Everything Changes (25 page)

Carey got up, leaving the couple to their privacy and their moment, knowing with a deep sorrow there wouldn’t be many more moments like that left for them. He stood outside the conference room door, his fists and teeth clenched as he fought against the sobs that tried to work their way out of his chest.

Fucking useless war, so many lives lost and so many lives ruined.
But Kyle and
Desiree wouldn’t consider their lives ruined
, Carey thought. They’d had many, many more days together than they’d expected, and it was obvious they’d cherished every one.
I’ll take today.

Suddenly Carey flashed back to those hazy memories of the aftermath of his injury, Jase gripping his hand and whispering in his ear, “Hang on, Carey. Get through today, dude. If today is all you can give me, that’s okay. I’ll take it. I’ll take today.” He remembered Jase whispering that over and over, “I’ll take today, Carey. I want every second of it, you hang on. You hear me? Give me today, Carey.”

He remembered how he had fought to hang on, to give Jase that day, every second of that day, how it would have been so easy to let go and drift away into the blackness where there was no more pain or blood or agony. But Jase had wanted today, and Carey had wanted to give that to him. He’d focused on that, fought for that. And he was here now, alive, and he had the chance for a lifetime of love and happiness with a man who knew him better than anyone, who understood him better than anyone ever had or ever would. A man Carey desired above all others, a man who, when Carey thought of him, he thought of love and home and acceptance and belonging. The man Carey loved. And Carey wasn’t with him; he was standing in a room eight hundred miles away, wasting those precious days.

After seeing Kyle and Desiree were okay, Carey hurried to Bill’s office and asked his secretary if he was in. Twenty minutes later Carey was dialing Layla’s cell phone number as he headed to his apartment to pack.

When she answered, he was blunt. “I’m coming home. Is there a concert tonight?”

“Yes,” she said, then went on equally bluntly. “Don’t just show up there and surprise him while he’s in the middle of the show. That’s not romantic, and it would just embarrass him and ruin the night for him.”

Carey laughed as he took his suitcase down from the closet and started stuffing clothes in it. “You’re right. And it would be hard to see him up on that stage and know that I had to wait to get my hands on him.”

Layla caught her breath. “So you’re really coming home… coming to be with him?”

“If he still wants me.” Carey paused significantly, waiting with bated breath for her next words. It would serve his dumb ass right if Jase had moved on. Well, he wouldn’t accept that, anyway. He wasn’t such a pussy that he’d step aside without a fight.

“Well, you won’t know until you get here, will you? I’ll text you the address for the gig.”

And with that, the phone went dead. Carey sighed. Jase’s friends were going to punish Carey a little for hurting him, he could see. But it wasn’t anything more than he deserved. His next call was to the local airline as he packed up pieces of his old life to take to his new one.

C
HAPTER
14

J
ASE
LIFTED
his arms overhead, acknowledging the thunderous applause that greeted their encore, a brand-new original composition called “I’ll Take Today.” Jase had written it one day in about three hours’ time, and when he’d sung it for his bandmates, accompanying himself quietly on his guitar, their mouths had dropped open, and even Quinn Patterson had a tear in his eye when it was over. It was about two Army buddies during the war, and one had been wounded. It was about friendship, love, and loss. Jase had poured his heart and soul into that song, and it showed. “Write about what you know” had turned out to be true. It was sure to be a hit, everyone assured him. He didn’t care about that, not really. He had just needed the catharsis.

Jase ran off the stage, wiping his sweaty face with a towel Layla handed to him, then guzzling the bottle of cold water she tossed him next.

“
Great
set,” she gushed. “You guys knocked it out of the fucking park!” Quinn picked her up off her feet and spun her around in a big hug.

“Fucking DeSantis!” he crowed. “That song is gonna make us, dude.”

Jase grinned, joining in the back-slapping hugs, the adrenaline high surging through all of them as they processed the success of the concert. Their first recording session with their new label was just a week away, and Jase finally let it sink into his mind and heart that Eloquent Isolation really was on its way.

He felt antsy, giddy, and as he glanced off to the side, he saw Jayden hovering near the backstage entrance. The man was wearing tight leather pants, a flowing royal blue shirt half tucked in, the buttons undone so the shirt was open to the waist and displaying his smooth chest. Jase’s eyes traced the long legs, the slim hips, and lust surged through him like a tidal wave. He crooked his finger, beckoning Jayden over.

