Everything I Learned About Life, I Learned in Dance Class (20 page)

Tim Nolan
was named senior vice president of Marketing Creative and Brand Strategy for Lifetime Networks in 2010. Based in New York, he is responsible for overseeing all on-air, print, online, and out-of-home marketing efforts for Lifetime’s scripted and reality series and original movies, as well as Lifetime Movie Network (LMN) and Lifetime Real Women.

TEACH YOUR KIDS TO KEEP COMMITMENTS

It is so important for parents to teach their kids to keep their commitments. Things like being on time and having everything they need—their equipment, uniforms, leotards, costumes, ice skates, or whatever. I feel like it’s the child’s responsibility first and then the parents’ to follow up and make sure the kids are doing what they’re supposed to be doing.

When a student isn’t following through with her commitment to the dance studio, I first try to find out what’s going on. Is there something wrong at home? Is there trouble in paradise? Find out what the situation is. If it turns out that there aren’t any issues at home, that it is just the student’s lack of caring, then it’s time for her to go. In my contract, even when someone flakes and I have to kick her out, her fees have to be paid through the end of the year, as well as the fees for someone to step into her part.

We also have something in our contract about parental behavior. It touches upon the parent’s responsibilities as a dance mom (or dad). Do the parents understand that when they go to a dance convention or competition and stay in a big fancy hotel or go to a football or hockey game where beer is being sold, it is against the rules to become intoxicated? When parents are intoxicated and publicly displaying poor or unsportsmanlike behavior, screaming and yelling, ripping on the coach or the other team’s coach, that’s not okay and it’s against the commitment they have made to my studio. If they are representing the dance team or club, or if they are there because their child is competing or attending the event, they have to set a good example for my company and honor their commitment to me by behaving themselves.

When parents act out, yell, or become intoxicated, they’re embarrassing and humiliating the organization, the teacher, and their own kids. At my studio, the entire family enters into an agreement with the dance studio. Parents and their children need to take it very seriously and keep their commitments.

Here are a few tips for teaching kids how to keep commitments:

• 
Give them a task.
Even a toddler can learn to do things independently. This will help build confidence and encourage your child to venture into the world without fear. When children are older, have them set the table, babysit a younger sibling while you cook dinner, and tidy up their room.

• 
Offer some choices.
I’m not saying allow your kids to pick candy and soda for breakfast. I’m saying give them two options: “Would you like cereal or toast?” and allow them to make the decision.

• 
Stop doing things for them.
Hold back the helping hand. If you’re always tying your child’s shoelaces, do you think she’ll ever learn how to do it herself?

• 
Hold them accountable.
Tweens and teens especially crave independence. They don’t want curfews or limitations. They want all the new cool tech toys without knowing how to care for them. So when you give them a new phone and they lose it (because they’re kids and they will!), hold them responsible. Give them a quarter instead of another phone.

Dear Abby:

I am thirteen and just beginning dance classes for the first time. I’m superflexible because I have been in gymnastics for five years. I really want to get to the competition level of dancing and do well. How can I become the best dancer I can be?

Although gymnastics and dance may seem similar, gymnastics is a sport, and dance is an art. Use your flexibility to enhance your dancing, but realize you have a long road ahead of you. You need to work in a turned-out position, rather than parallel, and your ballet training is the key to success.

Abby

BATTLING BOREDOM, BAD SPORTSMANSHIP, AND OTHER REASONS KIDS WANT TO QUIT

Reign Dance Productions, home of the Abby Lee Dance Company, offers the best in dance education. We never let other children hold a child back. If your children are talented, we will constantly be challenging them. There is no need for them to move to another class. They may be encouraged to take private lessons, but the tap teacher is going to tell them to double-time that step, or do it with a wing, or add a pickup, while the other kids are just working on the step. My smartest or best kids in the class don’t always go across the floor first. When they’re really good, I’ll make them go across the floor first as a demonstrator for the rest of the class, but using their weak side—the side that doesn’t come naturally to them. This also helps to strengthen that side so they’ll be strong on both sides. I’m constantly challenging my students, and there’s not much chance they’ll get bored when they’re in my studio.

Sometimes kids become bored with school because it comes too easily. Maybe they need to be in another class, but it’s a teacher’s job to decide that. It is also the job of the coach to realize when a kid “has it” and would be more challenged at a different level. So maybe in terms of age, height, or weight, they need to compete at this level, but in terms of training they can work out with the older kids or veterans.

ALDC STUDIO ETIQUETTE

I am raising ladies and gentlemen, not trash. I expect certain rules to be observed in my studio. That goes for the moms as well . . .

• 
Pull your own weight.
Don’t wait for everyone to do things for you. If you’re on a team, I expect you to do your part.

• 
Be humble.
No one likes a kid who’s full of herself. Being confident is one thing; being a stuck-up show-off is another entirely. All my girls better be supportive of one another. There is no one-upping. It makes me see red.

• 
Stand up for yourself.
If you want a solo this week, come talk to me about it and tell me why. Don’t send your mommy in to do your dirty work for you. I have a very strong rapport with my students. They know my door is always open to them, and I expect them to communicate to me any issues they’re having.

