Exposed: New Adult Sport Romance (The Boys of Winter Book 5) (6 page)

A yawn escapes as I get closer to Frisco. Awake most of last night, worrying about Trevor, I didn’t get much sleep. I turn my thoughts to Neal and my crush. While Nika insists he likes me, the way he’s been when talking about the business has been nothing more than friendly.

Sure, he was super flirty in the past, but I think our relationship has become more professional. And that’s good, because I can crush from afar in a safe way. If we grow closer as we work together, all the better. If not, then I’ll practice what it’s like to want a boyfriend. Because once I talk to Trevor, I think it’s time to work on getting a man back in my life.

Chapter 8

N
ow that I’ve come to terms with telling Trevor about his daughter, I want it to be done. There’s a local bar in town where the instructors tend to hang out, and I’ve decided to walk over after work to see if I can find him.

My cowboy boots clunk on the frozen concrete sidewalk as I make my way to the Gold Pan. The light of late afternoon is dim, matching my mood, knowing I’m about to give my old boyfriend the shock of his life.

The door squeaks when I pull it open to enter the dark interior. Stale beer wafts toward me as I take a moment for my eyes to adjust. I thump across a warped wooden floor that makes me think this place has been here since the town was founded. Not sure if I’ll recognize Trevor, I sigh in relief when I see Casey’s boyfriend, Jason.

I walk toward him, and he sees me before I get there. He asks, “Hey, what are you doing here?”

The two guys he’s standing with look at me in a friendly way, but I’m not up for small talk. “Hey. I’m looking for someone and thought you might be able to help. Do you know who Trevor Sullivan is?”

“Yeah, he’s right over there.” Jason points across the room to a guy that’s bigger than I remember.

“Thanks.” I walk off before he has a chance to reply.

Trevor is talking to another guy, and it makes it easy for me to check him out before he notices me. His shoulders have gotten broad, and his thighs are thicker. It could be the low lighting, but his blond hair is darker, too. Feelings of lust flood my mind as sadness creeps in like an old injury that sometimes aches.

When I get to him he looks at me with curiosity, and I watch recognition spread across his face. I’m glad to see a faint smile form. “Ruby?”

I nod and smile back. “Hi, Trevor.”

“Wow, Ruby.” He’s grinning now, and I let him hug me. The scent of his clean fleece isn’t familiar, but a hint of something else is. “You still live here?” He chuckles at himself.

“Well, I did go off to college, but yes, I live here in Breck.”

Trevor combs his fingers through his hair and turns to the guy he was talking to. “Ruby and I went to high school together. She was my girlfriend.” My heart warms at his words.

The guy nods, and Trevor turns his attention back to me. He’s remained closer than a casual acquaintance would be, and I can’t decide if I like it or not. He says, “This is wild. So what do you do? Are you still racing?” He shakes his head, and I think he might be nervous. “Stupid question, I would know if you were on the circuit.”

I save him and say, “I manage a clothing store and ski when I’m not working. I heard from a couple of my friends that you were a new instructor.”

His face is stronger-looking than I remember, and darn if it doesn’t make him appear sexier. “Yeah, I retired from racing. I gave it all I had and, well—” He shrugs and lifts up one eyebrow in that smirk I remember so well. The one that used to make me want to slip my hands under his shirt as I kissed him. It kind of still does.

I take a deep breath. Here goes nothing. “If you have time, I need to talk to you. There’s something I’d like to tell you.”

His brow furrows and he says, “Oh, God, Ruby, I’m so sorry—”

I shake my head. “No. Don’t apologize. High school was a long time ago, and I’ve forgiven you for—” My initial courage fades, and my palms get sweaty. “That’s not what I want to talk about. If now’s not a good time, we can do it later.”

“No. Now’s fine. I was going to go home after one beer anyway. Where should we go?” He sets his drink down on a shelf littered with empty cups against the wall.

“Um, my car is right around the corner.”

Trevor gives me a questioning look as he lifts his eyebrow again. My cheeks flame because I realize he’s remembering how we used to make out in my car. I revert right back to the sixteen-year-old version of me, and want to do just that. Instead, I ask, “Is that still all you think about?” And when I do, the pain of what happened because of our back seat sessions tweaks at my guilt.

The low rumble of his laugh reverberates through me and grips my heart. He answers, “No, sometimes I think about skiing.”

Yeah, well, I’m about to give you something else to think about. I lead Trevor across the street to the parking lot behind Rhinestone Cowgirl. When we get to it, the ice buildup crunches under our feet, and I ask, “So how do you like teaching?”

“I love it. I had no idea I would be so good, but last year I worked at Sugarloaf and decided to move out west. I might even coach a bit, too.” He shoves his hands in the pockets of his open fleece, and I remember how he never used to get cold.

I notice Neal’s BMW next to Nika’s Land Rover and then my practical Honda. The lock clicks open when I push the remote. “I believe it. You’re a patient guy.” The kind of guy that would make a good father.

Trevor climbs in, and his door slams before he asks, “Are you still drawing?” I flash back to the pictures of him I sketched and hung on my bedroom wall. And the hundreds of pictures I drew when I was pregnant, still holding on to the hope he would come and save me from giving our daughter up for adoption.

My car roars to life as I turn it on to run the heat. “Yes, I’m a clothing designer now.”

“Sweet. Did you go to art school?”

“Uh-huh, in Rhode Island. What about you? Are you a mad scientist?”

He grins at me. “Naw. I did major in chemistry and might go back to get my teaching degree. But I gave the Olympics a shot. Didn’t make it, though.”

