Everything Changes (22 page)

Jase held his breath, his eyes holding Carey’s, knowing and not caring that every emotion he was feeling was probably written all over his face. Carey blinked a few times, then slowly nodded. Jase leaned down and nipped at Carey’s lips, love flooding through him.

“I’ll make it good for you, I promise.”

He stood and pulled Carey up with him, noticing his almost imperceptible wince as his weight bore down on his prosthetic leg. Jase knew he needed to slow everything down, take his time and be patient with Carey, and he suddenly had the perfect idea of how to do it.

He led Carey to the bedroom, helping him off with his T-shirt and shorts, then stripping his own, pulling Carey back into his arms. He kissed him slowly, tenderly, rubbing his hands soothingly up and down his back.

“Just let me take care of you tonight, okay?” he murmured, pushing Carey gently down to sit on the edge of the bed, then kneeling at his feet and easing the prosthetic leg off like he’d watched Carey do. Jase set the leg to the side carefully, pulling off the protective sock, hissing through his teeth as the scarred stump was revealed.

“We walked so much today,” Carey said, leaning back on his hands, seemingly comfortable with Jase’s touch. Jase winced, thinking of the sprawling, hilly zoo.

Carey had walked it all without complaint and without so much as a hitch in his stride. Jase bit his lip, his fingers running over the painful-looking scars. He didn’t say anything, though, realizing Carey knew his limits and would have said something if it was too much.

“Jase, it looks worse than it is,” Carey reassured him. “The scar tissue is so thick and tough, it doesn’t really hurt that much anymore. It’s built up over time, like a callus.”

Jase urged Carey to lie back in the middle of the bed, pushing his legs apart and kneeling on the bed between them, pulling Carey’s stump to rest on Jase’s thigh. He began to massage the scar tissue, his fingers strong and sure, pressing deeply.

Carey groaned, “God, that feels good, Jase. My physical therapist used to do that for me, but it didn’t feel as good as you doing it.” Jase felt a surge of jealousy at the thought of anybody else touching Carey, even in a therapeutic manner.

Gradually Jase’s own touch changed from therapeutic to deliberately arousing, his hands grazing up and down Carey’s sensitive inner thighs, the fingertips flirting with Carey’s heavy balls. Jase watched hungrily as Carey’s cock thickened and lengthened, the tip becoming mouthwateringly wet with evidence of his excitement. Jase leaned down and kissed him, deep, drugging kisses that had Carey clutching at him, panting. Then he made his way slowly down Carey’s body, kissing, tasting until he reached Carey’s stiff cock. Jase licked his way up the shaft until he could mouth the swollen head, lashing the underside with his tongue, reveling in Carey’s deep moans.

Carey gripped Jase’s head, holding him still as he thrust up into Jase’s mouth. “So good, Jase,” he gasped. “Don’t stop.”

Jase sucked hard, Carey’s salty precome exploding on his tongue as he worked him over, hand pumping the shaft, his head bobbing. When he felt Carey’s thighs tense against his shoulders, Jase eased off, licking his way back down until he had his nose and lips buried in Carey’s tight, heavy balls. He mouthed the swollen orbs one by one, rolling them on his tongue before pressing on the backs of Carey’s thighs, pushing his knees toward his chest, rolling his hips back, exposing his puckered entrance to Jase’s hungry gaze.

Before Carey could word any sort of protest, Jase leaned down and licked his cleft from bottom to top, over and over again. He pointed his tongue and rimmed the nerves around Carey’s hole, surrounding it with his lips and sucking lightly, exulting when Carey relaxed and began to push out toward Jase’s mouth.

“That’s it,” Jase said hoarsely. “Show me how much you want it.”

Carey moaned, arching his back, pushing Jase’s hands out of the way as he pulled his own knees tighter to his chest. Jase felt triumph surge through him as he spread Carey’s cheeks wide with his now-free hands, diving between them with hungry moans of his own, fucking Carey with his tongue, spitting, rubbing with his thumb until Jase was able to drive two fingers easily deep inside, gritting his teeth at the heat and pressure. He thrust his fingers deep, spreading them and twisting, until Carey was practically sobbing with need.

Jase reared up on his knees and reached for a condom, his erection throbbing, as enormous as Jase had ever seen it. He rolled the condom on, pouring lube into his palm and pumping, spreading the slick from root to head.

