Everything I Learned About Life, I Learned in Dance Class (21 page)

Watch reruns of Dance Moms and
Abby’s Ultimate Dance Competition
and learn from the corrections given to others. You can always become more flexible and stronger at home for free. Something simple like splits for flexibility and push-ups for strength. Try walking on your hands all over the house. This will keep you in shape while you aren’t attending regular classes. Perhaps your family could ask if they could clean the studio on the weekends, or do something like editing music, or ordering costumes, or maybe the owner of the studio needs a cleaning lady at home. Whatever it takes, just do it.

Abby

PREPARING YOUR CHILD FOR A CAREER IN DANCE

I think it should be a prerequisite for having children that you will take them to see the Radio City Christmas Spectacular and a Broadway show. Observe your children during these performances to see if they’re watching, fidgeting, or falling asleep. If they are bored and yawning, then chances are they don’t have a future in musical theater. There are so many kids in the world who dance, and so many parents who spend tons of money on costumes, rhinestones, and entering solo routines into dance competitions for their kids. They think nothing of spending hundreds of dollars for their diva dancer to get onstage in front of judges to win a trophy, but they would never think of spending hundreds of dollars on a ticket to a Broadway show. Most parents would never dream of going on vacation to New York City. How many shows can you pack into one weekend? I do it all the time. It’s expensive, but if you don’t patronize the theater, then who is going to want to pay to see your kid? How do you expect other people to want to come and spend money on a ticket when you don’t?

I’ve taken my dancers to New York a million times for competitions and study trips throughout the thirty-three-year history of the ALDC. When I’ve gotten half-price tickets at TKTS for the hottest show, I share this information with my students. Most of them would rather take their parents’ hard-earned money and go down the street to buy T-shirts than see a live performance. Yet all these kids, when asked in an interview what they wanted to be when they grow up, say they want to dance on Broadway.

Take your kids ice-skating on a Saturday afternoon before you sign them up for the ten-week session. See if they can even get up on their skates. If it’s water-skiing, does your kid pop right up? If so, then go buy a boat. If your kid can’t even drag the surfboard to the ocean, chances are he isn’t going to be a surfer.

There are many ways to try to find out what your children can and can’t do and where their talent lies before investing a huge amount of money and signing a contract. Every little girl dances around the living room. This doesn’t necessarily mean they’re all going to be prima ballerinas. Not by a long shot!

Another thing parents need to worry about is wearing their kids too thin. I know singing, acting, and dance are all quite necessary to call yourself a triple threat. I know football and track go hand in hand because if you play football and then you run track in the off-season, it makes you faster on the field. But if your kid plays soccer one season, and then she plays golf, and then she plays basketball, and then she swims, are you spreading her too thin? Shouldn’t she really concentrate on overall fitness and conditioning in order to be the best soccer player she can be?

Parents also have to be careful which additional activities they sign their kids up for. Ballet in the winter and water ballet in the summer sounds like a plan. Swimming is usually the best exercise to lose weight and get in shape. However, swimming is the worst exercise for dancers because it works the wrong muscles in the wrong way. As a dancer you need to be able to jump into the air against gravity, where in swimming, you’re floating.

For those kids who are naturally talented and have the gift of becoming great athletes, you need to be careful not to push them beyond their limits. I know one parent, a basketball coach, who had his daughter dribbling a ball with her right hand a hundred times and her left hand a hundred times each morning. She was only four years old. The child began to stutter. Her parents, clearly upset, headed to the pediatrician for some answers. Physically, everything checked out, so the doctor asked for her daily routine. Well, after hearing about the basketball practice, he quickly stopped Coach O. in his tracks and explained that she didn’t have a dominant side, because her dad was having her work both left and right equally. Needless to say, his all-star was registered for dancing school the very next day. The closest she came to a half-court was as a cheerleader.

Every dancer has a good side, but when working with the well-trained ones, you will never be able to tell what side it is.

When is too much too much? I think parents should let their children lead the way, as far as what activities they want to try. They need to let their kids figure out what they’re going to be good at and how much time they want to invest, and as I previously mentioned, some kids just get it and others don’t.

