Eyes of Ember (Imdalind Series #2) (38 page)

“
He said it took about a week to adjust, but he’s not sure what was done, so it may take longer.” Thom’s voice was quiet on the other side of the door. 

“Was it this bad?”

“No,” Thom said, “but you know how Ryland was raised… she’s not used to that.”

I screamed, my eyes
darting around at the mention of his name. My pulse picked up again and Ilyan’s magic flared in an attempt to calm me.

“No,” I moaned, “no,
no, no.”

“Jos,” Ilyan soothed, “
It’s okay. He’s not here.”

“He…h…he’s g.
..going t…to f-f-find me. Hurt, hurt, hurt me.” I instinctively began clawing at my shoulder, the warmth of Ilyan’s magic triggering my learned response.

“No, mi
lasko, no. I’m not going to let that happen, remember? Remember it wasn’t really Ryland in the Tȍuha.”

“I-
i-it wa…was him. P-p-pain. No, no m…more.”

Ilyan
’s magic flared aggressively, causing my consciousness to dip enough for me to get a grip on my panic. Ilyan grabbed my hand, holding tight as he rubbed his thumb over my skin.

I saw Ilyan
’s jaw clench. I tightened my shoulders, expecting Ryland to burst through the door.

“What else is it
, Thom?”

“
He’s asking to see her again.” Thom’s voice was laced with more worry than I had ever heard.

“No.” Ilyan said, his tone making it clear he did not want to elaborate.

“When?” Thom asked, although I was sure he didn’t care.

“A week, a month
, maybe never. I don’t know. You heard what happened when you said his name. I’m not sure what I am looking at here yet.” Ilyan looked at me and I looked away.

“Well make it snappy, we spotted two more camps this morning….”

“I know, Thom,” Ilyan interrupted, making it obvious he was hiding something. I simply didn’t care.

“Are those for her?” Ilyan asked, gesturing
to something that I couldn’t see.

“Oh yeah,
I brought quite a few with me now, in case she breaks some.” Thom brought a tray with about five mugs of Black Water into the room, Ilyan scowling at him as he looked toward me. His eyes widened at seeing me there, against the toilet.

“Hi
, T…T…Thom.” I tried to sound as normal as I could, but still couldn’t keep the stutter out of my voice.

“Hey, Silnỳ
,” he said, a deep vein of pity lining his voice.

In his eagerness to spy
, he dropped the tray a little fast and one of the corners snapped against the tile floor before Ilyan could catch it.

I jerked so fast my head slammed into the
side of the sink, my hands coming up to cover my ears, as I began to rock back and forth, Ilyan’s song humming on my lips.

“Good
Gravy!” I heard Thom exclaim, “What did he do to her?”

“Out
, Thom!” Ilyan roared as Thom left, the door clicking a little too loudly behind him.

I
groaned out my panic and pulled my head down into my knees. Ilyan’s magic surging through me as he put me back to sleep.

Thirty-Six

I
woke in Ilyan’s arms, rejoicing at the return of something that could now be described as normal. I moved into him before the panic could start, pressing my face into his chest. His smell made me light headed in a pleasant, comforting way. I hadn’t remembered Ilyan having a smell, especially one as strong as this. Was the smell new, or had I chosen not to acknowledge it until now?

I pressed
closer to him, my cheek pressing against the scars that crisscrossed his skin; wildflowers and smoke. I breathed deeply, flinching when Ilyan’s arms tightened around me. I tried to focus on staying still, on staying sane, but it didn’t seem to be working.

His touch triggered my spasms, my
fear. I knew it wasn’t him, it was any touch. Anyone would give me the same reaction.

Ilyan seemed to sense my increased heart rate, his magic calming me instantly.

“Joclyn?” I leaned into him more, focusing on his magic, focusing on the calm I so desperately wanted.

“Are you okay?” His
chin brushed against the hair on the top of my head, his arms holding me tighter.

I nod
ded my head in response, knowing that I would stutter if I talked and not wanting to. If only I could talk into his mind like I could send pictures. He must have accepted my answer. His hand loosened its hold and moved to smooth my hair, sweeping rhythmically over my head. His song hummed against the top of my head, where his lips pressed against my skin.

His song.