The air from the heater is lukewarm, and I adjust the vents so they aren’t blowing directly at us. I take a deep breath and get to the point. “Trevor, first I want to apologize for leaving without ever saying good-bye.”

“Oh, Ruby, you don’t have to do that. I was such an ass to you. I’m so sorry. Did you read my texts and e-mails?”

Shrugging, I say, “Yeah, I couldn’t answer you, though.” Because I couldn’t have kept my secret. “You broke my heart.”

He reaches over and takes my hand. His is warm, and my throat gets thick in response. My intention wasn’t to make him feel guilty. Trevor says, “My heart broke, too. I was in love with you, I never lied about that. I made the biggest mistake of my life when I cheated.”

“I’ve forgiven you. We make mistakes like that in high school.” I take my gloves off and place them on the center console.

I smile, but my heart isn’t behind it. My stomach is clenched, and I’m afraid I might throw up. “I’m about to tell you something that’s going to make you hate me.”

Trevor’s eyes are lighter in shade than Neal’s, and I’m suddenly wondering if maybe my mother was right, that there isn’t any point in what I’m about to do. “You know how we moved to be closer to my mother’s cousin who was dying?”

“Yeah.” Trevor shifts in his seat as if he wants to bolt.

“That’s not why we moved.”

I watch the muscles in Trevor’s jaw start to work, and imagine he might want to throw up now too. I say, “I was pregnant.”

Trevor closes his eyes and breathes deeply through his nose. He opens them, and his voice is hard. “That time I came inside you, right?”

He confirms the rumors I suspected probably happened, because he’s definitely thought about this. I nod. “That’s what I wanted to tell you the night you thought I was going to break up with you.”

His hand is combing through his hair, and this time I think he might yank some out. “Shit. Did you—are you telling me I’m a father?”

“Yes. I gave our daughter up for adoption.”

He whispers, “Daughter?”

Damn it. My eyes well up with tears, and I bite my lower lip to keep them from falling. I whisper back, “I’m the one that’s sorry. I should have told you years ago. You had a right to know and have say in what I did. I was so scared, and when you cheated I couldn’t face you.”

Trevor opens his mouth to speak a couple of times, looking like a fish gasping for air, until he finally says, “I don’t know what you want me to say, or what you want.”

“I don’t want anything, and you don’t need to say something. I just thought you should know.”

He nods. “Okay. Yeah.”

His numb reaction is the best I had hoped for, and I focus on getting him out of my car before he gets mad. “I know this is a shock. Take time to process it, and contact me if you want to know more.”

“Okay.” His hand is on the handle to leave, and I think he’s going to say something, but instead he shakes his head.

“I work at Rhinestone Cowgirl. You can get in touch with me there.”

The door creaks open, and he says, “Got it.”

After the door slams I’m tempted to watch him walk off. Instead I pick up my phone and check e-mails—most of which are most likely junk—just so I don’t have to drive by him. For a long time I thought hurting Trevor would feel good. It doesn’t.

Chapter 9

Ev
en though Trevor is probably back at the bar by now, I get caught up in a link to an article Neal sent me about boutique shops in Aspen and decide to read it before leaving. Anything to get the hurt look on Trevor’s face out of my mind.

I jump when the passenger door opens abruptly. Trevor slides inside and yanks it shut with a slam, and there’s fire in his eyes. “How the fuck could you not tell me, Ruby?”

Shit. My stomach clenches again. “I was young. Stupid and afraid. I kept hoping I would miscarry and the problem would go away.”

He’s shaking his head. “I loved you. I would have done the right thing. Shit, I would have done whatever you wanted to do. How could you not know that about me? How could you be so selfish?”

Trevor’s voice has gotten loud and defensiveness surges in me as I say, “You cheated on me. I didn’t need you to spell out the fact we were over. And even if we had gotten back together, what do you think would have happened?” I pause, and his mouth is tight, as though he’s holding back evil words. “You would have gone off to the races and screwed the bunnies that wanted to be with a racer while I was home with our baby. You proved it the one night I didn’t go to a party with you.”

“Damn it, you’re the one that pushed me away. Don’t you remember how you stopped wanting to hang out? You stopped kissing me and telling me you loved me. What was I supposed to think? You’d dumped me weeks before I let Cara blow me.”

I stare in shock. I did push him away. I avoided him because I was wracked with guilt. My secret was eating me up, and I couldn’t face him. Tears well up in my eyes. “I’m so sorry. God, I’m so sorry.” Hot moisture rolls down my cheeks.

Trevor sighs. “Aw, man. I didn’t mean to yell at you.” He lifts my chin up with a finger. “It still doesn’t make what I did right. I’ve been beating myself up over it for years. I’m sorry. Please stop crying.”

I wave my hand and whisper, “I can’t.”

He reaches around my shoulders and pulls me against his chest. “Okay, then let it out.”

And I do. I cry because I was so stupid and should have told him when I first knew. I did what I’d always done, kept my fears inside. I cry because if I had told him, he probably would have stood by me. My life may have been very different. And I cry because maybe, just maybe, I would be playing with my little girl right now.

When I stop I pull back and sniff. Glancing into Trevor’s face I notice it’s tear-stained too. I reach up and wipe one from his cheek. “I used to fantasize that you would find out and come to me. That we would become a family, and everything would be okay.”

Trevor swallows and takes a deep breath. “I just about died when Beth told me how hurt you were about Cara. I know I shouldn’t have let it happen, and being drunk was no excuse. But I swear I thought you were done with me and doing what you always did, avoiding confrontation.”