Dear Abby:

My mom is always pushing me to be the best dancer in the studio although my teacher always says I’m one of her best dancers. My mom is driving me crazy! What should I do?

Perhaps you should sit down with your mom and explain that if you were always the best at everything, then continuing to take lessons to learn would be pointless. It’s good to have other dancers to look up to and to challenge yourself.

Abby

YOUR KIDS DESERVE THE VERY BEST

Finding the best teacher for your child is important. I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again: investigate your child’s teachers or coaches the way you would a pediatrician. Dance teachers don’t need a license, unlike a hairdresser or even a dog groomer. Nobody has a say over what I teach or what I do. A health inspector doesn’t visit my studio. Any hands-on activity like teaching dance should be carefully selected.

Be sure to check out the facility. Is it conducive to the training? In our case, the floors are specifically designed for dance and they are Equity approved. If it’s a track, is it made of the right materials? Is it clay, dirt, or what? What is the facility like? Does all the equipment look up-to-date and top-of-the-line? Is everything up to your standards as a parent?

Your children are entitled to the very best. Why not give it to them? Maybe they’re not going to do it forever, but if you’re paying money, why take them to a glorified babysitter? Why not take them where they can get a formal education?

There are kids who come to my studio for a year or five and they don’t end up being dancers, but they got what they paid for, a dance education. They had qualified, certified instructors who knew what they were doing. They had opportunities to get onstage and perform. They even had bus trips to see alumni in various productions.

Are the instructors themselves continuing their own education? Do they attend classes? Do they attend conferences and seminars? Are they constantly upgrading their teaching techniques? Dance is an ever-evolving, constantly changing art form. Is this studio changing with the times or are they still doing jazz from 1978?

COMPLEMENTARY ANGLES

by Mark McCormick

Raising kids today is a whole lot different from when we grew up. Growing comes more from the mistakes you make than from all of the exciting victories, and parents today don’t let their kids fail—ever. Both Abby’s parents and mine were part of a different generation, solid middle-class people who worked hard, had perfect credit, and wanted more for their children than they had for themselves when they were growing up. Our dads both enjoyed nice cars, a round of golf with the guys, and regular games of gin rummy at Alcoma Golf Club. Our mothers found solace in their Catholic upbringing, while they worked, raised children, and contributed to the PTA all with one hand tied behind their backs.

Supposedly, we met as toddlers in the kiddie pool, but it wasn’t until tenth grade when our geometry teacher, Mr. Roman, thought it would be a great idea if the guy that sat in front of Abby—ugh, lucky me, McCormick—went over to her house and helped her figure out why two complementary angles are as easy as pie! It is crystal clear today why school wasn’t Abby’s thing; she had somewhere more exciting to be and something else more interesting she could have been doing. We’ve had a lot of laughs, many intelligent conversations, and a few brilliant ideas throughout the years, yet too much time always passes in between. Fortunately, Abby made some good choices along the way. She had to be tough and strong, and she’s all the better for it now.

As we enter this next chapter of our lives, I am so amazed by what she has accomplished. I was there at the start, back when they only gave out first-, second-, and third-place trophies. I remember how hard the struggle was and how sad the defeat. That is what makes this success all the sweeter. Enjoy it, Abby! You deserve all the wonderful things that are coming your way.

Mark McCormick
is an old friend and the vice president of Abby Lee Apparel. He oversees the development, production, and distribution of all logo wear. Mark is also the general manager in the Sporto Division.

DEALING WITH ENVIOUS FRIENDS, MOMS, AND TEACHERS WHO JUST DON’T GET IT

Dance isn’t recognized in public schools like football games on Friday night, and there are no letterman sweaters. Your classmates at school may wonder why you’re not a varsity cheerleader or on the school’s dance team or in the high school musical when you’re this hotshot dancer, acrobat, or gymnast. They don’t get it. But there is something you can do to help: invite your friends to come to the dance studio to watch what you do. And if you’re dead sure you’re going to win a competition, then invite your friends from school, pay their admission fees, and have your mother go pick them up so they can see what you do. That will give them a whole new respect for you and your dancing.

