Everything I Want (23 page)

“Like with us?” Nodding my head to him, I lay back down, covering myself with the sheet. But Tristan grabs my hand and stops me from covering myself. His eyes are soft and dark. “What do you want, Sophia?” he asks me. Leaning on my back looking right up at the ceiling I say the first thing that comes in my head. “I don’t know exactly.” There, the truth. I really don’t know what else to say right now. Part of me was hoping he had a better answer.

“You don’t know?” There’s some amusement in his voice. “What is that supposed to mean?”

I roll over on my side and rest my elbow on the bed again, with my hand holding my head up.

“This tour is going to be over soon.”

“So… ” Tristan says, kind of wondering where I’m going with this.

“So… And you’re going over to Europe for another couple of months, and I’m going back to LA to start promoting my first album.”

Tristan is staring at me intently now, his eyes not leaving mine. Not even blinking. So I continue.

“I just don’t know if this.” I gesture with my free hand between our bodies. “That this is going to work out in anything serious. Maybe some kind of friendship could.” Just with those last words, Tristan’s old mask comes back on. Hardening up right in front of me. This mysterious dark side of him that I remember seeing when I first met him is back. Shit! I pissed him off.

“I mean… ” I tried a different approach, but I already think the damage is done with my last words.

“What do you want?” Tristan’s staring at me, with only his eyes telling me some kind of emotion he has right now.

“Please talk to me.” I’m kneeling naked and in front of him, but he still doesn’t say anything.

Rolling my eyes at him, I’m getting frustrated; then, he breaks his silence when I turn to look away.

“I want you Sophia. Just you. I can’t explain it and I don’t want to. I just know that part of me needs you and I don’t want to let you go.” His voice his soft and low. And his words pull at my insides, making my heart literally feel like it’s burning. This gorgeous, mysterious man wants me, and I’m pretty much not letting him. What the fuck is wrong with me? A few years ago, I would have jumped all over this opportunity, but now… My career is just starting to take off. I don’t know if I can.

Taking a hold of his hand, I gently squeeze it. “Tristan, I think maybe it’s best if we just keep having our fun right now. I know I was asking what we were. But I just think it’s better this way you know? You’re busy with your own tour and life and I’m just getting started.”

His eyes grow darker than before and he pulls his hand out of mine.

“Tristan what?” I say kind of annoyed. “I mean, look. We hang out for a few times and the tabloids are already jumping on us—”

“I don’t give a fuck about the tabloids!” Tristan says louder than his tone before.“I don’t give a fuck about anything else but you!”

He’s seriously trying to break me right now isn’t he?

“Tristan, come on. We’ve only known each other for a short time. How?”

He reaches out and pulls me close to him again. “Sophia, I’ve been with many women before. And no one. And I mean no one! Has ever made me feel remotely the way you have these last few weeks.
Shit
Sophia. Since I first laid eyes on you.”

With my head held to his chest, I let out a sigh. “Tristan I just think we should just be friends right now. I’m sorry.” His grip grows tighter around me, holding me. I can almost feel pain in the way he starts to breathe. I know after this that I shouldn’t be staying the night with him, so I try to move myself free. But he doesn’t let me go. “Tristan, please.” I quietly beg him.

“Why are you doing this, Sophia?” He gently pushes me off of him. I fall back on the bed. I’m shocked that he just did that to me. He stands and walks over to retrieve his jeans from the floor. I’m lying there naked and exposed. I know I should be covering myself right now, but I can’t move.

After Tristan zips up his jeans he bends down and grabs mine and throws them at me. Reaching out, I catch them before they whipped my face. Okay, now I’m pissed.

Standing up abruptly, I shove my jeans on. Not caring that I have no panties on. After I’m done with that, he throws my shirt at me, and when I grabbed it with one hand, I flipped him off with the other. That sends him over the edge.

Tristan pounces at me, but I quickly dart out of his way.

“Fuck you!” I scream at him.

“You can act like a dick to me one minute then try to come after me the next? You’re so fucked up,” I say more calmly to him as I put my shirt on. Tristan stands there, clenching his jaw.

In a low growl he says, “You want this Sophia? You really fucking want this to end before it even had a chance to go somewhere?”