“Jase,” Layla said quietly, but with an urgent tone to her voice. “Bob is going to be here in a minute. Why don’t you just go to your dressing room for a while, calm down.”

“That’s what I’m gonna do, Layla,” Jase said impatiently, wrapping his arm around Jayden’s waist as he reached him. Jase could smell an enticing, spicy cologne wafting up from Jayden’s open shirt, and his eyes fixed on Jayden’s full lips. At that moment he wanted nothing more than to see those lips wrapped around his cock while he drove down the groupie’s throat.

“What about Carey?” Layla asked, her fingers digging into his biceps.

Jase shrugged her hand off. “What about him? He’s not here, is he? I haven’t heard from him in weeks.” He turned and started to lead Jayden in the direction of his dressing room, his hand dipping down to squeeze Jayden’s ass. Maybe he’d go ahead and fuck him too. Why the fuck not?

“Jase, don’t—”

Jase whirled on her, and he could feel his face flushing with anger. He’d reached his limit. He’d reached his limit of pain, of false hope. He was sick of waiting around. It was time to move on.

“He doesn’t want me, Layla!” Jase shouted.

“Yes, I do.” The voice was quiet, but it cut through all the noise in Jase’s head. He whipped his head around to see Carey standing a few feet away. He must have come from Jase’s dressing room—oh, God. He jerked away from Jayden as though he’d been burned, taking a step toward Carey, his eyes pleading.

Jayden huffed angrily and grabbed Jase’s arm, trying to hold him back. Jase shook him off again, and Carey advanced on Jayden, his fists clenched.

“Back off,” he snarled. “He’s mine.” Pete and Jase quickly grabbed Carey’s arms to hold him back as Jayden cowered away.

“You should leave,” Quinn said to Jayden, putting his hand on his shoulder and pushing him toward the door.

“But Jase—” Jayden began, and Quinn interrupted him.

“He’ll talk to you later, Jayden, okay? But for now, you just need to go.”

Jayden hesitated, threw Jase one last glance, and then strode quickly toward the backstage door, disappearing through it.

Carey was breathing hard, his blue eyes glittering, and Layla looked back and forth between him and Jase, her eyes wide.

“Are you gonna be all right?” she asked, walking to Jase and putting her hand gently on his forearm.

Jase swallowed hard, then nodded. “Can you guys cover for me in there?” He jerked his chin toward the party room full of fans and label execs that were waiting to speak with him. He could see one of them now, Bob Something, hovering in the background. “Give me and Carey a few minutes alone?”

“Of course,” she replied, squeezing his arm encouragingly before moving off to greet Bob Whatever with a bright smile and a firm handshake, adroitly steering him away.

Quinn looked at Carey, then spoke, his voice soft but with an underlying thread of steel, “If you’re here to hurt him anymore, man—”

“I’m not,” Carey replied quietly. “I’m here to make it right.”

Quinn turned to Jase, and Jase said with as much reassurance as he could muster, “It’s okay. Go on in, Quinn. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

Quinn nodded as he and the other band members moved off, and it was suddenly so quiet that Jase could hear Carey lick his lips.

“Jase—” he began hesitantly, and Jase interrupted, his voice curt.

“What are you doing here, Carey?” He saw Carey flinch slightly at his tone.

“I—I’m here to be with you,” he said, and Jase snorted.

“After all these weeks of nothing?” he rasped. “Suddenly you’ve just decided you want to be with me?”

“Yes,” Carey said simply, and he looked at Jase, his eyes earnest, vulnerable.

Jase snorted again, and he was horrified to hear that it sounded a lot like a sob. He spun around and stalked to the nearest wall to brace his palms against it, dropping his head between his arms as he exhaled heavily.

A beat of silence, and then he felt a gentle hand on the middle of his back. He stiffened, but he didn’t shrug it off.

“I’m sorry, Jase,” Carey whispered. “I’m so fucking sorry. I never meant for it to be like this.”

Jase turned, knocking Carey’s hand away. “Then why, Carey?” he demanded. “Why did you shut me out so completely? You knew that no matter what happened I’d be happy with just your friendship, but I never thought I’d fucking get nothing from you!”