I sighed at the tune, sung by the person I wanted to hear it from more than anyone else in the world. I could feel his lips turn up in response to my reaction, but he did not move, his song strong and consistent.

We stayed like that for longer th
an could have been deemed normal, but I could have stayed there much longer. With his arms around me and the song replaying consistently, I could feel the feelings of panic and despair leaving me.

I could feel normal.

Almost.

Ilyan pulled away enough to look at me, the gold specks in his eyes reflecting the morning light right back at me. His soft hands moved my hair away from my face, his finger grazing against my mark. The jolt of magic shot down my spine
and I knew it was now only Ilyan that could cause it. I fought the panic that tried to break free at the shock, my eyes glued to his as he smiled. His face was a mixture of pride, worry, and most of all, love.

I buried my head into his chest
. His arms stayed strong around me as he moved his head down to whisper in my ear.

“I’m going to go get you some
Black Water. I’ll be right back.” The heavy wooden door opened and closed as he left, but I stayed still in the bed, hiding underneath the covers. I stretched my hand out over the cotton sheet, laying it flat on the warm part where his body had just been, my heart rate stayed steady even though he had gone, the warmth almost a promise of his return.

But I wasn’t sure, and that worried me.

I didn’t even have time to think about it before the door opened again, this time closing with a thunk before heavy footsteps moved toward me. I jumped at the noise, my body instantly rolling into a tight little ball. I tried to convince myself that it was just Ilyan coming back, but I knew better. I knew that gait. My brain had memorized that breathing. I peeked out from behind the cover, not wanting to see.

Ryland stood before the bed, his hands calmly
at his sides, his dark curls falling over his bright blue eyes as they had always done. But my mind didn’t see that.

My mind replaced the happy smile with a wicked grimace, dark curls with greasy strands,
and even the wall behind him began to turn red in my panic.

My breathing picked up in a matter of seconds,
my body moving away from him as I panicked and stuttered, his eyes growing wide at my reaction.

“Jos? Sweetheart? What’s wrong?” His voice was kind
and gentle, but I didn’t trust it. He had played this game on me before, only to end up hurting me.

“G-go a.
..a...away.” I tried to make my voice strong, knowing from the start that it wouldn’t work.

“Jos? I’m not going to hurt you, honey.” His voice was pleading, but I couldn’t stop moving away from him. Ryland was now leaning against the foot of the bed, his body posed as he prepared to crawl towards me
over the bed.

I howled as he moved onto the bed, my voice making noises that had no recognition in any language in an attempt to get him away from me.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s okay. I had to see you. I had to know you were all right. After everything that Cail did…”

“Go Away!” I was surprised at my own voice, but tried hard not to let it show.

I balled my fingers into fists, grateful my fear kept me from attacking him, but not knowing if it was the right choice. I wanted to attack him.

“Jos! I’m not going to hurt you!”
he yelled in frustration. He was practically on top of me now, my heart felt like it was going to beat right through me with how hard it was thumping in my chest.

We both stayed silent at his outburst, my breathing ragged
, his heavy. He didn’t remove his eyes from mine as I watched him calculate what to do with me. I tried to find the power to fight back, but my fear kept me restricted. Then we both heard it, yelling voices in the hall.

I recognized them both immediately
. I had heard them enough. Ilyan and Ovailia. My eyes widened as Ryland looked at me, a million different puzzle pieces clicking into place. But the picture still didn’t make any sense.

“
Ovi…Ovailia b-brought y-you hee...here?” I tried to speak beyond the panic, but I wasn’t quite sure it was working. Ryland’s eyes softened, as if he himself had made some great breakthrough.

“Yes. Ilyan wouldn’t let me see you. I need
ed to see you, Jos. You are all I think about. One of the only memories I have left.” I could see the heartbreak in his face. And for one moment, I almost pitied him. I almost understood him. But even if I had wanted to, I still couldn’t trust him. I still waited for him to hurt me. I still fought the desire to hurt him.

“Ilyan p-
protec-cts me.” I had wanted to explain to Ryland how safe Ilyan made me, that he was doing what I needed, but Ryland’s face changed.

His eyes grew dark,
and I watched his body shake. In turn, mine went into a further panic. What little calm I had been able to find was washed away.

