Faceless (37 page)

He understood finally what had got her into such trouble. Something about her would drive men crazy. Some women had it, most didn’t. This woman had it in abundance. She was stunning yet she dressed conservatively and wore little make-up. But she made you feel that if you could only get inside her, she would give you the best sex you had ever had in your life.

These thoughts shocked him even as they aroused him. He had never felt like this before in his life. Her presence was almost electric and as she sat down again he stared mesmerised as she crossed her legs.

‘He wants to see you because you’re his mother. He needs to see you. Miss Carter, and I think you need to see him. Am I right?’ Oswald said, trying to sound businesslike.

He was smiling again and she was so glad her son had been given to this kindly man. On just a few minutes’ acquaintance she could feel his goodness.

She stared into his face, her blue eyes moist with emotion and her mouth trembling as she said, ‘But he refused to see me. When I asked, they said he had been approached and had not wanted to resume any kind of contact.’

Ossie had no idea what she was talking about.

‘Well, he wants to see you now anyway.’

He made his voice light and made sure he smiled at her. He was convinced that lots of men made sure they smiled at her, and he was no exception.

‘He really wants to see me?’

Marie’s voice was unsteady and his heart went out to her.

‘Why would I come all this way if it wasn’t to look out for that boy of mine, eh? He’s determined to see you and is looking forward to it so much. I love him, I love him desperately, and I think Jason needs you. Miss Carter, needs you in his life. He is a good boy, a nice boy. You will be proud of him.’

She put her hands to her mouth in a gesture of shock and

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surprise. Then she said honestly, ‘I never thought this day would happen. I dreamt about it for so many years and it kept me sane. I prayed they were both OK, that they had people in their lives who cared for them, and at least half of my prayers have been answered. Thank you. Thank you for coming here.’

‘Thank Social Services. They gave me your address. There is another reason I am here and that is Tiffany, but now is not the time or place to discuss it all. Shall I pick you up when you finish here and then we can all talk properly?’

‘Is Tiffany OK?’

He heard the worry in her voice and smiled reassuringly.

‘She’s getting there. Now I must dash, I have to get back to work. I’m always cancelling appointments these days. Good job I have a private practice as well - otherwise I’d get the sack!’

Marie wondered what the hell he was talking about, but left it as she didn’t want to rock the boat in any way.

‘You will come back later? I can leave at five … earlier if need be.’

‘Oh, don’t worry. I’ll be back.’

Then he was gone. She watched his car pull out of the scrapyard and wondered at a God Who could throw you a curve when you were at your lowest ebb. She was going to see her son, her youngest child. He wanted to see her, actually wanted to see her, and she felt as if her head would explode with the force of her emotions. After all these years she would hear Jason’s voice again, breathe the same air; be in the same place as her beloved son.

She realised then how her mother must have felt about Marshall and a tiny glimmer of understanding for the woman who despised her crept into her heart. Marie would see her boy with her own eyes and all the years of wondering about him would be over.

She heard a commotion in the yard and went to the window, her mind still on her son. She watched as Mikey Devlin and his henchmen put a cache of guns into the boot of Alan’s car. She saw Alan watching them from the sidelines and guessed he was not happy about the situation. She sighed. Alan was in over his head here and it was only a matter of time before he had a capture of some kind.

All her life she had been on the periphery of law breaking and it had never really bothered her before today. Now she had the chance of seeing her son and maybe starting some kind of relationship with him, all the skulduggery around her was suddenly menacing. If she 249

was implicated she would be away for the duration, and thanks to a visit from one good man she finally felt she had something to live for. Now she was witnessing guns and possible trouble and didn’t want any part of it.

Mikey spotted her and waved merrily. She waved back, but her heart was not in it and suddenly she wondered what she had been thinking of, trying to use him to save her daughter. She still had the mentality of a criminal and the knowledge depressed her. Was she fit to see her son again when she had ties to her old way of life? It was important that he respected her and saw the woman she was now, not the woman she had been.

