Eye of the Wizard: A Fantasy Adventure (19 page)

A useful spell. I should memorize this one.

Dry Bones straightened, leaned against the back of the alehouse, and contemplated his next move. Two days ago, he had picked up the Thistle Kids' trail and had followed them here. To be honest, he had expected to kill them already. His moldmen, Issa, and even his giant spider had failed.
The Bullies were lucky,
he thought.
But no more Mr. Nice Skeleton.

Unfortunately, killing Jamie had failed too, and Dry Bones tapped his chin.
Who to go after now?
After a moment's contemplation, he decided that killing Scruff should be easy. The brute had signed up for the Feats of Strength, which involved lifting barrels over your head. A barbaric sport, but useful today. Dry Bones would wait until the barrels were over Scruff's head, then cast a spell to make them ten times heavier. They would fall and kill him, much like Scruff himself had killed Issa.
Ironic.

"You know, Baumgartner, I really am a genius," he said. "I don't know if you appreciate that."

He opened his cloak and gazed at his pet snake. Baumgartner lay coiled up inside Dry Bones' rib cage, hissing. Dry Bones smiled and patted the snake's head.

"Good boy," he said, pulled a dead mouse from his pocket, and fed it to the snake. Baumgartner bolted it down and licked his chops.

Dry Bones fastened his cloak and pulled his hood over his head. His grobblers too were cloaked and hooded, ten of them spread throughout Queenpool, watching the Bullies, awaiting his command. Dry Bones hoped he wouldn't need them—he preferred to kill the Thistle Kids by staging accidents, which was safer in a city this size—but you never knew when a few grobblers would come in handy.

After making sure that he was fully concealed in his cloak, Dry Bones stepped from behind the alehouse and made his way through the fair. Jesters juggled around him, maidens hawked tankards of ale, and drunk men stumbled about, voices raised in song.
Idiots, all of them,
Dry Bones thought. Why would anyone want to waste their life drinking and partying? There was so much to study, so much to learn and accomplish.
I guess that's what separates me from the commoners.

Dry Bones spotted the Feats of Strength ahead. A group of musclemen stood upon a stage, lifting barrels. Scruff stood among them, tallest and burliest. Dry Bones began to utter a spell that would make Scruff's barrel ten times heavier.
That should break his head, nice and easy.
Dry Bones had uttered the first few words when something caught his eye, and the spell petered away.

It was a woman. But no ordinary woman—this was a spiderling maiden, her skin lavender and her milky hair glowing, so pure among the rowdy drunkards, a purple flower growing from a field of thorns.
Or thistles,
Dry Bones thought wryly. This spiderling maiden must be Cobweb, the companion of the Thistle Kids. Several of his crows, spies who had been following the Bullies, had returned news of her.

But they had not told Dry Bones how beautiful she was.

She was so beautiful, that if Dry Bones had lungs, his breath would die. She stood not a hundred yards away, shooting arrows from her bow into targets. She could as well have been cupid, shooting arrows of love into Dry Bones' heart—or at least, into his ribcage where his heart would once beat. Cobweb's hair seemed woven of gossamer, cascading down her back, not a strand out of place. With his hawklike vision, Dry Bones could see that her eyes were blue as sapphires, her ears were pointy, and golden freckles covered her small nose. It had been years since Dry Bones had loved a woman, but Cobweb stirred all those memories in him, raising fire in their ashes. She looked like an angel, he thought, an angel sent from heaven to cure his weary heart.

Nice boobs, too,
he thought.

Dry Bones was vaguely aware that in the background, Scruff was winning the Feats of Strength and earning a gold medal, but he didn't care.
I'll kill that brute later,
he thought, unable to tear his gaze away from Cobweb. She was hitting every bullseye, winning the archery contest.
I will have her,
Dry Bones thought. It was not every day one found a spiderling maiden.
She will be my wife,
he decided.

Dry Bones began to move through the crowd, shoving peasants aside, heading toward Cobweb. By the time he reached her, she had hit her last target.

"Winner!" the judge called. "The spiderling wins first place."

Cobweb beamed. "I won!" she said, gazing around with a grin, her teeth sparkling.

Dry Bones nodded to her, keeping his head lowered, careful to keep his skull hidden in the shadows of his hood. "Congratulations, my lady," he said.

"T-tank you," Cobweb said and touched his shoulder, sending pleasure through Dry Bones. Then she was gone, swept forward by the crowd to a podium, where a judge placed a gold medal around her neck.