Carey moved back, putting distance between them. “Because I didn’t expect it all to hurt so much, Jase.”

Jase lifted his gaze to Carey’s, and he was shocked at the tears brimming in those blue eyes, the shakiness of his voice as he continued, “This is how I’ve always handled things, Jase, my entire life. When things hurt I refuse to let them, and so what I do is I shut down and try to move on. When I left you, I really thought maybe I would get over it soon enough, that I could chalk it up to—to some sort of sexual experiment. I don’t know…”

Carey ran a hand roughly over his face, dashing the tears away impatiently.

“Being without you, missing you… it hurt so much, and I didn’t expect it,” he repeated. “I didn’t expect missing you to make me—to make me
ache
, Jase. I thought if I focused on my work it would get better and I could look at things more objectively.

“But it never got better, Jase. And time just kept passing. After a while I didn’t know how to be objective anymore. I didn’t know how to—”

Jase’s eyes started to burn. “I told you I loved you, and you left,” he ground out. “You wouldn’t talk to me, wouldn’t let me in… you wouldn’t share with me what you were thinking. I was afraid if I kept trying it would look like I was pressuring you, so I just—left you alone.”

Carey stepped closer and put his hand tentatively on Jase’s cheek. “After I met you, every time we were apart, I felt like something was missing, like there was some sort of—some sort of
hole
in my life, Jase. And for a long time I was able to fill that hole with other things: with girlfriends, with my recovery, and then with my work.”

He caressed Jase’s face gently.

“But that Jase-shaped hole can never be filled by anything else. Only by you. I’m just sorry it took me so long to realize it.”

Carey linked his arms around Jase’s neck, pressing close, his eyes as full of emotion as Jase had ever seen them. “Jase,” he said softly. “I know I hurt you. Please forgive me.”

Jase reached out and pulled Carey to him with a groan, bringing one hand up to grip the back of Carey’s neck to hold him still as he kissed him roughly. Jase devoured him, biting at his lips, his tongue plunging deep. Carey let him stake his claim, let him pour all of the anguish and uncertainty of the last few months out into his kiss.

They clung together, Carey making the little sounds in the back of his throat that always drove Jase wild, until they finally broke apart. Jase exhaled shakily. “I do need to get in there,” he said ruefully, “and we can’t really talk here. Will you stay?”

“Yes.” Carey’s voice was soft. “I’m not going anywhere. Go network with your band.”

Jase nodded, and he led Carey toward the noisy party room, the sound of music and happy chatter assaulting their ears.

Bob, the label exec, caught sight of them and walked up, his eyes curious as he stuck his hand out toward Carey.

“We haven’t been introduced,” he said. “I’m Bob Kilpatrick, SoCal Records.”

Before Jase could say anything, Carey shook the man’s hand and said firmly, “I’m Carey Everett. Jase’s boyfriend.”

J
ASE
WORKED
the room effortlessly, his breezy charm on full display. It was all an act, though. He still felt slightly numb from the shock of seeing Carey tonight. For the past few weeks Jase had started to resign himself to the fact that their fledgling romantic relationship was truly over, it having been allowed to wither under the weight of Carey’s silence.

Carey had made a hell of a gesture tonight, though, showing up out of the blue the way he had. He was the epitome of a thoughtful, deliberate man, and Jase didn’t think he’d ever known him to do anything rash. The fact that he had dropped everything, jumped on a plane, rented a car, and shown up unannounced at Jase’s concert had spoken volumes.

Jase flinched inside as he thought about what had almost happened, how he’d almost taken Jayden back to the dressing room that Carey had been waiting for him in, Jase’s hands all over him. What damage would that have done? The thought made Jase want to throw up, and then he felt a small surge of anger. He had a fucking right to go on with his life, didn’t he? Carey couldn’t have expected him to wait forever, and Jase refused to feel guilty.

Oh, who was he kidding? He felt guilty as fuck, and he and Carey certainly had a lot to talk about. He couldn’t wait to get out of here. Glancing over at Carey, he saw that he was ensconced in a corner with Layla, and they were talking earnestly together. At one point Jase saw her wrap her arms around Carey’s waist and hug him tightly before she moved off to do some schmoozing of her own, wiping her eyes surreptitiously.