Looking at him, I say nothing. My face is I say more as plain and emotionless as he once showed me before.

I nod my head to him and his face drops. Hurt and pain take over his broad features.

“Tristan… It’s just not the time right now. I’m sorry.”

He says nothing more to me, instead he walks away and picks up his shirt and slams his bedroom door. Moments later I hear the main suite door slam. And he’s gone. I’m just standing there alone in his suite. And I start to feel this incredible ache bellow its way into my heart. My skin that once felt hot is now cold and tears start to burn the back of my eyes. Shit! I gotta get out of here. Now. Bending over to grab the rest of my things, I walk out into the living area and get my bag from the table. I didn’t get my room key so I guess I’ll just text Frankie then. I need somewhere to go because I doubt that Tristan will want me to stay here now. I don’t know why I said anything earlier. I just thought we should be open with each other. But I guess I was wrong. We were just starting to get somewhere too. Fuck me!

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Walking out of his room, I head for the elevators, texting Frankie on my way.

Hey! Where you at?

A minute later, he replies.

In my room sweetie. What’s up?

I step into the elevator and before pressing what floor I text him back again.

I need to crash with you tonight

A second later, he replies.

Meet me in the hotel bar… NOW!

After a few drinks I start to explain everything to Frankie about Tristan and I. He sat there silently. Just listening to everything I had to say, without judging. This feels so good to get this all off my chest.

Biting my lip, I wait for him to say something. Frankie just takes his drink straw and twirls it around in his Roman coke. He then picks it up and sips on it, holding the straw with his delicate pinky sticking out. Come on Frankie! Just say something, anything. Placing his drink back down, he looks me square in the eyes.

“Listen, girl. What I have to say I mean with all the upmost respect to you, okay?”

“Okay,” I say back nervously.

“I’ve been in LA and on this scene for quite a while now, and on Tristan’s point of view, I can see where he’s coming from. I can also see where you’re coming from. But what I think is, it’s not about the busy schedules or fucking tabloids but… ” He stops and takes another drink and I lean in more on the table, resting my chin on my hand that’s propped up on the table.

“I think honestly it’s you being afraid, my dear.” What?! Afraid of fucking what?

Frankie’s face is stern looking, as if he was some professor that just threw a curveball on an exam at me or something.

“Frankie that’s—”

“That’s what? Think about it. You told me you’ve only been in three other relationships before right? Only three, but each one you had your heart broken some way or another. I just think you’re trying to beat the punch on this one. Stopping it before it has a chance to grow.”

Rolling my eyes at him, now it’s time for me to take a drink. I grab my beer and finish it off.

Frankie reaches over and takes hold of my hands, stretching my arms across the table. His eyes are sincere right now, and as I think about what he just said. I guess he’s right. I mean I don’t know how we’re going to make this work if it is something, but I know I should at least try. I do care about him. Peering down at the table I quietly say, “You’re right.” Looking back up at him, Frankie looks shocked. “I— I am?” His response makes me smile. His a very good friend and in this case, was dead-on. I just needed to let my wall down that I had built up for so long I guess.

“Yeah, you’re right. I should at least see if this can go somewhere.”

Frankie lets go of my hands and reaches in his back pocket, pulling out his wallet. He lays a few bills on the table then pulls out his room key and hands it to me.

“Here, just in case you may need this tonight. I’m on the seventh floor, room 709.”

Taking the card from him, I check to make sure I still have Tristan’s room key. And I do.

It’s pretty late now. Frankie and I have been down here for a few hours, so I hope Tristan’s not sleeping or I hope he’s even there.

Standing up I walk around the table and give Frankie a quick hug. “See you tomorrow,” I say to him as I walk out of the bar.

“Good luck!” he yells back.

Once the elevator opens up to the penthouse floor, I hear loud music coming from down the hall. It kind of sounds like Mudvayne’s Happy. Slowly walking down the hall, I notice the guy that usually stands out front of Tristan’s door sometimes was not there. But that’s where the music was definitely coming from.