He saw Carey’s eyes fixed on what his hand was doing, and Jase slowed his movements, exaggerating them, handling himself lewdly as he growled, “Every inch of this is for you, Carey, and every inch is going to go inside you. Right here.” He thrust his fingers deep again, feeling Carey’s body give easily; he was ready.

Jase leaned over him, bracing himself on one arm, his other hand rubbing the fat head of his cock against Carey’s hole.

“Gonna fill you so full, and you’re gonna take me and you’re gonna love it.” Jase began rocking against Carey’s entrance, pushing and retreating, his forearm hooking under the knee of Carey’s leg and opening him up even farther. “Let me in,” Jase breathed. “Push out against me as I push inside you.”

Carey’s breath hitched as the head of Jase’s cock breached the tight ring of muscle, his body trying to twist away from the intrusion. Jase held in place for a moment, letting Carey adjust before advancing carefully, sweat springing up on his hairline as he fought for control, the tight, hot silk of Carey’s ass driving him insane.

He worked his way deeper, Carey’s writhing and moans of pain and agonized pleasure causing Jase’s balls to tighten dangerously.

“Hold still, love,” he gasped, “or I’m gonna blow before I even get to fuck you.”

Carey grasped Jase’s shoulders, his blue eyes hot and wild, his full lips open as he panted. When Jase’s hips were flush against Carey’s ass and he was fully seated deep inside him, he let go of Carey’s leg and came down over the top of him, sliding his arms under Carey’s shoulders and holding him close.

“Wrap around me, Carey, and hold on. Hold me tight while I’m loving you, okay?”

Jase felt Carey’s leg wrap tightly around his hips, and Jase started to move slowly, carefully, short, sharp thrusts that had them both crying out.

“Jase, you’re so deep,” Carey grunted. “Oh God—”

“Feel good?” Jase murmured, his lips caressing Carey’s sweaty neck.

A breathy moan was his reply, and Jase smiled against Carey’s skin, his thrusts slowly increasing in length and depth until he was giving his lover every inch of himself, their skin slapping together. Carey unwrapped his leg from Jase’s waist and let it fall far to the side, planting his foot so he could lift his hips into Jase’s strokes, encouraging him to go harder and faster.

Carey dragged his hands down Jase’s back and grasped his buttocks as he pleaded, “Fuck me, Jase!”

“Jesus, I love fucking you,” Jase growled in response.

He pushed up on his hands and planted his widespread knees on the bed, slamming into Carey over and over, angling for that spot that would make Carey sob. Carey groaned Jase’s name long and low as his cock jerked against Jase’s flexing abs, hot fluid jetting out between them. Carey’s ass clamped down hard, rippling in rhythmic contractions that pulled Jase into a powerful climax that wracked his body and left him weak and shaking.

Jase pulled out and collapsed next to Carey on the bed, wrapping him up in his arms. They clung together, and Jase whispered, “Baby,” over and over as he peppered Carey’s face with kisses.

Finally Jase pulled away with reluctance, then dealt with the condom and brought back a warm washcloth to clean Carey up with before slipping back under the covers to pull him close.

Jase didn’t dare speak, knowing that if he opened his mouth, all that would come out was “I love you. Please don’t leave me.”

J
ASE
SAT
on the bed in the guest room and watched Carey pack, a lump in his throat. He needed to get on the road in order to be at work the following Monday. Carey had been very quiet that whole morning, and Jase’s heart ached.

The last couple of days had been the best of Jase’s life, no question. The day after their zoo trip, Carey accompanied Jase to his band rehearsal, sitting on a couch snuggling and laughing with Layla, his head bobbing and his toe tapping to the music. They’d all ordered pizza after, drinking beers, talking, and joking together for hours. Jase loved seeing Carey come out of his shell even more with his friends, his smile becoming more frequent and more genuine as the time passed, and Jase reveled in having some of the people he cared about most in one room.

As they’d driven back toward Jase’s condo that evening after rehearsal, Carey asked if they could stop and walk on the beach one last time before he left, and Jase had pulled off in the parking lot of a quiet apartment complex he knew had public beach access. They’d strolled silently along the sand, holding hands, enjoying the sound of the crashing waves, the peace.