She had prided herself on eradicating that part of her personality, and yet as soon as trouble had loomed she had slipped back into her old life and her old role as if she had never left it. Used her body for gain as if she had never had that long break between punters. Slipped back into it all so naturally. She sighed.

Marie felt ashamed of her own behaviour. Questioned her ability to cope with what was happening to her and her children. Once more she was beating herself with a big stick and no one could hit her harder or with more viciousness than she could herself. After all, she had had years of practice. Thirteen years in all.

She went to the doorway and stared out. It was a beautiful day and she had not noticed that before. The sun was high and the air was still. A breeze like a baby’s breath stirred against her skin and she was assailed by the memory of her son’s tiny hands after she had given birth to him in hospital. She saw the perfection of his long eyelashes as he had lain sleeping in her arms. Remembered the rush of love she had felt until the need for narcotics had taken over. Jason had been born addicted and she thanked God it had not affected him later in any way. She had so much to answer for and could never find enough words inside herself to say sorry. She had read once, while incarcerated, that the Japanese had over a hundred words for no. If she had a thousand words for sorry it would still be inadequate.

Mikey came over to her and smiled easily.

‘Lovely day, ain’t it? May is always a nice month. My birthday’s in May.’ He laughed as he said it and she smiled at him, wondering what he was after. ,

‘Still on for tonight?’

‘I can’t, Mikey. I’m going to see my son.’

He was genuinely pleased for her.

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‘That’s good, ain’t it?’

She nodded. ‘Very good. I feel really nervous, to be honest.’

He pushed a fist against her chest playfully.

‘What for? He’s a lucky boy. If you’d been my mother I never would have left home!’

The men with him laughed as he had said the last bit out loud and Marie smiled gently.

‘Suppose he decides he doesn’t like me? It’s a lot to take on board, what I did all those years ago.’

Mikey was dismissive.

‘So what? It happened. Let it go, Marie. Give yourself a break and enjoy tonight. Think of me on me tod in that bleeding great gaff, that should put a smile on your boat. Now give us a kiss, gorgeous, I have to go. Got to see a man about a dog.’

He grinned.

‘That’s true, actually. I have to see me brief about me ex-wife!’

Marie laughed at him and he was pleased he had cheered her up. He understood how she was feeling and he liked her a lot. Wanted to see her happy. If he wasn’t careful she was in danger of turning him into a nice bloke!

He turned the music up loud and honked the horn as he drove from the yard and Marie waved, as she knew he expected it.

‘Love’s young dream, eh? You’ve got him by the short and curlies,’ Alan commented. ‘Make the most of it, Marie. It won’t last long.’

‘What do you mean?’

He smiled at her and shrugged.

‘Nothing. Just that he never lasts long with anyone, that’s all.’

‘Well then, let’s hope he gets fed up with bringing all his shit to this yard then, shall we?’

Alan didn’t answer her. She knew he wouldn’t which was why she had said it. She would have liked to tell him her news, though, but now wasn’t the time or the place. She made them both coffee and as she sipped the hot sweet liquid envisioned seeing her child at last.

Inside she hugged herself for joy.

Tiffany looked and felt terrible. She had walked out of hospital in a stolen coat and was now on her way back to the squat. She felt so ill and afraid, not because of her injuries but because the need for the crack was overwhelming. The pain she could cope with, it was fear of meeting Patrick that really scared her.

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Once out of sight of the hospital she opened the bag she had taken from the nurse’s station. As luck would have it, there was a purse with fifty quid in it, an electric bill for forty-five quid, and a few credit cards. She hailed a cab and made her way first to Rosie, who wasn’t in or wasn’t answering the door, and then on to Carole Halter’s. She owed Tiffany money and she was going to make sure she got it back. In full.

‘You all right, love? You look rough,’ the driver commented.

Tiffany smiled as best she could.

‘Had a car crash.’

‘Shouldn’t you be in hospital?’

Tiffany grinned at the words.

‘Shouldn’t you be driving the fucking cab?’