I urge you to entertain your teachers as well. If there is a talent show at school or in the community, sign up! Show them how talented you really are. One of my professional dancers who performed in the
Beauty and the Beast
show at Walt Disney World’s Hollywood Studios in Orlando, Florida, was in the talent show at her school every year. She never wanted to participate, but her dad forced her to take part. He was a celebrated math teacher in the high school. He wanted his little girl to get the recognition she deserved. He was a smart guy who had a long-term plan. When his graceful girl graduated, not one principal, guidance counselor, or teacher gave her a hard time about pursuing a dance career before college.

And that’s with everything, not just dance. It could be bringing your friends from school to your piano recital or golf tournament. Let them see for themselves what it is you dedicate so much of your time to—don’t try to teach them. And if they don’t respect what you do and don’t understand that you can’t go to the sleepover because you have early morning or weekend commitments, then they aren’t really your friends.

Not getting it and envy are two different things. Let’s break that down. You can still have fun with people who don’t get it. You can have your neighborhood friends, friends in other activities, and school friends. This way you always have someone to go to a Sadie Hawkins dance with. You always have someone to trick-or-treat with, because you can call anyone a good friend. As far as envy goes, never compromise your own dream because you are frightened of someone mocking you, of someone causing you unnecessary stress.

At the Abby Lee Dance Company, one of our students started dancing when she was older, and she didn’t have a lot of time to commit because she worked. She was inexperienced because she didn’t walk in at four years old, and she didn’t know any dance history, but she worked really hard. That kid doesn’t have good legs, good feet, or good flexibility, but what she does have is a
brain
. She picks up choreography quickly. On the flip side, you could be book smart and get straight As and take all the accelerated classes, but when it comes to comprehensive choregraphy and learning an entire routine overnight, you fail.

I think there are envious people everywhere, and I tell my students all the time that when the envious people quit talking about you, that’s when you need to start worrying. Girls are mean, that’s a fact! Girls are going to be nasty, and they want what they can’t have. If you “have it,” that’s when envy comes into play. It’s an ugly disease, yet it’s everywhere. People can ruin their lives by being envious of others. People try to make other people’s lives really difficult when envy sets in.

You have to let the haters hate and turn the other cheek and stick your nose up in the air while continuing the journey on the road to success. There will always be a lot of envious people, and the tougher your skin can be, and the more you can blow those people off and not give them an ounce of credibility, the better off you’ll be.

It’s tough. I don’t like having to tell a ten-year-old girl to watch her back because there is a grown person who’s nasty and bitter and envious of her success, but sometimes I have to.

Dear Abby:

My daughter has been taking ballet for seven years now and absolutely loves it. The problem is, she is now fixated on losing weight, thinking this will improve her ballet. She wants to be a “skinny” ballerina. She is well within a normal weight for her size and age, and we’re worried she is going to develop an eating disorder with this kind of thinking. What should we do?

Contrary to popular belief, eating disorders do not originate from dance class, gymnastics, or skating. There’s usually a deep-rooted self-esteem issue such as not wanting to grow up, to develop, or to get your period. (Sadly, some of the most talented people are obsessed with the idea of being perfect. When they look in the mirror, they only see imperfections, so little by little they slip away.) Sometimes parents don’t want to admit there is a problem. Trust your coach; coaches usually see the signs before Mom and Dad do. There’s also not wanting to have the responsibility of driving a car, of being independent, or of making decisions. Or perhaps the child is in a family where she’s never been allowed to make a decision. She doesn’t pick out her own clothes. She doesn’t get to choose what she’s going to do today or where she’s going—her parents control everything. Maybe the only thing she can control is what goes into her mouth or what comes out. Perhaps she is starving for attention. I think it’s important for your daughter to have some role models who are thicker and stronger and healthier-looking ballerinas. Investigate professional companies such as ABT and New York City Ballet. Find some dancers who are taller, broader, and stronger. Get videos and pictures of them. Buy her posters, so she can see that the too skinny, emaciated look has gone away for good.