My hands shake with nerves as I slide the card down. When the green light flicks, I press the door open slowly, peeking my head in. The music is so loud that I’m surprised the other guests aren’t complaining. Well actually I think they pretty much reserved this whole floor for him and his crew. Still I tip toe my way through the room and I start to notice that a gathering or party must have taken place. You would’ve thought that it would still be going on though? I mean, these guys can party ’til the early morning hours. I see what looks like coke and pot on the tables and empty beer and mini shot bottles litter the floor. As I step up to Tristan’s door this shiny metallic paper catches my eye. Bending down I pick it up. Rubbing the ends with my fingers my gut drops. It’s a condom wrapper! And not just any, but a magnum. Now I know Tristan’s never used condoms with me. Which is so bad on my part. But I do know that if he were to use one, then this probably would be it.

My blood starts to run hot through my veins and my stomach feels like I’m about to go on the biggest drop of my life. I’m so scared to open this door right now, but now that I’m here, I kind of have too.

Squeezing down on the handle, I twist the knob slowly. The room is dark with only a flicker of the TV on. And that’s when I see him and her…

My heart stops beating. Tristan and some Pamela Anderson from the ’90s looking bitch are going at it. Tears sting my eyes as they start to burn down my cheeks. He has her bent over the side of the bed, and he’s fucking her hard. I can’t fucking believe this! He was just with me a few hours ago. Now he’s with someone else. Rage takes over me. Rage that I have never felt before, and I notice that bitch’s heels lying on the floor. Seven-inch hooker heels. I bend down shiftingly and pick it up, throwing it has hard as I could at him.

The heel hits Tristan dead-on his head, falling on top of the bitch.

“What the fuck,” she says slow and breathlessly.

Tristan jerks his head up and stops. Staying still inside of her as he sees me standing in the doorway.

“Fuck you,” I choke out and just as I said that, I’m off. I get out of there as fast as I could.

“Fuck!” Tristan yells, “Sophia!”

I slammed the door shut and start running down the hall to the elevators. More tears streaming down my face now.

I press the call button fifty times in hopes that every time I hit it, it would arrive faster.

I feel like bending over and throwing up all over the place. Did that just really happen? I can’t believe this. This is just some fucked-up dream. It has to be.

The elevator door finally opens and I look over my shoulder to see Tristan running down the hall after me, Wearing only a towel. “Sophia!” He yells at me again, and I quickly enter the elevator, pressing seven then fumbling with my shaky fingers to press the close doors button. The doors were only an inch from closing when I caught a glimpse of Tristan, out of breath, stopping in front of it. He notices my tears, but I raise my middle finger up to him, shaking my head.

I fall back onto the wall once I know that I’m safe from him right now. I cover my face with my hands and sob into them. I can’t believe I’m fucking crying. Earlier I said just be friends. Well he definitely took that to heart. But the truth is, I want more.

I hope to God that he doesn’t figure out that I’m in Frankie’s room tonight. I only have a few more floors to go then I know I’m for sure safe for the night.

I hate him. I fucking hate him. I hate that I ever let the piece of shit lay his hands on me, and making me feel safe.

I’m on the seventh floor now, and I look out of the elevator, both ways to make sure Tristan didn’t take the stairs or something. Good to go. I quickly scan the hall for Frankie’s room.

709 there it is! I start pounding on the door. As if some murderer were coming after me.

Frankie opens up the door with a toothbrush still in his mouth when his face drops, removing the toothbrush.

“What the fuck happened?” He grabs me by my shoulders and pulls me into his room. And I couldn’t help it. I let out my sob again. I hate that I’m acting like such a little bitch. What I really want to do right now is go back there and kick his ass and that whore’s ass, too. I’m so angry and upset that I clench my fingers in my hands so tight, that my nails break my skin.

Frankie comes over and rubs my back. “Shh… ” he whispers in my ear. “Calm down, sweetie.”

But I can’t. I’m seeing red and all I can do is freak out or cry. Being with Frankie right now, I decided on crying.

“I’m going to get something, be right back. Here take a seat.”

He helps me over to his bed, and gently eases me down on it.

I grab hold of the pillow and start wringing my fingers through it. Pulling and stretching at it as if it were Tristan’s face.