“
Ilyan hides you from me!” He rose up above me, his shoulders squaring dangerously.

“N-no!” I tried to move further away from him, but his legs had pinned m
e down. I was trapped.

“Yes! He wants you all to himself as he feeds you lies about how dangerous I am
– how mean I am! Even though I would never hurt you. Ilyan made you break our Zȇlství!” Ryland’s yell rose as I continued to panic.

“N-no!”

“Ovailia was right.” He roared at me, and I almost missed what was coming. His fist pulled back as the skin of his hand glowed red, his magic fueling his anger as he moved to punch me.

I couldn’t move
. I couldn’t make my magic respond. I stared at him, tears flowing down my cheeks. The part of me that still held out hope that this was not the Ryland that hunted me died when he moved to do that which I had come to believe he always did. Hurt me.

His fist moved toward me at a speed I couldn’t even comprehend, the knuckles making contact with the side of my face
. I howled at the impact. My voice rising up as burning pain spread through my skull, as I fought to get away from what Ryland would do next. Before either of us could make another move, a gust of wind flew through the room and lifted Ryland off of me. I didn’t look to see who had rushed in, I only howled as I rolled off the bed onto the ancient stone and slid myself underneath the heavy wooden bed.

Hiding was my first defense now. It felt safe here
. I could feel the pressure of both the bed and the floor pushing against me. I tried to keep my breathing and cries to a minimum in the hope of not being found, but I was not sure it mattered. Ilyan and Ovailia’s raised voices had entered the room, the screaming match in Czech having only intensified at what they found.

“But he didn’t hurt her did he?” Ovailia yelled as she transitioned smoothly to English.

“Ovailia, he punched her when I came into the room!” I heard Ilyan’s feet move toward me, his stocking feet coming into sight. I cringed at the possibility that he would pull me out. But he stayed there, guarding my hiding place.

“I didn’t see that.” Ovailia lied, I heard Ryland chuckle next to her and my insides stiffened.

“He’s going to lie anyway, Ovailia. He’s been feeding her lies. Just as you said.” I stuffed my fist in my mouth at the sound of Ryland’s voice to keep from screaming.

“What lies have you been telling
him
, Ovailia?” Ilyan asked, the amount of fear in his voice alarming.

“Nothing much
. Two can play at this game, Ilyan.” Her voice was sweet as honey but I knew better. Because this wasn’t a game, no matter how many times Cail had told me that.

Cail.

Without warning I began to howl again. My safe place suddenly felt like a prison. I could hear Ovailia laughing beyond my screams.

“I want you out
, Ovailia! Leave the Abbey, and take your games with you,” Ilyan roared above my yells. I could just make out Ovailia’s laugh as Ilyan removed her and placed the door back in place.

It took a second before his face appeared in the gap
under the bed, his hand reaching to help me out. But I couldn’t see through the fear enough to respond. I only howled more.

I felt Ilyan’s magic flare inside of me, his warmth mov
ing through me as he steadied my heartbeat. My voice died into nothing, my anxiety lessoning. Ilyan reached forward again, but I just looked at him, not quite willing to leave the security the bed provided me. Ilyan waited another moment before relaxing his hand, his body lowering as he lay down on the ground beside me. His body was stretched out on the floor while mine was crammed under the bed.

“I’m sorry, Jos.” His voice was soft
. And while I could feel some of my panic edge away, it wasn’t quite enough. “I will make you safe. I will make you whole again.”

I stared at him, my eyes wide. I tried to convince myself that what he said was true
, that I was safe, that I would be whole again, and that I would no longer feel this panic and pain that controlled my body.

But I didn’t know if I could be
lieve him. I wasn’t even sure if that was possible.

Ilyan began to wedge himself under the bed, his tall
, wiry frame moving right up against me. I could feel the warmth radiating off of his skin.

Without thinking
, I reached up and pulled at one of the short locks of hair that covered his head. He smiled at the action, his body moving closer as I brought my hand back.

“I cut it for you, after what you said in Italy. When you couldn’t wake up… I was…”
his voice caught, and I could almost swim in the emotion that was emanating from him, the fear and the terror. I knew what he must have felt, because I had felt it too when I was first trapped in the Tȍuha.