I think kids quit when it’s too difficult. As long as it’s easy, they love it. Kids love what comes naturally. And the things that come naturally come easy to them. Children have to have that innate sense of competitiveness if they want to keep getting better. They compete against themselves every moment, whether it’s in sports, dance, or academics.

When kids are bored, sometimes it has nothing to do with what you’re teaching or asking. Sometimes they’re just lazy. Or sometimes it stops being fun, and often it just doesn’t come easy anymore and they have to work for it, but they don’t want to.

When you first join something, it should be because you’re interested in it and because it looks enticing. It should be something that looks fun, or seems like you would enjoy it, or maybe your girlfriends are all doing it, so you want to do it too (no pun intended). So you join, and maybe at first you’re awkward. In dance, that’s the kid who needs to stay in dance class because she’s uncoordinated and has two left feet. Maybe she’s feeling like a klutz because she trips all the time or she’s pigeon-toed or has bad posture—these flaws will most definitely keep a child from winning a dance competition or becoming a pro, but a child who has any of these characteristics needs to be in dance class. She needs to work on her posture and her turnout. For the girls, they need to walk like a lady. They need to look in the mirror and be conscious of their posture and how they carry themselves. When you’re in front of a mirror in a leotard, you’re going to see where there are flaws; for example, are you swaybacked?

I think that dance is different from other activities because so many things have to be right about your body for you to truly become a great dancer. Find out if your kid really has what it takes to excel in any arena before you buy all the necessary gear. I can say that from experience. I was a Brownie and a Girl Scout. I took sewing at the Sears department store sewing school. I took ice-skating at the mall and moved from the red circles to the green. I took roller-skating lessons—turns out, I’m better on four wheels than on a blade. I danced one day a week like every other kid. I went to charm school. I played the clarinet. I did it all, because that’s when the whole “well-rounded” thing was in for kids. I was even in the ski club. I went long enough in each activity to buy the outfit and all the accessories I needed, and then I would get tired of it, and my parents would say, “No, you made a commitment, so you have to keep going, but you don’t have to do it again next year.”

Eventually, I discovered that I was creative. I found out what I was destined for: bossing others around, being in charge, planning events, creating everything from the menus to the centerpieces to the entertainment. You name it, I can design the costumes, dress everyone around me, and shop for it all wholesale. I liked the creative aspects of this dance business, and the rest is history. So I think eventually kids find their niche and will be drawn to what is good for them and what they like. Be smart about it and make them follow through and honor their commitments. Make them continue until your contract is up or until the season is over. Never leave the team hanging.

ABBY’S ULTIMATE ADVICE

Three Key Points to Remember

1. Teach your children that when they make a commitment, it is imperative that they follow through on it, no matter how much they object, cry, or try to convince you otherwise.

2. Commitments start with you, the parent. Lead by example, and your children will follow.

3. Don’t fall into the trap of punishing your children by taking away things that are actually good for them (like dance).

EIGHTH POSITION
CROISÉ DERRIÈRE

It Takes Fifteen Years to Make an Overnight Success

You’re never a loser until you quit trying.

—Mike Ditka

CHILDREN USUALLY START DANCE
at the age of three. If they put fifteen years in, then they’ll be eighteen, graduate from high school, and have a complete dance education from my studio. They will have learned everything they need to know about this business. They will have all the right tools to go out and be successful, and hopefully, they will have learned some tricks of the trade along with some networking skills. Hopefully, they will have met the right people and stayed away from the wrong ones. They will be knowledgeable and they will be at the top of their game. That’s what I mean when I say it takes fifteen years to make an overnight sensation.

In general, by the age of eight, you should be asking about your daughter, “Is she getting better at this?,” and by eleven she should be getting serious. By the ages of thirteen, fourteen, and fifteen, she should already be broadening her skill set with an eye on becoming a professional dancer, archer, or world-class scientist. At sixteen or seventeen, she should be getting her name out there in her chosen field—networking by submitting articles to the local newspaper; making school officials aware of her by winning the national science fair. When it comes to performing, this means attending conventions, winning competitions, and earning scholarships—all so that she’s ready, at the age of eighteen, for the big time, whether that means writing a novel, attending MIT, or landing her first Broadway show on the Great White Way.

People who are lucky are prepared when opportunity knocks. When you have an audition for the musical
Oklahoma!
you don’t go out the night before and rent the movie. You think about all the steps I taught you when you were a kid and did that hoedown. You think about the big ballet scene and know it like the back of your hand. You’ve studied the original choreography; you remember routines you did as a youngster; you are prepared. You always have your nails and hair done. You are always ready for that agent to call and say you have an audition. In New York, you will most likely find out about an open-call audition online or in a trade publication like
Backstage
. It’s usually at least a couple of days in advance. You’re excited and you know where to go and what you’re going to wear. In Los Angeles, it’s typical for your agent to call you when the audition is literally within the hour. You have to be on top of your game and be prepared for anything at any time on the West Coast.

Dear Abby:

I really love to dance, but my family just can’t afford dance classes right now. What can I do at home to keep my dancing skills up so that in the future when my family has enough money, I won’t be too far behind my peers?