By the time Frankie enters back into the room. I manage to stop my tears. I choke out, “Sorry. It must have been the fucking beers that got me so emotional.” Frankie walks over and sits beside me on the bed. “It’s all right.” He says softly, but I shake my head at him.

“No, it’s not. I shouldn’t be acting this way. I fucking barely know the guy. Who cares who he fucks?” Frankie’s eyes have pity in them. Pity that I don’t want. He pulls out a joint and lights it up. Taking only one quick hit he passes it to me. With still shaky hands, I take the joint from him and bring it up to my mouth. Inhaling deep. Like somehow that was going to erase everything.

We sit there in silence smoking the joint until it was down to a roach. All I feel now is exhausted. My adrenaline coming down and the high taking me over. Frankie breaks the silence in the room and asks, “What happened?”

I let out a scoff. Not being able to grasp words on it. Licking my lips, my mouth is so dry, I begin to let him know. “I went up there. To talk to him and.” I hate this, all it’s doing is bringing everything from a half hour ago back in full view. Closing my eyes, I finish telling him. “I went to his room to talk to him, and he was right in the middle of fucking some whore. She was bent over the bed, and he was pounding her.”

Frankie brings both of his hands up to cover his now opened mouth.

“So I threw her hooker shoe at him and ran out. He tried to yell for me, but like I was going to fucking stop.”

“Oh my god” is all Frankie says.

Nodding my head, I start to pull back the duvet and climb into bed. Fully clothed. I’m done with this day and I just want to go to sleep now.

“What the fuck!” Frankie yells in his feminine voice. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

Laying down now, I reach over and turn the bedside light off. Not saying another word.

“That prick!”

I close my eyes, hoping that Frankie will just stop but he doesn’t.

“If he comes here tonight… ” Frankie stands now with one hand on his hip and the other using his finger pointing down. “I’m going to kick his whore ass!” The thought of Frankie attacking Tristan makes me cackle. Yes, it would be nice seeing Tristan get hit right now, but I don’t think Frankie stands a chance with him. Awe my though. At least he cares.

“Good night, Frankie,” I whisper and roll over to my side.

I feel Frankie’s lips by my ear. “‘Night girl and remember I’m right next to you over there if you need me.” With that he kisses my ear and walks over to the second bed in his room.

I awake in the night with a text. I jerk out of my dreamless sleep from the vibration of my phone going off in my back pocket. I pull the phone out and toss it to the ground. Not caring because I know it’s probably from Tristan. I roll back over trying to get comfortable again but I can’t. Tossing and turning for the rest of the night with images of him and her in my head.

It feels like I just feel back asleep when Frankie starts nudging me.

“Wake up, girl. You have to get to the arena.” Moaning I use my arm to cover my eyes. He must have opened the curtains, because light was filling the room.

“Come on, girl. It’s already one o’clock. The boys are downstairs waiting for you. I’ll be right over. I’m getting there early so I can be with you while you’re setting up okay.”

I’m still in my same clothes and not showered from last night. Great. Picking myself up I glance around the room for my bag, which Frankie had set on top of the dresser.

“Tell them I’ll be down in ten. I need to grab a quick shower first.”

Frankie gets up and nods, pulling out his phone from his back pocket he calls one of the guys and leaves the room. Going out into the hallway.

Feeling groggy from the restless sleep, I stumble my way to the bathroom. Closing the door behind me, I start the shower and strip out of my clothes. My skin burns everywhere that Tristan has touched me. And I need to scrub it off. Climbing into the shower I begin to lather up my hair. Rinsing it under the hot water, I turn and grab the wash cloth and pour some body wash onto it. I scrub myself so hard that my tan skin actually turns red. It could also be from the scalding water I’m standing in. My body doesn’t feel it though. I’m numb.

When I’m done with my shower I dress quickly and brush my teeth. Jeans, T-shirt, and my hair pulled back into a sloppy bun. I have no care to put on makeup. Just being clean is good for me.

Stepping back into the room, I notice all my boys were in there waiting for me. They all have pity in their eyes too. “What the fuck, Frankie?” I glare at him.

I can’t believe he told them. Shit. Frankie shrugs his shoulders and looks down. “I’m sorry, hun. But they thought something happened to you. Normally, you’re never late.”