Her voice was jocular but the man took the hint. He drove her in silence to the address she’d given and didn’t get a tip. As she limped up the broken stairs of a block of flats he shook his head in sadness. So many young girls like her about these days.

Carole Halter was getting ready for a night on the street, and was more than surprised to see Tiffany on her doorstep.

‘If you’ve come round here because I told your mother everything then you can fuck off. I ain’t got the time or the energy for a

row.’

Her strident voice was nervous and Tiffany guessed she had

already seen Patrick.

‘Look at me, for Christ’s sake - do I look like I could even have a row? Just let me lie low here for a few hours and score for me, Cal.

That’s all I want.’

Carole pulled her in and slammed the front door shut. She

sighed.

‘You got some front. Tiff, coming round here. You’re just like

your mother. You attract trouble.’

Tiffany, used to this woman’s complete two-facedness, didn’t

even bother to answer her.

‘I have some cards here if you want them.’

Carole was immediately interested.

‘What you got?’

‘I stole a bag. There’s a Visa, a MasterCard and a Switch.’

She passed them over and saw Carole smiling.

‘Sixty-forty on whatever I get for them, eh?’

Tiffany nodded. She was tired. All she wanted was a rock and some peace.

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jusscore for me, will you?

She handed over the fifty pounds.

Carole’s haggard face was suddenly troubled.

‘He made a right mess of you, didn’t he?’

Tiffany shrugged.

‘Have a bath. Tiff. You’ll feel better if you have a soak.’

Tiffany walked through to the bathroom. It was filthy as usual.

‘No, thanks. I don’t want an infection!’

Carole laughed.

‘There’s an old tin of Vim somewhere. Scrub it with that. I never was tidy-minded as everyone knows.’

Tiffany went back into the chaos of the lounge and lay on the sofa. It stank as it always had. She remembered the same sofa from visits here with her mother when she was small. It stank then and it still did. The whole place was a disgrace. But she couldn’t be a chooser today, she was a beggar and she knew that.

‘Hurry up, Carole, will you? I’m getting fucking wired.’

Carole pulled a shabby coat over her revealing clothes and sighed.

‘You sound like your mother. Drugs are a mug’s game, Tiff. Have a fucking drink, that’s my poison. At least you can sleep that fucker off and get on with what you got to do.’

Tiffany wasn’t listening. If one more person said she was like her mother she would scream. She knew she was, didn’t need to keep being reminded of that fact. Her daughter came into her mind and she pushed the thought away. She couldn’t cope with the child and if her brother’s parents took her then that was all to the good. He seemed to have done all right with them.

She was aching all over, but she told herself she had done the right thing. She wanted to give herself a few days, chill out and forget everything. Then she would be in the right frame of mind to sort out her life, she decided.

Deep down she knew she was fooling herself, though. That she had given up on herself and on her daughter. That the drugs now took precedence over everything else. But she was a good actress and could con herself into believing whatever she wanted to think. She had conned her brother and his family, and now she would con everyone else, but she would get to oblivion if it killed her.

An hour later she had made a makeshift pipe from an orange juice carton and had the lift she had craved so desperately. As she inhaled the substance she felt her brain react, felt the complete high, and as

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she lay back against the grimy sofa let out a heavy sigh of relief. She closed her eyes and smiled.

Carole Halter watched her in fascination. Marie had jacked up on that same sofa and she had seen the same look of satisfaction come over her face as well. It was mad, the whole world was mad. She left the girl to her own devices and made her way to Chigwell and a man who would buy the cards and clone them.

All in all it had been a good day. She had earned a few quid and had a houseguest. She got lonely at times and Tiffany would be a bit of light relief for her. Especially as she had apparently unloaded the kid.

Carole missed her own daughters at times. As much as they got on her nerves they were company. Now LaToyah had got herself a further nine months for fighting in nick and so Carole wouldn’t see her again for ages. She was determined to go and visit her at some point but it was hard getting it together. She was working all hours and then clubbing with her new found mates and asleep most of the day, so it was difficult to get things sorted at times. But now Tiff was here perhaps she could talk her into going with her.