Dry Bones waited until the medal ceremony was over, then followed Cobweb as she moved through the fair, glowing, an angel among mortals. As Dry Bones walked, he signaled to his grobblers to join him, following Cobweb.

When Cobweb passed by an alley, Dry Bones nodded to a grobbler. The cloaked monster nodded back, grabbed Cobweb, and pulled her into the alley. Dry Bones glanced behind him. Nobody saw a thing.
Perfect.
Dry Bones nodded, then stepped into the alley.

In the shadows, Cobweb was struggling, but the grobbler held her fast, covering her mouth. Struggling and frightened, she looked more beautiful than ever. Her chest rose and fell, and her cheeks flushed. She kicked wildly, but could not free herself. Grobblers were stronger even than Scruff, and few could escape their clutches.

"Don't be afraid," Dry Bones said and stepped toward her. He pulled back his hood, revealing his skull. Cobweb's eyes widened and she screamed into the grobbler's warty, wrinkled hand. Dry Bones laughed and rummaged through his pockets. He thought he had a love potion lying around; he usually carried one for cases like this. Things would be much easier if Cobweb fell in love with him. He could already imagine her kisses. If he still had a heart, it would skip a beat at the thought.

"Ah! Here we go," he said and produced the potion from his pocket. He took a step closer to Cobweb. "Drink this, my darling."

She kicked. Her foot hit the potion, and it flew from his hands.

"Damn it!" Dry Bones said and knelt to grab the potion. He caught it, and a second later Cobweb's foot kicked his chin, knocking back his skull.

Dry Bones howled and lashed forward, trying to grab Cobweb's foot, but accidentally grabbed the grobbler's leg and tripped her. The grobbler shrieked and fell, crashing against the cobblestones. In the confusion, Cobweb managed to wriggle free and escape the alley, screaming.

Dry Bones turned to watch her disappear into the crowd. He sighed.

He looked back to the grobbler. "I'm having one of those days," he said. The grobbler nodded sympathetically.

Inside his ribcage, Baumgartner hissed a chuckle.

"Oh, shut up," Dry Bones said.

* * * * *

At sunset, the fair ended with a bray of trumpets, the release of a hundred doves, and a closing ceremony atop the central stage.
I'm sad to see it over,
Scruff thought. It was the first day he'd had fun since, well.... He couldn't even remember the last day he had fun. As he watched the doves flutter against the sunset, he suddenly felt more sad than he'd ever been, though he could not guess why. He looked at Cobweb, standing beautiful in the sunset, her gossamer hair glittering. She caught his glance and smiled back, setting his heart aflutter like the doves.
Am I sad because I want to hold her hand, to kiss her, but dare not?

Cobweb's golden medal twinkled against her chest, hanging from a blue ribbon, the medal she won at the archery contest. Scruff wore the medal he won at the strongman competition, while Jamie and Neev wore medals won at their events.
I wish we didn't have to sell them,
Scruff thought, caressing his medal. But they were strapped for cash. The medals would have to go.

"Why so sad?" Jamie asked, nudging him.

Scruff looked at his feet. "The sunset always makes me feel this way."

Before his sister could answer, the trumpets blared with new vigor, and Scruff raised his eyes to see the Lord of Queenpool step onto the center stage, the same stage where Neev and Romy had performed. Sporting a long beard, a samite cape, and opulent jewels, the lord addressed the crowds.

"Thank you, people of Queenpool, for this tremendous fair...," the lord began, and Scruff quickly stopped listening. As the lord spoke, Scruff preferred to sneak glances at Cobweb and contemplate her snowy hair, her smile, and her blue eyes glistening in the sunset.

His interest perked up when the Lord of Queenpool said his name. Scruff shook his head, clearing it of daydreams, and realized that he was being invited on stage, along with the other medal winners. Running a hand through his shaggy hair, he lumbered onto stage with his fellow Bullies. The crowd was cheering. When Scruff looked down at the thousands of people, he felt dizzy. Queenpool seemed so large from here. A hundred shops surrounded the square, and a hundred oil lanterns blazed, lighting the twilight. Behind the square, he could see the spires of Queenpool Cathedral and, in the distance, soaring mountains that rose like dark shadows beyond the forests. Maybe he was sad because the sun was setting, light leaving the world to the dangers and mysteries of night. Maybe he was sad because he ached for Cobweb. Maybe he was just sad because he felt lost, had been feeling lost since Grobbler Battle killed his parents and tossed his life into a whirlpool. Who'd have thought he'd ever stand here, so many miles from home, thousands of people cheering for him?

