of fine cloth.

Saffron sized them up. “Oh, lovely. Now we look like the average household of circus performers.” She yanked off her cape. “Gimme a backpack to carry this thing in.”

Tai and Wo stared at her.

“
A bag. You know? A bag with straps that you put on your back and hook your arms through?” She jumped when she felt sudden weight on her back. She let the bag slide off and brought it in front of her to check it out. “OMG…this thing looks like it came out of the Family-Von-Star Wars-Trapp wardrobe.” She shook her head and shoved her cape inside it.

They conjured some gear they thought would be useful: Saffron insisted on a box in which to keep the monocle safe, a box of waterproof matches, gallon-sized Ziplocs (she had fun explaining
them
to the non-worldly winged children,) wigs, and pieces of gold.

Orji laughed. “I see you’ve done this before.” He insisted on a little metal thing he called a laipet and nothing else.

Tai insisted on bubblegum.

“
What the hell for — you can’t even taste it!”

“
Why do people start to smoke when it tastes like shit? Because it looks like fun!” He motioned for Saffron to kiss his ass.

Wo insisted on a collection of herbs in a small, velvet satchel.

Saffron didn’t talk to the others as they descended from the clouds. With crisp breezes and a canopy of stars, they glided back to the cave. Orji judged, by the height of the moon, that it was near midnight when they returned. All they had to do was approach the part of the wall that they had been shot out of to feel the portal pulling on them. As a be-backpacked group, they took a step forward and were suddenly sucked into blackness.

Chapter 12

S
affron shot out of the black hole and into another cave, much like the one they had just left. She landed on her hands and knees, and looked up to see the twins come screaming through the opposite side of the cave, through the narrowest rocky slit. They were laughing as they collapsed at Saffron’s feet, breathing as if they had just run a marathon. Outside, diffused light the color of a pink and golden dawn made everything glow. Saffron smiled; yesterday’s rage dissipated like a dandelion puff in June.

“
Oh, man, Saffron; we flew here like the wind,
like the wind
!” To demonstrate, Tai zinged back and forth in the cave, pinging off the walls like a fly trapped between windows.

Wo jumped up and spun around. “You are not going to believe this…. I’m out of my mind — I can’t stop smiling!”

Saffron frowned. What was up with them? Her cheeks would ache if she smiled that much. She pulled her cape out of her backpack and laid it on the pebbly floor to sit. The twins were afraid she was going to get hurt. That’s why they badgered her to give up her physical sense. She could understand that. But she wasn’t ready to give herself up. She wanted the idea of sitting comfortably on a rocky floor. Didn’t her soul depend on those things she filled it with? Well, she wanted to comfort herself, fill up with it. The twins had no more experience with humans becoming souls any more than she did. What if they were wrong in telling her to alienate her physical self? “What’s going on? How long have you guys been here?”

“
Dude, we’ve been here for like, hours!” Tai did three cartwheels across the floor, scattering stones and causing shiny, copper-colored, bat-like animals to flit from the dark ceiling of the cave.

Saffron hugged her knees and watched the giddy boys. She felt buoyant here, like three thousand pounds had lifted off of her shoulders. She couldn’t help but smile at their antics. Their exuberance washed over her like afternoon rain in late summer’s heat. “So what is it men; did the sun rise? Is water running downhill? Did you finally realize that you
are
crazy?”

“
Better!”

“
Definitely, better!” They either ignored her wry humor, or missed it completely —being in an obvious state of bliss and all. The twins looked at each other and wanted to bust at their smiley-mouth seams. Fairy essence blew off of them in tiny puffs of silver, like thrashed flour. “We found her,” they proclaimed as one. “She’s here!”

She? Who? What?
What were they gushing about? If it was a
she
that they found, obviously it wasn’t Markis — and with that thought, her spirits sank. So who was
she
? Maybe,
She
knew where Markis was! Saffron sat up straighter, dying to hear the news. “Where is She? Did She tell you where He is?”

Now the twins’ excitement waned. They stared at Saffron in dumb confusion.

“
Wadaya mean, ‘He’?” Tai looked at Wo. Wo shrugged.

They heard Orji whistling outside the cave just before he emerged through the bright rift in the rock. “Mornin’ folks; looks like a land where we can walk among the people —wings covered, that is.” He shrugged to the twins, “And…we can hold our heads high, be ourselves, as long as we wear these….” With a silly, lopsided grin, he pulled from behind his back four strings of what looked like Hawaiian leis, except that instead of flowers strung about the loops, there were hard, brown balls. Here and there, bits of straw stuck out of the balls.

Saffron wrinkled her nose and jerked her head back in defense — as if the leis were about to jump out at her. “Oh c’mon, what
are
those?”

“
Well, take a guess Saffron — you’re a sharp girl, what do they look like?”

“
They
look like
cow shit….but what are they?”

“
Bovine balls is right, my lady, and here are yours.”

Saffron pointed her finger at Orji, “You better just back the hell off…!” She stumbled as she walked backwards.

He advanced on her, lei stretched before him.

Suddenly, Saffron could smell the cow-poop necklace as he taunted and slung it around her head. She wrinkled her entire face and quick-waved Orji away from her.

The twins started whooping and clapping like lottery winners, with tears in their eyes and everything.

Orji halted. Saffron stilled, too, and turned to face the twins. Orji laughed at them.

They spoke quickly to each other, yet, they seemed to totally understand each other. They just chattered on like blue jays. Finally, they forced themselves to calm down, and volleyed their comments.

“
Oh, my God,” Tai whispered in awed reverence, “to me, this meeting…it’s almost holy….”

“
Do you really think this tribute is to
Her
?”

“
This is unbelievable….”

“
They
worship
her — she could have
anyone
, and she chose us!”

Saffron’s eyes flashed as she took in the twins and their outlandish comments.
They’re insane. Psycho fairies. What else is new?

Orji had no idea what they were talking about, but the dialogue was so hysterical that he laughed and laughed until he started to cry. “I don’t know what’s going on, but don’t stop. Whew!” He wiped his eyes and collapsed to the cave floor. He gave one more half-hearted chuckle, hysteria exhausted, and rested his head on his pack. He grinned over at Saffron, who scowled back at him, sending him into another fit of giggles.

Saffron thought he looked silly — that big man giggling like that.

“
I’m wearing mine! Gimme it, I’m wearing mine, right now!”

“
Here! Me, too!”

The twins flew to the spot where Orji had dumped the leis. Each fairy took particular care in choosing. Tai picked the one with the biggest balls and Wo picked the one with the most straw. They lowered the leis over their heads, and grinned like fools who had just won first prize.

“
Whatever makes you happy, boys — I’m taking a nap,” Orji stretched and put his hands behind his head to cradle his skull.

“
No, Orji, no! We have to tell you all about Her! She is
so
amazing. Get up!”