After walking for a while, Jase sat down in the sand well out of the reach of the waves and drew Carey down to sit between his legs. Carey had leaned back against Jase’s chest, and Jase had encircled his arms around Carey’s waist and rested his chin on his shoulder. They’d sat like that for a long time, just soaking in the closeness, and Jase knew whatever happened next, he would always cherish that memory.

They’d driven home with hands tightly clasped, and they’d showered together before making love one last time. Carey had been so gentle, taking his time, bringing Jase to a wailing peak before taking his own pleasure, gasping out Jase’s name in a hoarse voice. They’d slept as they usually did, wrapped in each other’s arms, and Jase had never wanted that night to end.

Now he sat and watched Carey finish his packing, noting how withdrawn he seemed. Jase could see the conflict in Carey’s eyes, the uncertainty, and he couldn’t let him leave for Colorado with so many things unsaid between them.

“I think that’s the last of it,” Carey said quietly. “I—fuck, Jase, I don’t know what to say to you. I’m going to miss you.”

Jase smiled at him, taking Carey by the hand and pulling him down to sit next to him on the bed, resting their clasped hands on his knee.

“Before you leave, Carey, I need to tell you something.”

Carey looked at him steadily, his stunning blue eyes questioning. Jase almost chickened out, but gathered his resolve and turned to face him fully.

“Carey, I—” he began, his voice catching in his throat. “I think you should know that I have feelings for you, and I have for a while now.”

Carey looked back at him steadily. “What, you in love with me or something?”

“Yes.”

Carey flinched slightly, looking away. He didn’t speak, and Jase waited him out. God, he didn’t want to lose Carey. He needed him, and after so long believing there would never be anything more than friendship between them, he knew he was taking the risk of knocking down their new fragile relationship. But he was tired of trying to hide how he felt. He deserved to have his feelings acknowledged, even if it wasn’t in the way he wanted. And Carey deserved to know the truth so he could make an informed decision about where they truly went from here.

Finally Carey sighed and looked at him again. “Jase, you know I love you, man.”

“But not in
that
way,” Jase finished. He wasn’t bitter, or angry, just matter-of-fact.

“I’m not gay, Jase,” Carey said almost wearily. “I don’t know if I can ever feel that way for you.”

“See, here’s the thing, Carey. I’ve had sex with men, I’ve had sex with women. I’ve never felt like this about a man before either, so do I call myself gay because I’ve fallen in love with you? I feel this way about you because you’re… you. Not because of the parts you have. It’s just you, Carey. It’s everything about you. Why do we need to label that as something or other? Why can’t it just be Jase in love with Carey? Me in love with you?”

To his credit, Carey held Jase’s gaze without flinching. “I need you in my life, Jase. And maybe that’s really selfish of me since I don’t know if I can give you what you want. But I don’t want to give you up. We’ve been through too much together. You’re the only one who really gets me, man.”

Jase nodded.

“Can you give me some time, Jase? I want to go home to Colorado and work and think. I don’t know where I want to go from here, I really don’t.”

“Carey, is it the thought of your work that’s holding you back? Because I can—”

“No, it isn’t just that. I just don’t know if I—I’m sorry, Jase. Can you just give me some time?”

Jase nodded, although he felt like his insides were shredding.

“And Jase, in the end, if all I can offer you is my friendship, will that be enough for you?” Carey asked gently. “The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you.”

Jase took a deep breath. “Carey, I’m only going to say this once. I have to, and then I’ll honor your wishes as best I can. Because I don’t ever want to lose you as a friend, and I’ll take whatever you want or are able to give me, okay? You’re too important to me and I will never pressure you, but I also deserve to have my feelings spoken aloud and acknowledged.”

Carey nodded, his eyes sad, but he didn’t look away. “You’re right, Jase.”

“I love you. I’ve loved you for so long, Carey.” Jase reached out a shaking hand to brush the backs of his fingers over Carey’s cheek. “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted, baby. Everything.” Jase turned his hand to cup Carey’s cheek and stroked his thumb along Carey’s full bottom lip briefly before he dropped his hand down to his side.

“Jase,” Carey whispered. “I know that I’m the luckiest man alive to have your love. You are one of the best men I’ve ever known.” It was his turn to cup Jase’s cheek, and Jase turned his face into Carey’s palm and kissed it. “Just give me some time, Jase. I need to process everything that’s happened this week, and I just need a little space. Do you understand? I care about you so much,
so much
, Jase. I desire you, and if it were just about sex, I would make love to you every night if I could.”