If he felt lost and pensive, however, the other Bullies seemed the opposite. Romy flapped her wings and somersaulted for the crowds, soaking up the cheers like a cat soaks up sunlight on a windowsill. Jamie smiled and waved, Neev stood with crossed arms seeming rather pleased with himself, and even Cobweb waved shyly. The Lord of Queenpool introduced them to the crowds and handed each a white jasmine.

Before the lord could wrap things up, sending everyone home to bed, Scruff approached the edge of the stage. He raised his hands, and the crowd fell silent, waiting to hear him.

"Hello, people of Queenpool!" he bellowed, hoping his voice was loud enough for all to hear. Suddenly his ears began to burn, and the sight of so many eyes upon him made him dizzy. Scruff swallowed and continued quickly. "My friends and I are not only champions of the fair. We're also champion monster slayers, and we'll fight for
you
. Need to hire some brawn? Let us know. We're Bullies for Bucks, and we'll bully your problems away."

"Our prices are so low," Romy added cheerily, leaning against him, "you'll think we're mentally challenged."

"Yeah... not the best slogan," Neev muttered. His eyes were only now returning to normal, losing their catlike glow.

Romy flapped her wings and hovered a foot in the air. "Got a problem with goblins, werewolves, dragons, or tax collectors?" she cried to the crowds. "We take care of 'em all. We're so cheap, you'll be surprised we know what the hell we're doing."

Cobweb put a hand on Romy's shoulder, "Womy, why d-don't we just wet Scwuff d-do da tawking, okay?"

Scruff decided to wrap things up before Romy could say anything more. "Remember, we're Bullies for Bucks, and we'll be staying at the Cantankerous Clam Inn. See us there if you need us. Thank you, people of Queenpool."

The Bullies stepped off the stage to the sound of confused, irregular clapping.

* * * * *

"So," Jamie said, leaning over the table where the Bullies sat, "a skeleton tried to kill me today." She gulped some beer, slammed down her mug, and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Me too!" Cobweb said. She tried a sip of beer, wrinkled her nose, and shuddered as she swallowed. "Howwible dwinks you humans have."

"You don't like beer?" Jamie asked, gaping.

"No!"

Jamie slammed her fist against the table. "But it's so good."

Romy slept with her head on the table, her hair of fire spread out, a dozen empty beer mugs around her. "Mmmm... beer...," she mumbled in her sleep, drooling.

Cobweb scrunched her lips, staring distastefully at Jamie. "Whewe I c-c-come fwom, Jamie, k-kids don't dwink awcohow. Onwy aduwts."

Jamie gulped more beer and raised an eyebrow. "So what do kids drink?"

"Watew."

Jamie snorted. "That's ridiculous. Everybody knows water is dirty and makes you sick. Water is for doing laundry. We humans drink milk as babies, and after that—beer!"

"Watew is c-cwean and d-d-dewicious in Spidewsiwk Fowest." The spiderling tried another sip of beer, then wrinkled her nose and stuck out her tongue. "Bwech."

Jamie sighed and shook her head. "You spiderlings are crazy. Even if water were safe to drink, I'd still drink as much beer as I could."

Neev watched the girls in distaste, sitting beside his brother Scruff, nursing his own pint. They were sitting in the Cantankerous Clam, the most expensive inn they could afford, which happened to also be Queenpool's cheapest inn. Neev had taken it upon himself to manage their newfound wealth; he had sold their golden medals for coins and planned a strict budget. The others had complained—especially Romy, who pouted and stamped her feet, whining about how she wanted to dine at the fanciest restaurants, hire a carriage, and buy herself a gown and rubies. But Neev was strict, keeping all the coins in his pockets, slapping Romy's wrist whenever she tried to pickpocket him.
This money has to last a while,
he thought.

He looked around the Cantankerous Clam. They sat in the common room, which held a dozen scarred tables, a cold hearth, and a chipped bar. The beer was lukewarm, the floor dirty, and the patrons unshaven, slovenly, and more than a little smelly. But it beat sleeping in the wilderness, and the beds upstairs would provide a good night's rest. Neev had booked them a single bedroom with three beds—the five Bullies would have to make do. He wouldn't squander their money the same day they earned it.